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Well, I ripped off the bandage. I’ve been working on my courage and with Halloween around the corner, I felt that I was ready to step out en femme. Our local was having a milestone anniversary, and over the years has become our de facto community center and the community there is just fantastic. Cocktail attire was specified, and I mentioned to my wife that I didn’t have any cocktail attire and she responded “Nikki does…” Not fully committed to going en femme, I tried on a few things and couldn’t find a look I felt confident in, then my wife lent me a top that was PERFECT, and I paired it with a glam skater skirt and seamed stockings (my new avatar pic is that outfit). I felt amazingly confident, and with my wife’s incredible support, we went to the party. In doing so I came out to my whole community!
My ensemble was clearly not a costume, and not a single person read it that way. I wasn’t wearing makeup or a wig, a choice I made so that I wouldn’t feel self-conscious about my rank amateur makeup game. It was an absolutely amazing experience! Everyone was so kind and supportive, I got tons of compliments on how great I looked, and I just felt so ME! Long time friends gave me hugs, and even some strangers said nice things to me. Best of all was the reception I got from all of our women friends; so much love and support, high fives, one even said I was the best dressed person in the room! Swoon!
It wasn’t all handsprings and cartwheels, though. As the night wore on it got increasingly crowded and rowdy and my innate introversion started to get the better of me. I was accosted by a very loud muscle man who had to get into my face to tell me I was ok with him. Gee, thanks. It was clearly some performative BS so he could show off to other people how woke he was. That was my cue to exit; I did NOT appreciate the spotlight like that. I was a little tipsy anyway, so we made our exit.
All day today we’ve been getting positive messages and texts about my big night. One friend said, “you came out to the whole community, but it’s the right community and we were all touched that you showed us all of you. These are loving, supportive, kind people, but I think you already knew that.” It was an amazing night and I just feel like I’m walking on sunshine!
I wasn’t prepared for how emotional I was going to be in the immediate aftermath. I was really overwhelmed, but for all of those intense feelings I never felt the slightest pang of regret. It was the bravest thing I have ever done and I feel this tremendous sense of relief. Still processing it, but I DID IT!
I just wanted to thank all you fine ladies for your kind words. While I did have to work up my courage to do it, in many ways that was the least of it. It’s my privilege that a live in a VERY liberal neighborhood in an already very liberal city. I am fortunate to be an already accepted member of that community. And I am beyond blessed to have a life partner who loves this part of me as much as any other.
No everyone is so fortunate. We read about it so often here, the secrecy, the marital strife, concerns about being found out, and on and on. My heart goes out to all of you. You inspired me! How could I NOT come out when I have seemingly every advantage one can think of to do so? I owe it not only to myself but to all of those in our community who must hide away this core part of themselves, who want nothing more than to be loved and accepted for who they are. The more of us who show up in the real world as we are, the more we help normalize it for everyone.
I am so happy for you. From the support of your wife to including your community. I have none of that here. Wife has great disapproval of me dressing and community is archaic. I so wish I was near your communty!!!
Nikki,
Congrats on your big outing! With the wonderful reception you received along with the solid support of your wife it is no wonder you were emotional later on. Your wife deserves an extra hug & kiss along with a nice bouquet of flowers.
You have now embarked on the next phase of your CD’ing journey which is going to be thrilling. Relax and enjoy it!
Fiona
You really should have ‘completed the whole package from the Neck Up’ Nikki! and done full perfect makeup and beautifully coiffured wig with your wife’s help, that way that could really see the ‘really feminine you’ instead of a half-dressed amateur CD which they might have wrongly misinterpreted. Go the Full Monty next Time now that you’re 3/4 out.
Go For the 100% and get High and Low 5’s hugs and cheek kisses from females and jealous admiration by them on your looks.
Meghan
They were my choices and I made them based on MY needs. Given all the positive feedback and support I got that night, I didn’t come across as a “half dressed amateur CD” to anyone and if I did then they can shove their opinion the same place you can shove yours. When it’s your night, you do you. I wasn’t out to measure up to anyone’s standards but my own. There will always be someone who can’t stand to see other people happy. 3/4 out? Seriously?
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