- March 13, 2021 at 4:43 am #463037Tonya LerenParticipantRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
Haven’t posted anything recently but figured I’d post about my run in with a guy a few days ago.
I had to take a trip to Walmart to buy a new router and Ethernet cable for my PC. That day I was wearing just a pair of cute leggings my girlfriend had gotten me, not really dressing fully but being comfortably and in a state where I felt I was truly a balance of my normal make self and Tonya. Well while standing trying to decide what type of router would be best to get. I have a very obvious redneck of that nature, think he was planning on trying to steal something behind me the way he acted but that’s not important… but after two GG’s who were obviously with him showed up. He decides to make a comment (something along the lines of) “nice pants, fag” with more words thrown in and I here one of the girls he’s obviously trying to show off for tell him he can never be move or whatever basically thinking he was “manly” or whatever.
as I’m standing there the comment didn’t even really strike a chord, as I’ve mentioned in other posts/ comments, that type of reaction I expect. My amusement to the situation though was my thought as he said it and scurried off at me not flinching, my exact first thought was, with my training, from the marine corps and my martial arts training it would have been amusing for this “fag in leggings that would allow him to move even better, to make this “manly” redneck asshole look like a ragdoll in front of the girls he’s trying to impress….” I was fairly proud of myself for not reacting to him and for not being bothered by the comment except for the chuckle I got from the situation.
it was also a reminder to myself that you never know someone’s background so what’s the need to be nasty to people of any gender, race, creed or whatever…
sorry for the long rant. Especially after being Mia for awhile.
love you ladies
Total of 63 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- April 23, 2021 at 5:18 pm #483143
- April 15, 2021 at 1:49 pm #478129LeslieLadyRegistered On: September 14, 2020Topics: 17Replies: 194Has thanked: 1601 timesBeen thanked: 873 times
Tonya, I am so blown away by you! You are wise beyond your years. If ever I manage to grow as mentally mature as you are I would be happy. But I don’t think I will ever make it. At 75 I don’t that there is time enough left.
You are my idol, beauty and brains. You go girl!
- April 15, 2021 at 12:41 pm #478091Jin CrockerLadyRegistered On: November 15, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 338Has thanked: 27 timesBeen thanked: 939 times
I have two canned responses for those types.
One is to smile sweetly and say “Thanks for noticing!”
The other is to say “Why are you so interested in my clothes? If you are trying to pick me up, you should know that I am already taken.”
- April 13, 2021 at 5:15 pm #477362Michelle TrottDuchessRegistered On: April 7, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 134Has thanked: 295 timesBeen thanked: 577 times
So many great responses. I am a little bit of a Redneck myself. Sorry girls. I would never nor would any of my associates act like such a fool. I’m sorry for your encounter. There is no logic to it. I can only conclude that he is a insecure fool that tries to belittle others because he knows he’s a looser. You handled it perfectly. With grace and dignity. I hope your around if I am ever treated that way. Then you could kick their butt for me.
- April 13, 2021 at 4:55 pm #477353
- March 16, 2021 at 8:04 am #464516Leslies Ann Gray GirlLadyRegistered On: September 22, 2017Topics: 1Replies: 141Has thanked: 344 timesBeen thanked: 541 times
Hi Tonya , you did the right thing , you acted like a lady and just brushed off the jerk . You could have acted like a male and put him down , but in times like this we must remember we are a lady and act as such . I’m proud of you , we all have times when someone fills it necessary to try to embarrass someone they think is different . They are the ones who are different and thank goodness there’s not many of them around . I’ve had problems with these pests and i found the best thing is to ignore them , they loose face and move on . Sweet lady just be your self you are woman we here you purr . Leslie
- March 16, 2021 at 2:05 am #464398Ashley KonnersLadyRegistered On: August 15, 2020Topics: 16Replies: 242Has thanked: 908 timesBeen thanked: 922 times
- March 16, 2021 at 2:06 am #464400Tonya LerenLadyRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
- March 15, 2021 at 7:50 am #464102Kristy VioletLadyRegistered On: April 3, 2019Topics: 12Replies: 54Has thanked: 70 timesBeen thanked: 160 times
As I was reading your post, was thinking about how we can choose to interpret situations…
Would have been amusing to see his reaction to saying “Oh, yeah thanks, what do you like about these pants?” in a friendly tone, taking his insult as a compliment 🙂
- March 15, 2021 at 7:07 am #464085Tabitha TeeLadyRegistered On: July 30, 2020Topics: 7Replies: 306Has thanked: 1447 timesBeen thanked: 1053 times
- March 14, 2021 at 5:10 am #463590AnonymousRegistered On:Topics: 8Replies: 157Has thanked: 614 timesBeen thanked: 474 times
- March 15, 2021 at 4:04 am #464021LadyRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
Thank you for your sentiments. I have found one of the hardest parts of transitioning to bring open about my CD is getting rid of this… “toxic” masculine trait of if your attacked in any manner you must puff up your chest and push back in defense.
