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Hi Everyone! Now, as a continuation of my topic ‘do you get nervous before going out dressed’ i thought i’d go a step further. Assuming you have gotten the courage to go out and the nerves have faded, what then is there to worry about? Now i suppose this depends on the kind of person you are, if you are like me, then you are a born worrier whom worries about everything!! Geez, i even worry about worrying……
Maybe your fear would be when you need the Toilet assuming you are in a pub or restaurant, which one would you use? Would you try to hold on till you got back home (difficult).
Would you worry about how people would view you? What they might say?
Are you maybe concerned that you might not pass?
What would be your main worries when you step out of the door into the big wide world? Do you really care or are you like me, a worry wort!!!!!
Love Fiona xx
When I went out for the first time recently, my biggest fear was being seen as 100% male, just in women’s clothing. Luckily, that didn’t happen. The other thing that got me worried was using my man voice. To be honest, it did occur to me until I had to order a drink, then I was like crap what do I do. I just went this my normal voice and it was fine.
I was a worry wort too but started to think that if I didn’t stop worrying I’d never get out. The more I did it the less worries I have. Naturally there are those that manifest if the car broke down, I had an accident or those everyday worries anyone would have. These days it doesn’t matter how I am dressed as the problem would have to be dealt with regardless…
I do not worry at all about the many things a CD may face when out and about. I am confident that if something odd occurs I will deal with it. The one concern I have the most is being out in NY City at night and being hit on by someone who refuses to take no for an answer. Hasn’t happened so far and probably never will. I’m prepared if it does so I do not really worry about it.
Fiona
when i am all dressed up pretty with makeup and perfume, nice dress, noyons, and heels and wig. i feel afraid of going out and having someone see me dressed up. i would love to go out side and walk around the block to get exercise and hear the heals as ai walk around and no ne cares in the world so i stay indoors and dress up, wife knows i dress up.
I have all those worries, usually they are small’ sometimes the small ones get to be huge for a moment.
A few weeks ago I took my 16yo granddaughter shopping at our local Wal-Mart. I was as my normal now out as Cassie (am most of the time except at my main job and at my Church). I had to use the restroom and as I came out of the stall was face to face with my granddaughter. I was so happy she was not upset and making a scene. Her Grandmother (my x) has suggested any crossdresser should use the facility corrasponding to their gender at birth.
. Another time at my part time job at Torrid a lady came in to ask for a bra fitting. That would make me VERY uncomfortable and if found out during this time might have made a huge scene.Thankfully the 2 other co-workers at that time were able to help her while I watched the register.
. Cassie
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I’m a worry wort too and many times I over think things. I’ve been out in public a few times and each time I have the same fears. It takes a while being out until I begin to relax but fear is always in the back of my mind. I’ve always gone to places accepting of CD’s. A trip to the Mall or a nice family restaurant is just too scary.
I fear being seen as a man in a dress, having to choose a restroom, using my voice, not wearing the right outfit for the situation, being singled out for ridicule, and seeing someone I know who recognizes me.
Definitely bathroom usage is my biggest challenge. I try to find single stall or family ones if possible. Beyond that, if the ladies bathroom is not too busy I will go there without any problems. If I am unsure I will simply ask which restroom the staff would have me use. If I really have to go NOW then any port in the storm will do. I’ve seen plenty of cis-women come out of men’s restrooms ln my time.
Love,
Tommie
I think most of us who do not get out more than a few times a year or who have yet to get out have worries, they are natural to have. Personally for me my biggest worry is to see someone I know who recognizes me by my voice or my walk or gestures and then tells friends family or people I have worked with. I get out a few times a year I don’t dress locally except in my own home, however when dressed in public I try to present age appropriate and classy and as feminine as possible. With that being said I know I do not pass Im extremely tall and have a deep voice but I have found so far that I smile and am kind to those I am interacting with. They treat me kind and with respect whether they treat and or view me as a man dressed like a woman, a trans women or a crossdresser I have been treated with respect but most all I have encountered in public. I have received thanks and appreciation for how I present. Have even had positive conversations with people first complimenting me on appearance, makeup, clothing, nail, or wig and then asking questions at times as to why. It has given me the opportunity to say that I am a man who is heterosexual who enjoys expressing my feminine side and who enjoys dressing as a woman a few times a year as I love women and the femininity and I get to experience a little that I enjoy. Which also makes me in my opinion more empathetic and supportive of women as a whole. It is hard at times with maybe some strange looks or a pot shot comment here or there, but almost all of mine have been positive. So it is ok to worry just don’t let it control you be your best self when dressed in public treat others how you want to be treated and have fun most people have their own life to worry about but some may make a negative comment and I have found more will smile back or make a positive comment.
