There’s already been some very thoughtful responses to this thread, which is as I expect on CDH. I’ll try not to go over old ground.
A bit of devil’s advocacy coming: trying to understand an SO who wasn’t quite so positive, someone who essentially says “I’m sorry, I didn’t sign up for this”. Why is that so bad? They may still be in love, but for them it’s a deal breaker.
Imagine you love and marry a dope smoker. You might even be aware of it, and maybe you even don’t mind dipping into that lifestyle now and again. Then further down the line, they tell you “Actually I didn’t tell you I smoke lots and all the time, and I know I should have told you, but is it ok if our joined-up lives progress the way I’m more comfortable with?”
Are you obliged to agree? Or can you say “That’s a no-no, because it doesn’t take account of how I want my life to progress “. Are you entitled to say “I’m ok at this level, but no more” and expect that agreement to be honoured? Or would it be ok for the doper at that point to think “oh, you’re coming round – with a bit of luck I can swing you more towards my viewpoint”.
I’m not saying this is a great analogy to a coming out scenario, but perhaps it gives food for thought.