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Hi. I am very much in secret with my dressing and know my SO would not accept it well. I have purged twice and returned. I really need to stop for fear of my wife finding out bit can’t quiteface life without doing it.
My question is whether people notice any change in how exciting crossdressing is once your SO knows. Ie the fact that one is doing something secret that no one else knows about part of the thrill of crossdressing? I feel that if my wife found out the excitement might stop. So I question whether I enjoy it because it’s secret or just because I love the feel if women’s clothing or both.
Would appreciate your experiences and opinions.
Masie x
for me its both, the feeling of female cloths and the look of being a female once all dressed up pretty. my wife found out and excepts it in a way where i can dress up when 2 adult kids are gone. i try to tell her how i feel when i dress up, but she does not believe it. i tell her its a stress release and helps with my depression and panic attacks. she knows i have more female cloths then she does. she sees my dresses and make up and perfume, not to mention nail polish and pads. she lets me dress up but not see me or help me with make up., there are times she sneak down stairs to take a look at me. then times where i just walked in kitchen when she was in there and let her know i was all dressed up pretty. she knew i was for she smelled the perfume on me. she asks me why i dress up? i tell but don’t believe me, oh well. i am living my life and enjoy it while i can and when my fem side wants too also. so for your answer with your wife knowing you dress up, tell her how you feel if she asks, its not that we dress up to get excited, its the joy of being feminine and free of depression and stress and panic attacks. i love dressing up and putting on perfume and feeling feminine and free. when wife smells the perfume she knows what i am doing so y stop there enjoy the feeling of woman hood when you can
I too love the feeling of woman’s clothes, but it got so much better when my SO accepted it. I sit dressed with her every evening and wear a nightgown to bed.
Grace
My enjoyment of dressing doesn’t really have anything to do with the secret thrill or anything like that. I certainly understand that feeling of course. The I have a secret thing can be very fun. My dressing didn’t change at all once my wife knew. She accepts it to a certain degree. She doesn’t want to see me dressed or participate in any way though. She’s ok with the fact that I go for my leg wax every few weeks, and we do often go for pedicures together and she’s ok with me getting whatever pretty colors I want. Anyway, not to go on and on. I enjoy dressing more now than ever. Part of it is the comfort of not having to hide anything anymore. That allows me to express myself much more freely.
- <li style=”text-align: left;”>I to it’s both, the thrill secertly dressing when everyone is gone. For me when my wifes at work I’ll get all dolled up having the house to myself constantly anticipating her coming home early and trying to surprise me it’s a little game I guess I seem to play with myself .She does usually text me lets me know when she’s coming home even coming home early but she also has told me that maybe one day I’ll forget, oops. Other times it’s a little bit more surreal I would dress and the two if us with sit down have a nice cup of tea and discuss all it matters. I I’m bless she supports me and allows me the dress yes, her knowing does make a huge difference.🌹
For me my wife knew I crossed dressed before we were married 27 years ago(first wife did not know). She did not realize exactly what it meant. I think she thought it was all sexual. When I dress all tensions of Jim’s life disappear. Did i change the oil on time? Grass need cutting? Sharpen the mower blades? Jamie does not care! I need to feel beautiful in my newest dress and heels. The fact she knows makes it easier to live every day as a combination of Jim/Jamie. When I am Jamie I’m so relaxed.
I think that now my SO knows I am happier. I now dress for her to see what she thinks and at the same time to get some type of reaction out of her, good or bad. I will say that now she knows i can openly buy clothes and makeup. I cant be Jenny all the time but she does get more freedom now then ever. I find the extment comes from showing what i just bought to my SO. And hearing what she thinks.
Having Parkinson’s, I’m negatively affected by stress and tension that bound up whatever dopamine I still produce. For me it’s been a great relief not having to hide everything from wife and children. Even though she’s not supportive and doesn’t want to see me dressed, she accepts my need to do so and she has occasionally looked at pictures I’ve taken to show her that I look OK when I’m out and about.
My SO is supportive. She does have problems with it now and then but knows I need to do it. It is sometimes best to have a relationship like that I have been out by myself with her blessing like to see a movie or something. I felt like a woman and felt how it was more unsafe for a woman and to be aware of the surroundings and walk confidently.
Hugs, Dana.
Hi. For me the excitement and intensity of crossdressing got better after I told my wife. It opened up a new world of exploration and interaction that I never had before. It’s now to the point that I get lonely when I crossdress and she isn’t around. Z
Well, my wife and I walked through my journey to being a crossdresser together so my perspective is a little different from yours. My wife knowing has not altered my excitement or feeling of fulfillment when I do it. If you are a crossdresser, you are a crossdresser. I’m sure though, that over time, the excitement or surreptitiousness of it can possibly wear off.
Hi Masie,
since telling my SO life has got so much better for me. I ask her advice on everything feminine. Her help and support has moved me to another plateau in my need to express my femininity. After keeping this part of my life secret for so many years. The relief in sharing with the person you love is indescribable. Honesty is always the best policy with someone who loves and trusts you. The least you can do is repay that trust.
if I have on word of warning though. If you do tell your SO. Once she knows don’t let your dressing take over the relationship. I started to make that mistake and it did cause a few problems. I have had to calm things down a little just for the sake of balance and perspective.
