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Hi Girls, yes its philosophical time again, butties, lunch, car, you get the drift! Ok, i’m going to try to put this into words, bear with me here, i want to keep it clean, but also want to make an attempt to try to put this into meaningful words.
Right! that’s out of the way. I was thinking this, most of us are Married men, some are not, when we cross dress, we do it to be Female but…. and here is the conundrum, if we have relations with our wives, girlfriends, whatever are we considered to be gay? because we are Femme. the same applies for us if we are attracted to men in Femme mode, is that also considered to be gay? because most of us at the end of the day, whether we like it or loathe it, are men. To be honest, i’m tying myself up in knots here, trying to reason it all out, where exactly do we stand in our own sexuality, i appreciate some of us might be gay anyway, i have no issues with that!! what do you think? can you answer this in a logical manner? maybe i have missed something out or heading up the wrong path, either way, its certainly food for thought!!!
Good luck!!
Love and kisses, Fiona xxx
I dont konw what to say other then,…
Maybe we are gay to some degree…! Is there
Leavels if being gay? Is this why we want to dress up like women so we feel better about matbe being gay or haveing gay thoughts? I for one enjoy pegging(anal sex with a strapon on my wife) now when we first started having this type of sex i did enjoy it but the gult and shame of enjoying it was so bad i did not want to do it. Then once i came out to my wife and Jenny was dressed sexy and we did it that way the shame was gone! Althou i felt SO FEMMENE at the time like a real women having sex with a man. I look at men and think no way i could not be attracted to them. I realy enjoy the girly very fem looking women and the shemales they look so pretty and fem, if i was to have sex with one would that maje me gay? In the true physical sense of it yes, I did not! But the same goes for my wife when Jenny is totly in / out and dressed sexy and acting sexy and fem would that not make her gay? But at then true sence of it she is still ha e intercourse with a man and his penis. So hoe can that make her gay? So did i answer your question with a question i am sorry for that. Just my 2 cents from someone just as confused as anyone else on the matter. Hugs and kisses JennyHi Fiona,
I am married and I say I am heterosexual.
And I am completely devoted to my wife.
However I say that because I am attracted to feminine people.
I can’t lie I have been attracted to some very pretty c/ds and trannys.
If I were single I would love to date some
So technically I guess I am gay.
As Jenny said are there levels of gay?
I have also had fantasies of being taken by a man, but at the same time I am not in the least bit attracted to the masculine condition.
As you said very confusing
I hope I kept it clean, sorry
Patty
Dear Patty ,
The discription of your sexuality is very close to the one I experience myself.
So you are not the only one to be “confused” !Love Sylvia
Interesting. My son who has declared himself bisexual feels that with a feminine mind, if I were to have sex with a woman it would make me a lesbian no matter the fact that I have male genitalia. So, in his view, even though I consider myself heterosexual, if I have sex with a female as a female regardless of looks I would be gay. This is because I love women as a woman. My wife agrees. I don’t know. I can’t get past the physical aspect of being a man. I do know that she has told me that I have been the most gentle of lovers she has had. She feels that that proves that my female side has been present since we met and that I have been making love like a woman all along. She did say no criticism was intended. Just the way it’s always been.
My own feeling is that it’s a sliding scale, not a hunch of boxes that define sexuality and gender.
There’s no doubt that there’s a lot of scope ,and some people more defined than others – but how much is nurture and how much is nature?
I have no idea why I was first attracted to female clothes – I just knew I loved them, and the image they portrayed of the person inside them. This lovely, sweet, feminine image, or even a powerful goddess-like look. Even “female” conjures up a lot of different images, and different personalities are portrayed.
Clothes have incredible power. As an occasional thespian, it’s always surprised me when I see the sort of characters that can be conjured up via a change of clothes, and the different feelings I get from different outfits – including my femme ones.
I wore a floral scuba style dress to my back appointment today. I had a different therapist to my usual one, which was a bit of a surprise.
But she adored my look, and I felt so amazingly confident and bubbly.
Put it this way, if you met me in male mode, “bubbly” is not going to appear on anyone’s choice of adjectives.
What I’m trying to get at here is that I think we can create ourselves exactly as we feel.
When I’m dressed, I almost never think of myself as being one sexuality or another, but I only feel attracted to women.
I also small not particularly aware of gender either – not for long.