I prefer the stand your ground by ingnoring their ignorance. I think it helps our cause more than fighting, bickering, or otherwise trying to force them to accept us.
- April 13, 2021 at 5:05 pm #477357Krissy RichardsLadyRegistered On: June 11, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 319Has thanked: 791 timesBeen thanked: 996 times
I believe their ignorance makes them weak and as we are all women of the world we are 10 times better than their uneducated caveman part brains. These kinda people will never get us and im so happy that we are stronger together. I myself have tried to reason with these types of people and yes ive been called all the names under the sun by them as they are people like them in the beautiful rainbow 🌈 city of Brighton uk 🇬🇧 that i live in. Fortunately they are the minority in Brighton and most folks here have a live and let live attitude which is the only way to be. I am what i am and nobody will change my desire to be myself whether im dressed as a woman or anything else. We all have rights to live how we see fit and trust me its the most beautiful thing in the world 🌎 hugs x
- March 15, 2021 at 12:58 pm #464206Bridgette VonSmirffLadyRegistered On: October 18, 2020Topics: 29Replies: 916Has thanked: 12937 timesBeen thanked: 3387 times
I believe you’re right, and I’m proud you’re “one of us”. I can’t imagine that was easy to do, but you did so very well. I can only hope I do so well when or if that time comes. I also hope I don’t have to find out!
- March 15, 2021 at 10:59 am #464180Laura LovettLadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1120Has thanked: 3656 timesBeen thanked: 5389 times
I think this point about helping our cause is very important.
Because we’re not a common sight, how one CD behaves will be interpreted as how we all behave.
It’s a fine line between skulking around suspiciously like you’re up to something, and swanning around like you own the place – which, unfortunately is where I tend to err.
bSince I have only had objectionable comments from objectionally behaved people, it works for me.
Most encounters I have are overwhelmingly positive. Many people love us for who we are, and love what we do.
Love them back!
- March 15, 2021 at 3:33 pm #464243
- April 15, 2021 at 11:24 am #478058
- March 15, 2021 at 12:31 pm #464201Polly StewartLadyRegistered On: January 2, 2021Topics: 12Replies: 936Has thanked: 1333 timesBeen thanked: 3199 times
I couldn’t agree more! I may be very lucky but I haven’t come in contact with anyone negative yet! I, too, seem to swan around, smile lots, talk to people and ooze confidence. It started as a ploy to feel better at being exposed to strangers but has become a normality for me. My male persona has a natural confidence in any case.
Ignorance, in these cases, is a positive factor. Antagonists tend to back off if their barbs are ignored or deflected in some kind manner.
A little wave with wiggling fingers to acknowledge the barb but to show them that it hasn’t taken hold… is my preferred technique.
- March 15, 2021 at 11:09 am #464189LadyRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
I’ve only met a few in the CD or MTF transition that I didn’t like… one of those sadly I had even started out considering a friend but they became one of those constant male bashing/ thinks every guy should want them type of people and I couldn’t stand it… eventually things went even farther south with her telling a 9 or 10 yr old she would do insert many vulgar words about naughty things… to her dad.. then went off on the girl over a snappy comeback the group I spend my CD time with was suprised at… when that lady went off on the 9 yr old we were all done abs things went even farther downhill… but I regress from that story… to unfortunately all it takes is one like her to make our whole community look horrible… I tend to be way more flirty and carefree when I’m dressed so I don’t know how people would put me on the graph but I hope to always be a positive reflection and show we are who we are because it makes us happy, not because we want attention, or are peeping toms hiding in a female restroom, etc
- March 14, 2021 at 4:55 am #463582Diane RakersLadyRegistered On: August 18, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 676Has thanked: 1192 timesBeen thanked: 2196 times
- March 15, 2021 at 4:22 pm #464251
- March 14, 2021 at 3:31 am #463569Grace ScarlettBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: February 16, 2021Topics: 66Replies: 1374Has thanked: 4886 timesBeen thanked: 7524 times
Just reiterating what the majority have said really, you did a good job, handled well and ladylike….
