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I was at Walmart yesterday shopping for a printer when I saw a crossdressing Walmart employee. He was not trying to pass so I will use male pronouns to describe. He was very tall at around 6′ 3″ and thin. He had beautiful long blond hair that would make a lot of women jealous pulled back into a ponytail. He was wearing a pretty floral print blouse, black skirt and black tights. He was not wearing makeup and had a dark 5 o’clock shadow. I interacted with him a couple of times to help me find the printers and to ask a question about the printer I selected. I did not want to embarrass him so I acted like there was nothing out of the ordinary going on and that was that. I did want to compliment him on his outfit and his courage to dress the way that felt right to him but I was afraid it might be awkward. What would you have done?
Michelle,
There would have been nothing wrong to have asked the sales associate of one’s prefered pronouns. Also, do not be afraid to compliment someone’s outfit or courage. It will be appreciated. I say this based on my own experience.
I generally wear feminine attire without masking the man that I am proud to be. I have a military short haircut and sport a neatly trimmed goatee and mustache. This does not stop me from dressing as I wish, and conducting business about town. I invite you to view my private gallery to better visualize what I am saying here.
That being said, I have been asked on a few occassions what my prefered pronouns are. While I generally use male pronouns, it doesnot bother me to be addressed by female pronouns as long as it is done with respect. I am also frequently complimented on my outfits (both on their cuteness, and how well they look on me), and for my courage to be me.
MacKenzie Alexandra
I would probably have acted the same as you Michelle.
It is hard for me NOT to talk about what we do when in public, but it is getting easier to keep a lid on it.
Inside I would be so interested to know this employees story, the struggles and challenges, relationships, fashion choices etc etc. Personally I love it when others show an interest, but know not everybody would be the same. It’s something (another thing LOL) I love about women I meet, their curiosity. Men usually avoid, feel awkward, uncomfortable, or are non commital. Whereas women are usually accepting, friendly, curious and open.
But yes would probably have just asked which printer he recommended!
B xWhen I’m out dressed, I want one of two things, for people to treat me exactly the same as they normally would, or if they do have a question, to just ask me directly. If they want to ignore my outfit, that’s fine. If they’re curious, that’s fine too. What I don’t want is for people to guess. If you care, you should ask, if you don’t care, then no big deal either.
I think asking directly about pronouns is better than trying to guess. Though, you have to be careful. I mean, if you asked a masculine GG about her pronouns that could be awkward. Usually, you don’t really need to know pronouns unless you’re talking about someone. English doesn’t use pronouns when you’re talking directly to a person, so unless you have to introduce them in public or something, you don’t usually need to know.
Complimenting is kind of tough. I enjoy a compliment when I can trust that it’s sincere, but fake compliments are the worst. I know I don’t look that great dressed up, so a compliment tends to make me feel like I’m being patronized. I find that compliments about a piece of clothing are better than compliments about the overall look. So, if someone says, “I like your skirt,” or “I love those boots,” that is easier to accept than something like, “You look nice.” I think saying something like, “I like your blouse,” opens the door for further conversation if the person wants it, but allows them to simply say thanks if they don’t. If I were in that situation I might say, “I like your blouse,” and then depending on how they respond I might say how hard it is for me to find tops that work and then we could have a conversation.
As we all know from being on this site, everyone thinks about their dressing up a little differently. We need to be careful to never assume that someone else feels the same way about it as we do. Some people want to talk about their clothes, others would rather be treated as if they’re clothes are completely ordinary. Approaching people in a way that gives them flexibility in their response is an important strategy.
Nothing wrong with saying nothing. If I would have said anything, I would have simply said “you look wonderful”!
I was at a Safeway store a few weeks ago and a gentlemen walked up to the deli wearing a lovely skirt, but no other female clothes. He looked nice. I also said nothing, but in retrospect I should have complimented him on the skirt. However, in this world we currently live in you never know how people will react, so saying nothing maybe is the best option.
For a start, “strangely” dressed person at walmart, they have websites for that (https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/) so nothing strange there, an add to that halloween time it’s even less strange.
When I been out most people talk to me as if I wasn’t wearing anything special and I think that’s the way it should be. I mean, how often do you hear cis girls comment other cis girls on what they where when they just doing sale inquiries like what printer to get.
Now one of the big things is – what to do when spotting a CD in any setting? Recently when I was to a pub (something that’s rare for me) I did spot one sitting lonely not far away. Now I was busy with my own stuff and by the time I left I passed by that person she was talking some business stuff (laptop open) with another guy. We did look at each other and probably both read each other but said nothing.
I do regret not saying anything, on the way home I decided that if it ever happen again I will not stay silent, I will go and say something like “Hi, I think w two have something in common” and depending on the response I may follow up with “we are the two best dressed girls here around” (which definitely was the case there).BTW, regarding printer, some years ago I did invest big time in a multi function (copy, fax, scan,print) color laser printer and never regretted it. Yes, the toner cost a lot but I put them in and leave it in for two years before changing. If I leave a full ink cartage in the printer for a week without printing it is dry and have to be fixed/replaced, never that kind of problem with toner.
/kl
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I would love to be able to shop en femme but that is a bridge to far for my wife so I am only able to dress in the house and that is pretty limited. We have made some progress on acceptance to where I can wear nightgowns on occasion and heels and an apron sometimes when I am cooking so that is encouraging.
I’ve run into similar situations at Walmart, Home Depot, and a couple other stores. Interestingly enough, it’s always younger people (20s/30s) who seem to be expressing their gender more openly this way. That tells me that gender for the younger generation is becoming more fluid and open, so it’s not as big a deal for them as it is for older generations.
But I digress…
When I interacted with these people I was in male mode, so I didn’t make a big deal about it and just thanked them for their help in finding the items I was looking for. As I walked away though, in my mind I was thinking how good it is for them not to have to hide themselves like we did growing up, and mentally wished them well on their journeys forward.
Hugs,
Holly
Hi Girls
I spotted a CD at Lowes in New Jersey this summer. Being a CD I’m more keen to spotting a one of us or maybe it was the fact she was over dressed for the occasion and the season ( her outfit was more winter than summer) I also sensed she was more than a little nervous as I would be. I made brief eye contact but didn’t want her to think I was staring. I felt if we ended up in the same isle I would say hello and compliment something about her outfit , but that never happened. I’m in that store frequently and hope to see her again.
Natalie💋💋I would be tempted but probably wouldn’t say anything. I know if it were me and someone privately referred to me as ma’am, Miss, she or her, I would be on cloud nine.
I would have probably done what you did. Yes it would have been nice to compliment him on his outfit and how as a crossdresser myself, I appreciate, respect and admire others like me who are open with it.
I also suspect he may have been trans, so bringing up crossdressing may be the wrong way to go also. I really think I would have just been glad to see someone like out in public me and leave it at that.
Not being there its hard to say if I would have done anything differently. However, like most of us here. I would have liked to have paid her a compliment. It really is such a nice ice breaker. She probably went the whole day without anyone even acknowledging her effort to look nice.
As girls, nothing warms us up better than a nice compliment.
I admit to being confused about what the proper pronouns are for talking about someone who is presenting as a man but in feminine clothing. I chose the male pronouns here because I was trying to focus on how great it would be if a guy could wear skirts and dresses and it would just be business as usual for everyone but I get your point.
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