I’m more aware of the person that I feel like in that moment – I literally revel in the feeling of being me, but with all the superficial male nonsense removed.
The good male bits seem to remain, in fact they’re enhanced, but there’s also the strong, soft, guiding female traits.
It’s the place I belong in.
You’re right, this is really hard to put into words!
Thanks for making me think…. again!
Love Laura
I think it’s only debate if you’re going to be indecisive about where we stand in terms of gender. I feel that if we are in fact men we are as straight as possible. Being in love with every aspect of woman and a repulsion of the masculine so strong we don’t even want to be in it? Sounds pretty straight to me! That’s just how I feel about it. Masculinity? No thanks!
Like I said, I don’t really feel gender. It’s almost as if it’s irrelevant.
If gender is irrelevant, there’s no debate, there just is.
I love your answer!
Love Laura
Right? I guess that for me that’s the only thing that complicated the answer at all. Whatever I am, I’m attracted to femininity and whatever that person may have anatomically, it’s their femininity that I like so when I take a look at myself and my reality there’s no doubt about it, “straight” will do just fine, at least compared to all other options.
Good question, I identify as bisexual but have asked myself since I consider myself a woman am I a lesbian when I’m with my wife or am I gay when I’m with a man. I don’t care, just a thought as you say Fiona.
Yeah, judging by some of the answers, it can seem perplexing, especially if you look deeper into it. I agree there is a ‘sliding scale’ here, we all have different levels of femininity, i think! but dont quote me on that! maybe in some cases, its not a sexuality thing, but merely a natural progression in our cross dressing, i mean, you dress up, if you are like me, you spend ages trying to perfect your make up with varying degrees of success, some of us must feel the need to show our feminity to other men, i mean, here is a thought, say you started talking to a man and it got very friendly (without going into detail), nothing happens but, you passed!! isnt that the holy grail most of us seek? i suppose that does not make us gay, but a desire to show ones self off to the ‘opposite sex’ in Femme mode depending on how strong your desire is in the first place, sorry for perplexing you all!! but hey! it gets the grey matter going! 🙂
Love and kisses, Fiona xxx
Hi Fiona , a nice question to make one’s head hurt 😟, I can appreciate a good looking guy – well groomed , dressed etc ( my wife looks also ) . I often do think if I’m attracted ( & my wife asks me the same) now that my crossdressing/ gender fluidity is known. I’ve been in football change rooms etc , been in threesomes & never been attracted or physical with a man. Once I see them naked , hairy , out of shape I know I’m not attracted – even in femme mode. Just my thoughts & experience xx
I considered myself as bisexual
I’ve recently looked around to see if I can find any words to better describe my own state, and gyneromantic demisexual seems to be pretty close. Either that or “sod these labels, I’m just me”.
I firmly believe that the two baskets society has chosen for items like fashion, coiffure, behaviour and such to separate and define sex, sexuality and gender are false social constructs. Baskets do not hold water very well.
I know that I am heterosexual and my wish is to interact physically with women only.
If I dye my hair, shave my legs and smell delightfully like Nino Ricci that brings me no closer at all to relating physically to men.
If I want to relate to a man, I look inward, not outward.
“Don’t knock mas turbation, at least it’s with someone I love”
– Woody Allen
Well said Harietta, I think maybe people are to willing to put others into groups. Myself I have my own plus I guess the one we get thrown into. I have no desire to be with a man. I think I would be classified as a lesbian because I adore other women. There is more to us than can be stuck to some label I believe. It is not that cut and dry.We are very complex creatures. So to me, I am just Coral a very special creature
Hi Fee, there are so many identifications now and truly I have come to believe that you like who you like. I know that I am much more relaxed about it than I used to be and also know that I for me my wife is who I am attracted to. I think it is in our nature to want very concrete ideas of what makes us who we are and when we start to question or shift our thinking on one aspect, it can make things a little less solid than we thought and that can be scary. And I hope we can all look at each other and say its okay.
hugs,
Michelle
Oh Fiona,
Where did you find this Pandora’s box? I have been heterosexual my entire life and enjoyed sexual relations relative to that label. However, there has been hurt emotionally, sometimes in a BIG way, in almost every instance. Before you judge know that these relationships can be counted on one hand.
