The roller-coaster ride

[Nika]

So, another update in the life of Nika, where to even start?

About 2 weeks ago my wife was battling to come to terms with everything, I tried to Ed to be calm and patient but all I wanted to do was embrace the pink fog and find the woman in me.

We had a bit of a blow out and almost ended everything but decided to go to counselling. At the same time I started with my own therapist who recommended we meet with my wife as well.

Long story short both sessions brought us closer together and helped her come to terms with some things but she still had limits that I was battling with. She was OK with lipstick, t-shirts, shorts and jewellery but drew the line at heels, dresses and under clothes.

I had made mention of using a profile pic of me that had been converted using the face app but she said she was not comfortable and had a less than approving look. This made me not want to discuss anything further with her.

This made me feel like a bit of a fraud living halfway between both worlds, I also did not see anyway to move forwards or backwards and debated if it was all worth it.

Well we had a heart to heart last night where I shared my feelings and, whilst her feelings and progress were valid it left me feeling hopeless. She confirmed that all is not stalled just her taking time to process. Then a little later in the evening she asked to see some of the shoes I had saved iny wishlists and we discussed the pros and cons of each and actually ordered 2 pairs.

What an amazing feeling, just the experience alone was just amazing, for my wife to actively get involved was beyond compare.

Now I have a loving wife who is doing everything to help me and I have 2 cute pairs of shoes on the way.

These are my first pairs ever so I just hope that fit.

Apologies for the long ramblings, just had to share with people who would understand.

Love Nika 💖

[Thea]

Hi Nika, Thanks for sharing and don’t worry, people here really will understand!  We’ve been through something that’s sounds very similar: counseling has helped enormously, though my wife has only just now accepted that.  It is a painfully slow process at times and progress is rarely straight and linear.  We have made progress though and are still together, so don’t lose hope. You really do have to find out who you really are inside: quite a process and journey, but in my case helped enormously by counseling.  Don’t worry about being half way between worlds: it isn’t for everyone but for some of us it can be really helpful and allow you to gradually find out who the real you is, step by step. Thanks to engaging that I am really certain now who I am, whether I can present like that or not. Most of all keep communicating: with your partner, but also with friends and supporters, even if it’s only electronically and they are on the other side of the globe!

Take care, Thea x

[Anonymous]

Nika
Good progress. Many ups and downs on this ride. Embrace the small agreements.
Keep communication open and honest. Stay with counseling awhile longer. Dont push things too fast, life is short
Hugs Ginger

[Lara Muir]

Hi Nika,

Thank you for sharing your journey so far!
I’m still struggling to figure these feelings out myself. Although I do wear some feminine leggings, and shorts around the house, I haven’t let my wife in on my desires to be even more feminine just yet.
Seeing that you are making it through those difficulties, and now making some progress is an inspiration!
Congratulations  on the shoe shopping together! I hope you have a ball when you get them!
💕Lara

[Nika]

So I got the first pair and had to try them on to check the size and they were amazing.

I wanted to take them off quickly so as to not push my wife’s boundaries too far but she insisted I walk a little to check how they feel when I walk (who am I to say no), it was just so amazing, the felt so good and I felt so, good walking in them.

When I got back from the end of the passage my wife indicated that she was not yet comfortable seeing me in heels so I have put them away for now and will look at taking things slow for her.

I am grateful that she let me try and let me know how she feels.

💖

[Lara Muir]

You are on a great path together! Aren’t heels incredible?

❤️🤗

[Nika]

Hi Lara,

Oh yes, I just love them, for years I have admired them on women, it is only recently I realised I wanted to wear them too and they are just amazing.

💖

[Nika]

To add to my story, my wife was out shopping yesterday and noticed these cute bracelets with birth stones on it so she got us a matching set and was then OK with me shaving my arms and legs (oh man, what a feeling, now I cannot wait to wear hose).

I really cannot process how amazingy wife has been, and she keeps complimenting me on how good it looks.

💖

[Anonymous]

Lucky Nika! Enjoy!

[Lara Muir]

That is awesome! Wait until you put those hose on! Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Hi Nika, thanks for sharing with us. Please know that you’re not alone, and neither, by the way, is your wife. There are resources here on this site that she can take advantage of, should she like to do so. Those resources may also help her to come to terms with your crossdressing.

As I’m sure you know, each and every one of us is unique and different, and we all have different reasons for why we feel and act the way we do, how much we need to express the woman within us, etc. But there are some common elements that we all share. Coming out to a spouse or loved one is one of those, and one of the most difficult. The fact that your wife is taking baby steps like she is, is a huge leap forward for her, and she’s already indicated her love and support to you in several ways, which is fantastic! By letting her progress at her own pace, then she sees that you aren’t pushing her and are taking her feelings into consideration, you’re not just becoming more self-absorbed (which can easily happen, trust me).

Please keep us informed how things are going, and good luck!

Hugs,

Holly

[Anonymous]

Hello Nika:

Thank you for sharing and I hope this ride gets smoothed out for the both of you.  When I told my wife last year about my interests in crossdressing she told me that if I told her about this a few years ago she wouldn’t have been ready, but now she was.  My point is that just because things are rough now doesn’t mean they won’t get better later on.  There’s still hope.  Try to stay honest with each other and keep the communication open.  Good luck to the both of you.

[J J]

It sounds like things are moving along nicely, which is a credit to both of you for open honest conversation. She has her limits and comfort zones, which appear to be slowly shifting, so keep up the dialog. I don’t know your internal thoughts, desires or plans, but I might suggest being the husband your wife marries, all be it dressed a bit differently. My wife is wonderful about my dressing, and I make it a point to be the best husband I can be.

[Nika]

Hi JJ,

Thank you for the kind words, that is the balance I am trying to find, it is quite the learning curve.
I does help when my wife offers advice on what moisturiser to use or how to shave my legs though 😁.

💖

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