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The arrangement with my wife and I is I can CD when no one can see. We don’t talk about it much. Though we have and do set dates ahead of time to talk about it to keep my wife somewhat informed and I can share CD impact on me. My question is how to be honest about the CD when your partner doesn’t want to know much (but they value honesty in the marriage just prefer ignorance in this area).
An example. We were watching a devotional. The content was meh to me. I was more focused on the ladies make up & still kinda paying attention to the topic. My wife asked me what I thought about it. Every response felt like a poor choice.
Sivvi.
I guess the simple answer is to be honest by telling the truth. Okay, that’s obvious. The big thing is that your partner does know of your crossdressing so honesty shouldn’t be as difficult. If your wife doesnt want to know “much”, just tell her enough to answer then. Truth is always better in the end.
Stevie
If you are meeting for a specific CD update why not as what she would like to know?
Caroline
Just continue to be honest.
If you see a woman anywhere that is dressed nicely, you see something in a window that you like, comment very matter of factly about it. Point out things you see you don’t like. Doing so gets them a bit more comfortable with at least talking about things.
Thanks for bringing this topic. My wife knows : I told her last summer. She says she doesn’t mind what I do while I am out, or while she’s sleeping or if she’s out of the house. She thinks CDing is weird, doesn’t understand it either (neither does she understand gender fluidity for her husband, but OK with others), and both times I brought it up, she was ice cold and I was totally vulnerable. We have a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy I guess where I still need to hide so that she doesn’t participate in any way.
Obviously, I want to go shop for my femme side, or someday I’d like to go out en femme. And now the topic of honesty pops up. Full honesty means she would know to what extent CDing is important to me. I don’t want to remind her of my CDing habit (she doesn’t like being reminded about it). So I thought of white lies : I say I leave to my office downtown, but instead I am out shopping. If I want to go out and meet other CDs…. do I tell the entire truth, or just say I go out with friends or colleagues ?
I know white lies are not great, but she always told me we are entitled to having our own secret garden. Secret garden : I hate that concept now. I never know what is “secret garden” material and what is not. She explained those are things she’s ok with but doesn’t want to know. Yeah but how do I know she’s ok with something?
And on top of white lies, is the logistic of hiding your CDing to your wife and kids. Making sure your secret stash is well hidden. When out shopping, that means hiding your shopping bags before putting it in your secret stash.
I hate to live in the constant fear and hiding. Revealing my CD secret has only relieved me of not having to face a divorce. But I still fear that if I am being too honest with her, she would become more uncomfortable.
So I am torn…
You do seem to be in an awkward situation; but honesty between spouses is always the correct choice. Let your femme side show when the opportunity presents, but don’t be “in her face” with it. The more she sees it in a positive light, the more likely she is to accept it.
Hugs,
BettylouI came out to my girlfriend 5 years ago. She’s shown zero interest in talking and doesn’t want to see it. The few times I’ve tried getting her to talk she shut me down fast. I don’t leave my wardrobe in plain site. It’s tucked away into drawers and various storage pods. Space is always an issue. It’s a difficult situation.
On a more positive note, my GF is okay with me taking trips out of town to socialize. She just doesn’t want to know the details. That’s how I’ve gotten to meet some of the local girls on CDH.
Like so many other girls, my journey has taken me to a place that I never expected. I now identify as trans and want to begin the process of transitioning. In my current situation that’s not realistic. I’ll have to get a place of my own.
Granted, I have more flexibility than someone who is married. A “less messy” separation doesn’t make me feel any better.
The best advice I can give anyone is to be true to yourself. Take a long hard look in the mirror. If you and your SO can come to an equitable arrangement that keeps everyone happy, great. However, if you chronically sacrifice your needs and happiness for someone else, you will pay a heavy price. Ignoring gender issues will negatively affect your physical and mental health. It’s not a place you want to be.
Best of luck to anyone in a similar situation.
Emily
sad that any GF, So or spouse will not take the time to understand their partners desires and wants regardless of whether it interests them or not. Cross dressing will never go away for us, it is in our system. If you were to ask me 30 yrs ago that I woudl be where I am today..I would have said BS. I did not anticipate or think I would want to takes things further from wearing panties or something to bed, to fully dressing with a lot of clothes, lingerie, wigs and full make up. I was satisfied with wearing something to bed or maybe a little make up. Now If I can be dressed for multiple hours…I don’t want to dress up
You are not going to change her, but you need to change YOUR thoughts on what and how she does things in regards to your dressing. You need to dress as you wish, and do it for YOU …not her. It will drive you crazy thinking she will jump on board.
Will we still haev that bit of hope or dream that someday they will…of course. But don’t hold your breath. If she does not want to be around when you are dressed, let her know you plan to dress up so she can decide what she wants to do.
Hi James, honestly I can relate to your situation. I am only in the beginning stages of exploring my feminine side with my fiance, and for now the agreement is that I only CD in the privacy of our home, or if we are really feeling brave, in the back yard tanning together.
I think communication in the key to any relationship especially one in which high levels of trust are critical to any semblance of peace and happiness. So what we have implemented is to actually set a time, usually when dressing up together, to actually feel safe to talk about whatever is on our minds, both of us. Insecurities, fears, expectations, suggestions, whatever.
If you plan on spending the rest of your life with this person, I feel that it is critical to be able to be yourself and feel completely loved and supported by the person you share, or plan to share a vow for life with.
It might take time, but I feel that laying your head on the chopping block so to speak to the one you love,and continued reinforcement of the love and admiration you have for your significant other will do wonders for both of you.
I understand none of this is clear cut, but I do truly feel that LOVE conquers all. Especially fear.
Love ❤️❤️ MelinaMoHi James,
We continually discover new things about the significant people in our lives.During the courtship/dating ritual we all tend to be on our “best behavior” and erect a façade to impress our partner. Or at least not drive them away.
We get up in the morning to find that there isn’t a hot breakfast waiting, prepared by our new wife, wearing a man’s dress shirt with perfect hair and makeup. We had no idea that our husbands want to spend hours every night watching WWE wrestling in his tightie whities.
Silly comparisons, I know.I tend to look at Crossdressing as any other hobby. You carve out time for it. You wouldn’t make golf a “hill to die on” would you? You create time for golf within the structure of the rest of your life. You play golf, if not with the permission of your partner, at least with the understanding that while golf isn’t more important than they are, it is important to you.
Your partner doesn’t need to or want to know about the perfect 4 iron you hit on the downhill, left to right par 4. They just want to know that you enjoyed your round. Oh, and you can’t play next week because Aunt Matilda is coming for visit next week. Similarly, she might not wish to know about the cute pink bra you bought on Amazon today.
I wish you calm seas and smooth sailing on your journey.
Hugs
Jillian
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