A bit more history before I make my point. In every instance all these partners agreed that my contributions to the relationship in every respect, were well above average. My marriage of 40+ yrs has not seen relations in over two years, not that I am unwilling. She says it hurts. All this even after learning, from my wife, that one of our children is the result of an earlier affair. I do not flaunt my crossdressing, bring it into the bedroom or allow it to adversely affect our family. When enfemme I too have fantasies about being taken by or pleasing a man.
Finally my point. Does the fact that pleasing a member of the opposite sex seem farfetched and the subsequent desire to please a man make me gay? The $64,000 dollar question.
Thanks girls for letting me rant. luv Mina.Hi Fiona,
I think, and this does not happen often lol, that since I identify as a transgender woman when I have sex with my wife I am in effect a lesbian. To my wife I am her husband with feminine tendencies but still a male so she is having heterosexual sex. So the real question would be as a transgender woman if I were not married, and this is hypothetical, and I were to meet and have sex with a man is that then heterosexual sex? The dilemma of this Pandora’s box is mind blowing. I cannot say what would happen if I were to be asked on a date by a male so the answer here is that I don’t know! I do know I consider myself to be a lesbian because I am a woman born in a male body!!!! Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗
Danielle💋👠👗
I think the crux of it is not who we’re attracted to, but how we express our own gender. You can be attracted to one or more sorts of other genders or sexes regardless of your own gender expression.
A term I’ve found is “bigender” and I feel it describes me quite well. It means what it sounds like: having two strong, separate, equally valid genders.
And then some of us bigender folks like men, or like women, or like both, or like other gender-nonconforming people. That’s its own thing too. 😀
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Hi feona…..this I think is very confusing to most of us. I’m not really attracted to men. Now I do feel a stirring looking at girls like us. Never crossed that line. I believe if I was attracted to someone like me I really don’t know what may happen. My confusing answer is I feel there’s no real gender to some of us. It’s as if myself I feel I belong to a different species….. that made no sense or does it?…….keep dressing .Christie Marie</p>
Christie Marie summed it up pretty well for me. I am attracted to women when in male mode and also when cross-dressed. There is attraction to some other cross-dressers sometimes. However, this is an attraction to an attractive woman. What would happen if one of them actually made a pass at me is still unknown.
Michelle E
Christie, in this journey I’ve discovered that I am very interested in those like me. Description or title are irrelevant. From that thought I have become more relaxed with the idea I could be with a man but the person and circumstances would have to be ideal
Grace
I think there is no real answer to this question, the reason I say that is the the question itself is questionable. It is questionable because it is asked form societies norms, the way we have been brought up to only accept societies view of how the world should be. Once we achieve acceptance of who we really are we step outside of the ‘norms’ society expects. So how to answer Fiona’s post, well really we shouldn’t even try! My take on this is the person you find attractive stirs something inside you that causes that attraction. It matters little if that person is man, woman, gay, crossdresser, transexual, or what religion and politics they favour, none of this matters, what matters is that we get to the inner person, the real person, because if you can do that, outward appearance does not matter. It’s the real inner person we should seek, if we can find that we will find true happiness.
Does anyone here identify as “bigender”, “genderfluid” or “nonbinary”?
I’m curious because those are concepts that are being taught in elementary school sex ed now (at least on the West Coast!), but didn’t even exist when a lot of us were younger and could have benefited from them.
When I go to LGBTQ events, I see all sorts of young people dressed a “gender nonconforming” way, but it’s not really cross-dressing. It’s an outright rejection of gender norms at all.
I was thinking about it because I think I might look my best when I have on make up, jewelry, but no wig–just my super short man hair. I look androgynous, and I like that look too. What’s a girl to do?? 🙂 ❤
« Gender fluid » is what I’ve fantasised about most. A life like that seems unlikely at this point but if things had been different I think I would live that way. I think about being full femme and nothing could be better, but I’m sure I’d miss enough to at least not want to fully transition.
Me too. Things are so much better for gender nonconforming young people now (at least where I live). I know I missed out on a different life because I’m older and things weren’t as understood as they are now. It’s a little frustrating, but it just makes me more certain to affirm my gender identity now.
Cultural attitudes aren’t everything though, though they do help. So many of the young people we see now are coming from either supportive families or ones so hostile they have nothing to lose. For me, what I got from my family was more off-putting than hostile. While I could be a girl if I wanted, the treatment would ruin it. Instead of it forcing me to rebel or allowing me to embrace it it just became a lower priority, a disappointment – one I could forget, though not entirely, until it was too late. Maybe it’s not too late, but it’s not worth the sacrifices. Sadly, no one gets to live every life, and girls like us may know that best of all.
