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Of course there are many ladies here who are exceptions and some older ones where the answer is a very harsh “the times,” but I was wondering what makes you – at least for the most part sure you are not trans?
These days it’s such a popular topic that I’m sure many people, let alone girls like us are questioning if that’s what we really want. I want to know where your are on that. Questioning? Open but feeling it’s not the extreme that’s right for you? Know exactly why you are not a woman in the wrong body, but a man who loves to be immersed in femininity?
At the moment, my urges to feminize are the strongest they have been in the long time and I am a very extreme person. It’s not uncommon to fantasise about being a lady full time – getting all this body hair removed, perhaps taking hormones, but DEFINITELY nothing more. Other times I know I like spending most of my life as a man.
The biggest thing that makes me (for the most part) certain is that I’ve never felt the desire to change my biological sex. Additionally, I feel comfortable with a lot of my masculinity most of the time. I think I would miss it, and not just the privilege. I never felt interested in what “the girls” were doing, I never wanted “girl stuff” as a boy, I just wanted to wear the clothes… eventually. Seemed nice. It’s complicated. I feel like were I naturally passable I would probably have, at least at times, lived what they call a “gender fluid existence,” but that’s not much of an option for me.
I am certain I never have reached the point of satisfaction in my femininity, but I don’t think it means full-time full-blown transformation. As my gender journey resumes I want to know where and how the other ladies have gone, “this is what I need, I don’t need to change my life beyond this,” ultimately settling at the place of “crossdressing man.”
I feel like I’m going through the same thing! I have gone through stages before of adopting my feminine self only to feel intense feelings of shame and burying my feelings within. I would think “am I A or B or C?” but I’m starting to think that it doesn’t matter what category I’m in I just want to express myself in feminine ways whatever that means. Just know that you are loved and are not alone whatever your gender or sex may be!
I would imagine it’s much harder for you, actively dressing looking damn good! I really have no shame in feeling this way and have hope that if I am delicate, honest, and patient enough my wife could be okay with this but what scares me is getting there and wanting more. I couldn’t lose her and losing your partner’s attraction to you is the end no matter what the reason. At the same time I can’t imagine being a woman and thinking “it was worth it to be this way all the time,” after losing what I love and dedicating so much to what one could call vanity. Basically, I am a happy man who wishes he could be cute and cosy and not so dark and troubled.
Thank you Susie, I would love to hear more about you.
Hearts and rainbows,
Aoife
As I see myself as a man, and don’t want to be a woman, I am not transgender. I simply enjoy dressing how I feel and in the clothes that make me most comfortable. My clothes, whether masculine or feminine, do not dictate my gender or who I am.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Aoife,
This is something that I reflect on quite a lot. Finding and Exploring are where I am at but also moving slowly so I can adjust and decide where my dressing will take me. I am extremely happy to be with my wife and my relationship does play a part in how far I may take this. So it is reassuring to know others are wondering similar thoughts. – Michelle
Thank you Michelle.
When I think about it pragmatically I am certain I am for most intents and purposes a man. I have been an extreme personality and think if I felt the way a transwoman does I would have been out and proud at a very young age. No way I would have been able to go as long as I have without dressing, not a change. Yet having ignored my feminine urges this trait also gets me to the extreme of thinking, “I want to be a woman all the time,” and forsaking all manhood. After all, most of as a heterosexual men – by definition we do not like masculinity and really, why would we want it on our own body?
I love to dress and and especially the preparation to express myself as a woman.. however I respect my wife’s and family’s feelings… and I sought counseling when my alter ego was recognized for “distinguish service” for 25 years as a volunteer fireman”..counseling has helped me accept my being gender fluid (my “label”)and I am content in expressing my femininity (fully) when the opportunity presents itself.
I am very grateful to the ladies here who have supported me. For now I am content in my journey so far but I am not sure where my strong feelings of femininity will eventually lead me..
Thank you all for listening..Thank you for this topic. It has been on my mind a lot too. My crossdressing has gone through phases, and to be honest I feel more and more like I want to always be dressed. At first it was just a fun thing to do but now I prefer to be dressed and appearing as a woman. Why did it take over the rest? I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about this though. What parts of ‘manhood’ do I like and why can’t I bring them along with me on this journey?
I like messing around in my garage and learning how to build things, I like the confidence I feel when I’m doing things, etc. I think the stuff I like the most about being a man may be able to come along with. I don’t know just something that I’ve been thinking about.Thanks for this topic.
-Jessi
Jessi, I know what you mean. When I go back and really think of all my feelings and desires I figure I would be happiest in a gender fluid life. If I looked different I would have started as a boy just throwing on a skirt and some makeup and being that way sometimes. Given my appearance though I’ve really just *wished* I were trans so it could be a hard move to remove all of my body and facial hair, feminise myself in permanent ways and know that was my conclusion. Likewise I’ve wished I were gay so I could be a drag queen, but men are gross. That’s why most of us are here, isn’t it? Lol.
