I think all of us have had binge and purge cycles in our twenties. I would binge and purge as a very closeted lingerie only CD in my 20’s. I think you will find that many of us experience extraordinary growth in our 30’s towards self acceptance. There is no reason to believe that you won’t also experience that same growth.
I struggled against my feminine side so much that I became a bodybuilder. I was about as huge and strong as a man could get without using steroids. I get where you are coming from. If you need to chat message me.