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Haven’t posted anything recently but figured I’d post about my run in with a guy a few days ago.
I had to take a trip to Walmart to buy a new router and Ethernet cable for my PC. That day I was wearing just a pair of cute leggings my girlfriend had gotten me, not really dressing fully but being comfortably and in a state where I felt I was truly a balance of my normal make self and Tonya. Well while standing trying to decide what type of router would be best to get. I have a very obvious redneck of that nature, think he was planning on trying to steal something behind me the way he acted but that’s not important… but after two GG’s who were obviously with him showed up. He decides to make a comment (something along the lines of) “nice pants, fag” with more words thrown in and I here one of the girls he’s obviously trying to show off for tell him he can never be move or whatever basically thinking he was “manly” or whatever.
as I’m standing there the comment didn’t even really strike a chord, as I’ve mentioned in other posts/ comments, that type of reaction I expect. My amusement to the situation though was my thought as he said it and scurried off at me not flinching, my exact first thought was, with my training, from the marine corps and my martial arts training it would have been amusing for this “fag in leggings that would allow him to move even better, to make this “manly” redneck asshole look like a ragdoll in front of the girls he’s trying to impress….” I was fairly proud of myself for not reacting to him and for not being bothered by the comment except for the chuckle I got from the situation.
it was also a reminder to myself that you never know someone’s background so what’s the need to be nasty to people of any gender, race, creed or whatever…
sorry for the long rant. Especially after being Mia for awhile.
love you ladies
Tonya
Bravo Tonya, way to show the a**hole how a lady behaves – if he doesn’t take the hint then you can introduce him to his own intestines – well done you for keeping your cool under such circumstances.
Diana
I can definitely say the fact that it didn’t get underwear my skin has a lot to do with the conversations I’ve had on here. It helps to keep your cool with those types when you are more comfortable with yourself. I can guarantee I am at this point more comfortable with it than he probably is in his own ego. I mean… he had to have checked out my legs, which look amazing in leggings btw… lol if I do say so myself… since he had to make mention of me wheeling them 😁😎😉
Way to go Tonya, Its the best way to deal with things…provided they do indeed move on.
I’ve had those other similar thoughts as well. I wouldn’t look for a physical confrontation, but nor would I back down. I hate wrecking my clothes lol.
No matter the outcome, they would still be losers. Ew, big man! beat up a girl, OR the more likely and entertaining, Tough guy idiot got his arse handed to him by a girl.
Sorry that happened Tonya, 🌺
people fear what they don’t understand and when they fear something they sometimes make fun of it or lash out in order to protect themselves. Like you did, it’s best for us to just ignore them, or better yet, give them a little smile. 🧚🏼🌸💐
Not gonna lie I wanted to give a quip about him liking what he saw but bit my tongue and smiled at the fact that I know, 1) I look god in leggings, 2) I was comfortable, and 3) if he’d made a move towards violence… I wouldn’t be the one looking like a… well I would rather not use the many words that come to mind 😉
I understand completely! 😆
💐🌸
Tonya,
I’ve often believed that restraint is the best demonstration of courage. You didn’t run and hide, but you kept your cool and showed restraint. There IS a time for violence, but that is only when you need to protect yourself or someone else who is weaker/more vulnerable. You also showed humility without allowing yourself to be humiliated.
I often think that men who make such comments are overcompensating for their own lack of masculinity. Masculinity at its best shows courage, calm, protectiveness, vision, provision, leadership, and selfless service. I’m guessing that guy has none of those traits and tries to make up for it by lowering others. You showed the best qualities of both masculinity and femininity with your response.
Bravo/brava!
God bless,
StephWell done Tonya for not raising to the bait and just ignoring the guy, the best thing to do is to just ignore them otherwise if they get a reaction that’s what makes them happy and they just don’t let go,
Hugs Rozalyne x
That clown isn’t worth your time. He is a loser trying to make himself feel better by putting others down. Typical bully move he kept his mouth shut until he had an audience. Cowards like that will never say something outside where he might have to deal with the consequences of his words. Glad you didn’t sink to his level and get into a confrontation, verbal or otherwise.
*Sigh*
There are still a few left…
That was the best thing to do in that circumstance.
One such occasion occurred to me as I was returning to the hotel after a fab night out.
A guy lurched up to me, obviously very much the worse for drink, in dirty, smelly clothing, looking rather unkempt and just said “Euuuuurgghhh!!!” or something along those lines.
I just thought “I couldn’t have put it better myself!”, as his breath stank and his teeth were yellow – but I said nothing and carried on.
Just then, 3 girls came out of a pub, and were cooing all over me, like “Wow, don’t you look gorgeous!”, “You’ve got better legs than any of us!”, and “Can I get a selfie with you?”.
I’m willing to bet that never happened to the guy who had just been so horrible, who was watching, open-mouthed…
Sucks to be him.