Just adding, you could easily be walking down the road in drab, and idiots take a dislike to you and bad mouth you…its the world we live in..
Reminds me of a famous quote i once heard…” I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but i see you are unarmed”
Keep calm and carry on,
- March 15, 2021 at 4:09 am #464022LadyRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
It is truly a sad world we love, the “open-mind” of today is that we all SHOULD be alowed to be different, as long as we are all the SAME… I hate it with a passion. I love being able to be both sides male and female as it opens my mind true my to the plight of many. One day if I can keep at this rate of growth myself I hope to join the fight for equality stronger than I am able currently…, I don’t have enough “experiences” yet to help teach. And that’s how I see our community prospering teaching people why they CAN accept us, and not by telling them they have to.
- March 14, 2021 at 1:46 am #463558Simone CLadyRegistered On: January 23, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 173Has thanked: 57 timesBeen thanked: 646 times
- March 13, 2021 at 10:02 pm #463511Paula FDuchessRegistered On: August 7, 2019Topics: 14Replies: 1081Has thanked: 14614 timesBeen thanked: 4281 times
Good for you Tonya. In years past, I would not have had the patience or temperament to let a comment like that slide. It would have been returned with equal venom, but at a much louder volume to draw attention from e everyone in earshot and make them the center of attention. That is usually all it takes to make stupid people go away.
I have mellowed a great deal in recent years and incidents like that don’t happen nearly as often, but my response hasn’t changed much with age.
- March 13, 2021 at 2:37 pm #463355Araminta PurdyDuchessRegistered On: January 23, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 344Has thanked: 591 timesBeen thanked: 1249 times
That’s a good girl. It is hard to know whether one should respond and motivate them to further brainless crudities or not respond and allow them to think they got away with something thereby demonstrating their infinite superiority.I suppose you could have said, “Thank you very much, but you won’t be getting into them”, inferring his interest was piqued.
- March 13, 2021 at 2:12 pm #463348Sarah Du HessisseLadyRegistered On: September 16, 2020Topics: 21Replies: 503Has thanked: 3121 timesBeen thanked: 1869 times
Tonya well done girl its no good reacting to A holes like him, that would have been just what he wanted. I totally agree with you whats the need to be nasty to anyone of any description, you can rant as much as you like that’s why we here for each other.
- March 13, 2021 at 9:14 am #463194MonaDuchessRegistered On: December 18, 2018Topics: 10Replies: 115Has thanked: 475 timesBeen thanked: 671 times
Always best to deescalate in such situations, starting with just ignoring the lout and walking away if you can. I say this partly because I live in Houston, where it is common for people to be armed (actually that’s true of Texas and other states as well). Road rage shootings in particular are not all that uncommon. A-holes are bad enough, but hopefully you can just walk away. Challenging an A-hole with a firearm may have a much less benign outcome. Sadly, this is mainly an issue here in the USA.
- March 13, 2021 at 8:35 am #463164Vecca SennLadyRegistered On: February 22, 2021Topics: 6Replies: 130Has thanked: 716 timesBeen thanked: 432 times
- March 13, 2021 at 8:29 am #463153Amy MyersBaronessRegistered On: February 11, 2019Topics: 16Replies: 1326Has thanked: 3799 timesBeen thanked: 3700 times
Too bad it happened, but you handled that just about right, in my humble opinion. Even though you might be physically superior to not let him win by intimidating you is the best thing. Which is the line I would take, I’m no street fighter, never was, never will be, so I find other ways to manage.
Though honestly I have never had anything like that happen to me, not yet anyway.
- March 13, 2021 at 8:13 am #463140
- March 13, 2021 at 7:34 am #463120Mary PriscillaDuchess - AnnualRegistered On: May 23, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 88Has thanked: 145 timesBeen thanked: 329 times
When responding to a malcontent mothing ugly words, consider responding with this line. “Sir, I have been extremely patient listening to your verbal attack on me and, all I can say at this point, is that I hope when you get home, your mother crawls out from under the porch and bites you on the leg.”
