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When I go out as a woman, I dress to blend in. But that’s just me, I’ve always done that. I love to look at real women to see how they dress and what they wear when doing different activities (going shopping, running errands, going to work, going to the mall, going to a restaurant, etc.) and then dress similarly. That way I blend in and pass a lot easier.
Personally, I’ve never been one who goes in for splashy outfits, over the top fashions, heavy makeup, or anything like that, because that’s just not who I am. However, I know a lot of girls who can pull it off with both style and grace.
So my question for all you ladies is, When you dress, do you typically dress to stand out or blend in?
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I dress to blend in, some of my denim skirts may be a little shorter and my shorts are usually 3 inch inseam but I blend in with the other women. Most times I find I’m better dressed than the other girls which I find disheartening somewhat. Women seem to not care as much any more about how they look when out shopping or just running around. I do wear dresses more than the average woman I see out and about but I love a nice beautiful dress.
“..but I love a nice beautiful dress.” Don’t we all!! 🙂
Thanks Sandy!
Well, let me think… At work I pretty much wear the same outfit every day, It’s not that fancy, a modified uniform made to look a lot more feminine by adding a few accessories. I wear a camisole under the shirt and it peeks out at the top. And I wear a long gorgeous pendant or necklace on the outside of the shirt, it looks like gold colored thin ribbons. I suppose my makeup stands out a bit, you can see that in my public pictures. Some of the ladies I work with told me that I could probably give them makeup lessons.
And of course there’s my nails, I adore my nails! I will always have very long nails, it’s just part of who I am! Right now they’re done in a color called ‘Stiletto Red’ and the ring fingers are accented in a color called 18 Karat, which is gold glitter. My nails have become kind of my ambassadors, I’m always getting compliments and questions on them so they open up conversations and I have yet to hear anything negative. While I do try to blend in, my chosen style is to present as very feminine, so I always wear jewelry, earrings, nails done and impeccable makeup. I do think that my look may generate more than a few glances, but that’s okay. 🙂Love you girls,
Lauren M
Yea when out in public shopping or eating we all want to just blend in. Will wear casual and simple dresses or just a skirt or girls jeans and blouse. I notice we do dress better than the average shopper especially if wearing heels. Like looking classy but not over the top to draw attention. Then there are the times I like to glamour up in dresses or skirts with a slit and four inch heels with makeup and wigs but those are for the occasional house parties or clubs where everyone is doing the same.
Hi girls, in my case I also dress to mingle with other women, the truth is that I think it’s the best thing to pass and avoid attracting a lot of attention, which could end up in an uncomfortable and even dangerous situation, but I like to wear an accessory that differentiates my look from the rest, whether it’s a bracelet, a nice watch or even a scarf tied around my neck, which I use frequently to give a pop of color to my outfit, and also serves to completely hide the Adam’s apple,
greetings to allI always dress to blend in whenever going out and often wear leggings or a denim skirt. When I got my breast forms, I had a choice of either a B or C cup. I am tall & thin and the advice I was given was that if I wanted to stay inside choose the C but if I wanted to blend in go with the B. I chose the B and am so glad I did because everything is in proportion enabling me to blend in well.
I’ve got a foot in both camps. If I dressed to fit in, I’d be in jeans. But women’s jeans, women’s androgynous top, women’s socks and shoes, are my typical male attire. So the only difference would be wearing a wig and breast forms? Maybe a more feminine top? No, I don’t dress that way.
I’ll almost always be wearing a skirt. I go for a walk through my neighborhood wearing a skirt. My top may be an androgynous top or a more feminine top. The hemline of the skirt tends to go up and down with the temperature. I’ll usually wear sneakers on my walk. My makeup usually consists of some beard cover. It may be odd, but it’s become my M.O.
If I’m going somewhere fancier, or when I would go to my friend’s themed parties, I might wear something that stands out a bit more. Maybe it’s a bit sparkly, maybe a bit unusual (such as a maid’s uniform, a quinceanera gown, or petticoats). But other times I’ll dress up but a bit classy while still being venue and occasion appropriate.
I dress to blend in but nearly always wear a dress of some sort. I have found a style that I consider a little classy but not over the top and garners approval from my friends, and, occasionally from random women I encounter while at work or out and about. Of course I will dress up for an occasion, what girl wouldn’t!
Hi Holly, I’m a blender most of the time like many of the other ladies unless it’s a really big event. Then I select my outfit hoping that it will be a showstopper (think dressed to kill but no violence). I was once told that I really need to “bring it” if I wanted to dance. And then the irony of it all is that as I write this I’m sitting at home on Friday night in shorts and a teeshirt with a sore mouth from today’s dental trip. So, tonight’s a blender and the shaking and stirring will have to wait. Thanks for this fun question, Marg
I can go both ways,to blend in and stand out.When I am dress shopping its much easier for me to be in a dress ,just zip one down and the other up.Dress shopping in jeans and a pullover top is just too much hassle for me.Now if I am shopping for jeans and heels,then its no problem,its jeans and a top.Grocery shopping is always jeans and a top,but it does seem whichever way we dress ,we are dressed more ladylike than some of the real women there.
