Great post! When I started crossdressing (at a young age and through the years), and would masturbate, I would feel an intense amount of guilt, and would have to quickly “clean up” afterwards, which for a long time included purging anything I had. I think this is very common. I felt like I had done something really wrong, even dirty and like most vowed to “never do it again” Then I came to my senses! It was several decades later but I got there.
At age 60 I finally said “screw it!”, I’m doing what feels good. Since then (3 years now), by wife refuses any intimacy. I feel like it’s a form of punishment for my decision.
So do what you want, but you have to be ready to deal with the consequences. It is not easy, but I want to be who I am.
Love and hugs,