- March 13, 2021 at 7:22 am #463109Katey DoeLadyRegistered On: February 3, 2021Topics: 35Replies: 637Has thanked: 1539 timesBeen thanked: 1835 times
- March 13, 2021 at 7:21 am #463108Jamie PeridotLadyRegistered On: February 19, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 266Has thanked: 1565 timesBeen thanked: 803 times
I also live in a mostly rural areas with a lot of “redneck types.” I admire your courage to be yourself in that environment! I do think that those type of comments come from deeper insecurities on the part of the bully. Look how much you are growing in your self confidence!!💖
- March 13, 2021 at 7:12 am #463106LadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1120Has thanked: 3656 timesBeen thanked: 5389 times
There are still a few left…
That was the best thing to do in that circumstance.
One such occasion occurred to me as I was returning to the hotel after a fab night out.
A guy lurched up to me, obviously very much the worse for drink, in dirty, smelly clothing, looking rather unkempt and just said “Euuuuurgghhh!!!” or something along those lines.
I just thought “I couldn’t have put it better myself!”, as his breath stank and his teeth were yellow – but I said nothing and carried on.
Just then, 3 girls came out of a pub, and were cooing all over me, like “Wow, don’t you look gorgeous!”, “You’ve got better legs than any of us!”, and “Can I get a selfie with you?”.
I’m willing to bet that never happened to the guy who had just been so horrible, who was watching, open-mouthed…
Sucks to be him.
I have a few ready comebacks, none barbed, all humorous – my favourite, for many occasions is “I’m not a real woman, you know!”
Always gets a laugh.
- March 13, 2021 at 7:26 am #463113AnonymousRegistered On:Topics: 18Replies: 246Has thanked: 706 timesBeen thanked: 1289 times
Love this! Great story!
When you can get the girls even while being a girl, that’s when you can say, “gee, I guess I’m more man than you even while I’m wearing a dress! “ lol. Of course, I know you are more humble, wise, and restrained than to sink to that level! 😝
Reminds me of my own story about being out walking en femme in a different city and passing a bar/restaurant that didn’t look crowded. I walked past it then turned around and walked in. Went to a booth to myself but close to a group of 5 people — 3 women and 2 men. I said hello, and they decided to engage me and asked me over to join them. That led to all sorts of questions.
The girls were VERY friendly (but I was wearing the female engagement ring and wedding band my wife had given me) and they told me how great my legs looked and asked how I got my breasts to look so realistic, and they wanted pictures with me too. The guys were also curious (but I was wearing the female engagement ring and wedding band set my wife had given me, lol), and they too wanted pics. I remember thinking how weird but not unpleasant it felt to have a guy behind me with his arm around me like a man would only with a woman (not in a sexual way but almost a protective way) for the picture. All of it was very affirming, and it was kinda odd to be flirted with by girls and boys at the same time! Lol.
- March 13, 2021 at 12:04 pm #463280LadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1120Has thanked: 3656 timesBeen thanked: 5389 times
“When you can get the girls even while being a girl, that’s when you can say, “gee, I guess I’m more man than you even while I’m wearing a dress! “ lol. Of course, I know you are more humble, wise, and restrained than to sink to that level! “
My family are extremely important to me, and I wouldn’t do anything to put that or my relationship with my wife at risk – except for protecting my own space.
The vicar at my church said to every couple he married (I must’ve attended hundreds of weddings as a choir boy) “Love means giving the other person room to be themselves.”
Anyway, yes – I can get the girls around me far easier than I ever could in drab. My favourite occasion was posing for pictures with a hen night party. The bride’s wife was at another venue, the 2 women had gone off to make mayhem with their own circles of friends.
Apparently one of the party was my long lost twin soul sister (she is very tall, with honey/platinum blonde hair like mine, *ahem!*), and I was the missing person in their party… we had an absolute blast, and I still have the photos to reminisce over.
I have so many soul sisters – I am truly blessed!
Not keen when the guys start flirting – that’s when I use the line about not being a real woman most.
2 users thanked author for this post.
- March 13, 2021 at 7:03 am #463103Catherine LasharDuchessRegistered On: September 1, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 13Has thanked: 1 timeBeen thanked: 78 times
There are times when violence is both warranted and necessary.
This was not one of them.
I hope that when this situation arises with myself ,
that I react in as mature a fashion.