“Women seem to not care as much any more about how they look when out shopping or just running around.”
I think this statement applies across the board to both genders. We, as a society in general, dress more casually than in times past and I include my male self in that statement. However, male clothes are just boring anyway…
I am a combo of blend in and stand out. As far as my clothes, it’s more of a blend in, though even just wearing heels kinda makes you stand out a little these days. However, the fact that I don’t hide my chest hair or wear breast forms/bra makes me stand out a bit as well.
Hi Holly
This is a point that is often raised on here and its one that it easy to consider but hard to do.
It boils down to your age, the location and event that you are doing, be that shopping, having dinner or going to a show. Women (and men) will adjust their garb to suit the environment which they are in, so tend to compliment each other.
Think of doing work on your car as an example, then you would not (intentionally) wear an expensive silk dress with heels and white gloves to change the oil as it would most likely get ruined, however you would not wear greasy overalls and steel toe cap boots to a formal dinner … so you would plan the outfit for the event.
I go shopping, go for days out in the country and dress for the occasion in comfortable shoes and outfit – and then I go to Burlesque and glam up more with retro outfits and heels to match others at the event. However I wouldn’t wear what I wear for burlesque to go shopping during the day as the outfits are just too OTT and would stand out like a sore thumb in the high street!
Having a ‘ladies that lunch meeting’ is a middle of the road event were you would dress to match your peers as it would be more dressy than shopping but not as dressy as going to the theatre or a posh meal out at night.
Sadly I have met some girls who wear inappropriate outfits for the environment, with very high heels, short skirts and shiny material in tescos shopping at 10am… unless you are trying to make a very bold ‘this is me and I’m not afraid of being looked at’ , doing it for a ‘dare’ or part of ‘Rupauls drag race’, then this is not going to end well.
So think about your age, dress according the environment and location, and have a fun time out being yourself.
Again as aways these are jut my thoughts but having been out and about for over 40 yrs I think I have go the hang of its now ..but I’m never too old to learn !
Hugs
Dawn x
Good question!
I do both at the same time as I’m a six-footer plus. As many people have told me… I have the confidence and attitude to do both… blend in and be out there at the same time!
Though I carefully select what I’m wearing… to blend with the activity I’m engaged with. I love ‘loud’ clothes but I’ve enough fashion sense to tone it down to just the right amount.
I wear slightly lower heels, the ‘right’ amount of makeup, observe the skirt/dress heights, the jewellery ‘rule’ etc but can run riot within these constrictions with colour and cut!
love Polly 💕
As I’m well over 70, I dress to “blend” like the “mature lady” I aspire to be. Maximum black 2″ wedge heels, handbag and opaque stockings, Check skirt below the knee, patterned femme shirt/blouse and plain drop waist cardigan. Subtle jewellery to complete the outfit..
Hey….. “I’ve been here before”, aka yesterday when I was able to go bra shopping as Caty for the first time at a mall the other side of Melbourne. Also the first time “out” since Covid hit back in 2020.
There’s more “excitement” on the way in the coming week, but I’ll combine the “former with the latter” when I hopefully write a CDH article about it all in the coming weeks.
Happy “blending and dressing”
Caty.
Well, it depends on the situation. When I’m out during the day, blending in is what I strive for (maxi skirts, simple tops, my wedge pumps, etc.). But for a night on the town, elegant, yet sexy is my code (my black dress with blue sparkle thread, nighttime makeup, open toe heels and sheer pantyhose).
I am a still a work in progress and hopefully will pin down my style one day.
I try to dress for the occasion but am trying to do it well. I’m older and I do have to watch what I put on. In my mind I like the 40 yr old look but I find other women frown on an older girl dressing too young. Not that I’m overly concerned with what others think. Outings seem to go better when I’m accepted by other women. Dressing well seems to be readily accepted everywhere. It might just be my experience but when other women accept you, everyone else seems to as well. Conversations come freely and everyone is more friendly. It’s amazing to me how women can set the mood for an entire room.
Dressing more and loving it.
I would say blend in. In saying that I have worn mini skirts with pantyhose and heels for trips out shoe and clothes shopping. But yes blending in doesn’t draw to much attention from others. I think have gotten more second looks when wearing womens clothes and presenting as a man actually then when in a skirt and heels.
