Feeling confused

[Candice Connors]

From a young age I always felt a rush whenever I knew I would have the opportunity to slip into a thong and bra when nobody was looking. Having family members who would judge me made it feel impossible to embrace this fun part of my identity. I was raised to be masculine, i am completely in the closet about my true desires. I don’t know if crossdressing is just a thrill or if a part of me truly wants to be a woman. I always feel like thats not the case but it’s always been a strong fantasy of mine. I am embracing this as well as my acceptance of being attracted to men but I feel like i am having an identity crisis. I’m not sure who to talk to about this that feels the same way.

[Rachel Willing]

Candice,

Hello from another local gal!

I for one (and I’m sure many others here) have felt the same rush of excitement (!) when dressing – even from an early age – and know how you feel.  Many here are also deep in the closet (as am I. mainly to protect my marriages and family).  You will find many ladies here with similar experiences and willingness to help – it’s a welcoming and understanding community here at CDH.

While I always enjoyed the thrill, I’ve found in the past few years that I also just “feel right / at peace” when I let Rachel burst out, and while I do enjoy my male side (and have no plans to transition), I do find that Rachel wishes here breasts were real, and her hips were real, and that she were a real woman, and when the “pink fog” gets really thick it can all be a bit confusing. But after many years of shame and questioning, I have finally accepted that she is a part of me, and have embraced her.

I hope you can find some peace of mind in knowing you’re not alone, and can find the support you need here.

 

Hugs,

 

Rachel

 

[Candice Connors]

Thank you Rachel, it’s not easy hiding a part of yourself that feels so right

[Anonymous]

A therapist could open some of the unseen, however. The Biggest thing? Well in my opinion…. Its not how we arrived where we are, maybe theres a reason, maybe theres just aretrospective hallucination… but will we process this with honor..it is a interesting conundrum. For example, i have met women that LOVE it. i have met women that thought they had grounds,AND, it seemed, the moral compulsion to “expose me,” and , “show people who i “really” am….😌, I think it showed me more about who she was TBH

[Candice Connors]

Hmmm i think a therapist is the way to go, this is something I definitely need to take baby steps with!

[Candice Connors]

Thank you Lisa!!

[Author]

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