Fiona. Another question I have tried to verbalize – you did! Maybe it’s the car?
if I may give it a go:
1st question to answer. Are you a 100% male who just likes cross dressing? To any degree. A pure #1 on your prior survey. As it was an option I would suppose it is possible. Sexually the question then does it enter your intimacy or is it simply your preferred attire. Then, #3, comes into play. If it enters your intimacy, is it a fetish in “the heterosexual bedroom “ or do you become a woman in the bedroom. If it is always and only with your SO then Heterosexual in 1st case but an inner Lesbian in latter case. I would then ask, which generates more intense pleasures for you and also for your partner.
#2. At any time when I am in my femme clothes (> 1/2 of everyday as well as every night) I’m always sexy to some degree- and feel that way and thrive feeling that way. I am not attached but would find it, personally, unhealthy to be so. When I think sexually I think of being a woman and taken as a woman – whether by another woman (thus lesbian) or in fantasy mostly, by a man. But it’s the man’s object that is the attraction and the subject of most longings. As such, find my yearnings to be a luscious femme exterior with all the luscious curves- that could easily be one of us as so many of the girls are so beautiful, or a shemale (a sensitive caring one?) or finally a genetic girl who straps it on, so to speak. All 3 have their place in my soul. I believe in the first 2 I see the relationship as lesbian (and I think that’s me) and the 3rd as heterosexual fetish.
Finally, Fiona, I so appreciate the conversation about sexuality as, speaking for myself, this has become a raging question. As a final thought ( I hope this is permissible) as it follows your though, okay, here goes, when we touch ourselves in any level of intimacy, do you feel the female parts of you, your thighs, hips, breasts etc. or do you go straight for that object – for me, that object no longer rears itself (oh my, very poor choice of words).
Thank you, thank you, thank you to anyone who has actually read all of this and to Fiona, most of all! Kisses
No! Trebora, thankyou for spending the time to try to put a rational explanation forward!! sometimes, i think that i tie myself up in knots and its nice to hear other members points of view. I never profess to know everything, in fact, i will be learning till the day i finally depart this world.
I would like to thank you all personally for the great input you have all given to me, and others, with this question. You are all simply amazing girls and very very clever with your replies, ohhhh i want to give you all a big hug! 🙂
Love and heartfelt kisses, Fiona xxx
Evolutionary speaking, we are programmed to make split decisions on whether something is a threat or not a threat. Homo sapiens needed this ability in order to survive as a species while we were (are) evolving. I feel this is the reason some fear things they do not understand, and why people are so “binary” (threat, or safe). Now “all of a sudden” (I know TG/CD’s have been around since we first started walking upright), there are some of us that are switching binaries. This is even confusing to us, and I’m sure there will be a difference of opinions even amongst ourselves.
Fiona, I feel like what you are trying to do is put yourself in a box, and trying to rationalize it….trying to make order in a seemingly order-less world. I’m afraid there just might not be an answer, and that in itself, is the reason we may be repulsive (threat) or mysterious (safe) to different people. At least the psychiatric community doesn’t categorize crossdressing as a mental illness anymore, so thats one more barrier removed from us, as being viewed as a threat. (I’m NOT saying mental illness is a threat to anyone, unless someone is maliciously violent).
It will take some time before we’re all just viewed as human. Complex humans, with complex emotions.
Revisiting this topic got me thinking about when I came to a lot of conclusions and makes me really wonder what kids today who are exposed to so much more than even I was (very curious adult-oriented child in the 90s) and in a far more accepting way. So many new terms, yet how can a young person know what to accept and reject for themselves?
Either way, when I was nine I was crossdressing pretty much every morning. Having first been exposed to a lot in the first episode of Jerry Springer I ever saw entitled “Men Who Work As Women” it was on my mind constantly. I craved some kind of guidance on how to be a girl, planned when and how I could live that way more, if I could ever tell my parents and friends. As I learned more and more I began to question more and by the end of that school year concluded I was gay. I even told a friend of mine who was pretty confused by it. I tried to think that way but it never worked. I wasn’t really interested in girls (consciously at least lol) so trying to think of boys as the object of my affection had no point of reference… for a little while. It was only a few months until I started seeing girls differently and those feelings for boys then men just never came no matter how much I invited them.