1) Someone I know seeing me
2) Losing my purse or locking my keys in the car, and how to explain my being out dressed to my wife
3) Medical emergency or car accident, explaining that to my wife, my beautiful clothes being damaged
4) Falling splat in heels
5) Being harassed or insulted by someone
Biggest fear:
Dropping down dead on the spot.
Anything else may be a bit embarrassing but fear, not any more, hey ho, in a hundred years it’ll all be forgotten, or you’ll be remembered as that trailblazer of a great great grandfather.
Realised fear stifles so much joy there is to be had out there. Life is wonderful, still so much to do.
Now I wonder if there are any Boutiques that would let me try different Wedding dresses (just to experience it).
B x
[quote quote=718477]I’ve seen plenty of cis-women come out of men’s restrooms ln my time.[/quote]
So have I at big events such as concerts. The lines at the Lady’s Room are often out the door. Nobody has objected that I know of; usually the guys just laugh. Best, Marlene.
Hi girls,
I’m a full time girl, a trans woman. After I first transitioned I was literally scared silly going anywhere until I finally built up a bit of confidence after being told I was “passable”. I don’t get recognized but I do meet people I know, some know that I’ve transitioned and others don’t, which provides me the opportunity to introduce them to Lauren.
This past weekend I was shopping at a local mall with a GG girlfriend, and ran into a gay guy from work who was with another guy and knows I’m trans. He stopped by my desk at work and said his friend asked him who the girl was and that he was shocked to hear I was trans as he was positive I was a GG. He told me they talk about me at work and are amazed at my transformation over this past year. He told me not to worry about passing as people just see me as another lady.
So, what is my fear now? It’s guys. I get guys flirting with me at work, shopping, and while waiting for the bus. Some of you may say that’s great, and I am appreciative of the attention, but…I’m not into guys! So that remains my biggest fear when out dressed, which is all the time.
Hugs girls,
Ms. Lauren M
That I wont look natural enough. I always get the nervous butterflies prior to going out but soon after I hear my high heels clicking, the feel of my outfit against my skin…all of my nerves start to calm. And then I literally go into, “Screw them if they don’t like who I am or what I look like”. In fact, I love wearing high heels so much that when we are in Vegas, I stay in them the entire time, dressed in my woman wear or just jeans and T-shirt without make-up and a wig. I have received positive comments in both situations.
Thinking more about this, I would say my biggest fear is using the bathroom, but not because I am dressed. I have had “shy bladder” all of my life. Although I do find that using the “Ladies” is somewhat easier, due to all of the stalls and usually the traffic seems less, but that isn’t always the case 🙂
I don’t worry about being read. I strive to present myself as a respectable and stylish woman, or realistically a respectable and stylish transwoman. I always assume that I will be read.
I have never worried about using restrooms and I have never had any issues in doing so.
And in over a decade of being out, I have never faced any direct ridicule or even anything less than courtesy. Who knows what people may be thinking.
My only concern is the very small percentage of the population that may wish to do harm to people like me. I haven’t encountered any, but I do keep it in mind.
I have a few worries when I leave the house in a dress or a skirt. As many as already stated:
Seeing someone that knows me, so I try to go to another town that I don’t know anyone.
Locking my keys in the truck, or having a crash and 911 has to respond and then seeing my ID that im really a guy.
I hope that I dont have to talk to anyone, my voice is very deep.
Hi, my name is Jill and I’m a worry wort. Oh, wait, wrong group. Sorry. Or maybe it’s not.
I want to go out in public places so much, but it‘s the fear of being discovered, not for being a guy in woman’s clothing, but being recognized for who I am, that keeps me from venturing out further than my mailbox. Too many of my friends and a few family members are very conservative and it could really hurt those relationships. But I also need a few more items to complete the look of a woman. A nice purse, nails and polish, and a new pair of glasses with women’s frames to name a few.
There is also the fear of violence, breaking my ankle while walking in my heels, or being involved in a car accident. Any of these could cause embarrassment at the least and catastrophe at the worst, none of which sounds like fun.
But with all that said, I may have an opportunity next month to go out one or two nights to local casinos. I’ll have to forgo the new glasses but I believe I can get anything else I may require. Fear sucks and I won’t be a slave to it forever. If I do get that chance to go out, I’ll make a post detailing how it went.