It’s just such a unique spot to be in, knowing many of us will never look “right” as women unless we kill more of the man than we want to. It’s not something most people understand. What are your wife’s thoughts? You seem to have that under control. I am trying to figure out how to tell mine (I do not dress currently so I’m only hiding feelings) and am terrified of what her level of acceptance could be.
hearts and rainbows,
Aoife
Aoife,
I too have reflected of this many times and discussed it with various therapists. When I was younger and first started cross dressing I often wondered if it was the first step of a transition and being transgender. While I really enjoy Gabi time I don’t feel I was born in the wrong body and don’t want to dress full time. I love wearing dresses, skirts, painting my nails, etc. – items that society categorizes as feminine. For me they are just clothes and other things I really enjoy.
Gabi
Gabi, a couple things that have crossed my mind that make me think I am at most only gender fluid. One is when I was six and a boy my age said he wanted to be a girl because he wanted a vagina instead of a penis. At this time I first began get very anxious any time the idea of a male appearing female was presented knowing deep down I wanted that, but his desire seemed weird to me. All the fun ofngirlhood and that’s what drives you to want to switch? Totally unrelatable. The other instance comes to puberty thinking “I hope I’m hairy,” yet knowing I would never be cute as a girl if I did. I got my wish and while it’s sad I can’t be smooth, delicate, and passable, I turned out to be the man I wanted and in the end it got me what I have which is apart from letting my lady out, is very good.
hearts and rainbows,
Aoife
Hi Aoife.
Early in my self discovery process I was 100% convinced that I was “only” a crossdresser. Then I started interacting with others in cd/tg chat rooms, and then meeting friends in person, attending events, etc. At some point I started to wonder if there was something “more” about this for me. Yes, and not.
I’m not naive enough to think of me as “only a cd” anymore. It is not about the clothes. It is really about being comfortable with who you are, regardless of the clothes you are wearing or how you choose to present yourself to the world for the day.
I had the chance to be all by myself many times for at least one or two weeks at a time. And you bet that I took those chances to be able to express my feminine side. The longest I spent full time as Gaby was almost 17 days. And I say almost because near the end of that time, I was more than eager to get back to my drab self… Having that short “full time” experience was great, but it also allowed me to see that as much as I was enjoying myself, there were times when, well, it didn’t feel totally really me.
I have said before to friends… everybody should have a chance like that to spend at least 2 to 4 weeks of full time as a woman time. Ah, yes, but that full time should be really full time. No changing to a guy if your car breaks down and you have to take it to the shop, or to attend church or to do anything at all. Full time. It would be an eye-opener for most. Many would discover that well, having a chance to dress up every once in a while is enough for them. Others would end up realizing that yes, that is what they really want to do all the rest of their lives.
So yeah, that is how I can be sure… even if I had unlimited resources and all chances to life full time as a woman or start transition, no, that is not for me. (But you bet my closet would be more than fabulous!)
Gaby
Gaby, I really feel what you’re saying. The learning experience you have had is so much what I need. I know it would make me a better and more comfortable man and definitely the kind my wife needs me to be. Just need her to understand first!
hearts and rainbows,
Aoife
It’s been almost one year… I hope you have made progress in your self awareness/understanding.
Gaby 💜
Aoife I echo your sentiments entirely.. could have written that myself it chimed so exactly with how I feel.
Wow! Great topic and thought provoking in a good way. For me I have always felt more female than male and have asked myself the question too. Do I want to be a woman full time or not. I have always wondered how it felt to have real breasts and in my dreams I have dreamt how it would feel to have a vagina. I asked my wife how it feels to have breasts. The feelings when they jiggle or bounce around, how it feels when she bends over, how it feels when I cup them or caress them and I dream of this too. I have also done a good bit of research on the changes hormones make and the surgeries. I know I can’t pass 100% as a woman as I am now but want to go to one of the services to get my makeup done, get totally dressed with breastforms and wig and see how passable I am without transitioning. My shape is an upside down triangle. Wide shoulders to narrow hips. Not a feminine figure at all so either waist training and hip padding or hormones with some waist training. I have thought long and hard on this subject and I do feel I was born in the wrong body. I also do not hate my genitals. So hormones may be how far I go. I won’t cross a line my wife is not comfortable with and at this point she is comfortable with me doing HRT. So I do have questions still and want to see the full transformation pre hormone therapy and see what may be and hopefully make the choice a little easier.