Either way, the near-constant fantasies of putting on a dress and makeup and just being a cutie never went away, not did the conclusion that I was not interested in men.
Aoife, I went through that same thought process! Granted I might be a little older than you, but for me the first transgender person I saw was on the Phil Donahue show, when I was just wee. My mother used to watch it. I remember being enamored for these people who changed their gender.
I, too, though I should be attracted to men, considering how I felt inside. But as I aged through puberty the hormones just didn’t rush in, like they did when I got close to cute girls. I just had to go with how I felt. I do have to say that I’m certainly more submissive when being intimate. I never felt a need to dominate another person in the bedroom. I always felt that this was due to my femme nature.
I feel the same way. It takes a lot of drive for me to be in a dominant mood. The idea of being an equal (though anatomically different) with another woman in the bedroom is what I like best.
I’m still not sure! Dressing feels so natural to me, and it’s this entire other world that is calm and wonderful. I have been with a man twice. The first time was as a man, and not that great. The second time I was dressed in a nightie and panties. It changed my life. It was the first time kissing a man for me, and at first I was nervous. I have to say it was overwhelming. I loved it. When I see a beautiful woman I am attracted but I also find myself wanting to wear what she’s wearing.
When I dress I try to be as feminine as I possibly can. I believe because I practice being feminine a lot (even in drab mode) that it has had an effect on the way I view sexuality and at times I look at men from that perspective and sometimes think how nice it would be to held in the arms of a man and be treated as a woman (I never had gay thoughts before). I don’t think of being with a man in drab mode but would consider being with a man when I’m Liara. Sorry, don’t know if I’m making any sense but there it is.
Hugs, Liara
I really don’t think I can answer in a logical way, as you hoped someone might. I think it’s a thing to ponder, just like you haha.
What term fits? Gay, straight…we know what they mean but that only helps so much, lol.
I can’t answer but I feel your pain here haha…I wonder the same stuff.
Dear Fiona ,
As a man I am attracted to Women , attraction to men : Zero.
Dressed as a Woman , I am still attracted to Women ( and Transwomen ) , attraction to men : still Zero.
But the Idea of having fun in the bedroom – being dressed as a Woman – ( and only while being dressed ) with a Man or Transwoman is very tempting to me !
Love Sylvia.
This is something that’s been on my mind lately as I move seemingly inexorably towards presenting as a woman all the time, am I a lesbian? Who I’m attracted to doesn’t change with my presentation but the label for my sexual orientation should probably change along with my pronouns when I change my presentation.
Presenting male: straight-ish, he/him
Presenting female: lesbian-ish, she/her
As others have said in other discussions lately, labels are not always accurate and can often be misleading but they are a handy way to get ideas across. So I use them for discussions like these but deep down, I feel how I feel, love who I love and present how I want to present and the labels seem meaningless at that level.
That is such an interesting topic. I wonder that myself. But for me, I thing I think about the most is waiting to experience it all and see what I like that best. Someday I hope that will happen.
Crystal
I’m bisexual and I have a boyfriend who I am very much in love with. I considered myself straight in my teens and then had the urge to be with a guy around 20. I’m extremely feminine and I love being the female in our relationship (message me if you want more info on what it’s like to have a bf). I wear romantic lingerie/sleepwear to bed every night and I love having a guy to wake up next to every morning who thinks I’m sexy. I can be myself and dress whenever I want and really express my fem self. It’s so much fun having a boyfriend.
Hello Fiona
It’s a very interesting view point, I see it as when I am presenting female I am crossdressed.
Sexuality is a different agenda, whether your gay or straight doesn’t come in to it, Crossdressing is presenting yourself how you like to for your own pleasure.
Love Sarah
xx
I am 100% male, who would love to get into a dress. I wouldn’t mind going out on a date with another CD, but I would look upon it as a girly night out maybe cuddles but nothing more. I’m very interested in woman. When I look at a well dressed woman, I say to myself she looks lovely and how would I look in that outfit? I would love to be romantically involved with a woman while en fem. Does that seem crazy?
I am a trans woman always been bi as male self. Since my transition have been dating a guy for several months now. Believe once done with my bottom surgery this month will be more straight female. And if cards play out this man dating now will be my husband to be.
Donna
Trouble is that our own definitions of “gender”, “sex” and so on will be different to others.
I doubt we’ll ever reach consensus on questions like this! But it is fun to discuss.
