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My wife has known for awhile about me being a dresser, recently I told her that I posted a few pictures. I was surprised at her reaction to my confession. Not only was she not mad but had no interest in seeing them or others I’ve taken. I’ve always thought it was strange she wasn’t at least curious to see me in pictures or in person(although I don’t think I’m ready to show her in person). I don’t want to just send her one via text that would be tough for her to digest but a part of me wants her to see me because I think it may help her understand me better. I don’t want to push her because she has been good about this side of me. If you have an s.o. how did you show her? In person in a picture and how did she take it? Lastly is it important to you that she ever does see your alter ego?
It’s clear that your wife wants to hold on to her image of you as a man. Once that changes everything changes.
I agree jerri. That’s probably her reason but it’s going to happen at some point simply by accident. I feel like a it’s better just to get it out of the way and deal with it. At the same time who knows how it would change the way she thinks of me, and how that would affect our relationship. My best course of action is to let her come to me at her pace if she is curious. Taking things slow is usually the right way to go.
This is a difficult topic because we naturally want to share our selves with out partners, but it can be difficult for some partners to see their man as anything else.
When I came out to my wife I asked her if she’d like to see me dressed, she said no. I offered to show her some of my clothes, she was not interested.
I had explained to her about undersressing and how I often wear panties, or thigh high stockings under my clothes because that seems to keep me balanced. She thinks its weird, but accepts it.
One day when I was home and she came home from work for lunch. I was under dressed with pantyhose under my jeans. I had been outside so had shoes on. when I came in the house I told her that I had pantyhose on under my shoes and would she be comfortable with that. She said yes and had no problem with me going around with me feel in my black pantyhose.
It was no secret that I dressed at home while I was home alone and I did my femme laundry along with the rest of our clothes, so she would see my girly stuff if she did they laundry and she was fine with that. At one point she mentioned that she felt like I was hiding, dressing in secret and changing before she came home. I decided then that I had to allow her to see me dressed. I kept it simple, just a floral top and regular jeans, no make up, noting fancy. She was up before me, so I dressed and went down stairs to get breakfast. She was at the table and we just carried on as normal. As she was leaving for work she commented on my shirt saying it was nice and asked what size it was.
We don’t talk about my crossdressing much, she would rather I just do it rather than talk about it. Over the past two years I have gradually added more feminine looking clothes. I added black leggings, then black pleather leggings, various tops, then a skirt, then a summer dress, then heels. My next step is makeup… eeek!!
So for me a gradual introduction worked, it allowed me to gauge here level of comfort while gradually showing her more of my femme side.
The down side to this is that when I am dressed she sees me as a woman, and being a cis female she is not comfortable with me showing her any affection while enfemme. This is difficult because my feelings for her do not change when I dress. It is so easy to forget and try sneak a kiss or hug only to get hit with very uncomfortable rejection. I am getting better at this and on occasion she will show me affection while enfemme, that melts my heart!
Anyways, that’s my story.
Good luck,D.
My wife’s reactions have been mixed and complicated. The first time she ever saw me in anything, it was kind if a sexy joke, then when she understood that I really liked to dress up, it made her uncomfortable. But, whenever I did dress up, she kind of seemed to like it. I purged a couple of times to try and help the marriage, but it didn’t last and so finally she has come to accept it. The first time I came out of the bathroom fully dressed and headed to work, she seemed to like it and thought I looked good. Another time she thought I looked terrible, and the last time I dressed up she was amazed again at how good I looked. Maybe its just outfit choice. I know she is try g to figure this whole thing out too. I share, hoping it helps people be patient with their spouses. Sometimes we focus on ourselves too much and forget to give others the space and time they need to work this out for themselves.
Wore a sexy slinky dress and wig for my boyfriend on our first special/romantic night together for our candlelit dinner and he told me he loved it and said I looked beautiful. He especially loved the lace/chiffon bridal negligee I wore to bed that night even more but he was pretty speechless when he saw me in that lol!
I wish you the best of luck DeLora in your continued journey with that, I can imagine it would be difficult for your wife to get used to you doing it but sounds like baby steps are taking place.
I’m in an odd space, even here. I came out to my wife with the feelings I had before taking action on them, and she’s been with me every step of the way. She showed me how to do makeup, bought me my first outfit, bought me a femme engagement set so I would always have her ring(s) on my finger, even en Femme. She even picked out my name.
Yet there are still times when she has difficulties with Bridgette. Although we go out together for girls nights or shopping, she still occasionally gets weirded out by the whole thing, usually if she thinks somebody reacted to me negatively. She’s more likely to notice, since my hearing is shot and I don’t always hear people talking clearly.
