I’m not sure I can be much help here… Since coming out to my wife (and therefore admitting to myself that I was a cross dresser) things have gone in completely the opposite direction to the path you are seeking. In a very short period I’ve gone from closet cd to appointments with the endocrinologist. I’m pretty certain that I am trans, and maybe hormone therapy will help calm my growing dysphoria, even if I don’t go 100% femme. Maybe the therapy plus weeks of lockdown introspection has revealed the real me; certainly it seems to explain a lot of the issues I’ve struggled with for my whole adult life.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Happy to chat anytime if you think it would help.