Connie
xxx
Well, to me human beings are either sexual or asexual. I am not sure whether I am happy that most of them are the former.
I ‘dress’ not to be a female but to be feminine, a woman and, I hope, a lady. I make a definite distinction between sex (female-male) and gender (androgynous, feminine, masculine) as sex is objective and gender is subjective. Consider a cow. They are female. I have regarded very few, if any, as feminine or as a lady. You do not have to be female to be either feminine or a woman, but you do have to be female to be a cow. No aspersions on anyone here.
To be (unusually) brief. If you are attracted to femininity and a male, that is usual, and is not ‘gay’ nor ‘homosexual’. You would (the whole purpose of gender) be attracted to feminine persons, probably even to your own feminine persona. If so, then the concept of being a woman in a sexual encounter with a male would cross your mind. Being sexual you probably would like it. If you are asexual you wouldn’t. This is a ‘feminine-masculine’ interaction, or ‘man-woman” but not necessarily male-female. Since that coitus is basically one between a masculine person and a feminine person I regard it to have the same relationship characteristics inferred from the term ‘heterosexual’. Aside from deliberately propagating the species, the relative sexes of the two people is inconsequential. Since both are males attracted by femininity both, in terms of their sex and sexual orientation are so normal as to be humdrum. It is their genders and sexual identities (both variants in many people) that surprise us because we have had information withheld and misinformation provided.
As for Jenny, whether she also is gender variant is a possibility. Sometimes such couples are fortunate in finding each other. One of the reasons I feel that gender variance is more ‘normal’ than suspected.
Araminta.
Hi Fiona,
Society is full of people that try to put everyone and everything into a neat, little, box so they can check their forms. Don’t worry about terms, definitions, or what the so called experts say.
I don’t care if some self appointed “expert” says I’m a “insert term”. I’ve looked at their “boxes”, I don’t neatly fit in any of them. I am married and I am attracted to women. It just so happens I also like wearing panties, stockings, and heels.I am me, and I gave up worrying what society thinks.
Well this seems to be a popular topic!
I personally am absolutely enthralled with women of nearly all sorts and ages. However, I am very aroused by the idea of having sex with a man. I have no interest in kissing and snuggling; in fact, the idea repulses me. But somehow I have a great curiosity about all kinds of sex acts with men. I’m pretty sure I would be able to completely satisfy a man sexually. This is all a moot point as I am totally loyal to my wife of 30+ years, but it’s often fun to think and fantasize about.
Catherine
What a persons sexual preference is has nothing to do with the gender they prefer identifying with.
I am a male and I am attracted to females. By definition that makes me straight, normal, or conforming, which ever term you want to use.
I also love femininity so much that I not only want to be surrounded by it but I want to be enveloped in it. How I like to dress has nothing to do with trying to attract one sex or another. I like to dress in clothing that is very feminine in style because I think it brings out my inner most feelings of love and affection, compassion, sensitivity, and vulnerability.
I just don’t feel the expression of femininity should be restricted to females only. I also do not like the fact that my sexuality has to be labeled by others based on how I prefer to dress or express myself.
Hi all
May I say firstly, that there is nothing wrong with talking about sexual desire and preference as it relates to sexuality and crossdressingHowever , this is one of those subjects which can slide along into areas close to the boundaries of what we would prefer not to see on the site.
As usual, and in order to keep this site functioning the way it was intended to, I am going to ask you to refrain from discussing specific sexual practices, techniques or results in the forums and refrain from giving information on what sites are used to meet people.
If you need this information please ask the individual directly via PM and not post and links in the forum. We will edit some posts that we feel are a little close to the line, so just a gentle reminder.I appreciate your help in keeping CDH a sanctuary for us girls.
Thank you !
Dawn (Admin)
It all depends on how far down the rabbit hole we want to go down, some of us just dig around the surface, some go a little deeper, and some of us go to the bottom totally,
Me I’m just a surface digger , although I’m eager to go a bit deeper,
Hugs 🤗 Roz X
Hi Fiona-Ann, Well my wife answered your question for me.
She told me emphatically that she is NOT a lesbian. So don’t even think about it!!!!
She knows that I easily pass when I’m out and about; especially when she is with me and it really bothers her that I’m mistaken for female so often. It’s gotten to the point where she no longer goes out with me to restaurants as every waitress asks “what can I get for you ladies?”.
