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The other day, when I met (dressed) with my counselor, she let throwing the term trans women into the conversation when talking about me. I’m a man. I have no desire to transition. She never used this term when we meet when I was in drab. I don’t feel the trans woman term fits me. Does it? I’ve always taken the ten to mean women who have transitioned.
She also described me as gender fluid. I can sort of see this, but when dressed, I’m still very much s male, but one in female clothing.
I do believe that sex is binary but gender is a sliding scale. I’m ok with the gender fluid tag but I’m still not sure it fits.
So the crux is as a crossdresser, am I transgender? Am I trans woman, even if only when dressed? Am I really gender fluid?
I would really appreciate your thoughts on this, as until Tuesday, I only described myself as a man in a frock.
Donna
Hi Donna,
For me I live on both sides of the fence. But, as I go through life I find myself leaning towards expressing my female self more and more. Even sleeping En femme. I am so much more content and happy when I am on the female side. I did feel as you do once upon a time. But, now I’m sure I was born into the wrong gender. Just my 2 cents worth.
Love and hugs,
Lanna💋❤
dont take it hard with words that the councilor says. we are x dressers, T.G men that dont want the sex change, transgender is just another word for cross dresser, trans woman is another word for x dresser. people really dont know what to call it so it can be x dresser, T.G. person, trans woman, trans fluid. its all the same just different words. just as long as she does not say the f word if you know what i mean we are not that we are x dressers that want to show our feminine side well hope that helped you out. its nice that you went to councilors in female mode, that took allot of gust and courage. even thou your counselor is transgender also
[quote quote=75638] its nice that you went to councilors in female mode, that took allot of gust and courage. even thou your counselor is transgender also [/quote]
It did!!!! I was s***ting myself! I’ve been out again since. Still scary!I’m not a woman, I just enjoy dressing as one. It’s what is keeping me functioningat the moment!
Donna
Donna. I admire you attending a meeting with your Counselor en femme…I too attend a counseling session as I am trying to find a balance between expressing my feminine side as well as fulfilling my responsibilities with my alter ego. I am a crossdresser and love to be relaxed expressing my femininity when the opportunity presents itself … since I was away on vacation I too attended my last session with my Counselor fully dressed. I felt very comfortable with my natural woman Counselor as we shared a nice conversation as girls… I hope sharing my postive experience helps…. Leonara
Leonara, thanks for the reply. It was great visiting her whilst dressed. Stepping out of the car in the cold was amazing. This was my first time actually going somewhere dressed. Scary but exciting. Just looking down at my legs under the steering wheel gave me a huge buzz. There’s a photo in the photos section to prove it 🙂
I hope to be going dressed next time.
What I found interesting was that my counselor has never mentioned transgender, trans-woman or gender fluid until I went there dressed.
Donna
As a cross dresser male, I wish I could transgender to actually have female organs but I am too old for that now. When I was much younger that would have been great but for the time I have left……..cost, pain and time….not worth it.
As usual……..I think people are playing the politically correct line here. By strict English Definition…… a cross dresser and transsexual are 2 separate things. We can “split-hairs” all we want, but in the end…..we are what we think we are and it isn’t fair for others to “peg us” with what they think we are.
Lady Veronica
good question> i consider my self a cross dresser but at times could be transsexual. i mostly cross dress to feel more female and relaxed, depressed and stress free with out the drugs. i love the feeling of dressing up as a female for i feel i was born in the wrong body, female brain male body but want to dress in female cloths instead. rather dress in female cloths for i feel more comfortable in and happy. for sex with a man never crossed my mind, its just all about being me and happy dressed up as a female and enjoying the person i should of been when born
Sometimes, one of the most annoying aspects of being an international site is the different ways we use terminology in our ‘world’.
When using the word “trans” it is frequently written “trans*”, the asterisk acknowledging that many elements within our community can be trans something. There are some differences based on national location but, certainly for me, the terms can be defined as such:
Transgender (TG) – someone who is not at either end of the gender binary, including those whose gender presentation does not fit a gender binary. Thus, a man who dresses as a woman or a woman who dresses as a man (not dress like, but dress as) can be considered transgender – across genders.
Transsexual (TS) – someone who transitions from one gender binary to the other. Some transsexuals start as crossdressers as a way of expressing their perceived true gender but once they’ve transitioned consider themselves binary male or female. In some ways, that can even mean that they are not transgender at all. They are simply male or female. They don’t crossdress, they dress in accordance with their gender.
Transvestite (TV) – a term more commonly used in the United Kingdom and sometimes in Australia. Trans being Latin for across and vestite, from vestments, meaning clothing. This term is sometimes used for someone who presents full time as their ‘opposite’ gender without pursuing transition by way of medical intervention. It can also be used with, or in place of, crossdresser.
Crossdresser (CD) – someone who wears the clothing of their ‘opposite’ gender. This is usually only applied to someone who dresses so, as a form of relaxation, inner calm or an expression of a ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ side of their personality. Those who crossdress for sexual stimulation or gratification are considered fetishists and are not really crossdressers. One way that one can tell the difference is that crossdresses will present in public in the relevant form, or at least would like to do so, whether realised or not. Fetishists have no desire to do so because public presentation has no sexual stimulation.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and some people blur the lines between areas, but overall, that’s what the terms mean.
Gender fluid is a nicer way of saying transgender because it suggests variable points on the gender spectrum.
I am a crossdresser and I am transgender. It’s not an either/or.