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Around my home area I dress more androgynous so I think I stand out a bit like a male dressing a bit feminine with my long ponytail, womens pastel tees, under dressed with a bra/no forms, and panties, clear polished nails and maybe a fem bracelet on my wrist.
When I go out of town where no one knows me I dress to blend in with pantyhose, leggings or skinny jeans, bra with small forms, a touch of makeup and lipstick, some jewelry, polished colored nails, light pink sneakers or black flats, and a purse. If you go about your business like any soccer mom out doing errands then hardly anyone will notice or care at all.
I almost always dress to blend in with other women in public. For me that means both situation and age appropriateness. At home that is almost always the case as well, since I never know when I my day may take me. If I’m dressed and want to go out, I certainly don’t want to have to stop to change.
Hi Holly
When I first started letting this part of me out I was 100% about blending in almost to the point of being invisible.
As my confidence has grown and I realised the sky was not going to fall on me, I have swung the other way.
It’s not so much about wanting to stand out, it’s more to do with me being who I want to be, and if that attracts looks, so be it. I have never had any insults, aggro or provocation, only compliments and positivity has come my way, whether it be in full on Bianca mode with hair make up and a dress, or my more androgynous brighter younger male look.
I guess confidence breeds more confidence. I love fashion and feel I have a pretty good and ever developing fashion sense. I’ll put an outfit together based on what I like and how I want to look for whatever activity I am participating in. And I’ll walk out the door with my head held high and be confident and polite. If that makes me stand out so be it, but standing out is not my intention, BEING MYSELF is!
Love yourself and be who you want to be.
B x
I love being a CD. I love the wonderful and sexy clothes. It’s so exciting and thrilling to wear them. That excitement and thrill is enhanced to insane levels if I wear some of those outfits out. To me that’s the ultimate crossdreser experience.
If I dial my look down to blend in, the excitement and thrill level goes down too, until I feel nothing at all.
So, I usually like to stand out a little but not to sexy or extreme. More often then not, I’m the only one wearing pantyhose, heels and a somewhat short and casual dress. If I stand out a little, that’s OK and a level of thrill and excitement I still enjoy.
Hello Holly!
Well, I just dress. I don’t know if I’m standing out or blending in to be honest! 🙂 I guess I am leaning towards blending in. Everything I wear if femme, except I still wear (stylish and matching) men’s shirts.
They do tend to have more of a femme look to them, but when I’m wearing capri length pants etc, I think it can be pretty obvious.
🙂Hi Holly,
If I decided to venture out of home while dressed I would attempt to blend in. The thought of leaving the house does give me some anxiety as I stand out in my “regular life”. Being 6’4″ (193cm) I always attract stares for just walking around…
Going out in public is something I desire to do, and WILL do once my makeup skills are locked down. Some days I feel my make up is on point though they’re few and far between. My wife and I have talked about going out to a gay bar that has weekly Drag events, seems like a great jumping off point. Life goals. Natalie.
Hi Natalie.
We’ve all felt that way when first going out, so don’t feel too scared or anxious. You’ll find that once you’re out in public, it’s wonderful! And if you smile and are confident in your appearance, no one will look twice, you’ll just be seen as a tall woman.
You’re also extremely fortunate that you apparently have the support of your wife. So many of us don’t, so feel blessed that you do.
One thing to try when first going out is to just drive around in your car. No one can tell how tall you are that way, and it gives you a stepping stone to get out into the world.
Hugs,
Holly
Hi Natalie
I read where you are 6’4 tall. I am 6’6 tall. I didn’t even bother trying to do make up until I was 35 years old because I felt I was too tall and too masculine looking. I had only been trying to do make up for a few months when I made my first terrified outing into the real world. It was to drive about 45 miles to another girls home. I was scared to death the entire time I was out thinking something was going to go terribly wrong. Nothing went wrong.
I kept going out and grew quite bold about it. I came to realize I had as much right to exist as Barbie out in the world as anyone else and nobody was ever going to tell me otherwise. One other thing I learned that changed my life was that you don’t have to be passable to be pretty.
Two years after I was out of the closet I met a woman I had dated in NYC back in 92 as a man. This time she met me as Barbie and she was amazed it was me. She said she was surprised to see me standing tall with my shoulders back as Barbie when my male side walked hunched over trying to be invisible. She was happy for me. We have been like family to each other for 30 years.
One point I wanted to address was your excellent choice for a first outing. I have been to several gay bars dressed. You will blend right in and you will quickly feel like you are just out for a beer with friends and all is normal. Once you are seated and have had a drink or two you will start to feel at home.
Even when you don’t blend in it isn’t a problem at a gay bar.
Barbie
Hi Barbie,
Thanks for providing such an inspiring response. I don’t even think about my height until people bring it up, or point and stare. Living where I do there is a diverse population of ethnicities who are stereotypically very short in stature so I end up sticking out like a sore thumb.