All the Best, Have a lovely weekend, Hugs, Krista.
Luckily, my wife is very understanding and truly enjoys when we go out together as “ladies night out”. I am never certain on the term passable. However, I am always addressed as lady or “ladies”. On a few occurrences when out alone I became involved in conversation with cis-women taking place at a nice restaurant/bar. These women brought forward topics they would never discuss in the presence of a man(if you know what I mean)! All our voices dropped during these discussions!
I have been approached by men who have asked to by me a drink and then they strike up a conversation with me in the presence of my wife. They of course did know we are married I guess. As a heterosexual male, I enjoy the male attention when dressed en-femme. Yet, not interested at all in any sexual advances from men. My wife really is model material(seriously) and men may be buying me a drink to get to her as I appear to be her friend. Who knows. She of course is approached quite a bit(although never when I’m out as a man).
Let’s just say, I/we are having fun out there and just enjoying whatever comes forward because…..WE ARE IN CONTROL after all!
Hi Fiona-Ann, as usual I’m just a little late to the party, and it took some time to read all the responses.
So, my first thought is that there are somewhere over 7 billion people (maybe 8 now, idk) and to me that means 7 billion people each with totally different sets of beliefs and attitudes and characteristics and past experiences than absolutely anyone else. We are all fully unique, so trying to classify someone into some predefined and most likely preordained group is, to me anyway, a little…no a lot nuts.
We join groups like this because for the most part we (think we) have one point of contact with everyone else here, we are experiencing some kind of gender/sex issues that this site tries (and usually but not completely) succeeds in trying to offer a common ground. When we get down to the real nitty-gritty or brass tacks or whatever, we find that even here, there are differences among and between us because each of us has lots of other points of contact that aren’t addressed here, but hopefully not enough to cause problems or have people leave with less than positive thoughts…about this place, hopefully, as we all can’t possibly know what’s going on with people outside of here.
So, for me accepting all that, here’s what I am. A biological, for the most part anyway, male who is trying to live the life expected by much of society of what a male is supposed to be. And it’s really a very wide set of expectations, but there are limits. However, inside I’ve always felt like I was born in the wrong body and should have been a female, and in moments when I’m online here or when I’m totally alone, I try to somehow deal with those thoughts and emotions and feelings and dressing offers a huge relief to these pent up desires. (an example, I have 17 tg stories up on fictionmania and one on Amazon Kindle)
If I were born 20 years or so later than I was, I probably would have seen a therapist, seen a doctor, figured out the total costs and how I could afford it and gone through is GRS. Where I lived, how I lived, how others expected certain things of me, the lack of internet, sympathetic groups, all did not exist where I grew up, and I wasn’t able to find much of anything anywhere until my mid to late 20’s and by then, for me, it was much too late. I was by then a single parent with a toddler (1-3 years old).
So, I soldiered on as a male, as I knew I was absolutely not gay (although I was approached once or twice). I married, twice, fathered 2 more children, grew a mustache and beard for a time, and truth be told, I have enjoyed, on a certain level, the many, many, many intimate times I’ve had with my spouses (yes, many). But I suspect (well deep down know) that if I had transitioned I might have enjoyed those times even more with a man.
None of that has ever diminished my inner turmoil as to what I should have been. I made choices, just like my 2 spouses have done, as my adult children have done, and I’m living with those choices. Choices I made about what my role and responsibilities were, to my spouse, to my children. I sometimes wish I had a huge ego and was able to put the well-being of loved ones off to a side, but I found that impossible.
So, what does that make me? A latent transsexual? A cross-dresser with a hyper over-active imagination?
I definitely find more kindred spirits here than I would think I’d find on a site for ts’ers where I would have absolutely no plans to even consider transitioning.
What sexuality am I? Well, first I know I fully hetero, so as a male I have only wanted to be with a female for those intimate moments, but if I were a female, then I’d only want to be with male.
I think sometimes I’m closer to the indigenous people of North America who believed in the two-spirit concept of some humans which in instances allowed those people to live as they chose with very little to no condemnation. They never transitioned, of course, but lived perhaps somewhat more satisfying lives.