Hugs, Jill
Fiona,I cant say that I dont worry about being read as a crossdresser ,so it probably has happened.When I am out as Michelle ,I try to blend in and smile and be courteous to all I encounter.I do soften my voice and try to be as feminine as I can.I do use the ladies restroom and the ladies fitting rooms with no problem at all.My sister knows about Michelle and the one piece of advice she gave me and I quote”Be the best lady you can be and dont be nervous”.Who am I to not listen to my sister?hahahaha.LOL
The big one for me is being discovered by someone I know who I really don’t want to see me… a particular side of my family, co-workers mostly. In a town far away I don’t worry about anything else. I haven’t gone out much fully dressed but I’m confident that if I encounter jerks of any kind that would dare to harass me, they will soon learn a very tough lesson and at the least leave wishing they keep there mouth shut. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh
My fears are the same as everyone else it seems. Running into someone that I know from work. I live in a very small community and I run into people all the time. I have friends that know about Syndee and have seen me dressed. They all tell me the same thing, people really aren’t going to care, just be you. I have the attitude that I don’t care what people think or say. I paint my nails and get compliments on them all the time when I am out and about as a man. My wife’s biggest fear is people jumping me or assaulting me. I can handle people looking and talking I don’t care what they think but I do agree with my wife.
As I have to get changed into and out of Fem mode as close to home as possible at public facilities where I will use the parenting room, I am always a nervous when out in Fem mode. Although my recent adventure I had a lot more confidence, I do tend to try to avoid larger groups of people and kids. I have never had anybody say anything to me, I am sure people have seen me but I have no idea what their thoughts or opinions were. I have even been pulled over by the police in fem mode but I think they couldn’t help notice, but remained professions and booked me for speeding anyway! I have encountered a cis female twice when exiting a public ladies toilet, but nothing was said. But with more confidence I think I will be comfortable being out more dressed in fem mode.
For the ladies who find it difficult to be out there try and be more practical and pragmatic in your approach to how you do it. I have sort of passed the stage where I woryy about it now but when I first started there were many of the same doubts that you all share. I used to take these simple steps to avoid some of them
- I would and still have a ‘bug out’ bag containing drab clothing and sensible shoes, make-up removal wipes and a small trash bag. (for me its more a case of if i need to change a wheel or hang about waiting for a recovery)
- I would have two keys for the car and one in my bag and one in my coat.
I have in all the years of walking about as man and the last few as a woman in my local city, only ever bumped into one person I knew, I was at that time ‘en femme’ and walked in to the jewelers where she worked. She didn’t recognise me, straight of and I could have turned around and walked out. I actually offered the information up when she asked if she could help me with anything . I live near a city of 120,000 people who are usually working when I’m out and about. Dressing to fit and confidence brings anonymity. Unless you live in a small town, the chances of being made by your neighbour at the fresh meat counter is minute.
I have a mirror with a suctionpad and leds that I keep in my car for touching up my make-up when I’m out for the whole day, maybe that would be a purchase that would simplify the process of dressing and doing your make up in a car park.
Get out there and enjoy it, I now have the other problem, I like being a man but I dont want to go out as a man anymore. I feel more confident as Helene…but thats another story.
I don’t have a lot fear when I’m out. I hope I don’t run into my ex or a coworker, or a friend who wouldn’t understand, but if it happens c’est la vie. The sun will still rise. The joy of being true to myself is worth whatever minor risks accrue. I don’t take unnecessary risks, and I’m always aware of my surroundings, but I’m not afraid. I’m fortunate to live in a tolerant and progressive city, too.
I’ve been out so often that there is little to be afraid of.
I’d like to address some of the fears that I’ve seen mentioned here:
- Being seen by others you know: I’ve seen people I know a few times. But out of context, they will probably not recognize you. They are not out looking at people wondering, “Is that woman over there really a man, and someone that I know?” They are busy shopping, or walking, or with their family. One time I was waiting for a friend when I saw a former teacher of my kids and someone whom I occasionally see when we have joint religious services with the neighboring town. As she is walking towards me, she has that blank stare like she is trying to place me. It got uncomfortable and I just looked away. That broke her concentration with a nonverbal message that she was staring. She looked away and went past me.
- Being read as a male: I know of many times it has happened. Remember, you are not going to fool all of the people all of the time. So understand it’s going to happen and just deal with it. Most of the time people don’t care. My first time out to a diner with a woman, the manager/cashier asked us how everything was. The woman answered, then the cashier asked me. I had to give an answer. I was probably read, but nothing was said. I’ve been out other times to restaurants with other CD’ers, so it does become obvious. Most of the time they don’t care, they aren’t even taken aback when hearing a male voice. Once I was out at a restaurant and left a table of other CD’ers early. I overheard a woman tell her friend, “You see that table of women down there? I don’t think they’re women, I think they’re men.” Since the others didn’t overhear, and no commotion occurred, they were read but didn’t know. If you’re read, you probably want to ignore it. Just don’t escalate the situation.
