1-Could you permanently give up all crossdressing if you had to because [my wife found out and could not accept it any form]?
Yes, I think I could because our relationship and family we have built together is more important to me than this portion of myself. It would be a sacrifice as I do care and appreciate this part of me which is why I protect it so intensely.
2-What do you feel is the driving force that makes giving it up so difficult? I know you all “need” to do it but what drives that need? Obsession, compulsion, addiction, sexual release?
It is a part of who I am a component of my personality/being. Imagine a hobby that you might have that intertwines into many facets of your life. Could you turn that off and walk away from it? I have friends who are avid recreational golfers. They talk about it and play it all the time – I couldn’t imagine any of them walking away from it easily. For some of them I think they would end their marriages if their wife forced them to quit! For me CDing gives me joy and an outlet to escape to when I am free to indulge in it. I just wish my circumstances didn’t require me to hide it so deeply.