Antonia x
i have to add, telling wife is a hard thing to say to her so like others have said u might ant to think twice, but not hide it from her she will find out sooner or later, like mine did. but she is some what OK with it, lets me know i can do what i like to do. so i dress up but i don’t walk around the house for her to see me, but if she does its a short time. letting me dress up is more relaxed feeling and setting free my feminine side. i would like for her to let me dress up and sit in same room and talk about how i feel dressed up as a female, why well its a relaxing feeling, less depressed and less panic attacks for me but i don’t think she realizes that. i try to tell her but seems to not believe me. having more female cloths then wife does should make her realize that i am more relaxed and less depressed. i love shopping for make up and dresses and nylons and bras and panties and pads. i buy my own pads at a drug store and i don’t care what the cashier thinks, could be for me or for wife., buying make up and perfume, i always buy make up and perfume in stores. dresses in stores and on line. wife knows of my own collection of fem,ale cloths. she works and i am medically retired so i can play the female part and dress up and be one. what her feelings are about me dressing up, i can say she lets me and we did not get separated so that;s a good thing
It’s been mixed once I told my wife. She’s neutral on my crossdressing, neither approving or disapproving. Her preference would be that I don’t crossdress, but she understands it’s a part of me.
This has led to being more confident that it’s okay to have a growing collection of feminine needs (clothes, shoes, lingerie, jewelry), but it also brings a fear that my wife will one day realize the true extent of my crossdressing might be more than she wants to deal with.
I’ve dressed up in front of her numerous times (some intentional and some getting caught dressed) and seen her reactions. During those times, I’ve felt liberated, shy, awkward, excited, bold, hurt, sad. I know now that the emotion I would start off with, wanting, would not be the same emotion I would experience in front of her.
In public though, I feel more accepted as either most people don’t make any remarks, and some have given me some amazing compliments.
I don’t think hiding is good for a relationship. For me its about finding inner peace. The excitement should be secondary to the feelings of peace and balance. I’m out to my wife but it’s not been easy, kind b of disphoric lately. I know though for my to love her with all my heart I have to be completely open with het. Open myself up to it so I have no barriers in my love of her. Only then will I be a integrated person who can love with no restraints.
My loving (female) partner knows, but as the English would say, “does not want to know”. So during her regular absences baby sitting her grandkids I get to be Caty quite a lot.However, rather than the “thrill” of her not knowing, to me it is quite frustrating that everything to do with Caty and my crossdressing has to go back into its various “hidey holes”. IE various suitcases, garment bags, discreet cupboards, etc before she returns.
It helps that we live in large house on a large block with my own “Sheduior” down the back. (It’s my “Man Cave” most of the time……).
But if and when we move out of here and “downsize” that in itself is going to cause some dramas
But til then…
Happy Dressing
Caty
For me the thrill is dressing and presenting feminine to myself and others if I can do it safely or discreetly – there is no additional thrill in keeping it a secret. My spouse knows, and I am pretty sure I would be a lot less happy if I had to keep it a secret – I would at least worry I lot more.
It is not that she is excited about it – she kind of tolerates my dressing as long keep to myself – which means getting fully dressed when she is not around, and limiting my indulgence to underdressing when she is around. At my request, she did buy me a bra and some makeup many years ago – but she was clearly not thrilled so I dont ask anymore I just get things myself. So in that sense I am alone at home in my crossdressing but at least I dont have to worry about her finding my eyeliner or pantyhose and freaking out, and I am not burdened with keeping a secret.
For me letting others know is a big thrill – but only if they are supportive. I am now taking makeup lessons so my instructor knows, and I post pictures of myself on this website. I really enjoy both of those activities because I am presenting feminine to someone else. So far, since I returned to crossdressing I have not gone beyond those two steps – except for one walk around the block near my hotel when I was out of town. Years ago I did go out fully dressed from time to time and I am seriously thinking about doing it again – but I would have to do that on the sly.
So I would have to say no, there is no decline in the thrill if your SO knows – provided she is at least tolerant or even just prepared to look the other way. For those girls that have SOs that are supportive and happy to spend time with a husband fully dressed in feminine attire and makeup – all I can say is I envy you.
Good Luck Masie – I really hope you find a way to indulge in cross dressing without harming your marriage
I think it is just as good if not better. My wife now knows about my cross dressing, but she doesn’t want to participate or see me dressed. If she is going to be out of the house all day, she knows to call when she is on her way home to give me a chance to change. I know I can enjoy myself without hiding or having the pressure of being caught. No secrets is better for a relationship, even if she does not embrace the idea
One nice thing that she has accepted is that I now wear a nightgown and panties to bed.
I think it is much better that my wife knows. She is now an active participant in that she wants to fully dress me and undress me. We shop together for lingerie, dresses and makeup. I do not dress to go out in public but my wife has expressed an interest in me doing so. Mainly to go to secluded spots for pictures, she really enjoys taking photos of me in different stages of dress. I used to hide from her the fact that I liked wearing panties but when I finally told her she was perfectly ok with it and has encouraged progression into wearing slips, garter belts, stockings and dresses. My wife has been perfectly accepting of everything we have talked about doing as long as it is together. We have been together for 25 years now and I think we will stay together.
I do not have a SO and I live alone. Yet, among my very close female friends, one or two suspect but don’t say. Of the two I have told outright about my crossdressing one is very supportive and understanding- I should have married her long ago. The other woman says “you need to do what makes you happy”. I guess I am very fortunate in many ways. I too envy those who have a partner who encourages the activity.
I realize there are investments with SO, but as I found out, she’s not right for one if she can’t accept you or what you like. Just my 2 cents.
I’m so fortunate, mine brought me some bras, panties, New thigh highs (to replace hers that I wrecked and how she found out 🙂 and a brand new sexy black dress. then asked me to put it all on.
Life’s to short to be judged by someone that claims to actually love one for who they are.
Beat wishes.
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