I have a few ready comebacks, none barbed, all humorous – my favourite, for many occasions is “I’m not a real woman, you know!”
Always gets a laugh.
Love Laura
Laura,
Love this! Great story!
When you can get the girls even while being a girl, that’s when you can say, “gee, I guess I’m more man than you even while I’m wearing a dress! “ lol. Of course, I know you are more humble, wise, and restrained than to sink to that level! 😝
Reminds me of my own story about being out walking en femme in a different city and passing a bar/restaurant that didn’t look crowded. I walked past it then turned around and walked in. Went to a booth to myself but close to a group of 5 people — 3 women and 2 men. I said hello, and they decided to engage me and asked me over to join them. That led to all sorts of questions.
The girls were VERY friendly (but I was wearing the female engagement ring and wedding band my wife had given me) and they told me how great my legs looked and asked how I got my breasts to look so realistic, and they wanted pictures with me too. The guys were also curious (but I was wearing the female engagement ring and wedding band set my wife had given me, lol), and they too wanted pics. I remember thinking how weird but not unpleasant it felt to have a guy behind me with his arm around me like a man would only with a woman (not in a sexual way but almost a protective way) for the picture. All of it was very affirming, and it was kinda odd to be flirted with by girls and boys at the same time! Lol.
God bless,
Steph“When you can get the girls even while being a girl, that’s when you can say, “gee, I guess I’m more man than you even while I’m wearing a dress! “ lol. Of course, I know you are more humble, wise, and restrained than to sink to that level!
“Restrained, certainly.
My family are extremely important to me, and I wouldn’t do anything to put that or my relationship with my wife at risk – except for protecting my own space.
The vicar at my church said to every couple he married (I must’ve attended hundreds of weddings as a choir boy) “Love means giving the other person room to be themselves.”
Anyway, yes – I can get the girls around me far easier than I ever could in drab. My favourite occasion was posing for pictures with a hen night party. The bride’s wife was at another venue, the 2 women had gone off to make mayhem with their own circles of friends.
Apparently one of the party was my long lost twin soul sister (she is very tall, with honey/platinum blonde hair like mine, *ahem!*), and I was the missing person in their party… we had an absolute blast, and I still have the photos to reminisce over.
I have so many soul sisters – I am truly blessed!
Not keen when the guys start flirting – that’s when I use the line about not being a real woman most.
Love Laura
I also live in a mostly rural areas with a lot of “redneck types.” I admire your courage to be yourself in that environment! I do think that those type of comments come from deeper insecurities on the part of the bully. Look how much you are growing in your self confidence!!💖
When responding to a malcontent mothing ugly words, consider responding with this line. “Sir, I have been extremely patient listening to your verbal attack on me and, all I can say at this point, is that I hope when you get home, your mother crawls out from under the porch and bites you on the leg.”
Too bad it happened, but you handled that just about right, in my humble opinion. Even though you might be physically superior to not let him win by intimidating you is the best thing. Which is the line I would take, I’m no street fighter, never was, never will be, so I find other ways to manage.
Though honestly I have never had anything like that happen to me, not yet anyway.
Amy
I’m glad your response made it relatively harmless. It makes me wonder though, did he notice your leggings because he secretly admired your,,, but we’re getting off subject.
Considering 90% of the time he was about 5-6 feet from me he stayed crouched down I can believe he enjoyed the view I’m positive the girls he was With did
Always best to deescalate in such situations, starting with just ignoring the lout and walking away if you can. I say this partly because I live in Houston, where it is common for people to be armed (actually that’s true of Texas and other states as well). Road rage shootings in particular are not all that uncommon. A-holes are bad enough, but hopefully you can just walk away. Challenging an A-hole with a firearm may have a much less benign outcome. Sadly, this is mainly an issue here in the USA.
Tonya well done girl its no good reacting to A holes like him, that would have been just what he wanted. I totally agree with you whats the need to be nasty to anyone of any description, you can rant as much as you like that’s why we here for each other.
Love Sarah
xx
That’s a good girl. It is hard to know whether one should respond and motivate them to further brainless crudities or not respond and allow them to think they got away with something thereby demonstrating their infinite superiority.I suppose you could have said, “Thank you very much, but you won’t be getting into them”, inferring his interest was piqued.
Araminta.
Good thought Araminta but would a clod like that be able to infer anything? Might be a step too far for such a tiny brained individual.
Diana
Good for you Tonya. In years past, I would not have had the patience or temperament to let a comment like that slide. It would have been returned with equal venom, but at a much louder volume to draw attention from e everyone in earshot and make them the center of attention. That is usually all it takes to make stupid people go away.
I have mellowed a great deal in recent years and incidents like that don’t happen nearly as often, but my response hasn’t changed much with age.
PaulaF
Tonya.