But, I show her all my outfits, looks, etc. Without her, it wouldn’t be as fun, I think.
Bridgette
When I had the talk with my wife, I had very few outer garments of my own, she immediately went to her closets and started to pick out things she had kept, that no longer fit her, and we had to do a try-on fashion show.
She has very good taste, and I ended up with half a closet of beautiful things, and her only comments were , you are beautiful, Im jealous, and no, that one doesnt look right, lol
She critiques my outfits for me every day, and my fashion sense has improved, tremendously, because of it.
Hugs, Regi👸💕A wonderful topic to discuss as so many of us have this as a very real part of our femme expression.
My wife [second] knew I struggled with “gender brokenness” prior to marrying me. In defining what that meant she understood I enjoyed dressing as a woman.
Last year I asked if I could give more expression to my femme side. She agreed and I was able to do so in her presence. She claimed she had no problem with me doing so, understanding it was helping me. I completely shaved my body. She gave me some of her clothes to wear, we went shopping together for a few pieces for me, picked out nail polish together etc. It was wonderful!
I remember commenting one morning as we stood talking together over morning coffee, me in a mid thigh length night gown, which was tight enough to accentuate my “man boobs” to provide a modest bodice appearance, with painted toenails peeking out of my sandals, feet together in a very feminine stance, how grateful and contented I was that she was so accepting of me expressing my feminine nature.
I was sure that I was on my way to full femme expression (dress or skirt, wig, breast forms and bra) when home from work and when she didn’t “need her man”.
(If you go back a bit more than a year ago you will find I wrote here at CDH extensively about my freedom)
Yet as weeks went on I sensed she was getting uncomfortable with my increasing comfort level of feminine expression. Dressing and expressing as a woman just seemed so easy and natural for me. I was so “at home”.
Before starting on that part of my journey I determined not to subject my wife to more than she was comfortable experiencing. In my mind it wasn’t right for my enjoyment to hurt her. As I sensed her growing discomfort (She never said anything, but I could sense it) I stopped all femme expression. I told her why. She thanked me and was noticeably relieved.
To help me handle adjusting to “femmelessness” I dropped off the site here. The last year has been difficult for me as I know at the very least I have a very strong femme essence. “Very least” I say, because honestly, I believe I am a woman who happens to be trans.
I am at the point where I will talk with my wife again about my need to have some amount of femme expression. I have been doing so secretly, but I really don’t want to live that way. So it is time once again to broach the subject and see what compromise we can work out.
Blessings.
I’m not interested in dressing full fem with my wife. When we are together, I don’t have the interest to dress.
That’s cool Mary Jane. I don’t really feel the need to dress for her or in her presence either but I do feel that if she saw an image she might understand more about it. Possibly making her more comfortable with this side of her husband. I read your article Mary Jane I enjoyed it and all in all I agree with you. Maybe all hobbies and interests aren’t shared with spouses and sometimes s.o. just don’t want to see there husbands dressed and share in it with them as much as they don’t want to go fishing or hunting with us.
My wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. She was absoltely stunned and shocked at how pretty and sexy I was. We became girlfriends.
I was in panties for a while before adding more lingerie! My wife loved it! We decided to be girl friends at home. As my dressing progressed she was supportive! I am happy for you!
I vividly remember the day I came out to my wife about Wendy. It was in the evening, after supper, and I just had to come out and tell her. As we were watching TV, I brought up the topic and said something like “I have something to tell you”, and I like wearing women’s clothing (not those words exactly but something like that).
She had questions, one of them being “are you gay ?” and the other “did you want to transition ?”, answer was no to both.
She then said she had her suspicions, as up until then I wore women’s one piece swimsuits around the house (underdressing).
She then said why don’t you go get dressed and then show me what you look like. I was floored, I thought she would be upset with me just admitting to a femme side. So I went downstairs, got my stash out, and put on my full outfit at that time, black skirt, white long sleeve blouse, black tights, and black blazer. I had a cheap wig to top it all off. I remember feeling really awkward as this would be the first time she will see me as Wendy. So I called her downstairs, and I hear her footsteps getting closer and closer.
She sees me, and then says “you look like an airline stewardess”. Again, I was taken back as there was no shock but a tone of support on her voice. After she went upstairs, I changed back into drab mode and well, as they say, the rest of history. I now fully transform around her with no issues whatsoever.
