Elise, welcome. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m happy for you that you have an accepting spouse.
May I offer you up a comment? When someone calls you “ma’am” or refers to you and your spouse as “ladies,” you can always smile at them and give (silent if you prefer) thanks. Even if they have you “made” as a man wearing a dress, they are respecting how you present yourself.
I’m an MTF Crossdresser and I ALWAYS take it as a compliment when someone calls me “ma’am.”
Good luck on your journey.