Totally hear you about the gay bar. After kicking back a couple cocktails I’m sure I won’t GAD. Now I’m really looking forward to the first opportunity when I can make a night out happen!
Hugs – Natalie.
I’m a closeted crossdresser who have never been out before. I dress to stand out, I guess. To be sexy and desirable (at least in my opinion). When my make-up skills significantly improve and I pluck up the courage to head outside, I would try to blend in, not to attract too much attention. Just my two cents.
Jenny
I want to blend in somewhat. But I’m not wearing an old t-shirt and loose jeans or sweats around. I guess the look I’m going for now is classy-conservative. I’m probably waering things a few (many?) years younger than my real age, but while I’m able to pull it off (I hope?) I’m going to enjoy wearing less-frumpy clothes.
If I get a little notice, it may be for slightly over-dressing. If you dress provocatively, you’ll get the wrong kind of notice many times. One of my biggest fears is to walk into a doctor’s office or store and hear sniggers behind me or see rolled-back eyes.
Hugs,
Brie
I dress in a way that makes me feel happy and comfortable. This is usually more on the blending in side of things, but not quite. I don’t much care for just jeans and a top. I will usually opt for a dress and some nice tights, which isn’t the most common especially in the colder weather Michigan is known for. But I just really prefer dresses.
I always like to blend in
I mean I surely wouldn’t go to a grocery or department store with a really tight skinny jeans or short mini skirt and high heels. I also prefer less flamboyant type outfits because people tend to clock you if you stand out too much. Pretty floral dresses are one of my faves also pretty skirts just above or below the knee with a pretty top or just regular womans jeans and a nice top and flats I like to look gently feminine, like a lady and not draw unwanted attention.
Just me and my little opinion
I am yet to go out in public but when I am finally able to do so it will definitely be to blend in. A large bustline and narrow hips, which is what I have, is something that would tend to stand out if not dressed in what I would call a conservative manner.
It is my intention to dress in such a way that I would not rate a second glance from the average person. Actually, the first sentence in Simone C’s post sums up my attitude quite succintly. Thank you Simone.
Hi Holly
I’m a cross ‘dresser’ in the literal form. My wardrobe and daily attire are most definately femme but I rarely use make-up or my wig so that probably makes me stand out a little more than most lol. I’m not closeted, I simply dress how I feel, and how it makes me feel, not for the pleasure of others.
Olivia
Back in the day (80s) wearing fishnets and a short skirt was classed as outrageous but these days it can be normal everyday items. Overall id say blending in is better, i still rebels in little ways like wearing 9inch heels and showing lots of 🦵 leg maybe a little bit of bum to depends on my skirt length? I do wear short minis at least once a week x
Ever since I was little it was my dream to be a woman and ive not always blended in but over the last 24mths or so I can honestly say that I blend In more these days more than ever, I think blending in is not for everybody but if you can and you like to then you should as for myself I’ve always felt more female than male so it was one of my goals when I started living 24/7 as a female to blend in and someday just be like all the other women my age and dress very similar too. Acting and looking female is high up there on the things I need to do and be like, it’s not always the same for everyone else which is good because we are all different (thank god) as life would be so boring if we all went about living like we do the same. Some ladies are lucky and don’t need much to pull off the look! Myself as long as im smooth and keep a nice figure and keep myself looking femme that’s good enough for me. Others are different? It depends on the person xx
Good question! Back in the day ie the 1980s i used to dress to stand out and boy did i stand out! Dont know why but i had a thing for wearing what id call “sex shop clothes” so id wear black rubber or leather mini skirts or those trousers with like boot lacing in them, thigh high leather boots and heavy make up! Ie it looked like id put it on whilst keeping my eyes closed! That went on for a year or two then i gradually started toning it down as i looked at myself one day and i really did look like a butch man in a dress.the gradually toning down and blending in has been the greatest lesson i ever learnt as a female friend helped me along the way. The only things these days i wear that is a little over the top is i do like wearing the highest heels i can buy as i love high heels ( my first love) anything under 6inches high is not my thing, as its been a real challenge learning to walk in really high heels and its been hard but im a bit of natural and again its all down to my bio female friends, i think the best tip i can give anyone wanting to live like we do is have a real close bio female friend who can give you tips and advice. If you have one you can’t go wrong as they know better than me what suits me and what doesnt. Thats the best advice i can give anyone that wants to seriously move in our circles and maybe one day live permanently as a female,you can never go wrong. X
Dont know why but quite a lot of people i know start off wearing ” sex shop clothing” but then gradually tone it down and blend in. I think blending in is the best way to go as people have no idea of ones gender? I like it as i like people to think ” am i a butch looking bio female or a femme looking male? Its a great game to play. Well it is until i go for my op in the near future x
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