The first time I told her I loved to wear panties she had to see for herself, she wanted to know what else I had worn. I told her about wearing bras and slips she was quite interested in my stories of how I first started and I finely told her about my dresses and skirts and tops. At that point she wanted to see me fully dressed. When she saw me in A dress and all the undies underneath she had A smile from ear to ear and said I had A good taste in clothes and that she was delighted to see A man that has truly found his feminine side. From that time on she takes interest in what I wear and still enjoys hearing about my adventures in crossdressing.
I am truly blessed. My gf and I had the talk(which wss accepted very well) before she made her decision to move in. She had seen me underdressed on a couple of occassions but after a day of shopping together, I promised a fashiin show …..and more. She was excited and a little aroused, it was an interesting weekend. We continue to have a very honest relationship and communicate often and openly about everything to make sure things are still good, they are indeed.
Olivia
Good for you Olivia! Sounds like your gf embraces this side of you and even enjoys it. That’s awesome, so many of us would love to have that. Last thing and it’s a little off topic but I wish I had told my wife years ago but I didn’t have the self awareness of what my interests really were. We married in our mid twenties and at the time I had very little understanding of myself(somewhat in denial as well) but it sounds like you handled it properly. You let her know before the relationship got to far along. Ty
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It seems to be common among SO’s that when they are first aware of their mates dressing the first two questions are – 1) Are you gay? 2) Do you want to transition into a girl?
I’ve written about this several times, but your comments refresh my thoughts on the matter – these 25 years later! We were talking about an event that was coming up and my wife said, “You wouldn’t like high heels so much if you had to wear them!” I told her that I had worn them and she became curious. I went to get us some beverages and took five minutes to slip on a sweater dress and heels. When I returned, she laughed and said, “Look at you!” After that, we gradually had more discussion over the next year about what I eventually named as crossdressing! We each played a kind of dress up with lingerie and heels and used it as a prelude for our lovemaking. We were newlyweds!
As that practice tamed down, I continued to feel comfortable (for the first & only time) dressing up with and/or for someone else. So I would occasionally change from work-clothes to a cocktail dress, hose, and heels when I’d get home from work. I think that is when she realized that it was a “thing” for me! When she expressed her growing discomfort, I tried first to explain how good it made me feel – not in a sexual way, but in a deeply personal way. She could not really get her head around a man finding his identity and sweet-spot in the wearing of women’s clothes. So, although she had her favorite go-to lounging outfits, she expected me to be more of a sweats and tee shirts kind of companion. Eventually, I stopped trying to dress either feminine or androgynously around her.
Fast forward, now we have a kind of tolerance that it is my preoccupation, but not one that we share. Since we are now both retired, I often think of re-approaching the matter, but have yet to find the perfect opportunity. To say, “Would you be comfortable if I wore dresses, heels, and hose around the house and skinny jeans, tunics, and strappy sandals to the grocery store?” Anyone have a better plan?
FAM
Regarding your SO’s comment “you wouldn’t like heels so much if you had to wear them.” I have a similar story.
My wife had seen me in a nightgown and a slip, and on occasion pantyhose. Many years ago we were invited to a wedding about two hours from our home. It was a very long day. Two hour drive, five hours at the wedding and two hours home. My wife wore a dress, and underneath it a Spanx bodyshaper. All the way home she complained about how uncomfortable it was. I told her she shouldn’t complain because it made her look great, showing off her curves. At one point she said “I’d like to see you wear it.”
The next day, before she woke up, I took it out of the hamper and put it on, with pair of pantyhose. When she woke up I reminded her that she said she would like to see me wear it. Then she said, “now let me see you wear it all day” I did.
She said I could have, because she hoped to never wear it again. She has since given me another one and I a bought 2 more. I now wear bras as well. She knows that I own and wear dresses but does not want to see me in one
First time eh?
we were experimenting with some new things in the bedroom because well, COVID… I put on hose.
her eyes got huge, she got excited, (yes, THAT kind of excited) and started asking me to do it more often. lots of compliments…
so a few weeks of that and I got up the courage to tell her I wanted to wear more femme clothes. Giant smile crosses her face, and we go out shopping for clothes to fit me. I’ve gotten nothing but positive feedback from her. She’s attracted to me en femme… which is really exciting.
The very first picture she saw of me – the only comment was ‘your eye shadow is too heavy over one of your eyes’. Since she already knew I was a CD/TG, the picture wasn’t a surprise. The surprise was her comment was a good one.
We’ve been out as girls couple twice. Both were interesting, if not eye opening experience, for both of us. The first time out as girls, I was wearing a dress she bought me. Before going out, she realized it didn’t work well if we were out together. So, I changed quickly and we had a night of it.
I strongly suspect she hated it. She didn’t offer any support and eventually asked me to stop. At present, I’m slowly trying to wear her down – at least she’s stopped rolling her eyes and tutting whenever a Drag Race trailer comes on.