Just reiterating what the majority have said really, you did a good job, handled well and ladylike….
Just adding, you could easily be walking down the road in drab, and idiots take a dislike to you and bad mouth you…its the world we live in..
Reminds me of a famous quote i once heard…” I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but i see you are unarmed”
Keep calm and carry on,
Grace xx
It is truly a sad world we love, the “open-mind” of today is that we all SHOULD be alowed to be different, as long as we are all the SAME… I hate it with a passion. I love being able to be both sides male and female as it opens my mind true my to the plight of many. One day if I can keep at this rate of growth myself I hope to join the fight for equality stronger than I am able currently…, I don’t have enough “experiences” yet to help teach. And that’s how I see our community prospering teaching people why they CAN accept us, and not by telling them they have to.
Hi Tonya,
It’s never too early – or too late! – to join the fight for equality.
Marti xxx
A true mistress of your art Tonya
You have my vote
Hugs
AverylThank you for your sentiments. I have found one of the hardest parts of transitioning to bring open about my CD is getting rid of this… “toxic” masculine trait of if your attacked in any manner you must puff up your chest and push back in defense.
I prefer the stand your ground by ingnoring their ignorance. I think it helps our cause more than fighting, bickering, or otherwise trying to force them to accept us.I think this point about helping our cause is very important.
Because we’re not a common sight, how one CD behaves will be interpreted as how we all behave.
It’s a fine line between skulking around suspiciously like you’re up to something, and swanning around like you own the place – which, unfortunately is where I tend to err.
bSince I have only had objectionable comments from objectionally behaved people, it works for me.
Most encounters I have are overwhelmingly positive. Many people love us for who we are, and love what we do.
Love them back!
Love Laura
I’ve only met a few in the CD or MTF transition that I didn’t like… one of those sadly I had even started out considering a friend but they became one of those constant male bashing/ thinks every guy should want them type of people and I couldn’t stand it… eventually things went even farther south with her telling a 9 or 10 yr old she would do insert many vulgar words about naughty things… to her dad.. then went off on the girl over a snappy comeback the group I spend my CD time with was suprised at… when that lady went off on the 9 yr old we were all done abs things went even farther downhill… but I regress from that story… to unfortunately all it takes is one like her to make our whole community look horrible… I tend to be way more flirty and carefree when I’m dressed so I don’t know how people would put me on the graph but I hope to always be a positive reflection and show we are who we are because it makes us happy, not because we want attention, or are peeping toms hiding in a female restroom, etc
Lovely Laura…
I couldn’t agree more! I may be very lucky but I haven’t come in contact with anyone negative yet! I, too, seem to swan around, smile lots, talk to people and ooze confidence. It started as a ploy to feel better at being exposed to strangers but has become a normality for me. My male persona has a natural confidence in any case.
Ignorance, in these cases, is a positive factor. Antagonists tend to back off if their barbs are ignored or deflected in some kind manner.
A little wave with wiggling fingers to acknowledge the barb but to show them that it hasn’t taken hold… is my preferred technique.Polly xxx
Swanning around is what I do or did until lockdown but I expect I’ll be swanning around very soon again
I believe their ignorance makes them weak and as we are all women of the world we are 10 times better than their uneducated caveman part brains. These kinda people will never get us and im so happy that we are stronger together. I myself have tried to reason with these types of people and yes ive been called all the names under the sun by them as they are people like them in the beautiful rainbow 🌈 city of Brighton uk 🇬🇧 that i live in. Fortunately they are the minority in Brighton and most folks here have a live and let live attitude which is the only way to be. I am what i am and nobody will change my desire to be myself whether im dressed as a woman or anything else. We all have rights to live how we see fit and trust me its the most beautiful thing in the world 🌎 hugs x
Tonya you did the right thing as much as a round house to the head would have woke him up ! Lol Stay strong
Ashley.
Hi Tonya , you did the right thing , you acted like a lady and just brushed off the jerk . You could have acted like a male and put him down , but in times like this we must remember we are a lady and act as such . I’m proud of you , we all have times when someone fills it necessary to try to embarrass someone they think is different . They are the ones who are different and thank goodness there’s not many of them around . I’ve had problems with these pests and i found the best thing is to ignore them , they loose face and move on . Sweet lady just be your self you are woman we here you purr . Leslie
Really like the way you tackled that situation tonya totally marvellous 🤗
So many great responses. I am a little bit of a Redneck myself. Sorry girls. I would never nor would any of my associates act like such a fool. I’m sorry for your encounter. There is no logic to it. I can only conclude that he is a insecure fool that tries to belittle others because he knows he’s a looser. You handled it perfectly. With grace and dignity. I hope your around if I am ever treated that way. Then you could kick their butt for me.
RIGHT ON HONEY THANKS FOR YOUR SERVICE
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