By now, there have been many replies to this thread. I have not read all of them.
What I would really like to say is that I have been asked if I am gay many times, by my partner(!), because of my crossdressing.
The honest answer I always give her is, “I wish I was!”.
I am sure that I am not alone in thinking this way. I am certain that transvestism is “easier” for biological males like us, who need to dress in feminine clothing and occasionally present as women, if they are naturally attracted to men. It seems to make far more sense to them!
As I grew up in the 70s, British television was full of female impersonators and effeminate, flamboyant male entertainers. My father and older brothers referred to them as poofs/puffs and I, prouldly but privatley, labelled myself as this. I once heard the term “homosexual” as a child; after asking my brother the meaning of this word, he explained that “…it means blokes who like wearing women’s hats and stuff!”. So I immediately drifted into thoughts of a beautiful wide brimmed hat decorated with a large navy-blue satin bow. Me attending a family wedding in a matching shiny dress, possibly as a bridesmaid, with my stiletto heels sinking a little into the green lawns around a church. Me, a “homosexual” dressed as I, oh so much, desired.
However, when I got older, my pure innocence diminished because of wordly wisdom, I realised that poof, gay and homosexual were not the nouns/adjectives that fit me. I also realised that life would have been easier if they were. However, my sexual attraction was always towards females.
Quentin Crisp thrived in bravely expressing his inner woman. He never had to feel that he was compromising his sexuality or sexual orientation. It took immense courage in showing the world what he was but there was never any actual doubt nor confusion. He wore blouses, makeup and nail varnish to satisfy his natural femininity AND his homosexuality. I did, and still do, envy his courage aswell as his womanly freedom.
I see effeminate, “obviously” gay men now, on TV and in everyday real life. Wishing that I had the ability, aswell as the liberty, to express myself with their mannerisms and gestures. People tolerate, even smile at, a guy who pouts his lips, limply holds his wrist and can minse like an elegant lady. I would happily trade my heterosexuality for those qualities. To be able to wear full makeup in public, to be able to feel the airy swish of a skirt as I walk outside in broad daylight.
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