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After a life long attraction to wearing feminine clothes that primarily evolved around panties and the occasional bra, I discovered the wonder of Cross Dresser Heaven.
I’m not even sure how I came here, possibly it was in search of a “cure” for my feminine proclivities that led me to typing those letters into the search bar that ended the isolation I felt all those years. I was likely on the verge of what I learned was called a purge; only to realize “fighting” this was pointless.
Over the two+ years I’ve been on the site I have had discussions about the different aspects of this life that chose us, ranging from the excitement of simply dressing, advice on using makeup, encouragement, but most comforting has been support in self discovery.
I turned to cross dressing to find peace, I’ve always had difficulty managing stress and found dressing helped me cope better. While it generally worked, perhaps facing a mid-life crisis, it’s suddenly not enough. I’m frustrated easily, always anxious and on edge – adversely impacting my relationships at home and professionally.
At the urging of my wife (actually closer to a threat) I’ll be seeking help, first step through an Employee Assistance program at work.
My wife attributes my challenges to depression brought on by a lay off several years ago, but I’m not so sure. My sense is my anxiety lies in the confusion I’ve lived with about my gender; as I’m closeted – these next steps are scary.
Is there a way to continue to balance my gender curiosity against the backdrop of my life, or is it time to bring it out of the shadows so those brief moments of bliss I find in being Kim, become a life I unknowingly aspire to?
Thanks for listening! I can’t begin to express my gratitude to all of the friends I’ve found here.
Love,
Kim
You hit a lot of points and things I identify with. Always loved wearing women’s clothes, recharges the batteries so to say, helps ease anxiety and generally just feels right. Here for self acceptance and lend encouraging words to others (speaking to myself half the time uuuhhhhh…..)
The human brain is not wired to be happy, technically speaking. We’re wired for gratification, but with that whole consciousness/ pattern recognition thing going on, that gratification wears off quickly. Old brain kinda stuff, grass is always greener, find the better field, thank kind of thing. I guess what I’m saying is, sometimes when there’s truly no problem to be found, the brain will think that’s a problem and then go look for one or just makes one up. Sometimes that works, like re-configuring a machine to make it even better for instance, but other times it just causes a lot of anxiety for folks.
Full disclosure I’m just a contractor, and not a philosopher. I can only say that after watching a lot of youtube videos on consciousness and whatnot (a lot of Daniel Dennett) so please take what I say with a grain of salt! But it’s been said by a handful of smart sounding people so I buy it, and it makes sense to me.
In all seriousness I got myself a good therapist (PhD, licensed and has a background in gender stuff) this past January and having someone to talk things out with and be a sounding board has been enormously helpful, especially in the realm of cross dressing. There’s a lot more work I would never have known existed. It’s helped with scale, pace, meshing what this is for me to what this is for my relationship with my wife, figuring out where I want to go and accepting where I’m at now. Who am I. Really good stuff. Work is ongoing. Keep in mind you’ll be doing the work now, they’ll help you to the door but a lot of folks think therapy solves things. That’s like saying the crayon will do the coloring. I can say from experience, it does work and it does help with the right person and if you’re willing to get out the chisel and carve yourself out a little it will make you a better defined human. Can’t recommend it enough and it takes a strong mind to admit you need help, it is in no way a sign of weakness, it is a sign of great strength.
I wish you the best though I really do! My own quarter-life-crisis (at 30) was my fiance discovering that I was reeaaallly getting into cross dressing (bought a couple of dresses without telling her no no no no!) literally weeks before we were set to get married so that’s been a thing to untangle.
Coming to terms with it on a personal level is really hard though. Don’t discount that, and talking with someone professional can help a lot.
Hi Kim, I’ve been attracted to women’s clothes all my life as well. Same as you, I’ve battled stress throughout my life and I always felt better after a little “panty time”. The way I see things; crossdressing isn’t the crisis. It’s the revelation/solution. We use CDing to relieve the ill effects stress has on us. For you it’s your gender issues. For me it was the discovery of my wife not loving me truthfully and why. My anxiety from this is gone since I’ve accepted, embraced, and explored my feminine side. I hope you will find the answer to the balance of your life. Friend hugs, Brittney.
Kim, a lot of us share the same Crossdressing issues you share here. I too have purged, started dressing again, purged, you get the picture. I have decided in my mid 60’s that I will embrace my feminine side as much as possible. It gives me great satisfaction and fulfillment to to let Michelle be part of me. I am still in the closet, but I am ok with that because I know I will continue to dress every opportunity I have.
Depression following a lay-off is terrible.
I managed to follow that up with full-blown stress brought on by a complete bully of a manager, at a job I loved with a company I otherwise loved.
At first, I wasn’t sure what his game was, but he gradually kept upping the bullying – and luckily I saw him doing it to others, because when all that stress and gaslighting hits full on depression, that you feel you are dealing with…
It’s a cocktail for disaster…
Which, thankfully didn’t happen.
I was in an awful place in my mind, but I came back.
I really threw myself into my cross dressing – the one constant thing in my life since age 6 or so.
It seemed like ages – it was months – until I got another job, then got treated badly there too. Maybe it’s just something in my personality that brings out the bullying in a manager…
Anyway, I signed up here just as my wife told me to go out dressed, if that’s what I really wanted.
I did that, and the next interview I had was for a job several levels above where I had been before.
I dressed with full makeup as often as I could – for the telephone interviews and to go post the correspondence that couldn’t be electronic.
It was Christmas, so I went Christmas shopping en femme, I sung Carols in a busy city centre with some old friends, I was offered the job – it really felt like Christmas.
Now I still have and am thriving in my job, and considering letting them know.
I have been out and done stuff en femme, and plan to do even more during the drought times when I cannot dress out of deference to my wife.
Things are changing, and I have no desire to summon the curse of the commentator, but the journey is more interesting, more real, challenging, exciting…
Cross dressing is a very important part of who I am. I have no idea why really, and sometimes, very rarely, it feels more like a habit than something I enjoy.
That feeling hasn’t stuck around for long so far…
A nice bath or seeing a delightful outfit quickly puts aside any notion it’s just a hobby!
Coming to terms with it should be as much fun as you can make it.
Bit by bit – no hurry!
Enjoy. Relax. Discover yourself.
Love Laura
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