Anyway, I love the topic and love to read the replies! Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗
Danielle 💋👠
Wow, this is an interesting question! I’m pretty sure that I’m not gender fluid. I started dressing many years ago following a teen obsession with by sis in law to be: her little upskirt glimpses were such a turn on that I wanted to emulate them while wearing her skirts and dresses. Which I did! I have no wishes to be a real gal but so enjoy dressing as one! It’s the sensation of feminine fabrics that I love, on me and on my lovely understanding wife.
So for me, I’m not sure. Well maybe like 5% unsure. I never made a good guy or boy. I was never the handsome guy growing up. My aunts and uncles and basically whole family saw me as pretty and beautiful. Not handsome. My fiancé has told me I make a cute guy but I look just as good as a girl.
I sat on the sidelines and watched my little brothers excell in sports have all the girls and enjoy typical male activities. Hell, I couldn’t throw a ball to save my life lol. And catching it? Nuh uh. Not going to risk my face for a ball. I fit in with all of the girls and I was comfortable with that. I excelled in shopping, arts, and sciences.
Now the only time I feel like a guy is when my son calls me DaDa or Daddy. The rest of the time, I’m Skyler. At least on the inside.
Lots of great answers. I started to try to answer and without writing a book I came up with: Where is the line between CD and trans?
I like being a guy and don’t even shave my legs. I like to dress and go out and when dressed I take on feminine traits. Some of that is due to being in heels and a skirt. I’m not going to run up or down steps like I might. When spending for a number of hours and over a few days I take on those traits much more easily, it is almost as if I melt into my feminine self. My shoulders and face seem to relax and i get a twinkle in my eye.
I’ve never been able to be femme for extended periods of time. This next Weds to Sun I will have my best chance but will still be in guy mode walking the dogs (although I think I will do it in the dark and keep on my nail polish). That will be quite the experiment but I will be nervous about being caught by someone I know, not so when I travel.
To add another twist I always wore skirts and dresses until very recently. I look forward to a mix of this, morning walk in tights, work at home in a skirt, go out dressed casually to shop and get a drink. It is this casual aspect that makes me think more deeply. I will be very clearly dressed as a woman; makeup, wig, women’s shoes…
As a guy I build things in the garage in guy yard clothes, if I was woman I would still be wearing the same thing but sans makeup, wig, … I’m certain I have under dressed while doing this which begs the questions what is the difference? It would be pass ability I think, being viewed as a woman versus a guy. That said, I’ve more or less always been all guy with a liking of girl clothing and never felt in the wrong body or something in between.
I’ve always had a sneaking admiration for the feminine, and been a bit jealous of how women can combine grace and strength with vulnerability and being able to show feelings, which somehow as a boy, I could not. (And they get to wear lovely clothes too!)
I always felt more at home in female company. But at the same time, I’m ok with having a cis-male body. It would just be nice to be able to be girly and feminine as well.
I must confess, I find this deeply confusing, but it’s encouraging to find sisters in similar places!
I’m not really certain. I’m a late ‘bloomer’; accepting and exploring my femininity is rather recent development. For the moment it is too new for me to consider such a huge change. The few times I have fully dressed have been wonderful. I felt liberated and really happy with myself.
I don’t hate my male body, but I have never really felt manly either. I was very small as a child and was bullied a lot. I enjoyed sports and was capable at most. I learned to box to stop the bullying.
I currently see myself living both roles. I am an avid triathlete and will continue that as a male. In a race, I would be cheating if I competed as a woman. Doing the various workouts are impractical, because of locker rooms and sweating.
I am looking to dress including makeup whenever I can. Drawing up the courage to venture outside en femme.
I’m still in the closet with my wife and family. Whether that changes is part of the journey.
Aoife, thank you for the thought provoking question. It feels great just to say this to someone else.
Miranda
Miranda-
I too am a late bloomer to this, and while I don’t hate my male body I really enjoy and feel better dressed as a woman. That’s not to say I felt bad dressed as a man. I just feel better presenting as a woman. If I think to much on it I get all crossed eyed so I have been trying to just enjoy the moment. This is how I feel and that’s ok. Shame creeps in at times, but it passes too.
-Jessi (who is thinking of changing her name to Therese. Can you change names on here?)
I will say what makes me mostly certain that I am transgender is the fact that as a child I really never got alone with any of the other boys I never really played with any of the other boys. I was mostly into Barbies playing house and dressing up with my cousins. All my cousins refer to me as a girly girl. As my age progressed and as time went on I fell into the role that Society told me that I had to play and to become a man. I’ve never felt comfortable. In my mind I’m all female have been all female my entire life. Physically I was presented as a male when I was born however that soon will change as I have been seeking advice from a therapist and my transition is well underway
This is definitely an interesting topic. I might be a bit late to it by some of the dates of the previous posts but here is my 2 cents/story.