Jane
The acronym LBGTQI does not fit me at all. I am a closeted cd and have been for 30 years but none of those letters describes cd’s…why or why not? Bronwyn
Bronwyn, the ‘T’ in LGBTQI is for Transgender. It does not stand for Transsexual (though it can), it stands for all of us who do not fit a gender binary. How else would you describe a man, or a woman for that matter, who crosses the gender divide to wear the clothing of the “opposite sex”?
In the end, they are all labels anyway but some people feel it necessary to apply labels to others, often so that discrimination is easier. How often do we see the question in chat – “Are you a CD or TG?” Why can’t one be both? My answer is, they can be.
Flatly I say No and inversely I say yes. It’s the old saying “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” It is how they feel inside.
Donna, the fact that you haven’t shaved your moustache, I would say that you should feel confident in the fact that you are not transgendered. There are many people on this site that are transitioning to becoming physically femme and it is no surprise that you sound like you are being influenced in your thoughts by this.
I wonder if perhaps your therapist was just trying to scope out the situation by word suggestions. It is a classic move and does make you second guess what you are doing.
There is nothing wrong about being a “Dude in a dress”
Hugs from another dude in a dress – Terrisa
Teresa,
What makes this interesting is my counselor has transitioned, she is living life as a woman. She has written books and is a respected “expert” in her field…. She also has a full beard! 🙂
I’m not afraid of labels. My question was are blokes in frocks TG etc? I guess we do cross the gender line, but only in what we chose to wear on s party time basis. I guess we are in the spectrum, but not so far as to be “statements”
Donna.
Hey Donna, I had forgetting that you had mentioned that your therapist was transgendered and a full beard to boot? Interesting.
Not all transvestites/CDs are transgendered, just like not all transvestites/CDs are gay.
Just because you eat tacos it doesn’t make you automatically Mexican (lol it’s the first metaphor I could think of 🙂
I don’t dress to attract other men. I dress because it’s what I like doing and I have no intentions of becoming a female.
Trust me I hate all these labels too lol After all people are just people and I don’t identify myself by the smallest adjective.
Gender fluidity – would love to turn the tap off on that psychobabble phrase.
So my final answer is – it is the intention (key word in this case – intention) of why you are crossdressing that would make you transgendered or just another dude in a dress.
And that is for you Donna as your own judge and jury to decide. I rest my case 😉 and hugs – Terrisa
Terrissa,
Thanks for the reply. I’m a man who likes to dress up as a woman. I’m a crossdresser. I might also like make up and perfume, but it’s all part of the process.
I don’t see myself as transgender, but I do fell that I am in the very edge of the TG community. I fully support lgbt issues and will stand with people who have a fight to fight.
I am, and will always be, a man in a dress!
Donna
Interesting discussion ladies, I consider that, unless someone’s self perceived gender is 100% aligned with the sex they were assigned at birth, then that person is transgender.
It does not matter how insignificant your feminine side is, if you are a male and you have one at all, you are not 100% male.
As Jane has said, any man who dresses as a woman is transgender.
This would include but not be
limited to transvestites cross dressers and transsexuals.
I have been a cross dresser for most of my life and I have been knowingly transgender since I discovered the term. As I am now on HRT, I am probably transsexual too.
Taking that all into account, I would still prefer for everyone to label me as Sheryl.I wondered the same thing not that it matters to me people can call me what they want its just a word. I love dressing as a woman it makes my life worth living , some people like it some dont o well I like it alot. Im just trying to fit in on this site it make me happy to have a place to go without being judged or raped like all the other sites I love who I am and so should each and every gurl her. Love yual
As part of the trans community, and being Transsexual myself, the overwhelming thought in the trans community is that there is a HUGE difference between being trans and being a crossdresser. The fetishists of course give everyone a bad name as Jane mentioned, but being a CD is much more akin to a hobby than anything. You live your life as your given sex and with varying frequency dress as form of expression, relaxation, desire to be in touch with the softer more feminine parts of yourself, which men are really not afforded the opportunity to do as part of the overall societal expectations of what “being a man” is. Really it comes down to what is happening behind the scenes, the motivation, the personal feeling behind dressing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crossdressing as a form of relaxation, self expression, being in touch with your softer side, and in doing these things it does not make you TG or TS.
In my opinion Tami has got it spot on.Being a cross dresser does not necessarily mean one is transsexual(TS) or transgender(TG). I am sure many are, because of the nature of feeling trapped in the body of the opposite gender would naturally lead to wanting to look like the gender you feel you truly are. My best wishes to all of you who are in this situation, I hope all your wishes and dreams come true.
I am part of the group who Tami described cross dressing as more akin to a hobby. I am happy in my male body but love all the feminine things, clothes, make up, shoes etc that women are lucky enough to have access to that are normally denied to men. I feel so good when dressed, look so much better as a woman, love the sleek silhouette, love the variety, the colours,the way Make up can transform a “bland” face, the feel of silk/satin/lace on the skin, even the feel of my smooth skin when I have shaved and moisturised my legs. For me it is not a sexual thing or fetish. For many this may be the Start of a realisation that perhaps they are TS or TG and need to live full time as a woman, but for some the dressing is as far as it goes.
I feel priveliged to be on this site, I have met many wonderful people, whether we are CD, TG, or TS we all have a common love of all things feminine and able to share our passion here. Personally I feel I have to go all the way ( make up/clothes/wig/shoes etc ) to feel confident in public, but hope the day will come when we can all wear whatever we want in public, blend traditionally male female looks, regardless of gender, and be accepted without prejudice.
love
Bianca
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