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I am posting this in intro as a follow up to my original “Trying to Understand” post (I don’t know where else to post this update). Those of you who read that post know that I was having a very hard time with my partner’s coming out. This site and the people here helped me so much to understand what is going on. I also realized that I was so focused on how I was feeling that I failed to check in to see how he was doing. Since he has only dressed one time this is new for both of us. We sat down and I asked him to tell me. He did so and I encouraged him/her to join this group. He wanted to do so but didn’t have a femme name so together we decided on a name for her (note, I don’t know if she wants her name to be public so for this purpose I will refer to her as “her/she”). It was nice that we did this together.
The following evening I suggested that we schedule a date for me to meet her. We decided she would cook me a nice dinner and then we would go to the movie store and rent a movie to watch together at home. He agreed and we had a plan!
Date day: I got home from my regular workout on Saturday morning and my hubs asked me if I’d go shopping with him to pick out a sweater or blouse for her to wear that evening, I thought it would be weird but I agreed to go and help him find something. It really wasn’t so strange and he seemed to be okay with it as well. Good first step!
When we got home he asked if I’d be willing to go to a bar for a drink instead of the movie store. He picked a nice bar close to home that we knew we wouldn’t run into anyone we know. I agreed to go. What?!
We had decided that I would go shopping alone so She could have time to get dressed. When I got home She wasn’t quite ready and was still upstairs. I poured us each a glass of wine and waited. I was so nervous I thought I might throw up, my stomach was in knots. When she came around the corner I handed her her wine, stepped back to have a look, told her that she looked nice (She really did!) and gave her a kiss (kissing only at home!) She really looked very lovely but so tall in those heals! I’m only 4’11” so am definitely going to require heals to hang out with her.
While she made dinner I freshened up and got ready for an evening OUT with Her. Dinner was good but admittedly we were both so nervous that we really didn’t eat much. I cleaned up the dishes and we got ready to head out for a drink.
Before we left the house we had a laugh that went as follows:
Starr: Are you ready to go?
Her: Yes. Let’s do it.
Starr: Where’s your purse?
Her: I don’t need a purse. I have my ID in my pocket.
Starr: Women do not go out without their purse. We just don’t. Go grab one of mine from the closet.
Her: OK
Starr: You picked a good one but it’s empty. It needs to look full.
Her: I don’t know what I’m supposed to put in it.
She grabbed some dish towels and shoved them in the purse and we were off with a laugh!We got to the bar and sat at a table right in the front. There was a large table of men right by the door but we didn’t get any funny looks and the waitress said “Hello ladies” when she greeted us which made us feel more at ease. We each ordered a glass of wine and then stayed for about an hour talking and visiting like girlfriends do. It was fun and the smile on her face was so lovely it made me love Her even more. She was passing and I wasn’t passing out!! I’m so glad she didn’t have to go out alone for her first time in public! After we got home we put on the football game and snuggled on the couch together with our dogs.
Despite all of our fears, hers an mine, it seems that maybe things will be okay. I know we are both relieved that it went well and she opened up to me quite a bit about how she sees this going in the future. It’s funny to say but I feel like we’re closer and more intimate than ever before.
My heart felt thanks go out to everyone that came here to support me and help me to understand.
You are an awesome wife, literally a starr. Well done you for tapping into the information and resources on CDH, and accepting your husbands love of feminine stuff. Not only accepting it but going out together and having fun. Wish all women would accept it so readily and add it to the enjoyment this rich tapestry called life affords us. And let’s face it the feminine life has a much richer tapestry than the drab male world of fashion. Why not enjoy quality time together both looking fabulous. An uplifting story of hope for the future.
Love
B
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Thank you Bianca. It hasn’t been easy but I wouldn’t be the person I claim to be if I couldn’t accept this. I have always believed every person has the right to be who they want to be in life. I just didn’t expect it to come home you know? This tested my beliefs for sure but thanks to CDH and his own admission I was assured that this was not about sex or being gay or being a woman. It is just another form of self expression that makes him feel complete. Difficult as it all is, he is the same person that I have loved for 20 years. 🙂wonderful to hear about your amazing time together. Your a remarkable woman and she is so fortunate. Taking control of this certainly help her in opening up more and for you I’m sure has given you some comfort. You’ve done great in starting up the conversations and showing an positive interest in his/hers situation. As nervous and confused as you are it’s extremely difficult for us especially when first coming out. Your understanding is so important and shows compassions that you really care for him. My wife handle this very much like you did and allowed me to feel more at ease which gave me the help I needed. I know she still loves me and that’s more than I could ever ask. Even went out, your certainly a special lady. The best to you both and please let us know her name when it’s time.
Stephanie 🌹
This is something so wonderful to read. I have a supportive wife and there is nothing in the world that is better for a cd/trans that is in a relationship. I didn’t know how many wife would accept me dressing all of the way with makeup at first (I had worn panties here and there for a long time and she knew). I’m glad to hear you both had a great time and hope you two get to have more great times.
Hugs, RubyThank you from me as well. I’m so glad that it worked out so well. You know, I’ve “talked” to a few wives here that are so upset when they learned about their husband’s dressing, but often with little feedback, and many times I’ve wondered how it worked out. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for letting us know.
My wife and I are much closer now as well, and trust me, that’s hard to believe, as we’ve had a very close relationship all these years.
Amy
Thank you for the happy update. You faced your fears and shared the happiness of your spouse. As you noted, this can bring you closer than ever. I have found that women who have been through some traumatic event inter life and came out whole have been the best supporters of us – after what they went through a bit of crossdressing is nothing. Going shopping together for clothes for the spouse to wear is a small bit of femininity and the world did not end, nor did going out in public cause a riot. She shared how she saw this going, but you can also share how you see it – compromise.
Hugs, Ellen
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I would agree that those of us that have suffered abuse in our past are probably more accepting than most. We have had to overcome things many never have to experience. That being said, this was very scary for both of us. However, 20 years of love and happiness will prevail. If this makes him/her happy then I’m okay with it. 🙂 Thank your for your response Ellen.
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