What if the roles were reversed? I’ve wondered this myself. How accepting would you be if your partner of many years sprung this on you and started changing their body and appearance that is the complete opposite of what you find attractive? You can love a person no matter what but you can’t suddenly change what you perceive as sexually attractive. My husband would still love me if I cut my hair, grew out body hair, wore binding on my breasts, and sported a fake penis while fully dressed as a man but he wouldn’t find me sexually attractive and who can blame him for that? You can’t find fault there because we don’t choose what we find attractive just because we want to. Is it a double standard? Yes, to some degree but it is not a “massive double standard.”
The reason crossdressers have to “hint and negotiate” with their partners is because they (the crossdresser) put themselves in that position. It’s the same story over and over. “I came out to my wife and she freaked out.” Yes, we freak out because we had a right to honesty long before vows were taken and we married MEN. Now our man wants to look and feel like a woman and that is not what we are sexually attracted to. If you want a partner that accepts you in all ways then you have to be honest from the beginning, not spring this life-changing secret on us after years of marriage and kids.
I’m trying so hard to educate myself and be understanding of what my husband says his needs are. It is hard! This site has been a tremendous support but also a place that is so frustrating. So many times I have read “just pack up and leave” as a response to a wife that is freaking out or “just keep trying/pushing.” So many times the CD is unable to see it from the other side. There is a real lack of responsibility for putting one’s self in this position in the first place and then asking their wife to accommodate and accept the exact opposite of what we find attractive.
Remember that wives and SO that are trying to learn and understand read these comments too. It is harder than you think to be on the receiving end of this news and it is harder than you think to navigate this world as a GG.
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