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Determined to prove to myself that my walk the other night where I got scared was just a blip, tonight I went to the most public and possibly risky place yet.
In the city centre there is a “Winter Wonderland”. A temporary fun fair sort area for the festive season.
I drove to the roads nearby and found a parking space. Got out of the car and walked up to the meter to pay foer the parking. There was a couple trying to work the machine. I stood behind them and waited. They then turned to me and said “It appears to be free after a certain time. There is no way to pay” I replied that this was good news and walked back to lock my car. Real face to face interaction.
Car locked, I walked a short while to the entrance of the fun fair. Hundreds of people, couples, families, groups of youngsters, and very, very bright. No place to hide. I walked through this Winter Wonderland watching the various rides, stopping to watch people trying ti ice skate, enjoying the general happiness of the place. I completely forgot that I was a man in ladies clothing. I laughed as someone fell on their backside right in front of me. He laughed back and told me he was too old for this sort of activity (maybe early 40s!!!). I carried on walking, and joined a short queue to buy a coffee and a muffin. Coffee and muffin bought, I found a place to sit at a table and enjoyed my purchases. All perfectly normal…. The only thing not normal was that I was on my own. Everyone else was with someone. Coffee and muffin finished, I walked back to my car. Not a care. I’m certain people noticed me. I fail to see how the could not have. Nothing said, no sniggers (that I could tell.) Even the group of boys that I had to walk through didn’t stop their chatting as I passed. I got back to the car thoroughly impressed not only with me, and my “bravery”, but with the good people of the city I live in. This could have gone wrong so badly and put me back into “phantom of the Opera” mode. Nobody cared. Nobody said anything. I interacted with 4 or 5 people. No disguised voice, no make up….. No negativity at all. I knew that I was taking a risk. This was my only nervousness. I was nervous about things going wrong, not being out and about amongst hundreds of people in a very brightly lit, bustling area.
This might be my last walk for a while, at least to a very public place. My wife returns tomorrow, and she worries about me taking risks. Who knows, I might be able to talk her into coming back with me over the weekend? If that happens, I’ll keep you posted.Thank you for following my adventures of the past few days. The replies and likes have bolstered me and helped increase my confidence, which I’m pleased to say is back to 100%. I even put the bins out tonight without worrying about my neighbours!
Cerys.
I’m very happy for you, Cerys!!!
Over the years I’ve come to realize that most people are so into themselves and their “problems” that they rarely take notice of “us”. And when they do it is usually positive.
“I’m an old man with many worries, fortunately most never came true.”
– Mark TwainBut yes, it would be so much more fun to share the experience with your wife or another friend. I mostly get out by myself, and honestly it can be quite lonely.
Hugs
Jules
💖🌈👩I’m very happy for you, Cerys!!!
Over the years I’ve come to realize that most people are so into themselves and their “problems” that they rarely take notice of “us”. And when they do it is usually positive.
“I’m an old man with many worries, fortunately most never came true.”
– Mark TwainBut yes, it would be so much more fun to share the experience with your wife or another friend. I mostly get out by myself, and honestly it can be quite lonely.
Hugs
Jules
💖🌈👩How apt for the time of year – ‘Walking in a winter wonderland’
Sleigh bells ringing, are you listening?’
In the lane, people are gathering,
You’re a beautiful sight,
You’re happy tonight,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
You are an inspiration Cerys and I hope your wife will take that brave step with you.
Cerys I was going to say you’re a braver man than me Gungadin ,but that would be insulting. Which I’d more of a devil may care attitude about me .
Liz
Cerys, even after so many years of going out in daylight and at night, I occasionally get that uncomfortable or threatened feeling that you experienced.
In my 20’s, before I learned to be more wary, I experienced some really bad incidents, but eventually (more like 3 or 4 years) I learned to relax and not be as jumpy.
One counselor I saw was a combat veteran. He explained that ‘nervous for no reason feeling as something you did actually see, but it did not register with you consciously at the time you saw whatever it was. Your subconscious finally or partially worked it out and started sending out sos signals to your conscious.
These triggers aren’t always sights, but can be sounds or smells also that you don’t register until some little neuron of memory makes the connection and starts the response, knowing it or not.
A few times that I have been out and about since those bad experiences in my 20’s, I have gotten an odd feeling from something I could not figure out. I have caught myself checking store window reflections as I pass by to see if someone might be following me. I also have stopped and looked to try and calm myself, sped up my pace, and generally tried to leave the area. Once away, the feeling will finally pass, but it can still be a little unnerving when it happens.
Things like that happen, but please don’t ignore them either. Enjoy your outings but be careful.
PaulaF
I know what your talking about , Fiona. I am 67 and 2 years ago i would NEVER have thought that I would be doing the things I am doing. Been walking and shopping the local mall, shopping other local stores, had my nails done ( my nails are a light blue and thumb nails red with school lettering on them). I even wearing the nails when in drab at work.
All of this is thanks to all the wonderful girls here at CDH, their stories gave me the courage to do all this.. . . Cassie
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