May the day find you well
- March 13, 2021 at 6:37 am #463090MelanieElizabethLadyRegistered On: January 9, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 121Has thanked: 259 timesBeen thanked: 671 times
That clown isn’t worth your time. He is a loser trying to make himself feel better by putting others down. Typical bully move he kept his mouth shut until he had an audience. Cowards like that will never say something outside where he might have to deal with the consequences of his words. Glad you didn’t sink to his level and get into a confrontation, verbal or otherwise.
- March 13, 2021 at 6:13 am #463087Rozalyne RichardsLadyRegistered On: March 10, 2018Topics: 0Replies: 578Has thanked: 1007 timesBeen thanked: 1953 times
Well done Tonya for not raising to the bait and just ignoring the guy, the best thing to do is to just ignore them otherwise if they get a reaction that’s what makes them happy and they just don’t let go,
Hugs Rozalyne x
- March 13, 2021 at 6:09 am #463081AnonymousRegistered On:Topics: 18Replies: 246Has thanked: 706 timesBeen thanked: 1289 times
I’ve often believed that restraint is the best demonstration of courage. You didn’t run and hide, but you kept your cool and showed restraint. There IS a time for violence, but that is only when you need to protect yourself or someone else who is weaker/more vulnerable. You also showed humility without allowing yourself to be humiliated.
I often think that men who make such comments are overcompensating for their own lack of masculinity. Masculinity at its best shows courage, calm, protectiveness, vision, provision, leadership, and selfless service. I’m guessing that guy has none of those traits and tries to make up for it by lowering others. You showed the best qualities of both masculinity and femininity with your response.
- March 13, 2021 at 6:21 am #463089LadyRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
I agree 100% and him not saying anything until he had his female friends nearby proved he only wanted to look “cool” or whatever to them. I’m gaining more respect for myself throughout my transition of becoming openly more Tonya. And I feel it helps both in drab and en femme.
- March 13, 2021 at 5:26 am #463053Effie JayneDuchessRegistered On: February 7, 2021Topics: 27Replies: 687Has thanked: 1390 timesBeen thanked: 2381 times
Sorry that happened Tonya, 🌺
people fear what they don’t understand and when they fear something they sometimes make fun of it or lash out in order to protect themselves. Like you did, it’s best for us to just ignore them, or better yet, give them a little smile. 🧚🏼🌸💐
- March 13, 2021 at 5:31 am #463054LadyRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
Not gonna lie I wanted to give a quip about him liking what he saw but bit my tongue and smiled at the fact that I know, 1) I look god in leggings, 2) I was comfortable, and 3) if he’d made a move towards violence… I wouldn’t be the one looking like a… well I would rather not use the many words that come to mind 😉
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by Tonya Leren.
- March 13, 2021 at 5:51 am #463066
- March 13, 2021 at 5:14 am #463044Olivia LivinLadyRegistered On: October 22, 2018Topics: 47Replies: 1622Has thanked: 8043 timesBeen thanked: 4310 times
Way to go Tonya, Its the best way to deal with things…provided they do indeed move on.
I’ve had those other similar thoughts as well. I wouldn’t look for a physical confrontation, but nor would I back down. I hate wrecking my clothes lol.
No matter the outcome, they would still be losers. Ew, big man! beat up a girl, OR the more likely and entertaining, Tough guy idiot got his arse handed to him by a girl.
- March 13, 2021 at 5:11 am #463042Diana MorganLadyRegistered On: February 22, 2021Topics: 8Replies: 647Has thanked: 4437 timesBeen thanked: 2058 times
Bravo Tonya, way to show the a**hole how a lady behaves – if he doesn’t take the hint then you can introduce him to his own intestines – well done you for keeping your cool under such circumstances.
- March 13, 2021 at 5:22 am #463049LadyRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
I can definitely say the fact that it didn’t get underwear my skin has a lot to do with the conversations I’ve had on here. It helps to keep your cool with those types when you are more comfortable with yourself. I can guarantee I am at this point more comfortable with it than he probably is in his own ego. I mean… he had to have checked out my legs, which look amazing in leggings btw… lol if I do say so myself… since he had to make mention of me wheeling them 😁😎😉
- March 13, 2021 at 7:03 am #463102LadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1120Has thanked: 3656 timesBeen thanked: 5389 times
- March 15, 2021 at 4:11 am #464023LadyRegistered On: January 5, 2021Topics: 23Replies: 223Has thanked: 635 timesBeen thanked: 1094 times
- March 15, 2021 at 6:42 am #464075LadyRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 13Replies: 1120Has thanked: 3656 timesBeen thanked: 5389 times
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