I started dressing 20 plus years ago but first felt the urge as a teenager. I was raised, like probably most of us, that anything outside of the societal norms is wrong. It has taken me a long time and the love of a good woman to accept that I am not wrong, I just am me. I started out small. I would “borrow and not return bras” of my mom or sister. I would stuff them with t-shirts or anything that I could fold/roll into a good breast form. I pierced one ear as was the guy fashion as a teenager. I didn’t add piercings until after I met my wife. We will be married for 20 years next May.
With my wife, I have expanded to purchasing my own bras, clothes, makeup, shoes, jewelry and if I could, I would live full time as a woman. I would go and get plastic surgery, start taking hormones and transition as far as not changing the plumbing below but change everything else tomorrow if I could. As it is, I try and spend as much time as Alexandra as I can, but there are things holding me back from being Alexandra full time and it is mainly my own brain and fear of the stigmas of being a transwoman.
I don’t have many friends. The friends I make are the ones that are friends for life. I know that my family would not accept me and do I want to lose them even though we are not the closest. I don’t know…
For now, I will just be happy spending as much time as Alexandra as I can in the comfort of my home. I am happier when I am out as her. If I go too many days without being her, my mood and happiness suffers. So for me, what makes me certain is happiness. I am happier as Alexandra.
Thank you for posting this topic Aoife. Deciding to transition or not can cause a confusing thought process. Throughout my childhood, I did the typical boy things. However, I wasn’t an alpha and at times got labeled as girly. In a way I was. I was leery of physicality and getting hit or hurt. I especially couldn’t stand toe-to-toe in a fight(I got picked on and beat up alot). From age 8-10, I played dress-up in women’s clothes and the liking never went away. Although I’ve never been declared as having gender dysphoria, I do dislike some aspects of my male body. I think alot of people dislike some physical parts of themselves. But of course this doesn’t mean all these people are transgender.
I don’t feel hindered by this, but I wish I was born a girl. In my most recent year, I’ve realized I’m gender fluid. I’m ok having a male body and a female spirit. If my immediate family life was different, could afford the cost, and wasn’t so distrusting of therapists. I would transition.
What a thought provoking question, when I’m in man mode I do lots of manly things like gardening, decorating, maintenance on the car, I watch sports on the TV and lots more, i can go months being a man but then the urge takes hold and I have to spend some time as Rozalyne, it’s sort of relaxing being Rozalyne all my worries seem to disappear for a while and I get a calmness come over, but as to whether I would transition that’s a whole different ball game, it takes a whole lot of courage and determination to carry on the idea of taking the next step along the road to transitioning permanently because once you have transitioned there’s no going back xxxxx
As a child I loved playing with girls – most of my friends were girls, and I loved their clothes, games, attitudes – everything.
I really didn’t like boys much, and avoided men, especially hairy men.
That has only changed recently – not the hairiness, but my sons are the most amazing boys on the planet… proud father!
I rid myself of my body hair, and hate changing in communal male changing rooms, but I don’t identify as female. I don’t identify as male either – not at all!
The only gender identification I have is when en femme but I don’f feel completely female. I am still not even slightly attracted to men, and I am much less inhibited about telling a beautiful girl that she is beautiful, or that I love something she’s wearing – which I won’t do at all in male mode in case I’m seen as sexist.
I feel a peculiar connection with women when en femme, like we’re all one big group of girls together.
I never feel that about men.
Haven’t really made sense of that yet, but it feels so comfortably me, that I’d rather enjoy it and observe some more!
I’m definitely not going to take hormones or have any surgery.
Love Laura
I’ve been wearing pantyhose and pumps since I was 4. As the years went by I began buying my own pantyhose, then short shorts and shoes. I began wearing that out in public and for shopping and soon after began going fully fem.
I loved dressing in short shorts pantyhose and platform wedges. Going fully fem was the next step. I loved my girlie outfits. I wore them everyday at home at got out as often as I could to parties, shopping or just going out nowhere as Patty for the fun, thrill and excitement of it.
I love being Patty and have had so much fun and great experiences as Patty. To put on shiny pantyhose, sexy shoes, a short dress, nice firm ample breasts and pretty hair and get looked at, ogled over, get professions of love, get things done for me, get gifts and favors and all they want to do is make me feel good. What? When I was a teenager, that girl power thing shocked and surprised me at first. I was so used to being on the guy side. It didn’t take me long to use it though.
It is like a fantasy escape. It’s fun but I still like being a guy. Patty is just a character I created.
I was uncertain for an extensive period of time. I found that I don’t care either way so, by that logic, I am not trans (or willing to go 100%). I’m not sure what that makes me but I’m fairly confident that I’m not at a state where I’d transition.
I guess the state happens more at 80 – 100% sure. That’s when I’d move for it at least.
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