My sexuality is more asexual. I don’t consider myself gay. I’m not attracted to men or women per se. I feel more attracted to femininity, the look, the smell, the feel of a girl. The reason I crossdress is to please my feminine side, to feel like a girl; but my masculine side still enjoys the look and smell of a girl. I have more of a 50/50 split personality. My left side is a liberal female; and my right side is a very conservative male. As a liberal female, the left side is willing to be lesbian to a point; but she also puts her submissive stamp on my masculine side which makes it nearly impossible to be in a successful heterosexual relationship with someone. For me, it really is a split personality thing. I love to crossdress; but the reason I crossdress is because I find it a good and enjoyable way to let Bridget express herself. I don’t think it really has anything to do with my sexuality.
This place, and questions like this, have done much to get me thinking, and some way to sorting my thoughts out.
What if its not either/or? Not a binary thing, and not hard set.
I’m stating to see myself probably as non-binary, somewhat fluid who mostly likes ladies, and certainly loves the choices of clothing they have.
I like to think we are just sexual, but since we are putting labels on it, I am bisexual, and I am married to a wonderful woman, and I don’t have relations with anybody else because I am faithful to my spouse. Now having said that, I believe, regardless of what you are wearing or feeling, if you are attracted to the opposite pyshical gender, you’re straight, to the same physical gender, you’re gay, and if you’re like me, sexually attracted to both psychical genders, you’re bi. Society has introduced a lot of new terms and descriptions the last few years, mainly I think, to confuse us, or at least me, anyway. If I am dressed and I see a man I am sexually attracted to, I can see that same man dressed in drab and still be sexually attracted to him, the same with a woman. A sexually attractive looking person is still sexually attractive person, regardless of their gender, and regardless of how I feel at the time. Like I said at the beginning, I’m just sexual.
So very well said, Kristen. I am in a similar situation and gender/sexuality mindset as you and I don’t think I’ve heard it described so eloquently. many thanks.
It’s very straight (pardon the pun) forward for me.
I’m a genetic male who is sexually attracted to other genetic males. Therefore, I’m gay.
Additionally, saying “I’m gay” doesn’t mean I’m “into labels” or whatever, nor am I down for a lecture on how “we must not label people!”
But…yep, I’m gay. I love men. Period.
I also CD, but that has no impact on my orientation.
To me, this post actually touches on 2 areas, gender and sexuality.
To unravel how you feel, I think you need to assess your feelings in both areas.
Is your id masculine or feminine? A mix? What percentage (5 to 50%?). Neither? Fluid?
Its interesting that in some languages (eg French, Spanish) nouns are gendered. English, not. Is it then a faux pas/unacceptable to misgender objects in those languages? How does that drive their thinking?And what are you attracted to? M,F, both, neither.
I certainly don’t see it as simple as what many religious fundamentalists do, because there have ALWAYS been those who are attracted to the same sex, have ALWAYS been those who want to be a bit different to the rest, how they are ‘supposed’ to be.
Ever seen Schitt’s Creek? Maybe it matters more about the quality of the bottle’s contents than how the bottle is shaped or labelled?
As I’m setting up appointments to get counseling, I’ve had to fill out all these forms. Some of them asked for gender, which I entered an ‘X’, which is what my drivers license now says. But for securely preference, I was left at a loss. I am non binary, gender fluid. I really shift back and forth, and truly am happiest in the middle ground which has gotten me into hock recently at home, but I digress. First, I am monogamous, married, and loyal. But in answer, I am attracted to the female form. I am attracted to women, whether they are genetic or trans, and if trans, whether or not they’ve had bottom surgery. Provided if course that they have the characteristics that attract me to start with. I’ve seen any number of trans women whom I thought were incredibly attractive, as well as any number that did not, same with GGs. So, when thinking of myself as male, I suppose I’m heterosexual. But when I am acting and presenting s female, and I think of myself as female at those times, I suppose I am gay by some definitions, but here we are left with a concept that to me is simply left undefined, I suppose. There wasn’t enough room on the form for all that, so I wrote attracted to female. As we’ve seen, everyone has variable mileage on this topic.
Fun though…
Bridgette
Hi Rach,
I definitely enjoy being called Ma’am and that is another thing that drives my spouse crazy. Not only does she not like that I am being called a lady but doesn’t like that I am okay with it. But my wife has her own gender issues. The spelling of her name is the “male” spelling so people who don’t know her just assume by the spelling that she is a guy (for example on email or phone calls). And when she was very young, she had an older male relative that always called her a boy so she is very sensitive about the gender. Thank You for asking me to clarify. Have a lovely weekend, Hugs, Krista.
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