I do love her, and I value her good opinion. I could easily dress regardless of her wishes, but I find it impossible to do so knowing that she thinks I’m some sort of deviant.
Sorry, I hijacked your thread. This place makes it easy to open up……
Connie
xxx
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My story seems very similar to others. I came out to my beloved wifey before we married and she was initially fine with it and even helped with makeup and went out with me in public several times. As time progressed and I wanted more of the pink fog to envelop me and wanted to go further she pushed back eventually leading to a purge and no feminine time or expression at all. I as expected started dressing in private and secretly. This led to her finding out and some VERY tough times but we have come to a dont ask dont tell approach. She knows and sees my clothes in the closet and I do go out with her knowledge but she has no desire to see me dressed or be involved with Carolyne. I do dress in an androgynous and feminine fashion at all times and she accepts in her own way. We have made peace with where were at so all is the best its ever been in my life and that allows me to be the best husband I can and try to make her life good as well.
🍷C My wife hasn’t seen me with makeup or even dressed. She knows I like panties, and a few other feminine things, but doesn’t really want to know. If you know what I mean.
If she were to walk in on me or see a picture, I’m sure it would be all 🤬🤬🤬.
My wife has seen me plenty of times in my panties, nighties and my nightgown, plenty of times since I came out to her that this is who I am and what I want to do. She has only seen me in a dress one time and that was because I needed her help in getting into it. I don’t believe she has any desire to see me (at this point in time) dresses up. She is supportive and even told me I should buy a wig. I wish I would have told her years ago, but at the time I thought it was a passing infatuation and I didn’t know how to tell her “Hey, I love women so much that I want to dress as one, from panties and bras, to dresses and high heels with makeup and a pretty wig. And of course a bra and breast forms!” so I kind of just blurted it out during a opening in a conversation. Not my best example of tact on my part. But at least she still loves me because I’d be lost without her.
Hugs to all of you ladies and your awesome S.O. ‘s, Jill
OK, here goes.
And I quote.
“Are you out of your f*cking mind! Could you at least try and NOT look like your mother!”
True story! What can I say?
xo Barb 😊
(I better go to bed now…)
Honestly? She showed me pure non-conditional love. I walked out fearful,shy, and shaking like the little girl I was. She held me and simply said, “It’s all good sweetheart, because I love you with all my heart.” Am I a blessed little girl, or what. I always ask myself how this evolved warm loving woman came into my life.
🙏🏼My SO did my makeup the first time, so she was accepting. As we age together, she told me that she doesn’t want me to transition, which is my goal. I am taking this slow and seeing if we can work this out.
My wife saw pictures of me dressed before I dressed in front of her. When she first saw the pictures I know she was surprised at how good I looked as a girl and maybe was a little jealous but I don’t think I could ever look as feminine as her.
She knows I take a lot of pictures but she never has had an interest in seeing them. If I die before her I think she will be shocked at how many pictures and videos I have on my computer of me in fem. Many are nice but a lot show my naughty side.
I came out to my wife around year 8 of our marriage. I explained to her that I enjoyed wearing panties and other lingerie items. I explained that I wasn’t gay, didn’t want to be a women. Said to her that I hoped she’s except but that she didn’t have to be a part of it and I’d never force it on her. Nothing mattered she was completely against me doing it and wanted no part. Somewhat hostile is a good way to describe her feeling. So we went into a 25 + year DADT policy. Occasionally I’d get careless and leave an item out or she would look through my drawers and find panties. I’d get the cold shoulder for a week or so than things would go back to normal. One Saturday late afternoon I went up for a shower. I had slipped on a pair of pink lacy panties and was just about to pull a t shirt over my head when she walked into the room ( I didn’t think she was home) I just stood there as she looked me up an down and got this strange smirky smile on her face , then walked out of the room . This was the first time she ever saw me in any women’s clothing item, and the last. We stayed Together for 4 more years but lived separate lives . No intimacy at all. So I’d have to say that the first time my wife saw me crossdressing didn’t go very well. I should say ex wife . But I’ve remarried to a wonderful women who accepts some of my crossdressing with limits
Good point Lisa. Clothes are one thing but for some s.os. the whole presentation may be too much to stomach. Personally I’ve become more comfortable with myself as I’ve advanced in regards to my presentation(makeup, wig , forms, etc). To a s.o. this might have the opposite effect, seeing her guy in a dress without makeup or a wig for example might strike her as a little bit of fun. But seeing him completely dressed as a woman could really make her concerned about transitioning etc. Thanks for your perspective Lisa never thought of it that way.
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