- Being in an accident: I got into an accident a few years ago. I gave the police my paperwork, all of which was in my male name. They called an ambulance to check me out. I didn’t need to go to the hospital, but they asked my name and I gave them my male name. I didn’t get any reaction on either end.
Imagining the worst is probably a survival instinct we have to prepare us for danger. But rarely does the worst situation occur.
The only thing I worry about is that I will like it too much! Stay confident and there is nothing to worry about ladies!
Having been well out of the closet for some 25 years the fear of going out dressed has long gone. I’m certain by now the number of times I have been out as a female ranges into the high hundreds. I know my first few outings I had a few fears but perhaps because I didn’t just open the closet door, I kicked off its hinges. My first true outing was out walking on Younge St. in Toronto at high noon following a makeover at Wildside. Walking by a construction site and getting cat calls from workers put me on cloud 9.
It signaled the fact that I could pass quite easily. Had I not been able to, I think I would have been totally crushed. When that female inside is just screaming to get out. The notion of not being able to would have put me into a devastating depression.Many of my dreamt-up fears actually managed to come true. What happens if I get stopped by a cop? My scenario played out in my head hundreds of times and I rehearsed over and over what my response would be.
As it happened one night on the way home from a night of dancing I was with three other girls I was taking home being the designated driver. Luckily, I had nothing to drink. Out of the blue, my car stalls and I pull over to the side of the road, put my four-way flashers on, and try to get the car to start to no avail. Moments later a police cruiser pulls up behind me and puts on its roof lights. My first thought was “Oh Shit” I rolled down my window as the officer approached. He looked into the car and politely asked ” Are you having trouble maam? Maam OMG be still my heart. I explained that the car stalled and I could get it to start. Back then no cell phones. He asked if he could call a tow truck for me which I really appreciated. Being it was a rather deserted area he even asked if he could wait with us until the tow truck arrived. One of my fears turned out to be no big deal. The officer didn’t even ask for my driver’s license and he surely knew the moment I spoke no matter how feminine I looked.So my greatest advice would be to remember that the greatest fear of all is the anticipated fear.
I’ve never gone out dressed. And I’m so afraid of being laughed at or attacked verbally or physically by any narrow-minded person.
Hi Fiona-Ann, I understand that if you’re out in public most people are too busy with their own thoughts and issues to really notice or if they do they’re most liky to move on quickly and probably even forget . Its the one person who for whatever reason finds it a personal affront and then tries to make a spectacle about it thus almost forcing everyone around to become more involved than they might really want to. And that now gives those who have a problem to now voice their displeasure…or worse. Maybe some time in the past people were more polite or had no problem looking the other way. Today? Im not so sure anymore.
Hugs ChloeC
Hi Fiona-Ann,
thank you for raising this subject.
Well i have never succeeded to go out on public but I can share the main reasons that make me stay private.
First, as i live in the city, i am always worried that i will cross with people that I know (relatives, coworkers, friends) and if they spot me it is no going back and this is so scaring me.Second one is to be bullied by a group of people and have to run to escape from them as i have seen some that happened in front of me.
These are my main worries but i hope i can out publicly some day to express my feminity fully.
hugs girls
I’ve been dressing and presenting as a woman away from the safety of my house since September 2018. While I have no fears, because it has been in “welcoming places” of my local CD & LGBTQ+ community; I have yet to attempt it in a general public location.
This is where my “worries” of being harassed or the worst physically attacked could become reality. Even when in “male mode” and I’ve let my femme interest come to the surface; I’ve faced 4 different encounters were I was “called-out” and made to feel uneasy. I’m naturally quite meek when facing confrontations; but I’m wanting to begin being more in the general public as “Brittney” and I know that there might be times that I’ll have to “defend” myself.
I mean, most of it is just nerves. I feel like my male and female selves look different enough so most people won’t make the connection, but there’s still a lot of short term concerns. I know near me somebody spray painted slurs on someone’s car and that concerns me that it might happen to me, although I do mostly live in a welcoming enough area.
I suppose my main real concern is I won’t look real enough. Like this is just a passing phase I’m into and get alienated from that for that reason.
Not a lot really. I am out so much that it’s just another day. If I had a fear it would be being put in a position unintendedly that put be at risk of physical harm. Like it or not, there ar people that fear us, and that fear could escalate into physical contact.
I always the ladies restroom or the genderless if one exists. I do my business and leave. I do not spend time in the mirror doing makeup or fix my hair.
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