Have you ever been asked what is your pronoun in a retail store?

I recently went to a Torrid store to try on some clothes. Note that I was dressed en-femme. The associate asked me what is my pronoun? She/Her, Him/Her or They/Them. I have never been asked that before.

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  • #669019
    Michelle Byee
    Registered On: July 12, 2022
    Topics: 7
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    I wanted to share a letter that I wrote to the President of Torrid!

    I recently had an amazing experience and I wanted to give praise where praise is due. We live in a world where most news is bad or negative news. Especially in the retail and IT industry (I have worked in both industries), most of the contact you get from customers is usually negative.

    There is a bug in the website or software.
    I didn’t get good customer service when I came into your store.

    Well, I think that if you ever get an amazing experience, go ahead and take some time to praise that person or organization.

    After I wrote this letter, I printed it off and personally delivered it to the 2 ladies at the store, to make sure that they got it. The joy and smiles on their faces was so worth it!

    For privacy, I have left out the location and changed the names of the associates.

    Here is the letter:


    Hello President of Torrid,

    I would like to give some well deserved praise for 2 associates at Torrid store. (I left out the location in this post.)

    Their names are Kathy and Kimmy.

    I have already written a positive survey about Kathy but she is amazing each and every time I go to the store and she is able to help me. She has a great style and she knows how to pick out the correct clothes. Yes, there were some that we agreed didn’t look right and we had some laughs and giggles about it but the majority of the time, she was right about the look, style and fit for me.

    Kimmy also needs some praise too. I am a MTF Crossdresser and she really wanted me to feel comfortable in the store. She has been the only associate in any store (anywhere I have been shopping ever) that has asked me what my pronoun is. (She/Her etc). Talking with her, I can see that she is a very caring, understandable, and knowledgeable woman that wants her customers to be comfortable and happy. I really have a huge amount of respect for someone like her. Also, because of the respect I have for her, I respected her opinion too about the clothes that I was trying on.

    For the amount of effort that both of them made me feel so comfortable, I have total respect for them both. As you know, respect is earned and both Kathy and Kimmy have earned my respect!

    I guess I don’t need to tell you that this praise for these ladies is really genuine and they should be recognized for the great job they are doing.

    I also commend Torrid for being so Crossdressing/Transgender friendly. When I walk into your store, I really do feel comfortable and safe.

    I really do appreciate it. More than I can really express here in writing.

    Lots of Hugs 🤗🤗🤗 and Kisses 💋💋💋💋 for Torrid!



    So if you get a chance, give some praise and I am 100% sure that you will make that person’s day or week or month or even their career!

    Hugs 🤗🤗🤗 and Kisses 💋💋💋


    • This topic was modified 1 month ago by Michelle Byee. Reason: Blog didn't look right
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    • #669108
      Hose Heels
      Registered On: May 9, 2022
      Topics: 2
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      I have had a couple experiences, one at a Soma store and one at Ann Taylor. They didn’t ask my pronouns but at Soma was referred to as “friend” and at Ann Taylor she called me sir, then immediately backtracked, apologized and stumbled over herself trying to unsay it. I told her not to worry and that I know it’s confusing. I present somewhere between male and female. Probably 85% female and 15% male. On top of that, I just really don’t care what others call me or refer to me as. As long as they are polite, I just really don’t care. I know it means a lot to some, but not to me.

    • #669055
      Michelle McQueen
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      So glad to see someone who takes the time to appreciate good store employees. Retail is a thankless job and usually doesn’t pay well so praising customer feedback naming the associates goes a long way in advancing that employees status and career. Today, all businesses want positive customer feedback and you went the extra mile sending a letter to the employees and the companies president… kudos to you Michelle! I haven’t shopped at Torrids but now I want to.

      For many years I worked closely with the president of a retail chain and learned he had a habit of recommending good employees of any business he encountered that did a good job. He too made a point of sending a letter to the employee and the company president. Its a good habit which raises your status too and shows you care about people.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #669053
      Angela Booth
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
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      I think that is a wonderful gesture in recognition of good service even without the T.G angle. It is clear torrid values all its customers and am sure the sales girls will get recognition from the company they justly deserve.


      I have never been asked my pronouns when out shopping. I have been asked how I wished to be addressed when attending the dentists and doctors dressed but that was to update their records.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #669037
      MacKenzie Alexandra
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: May 20, 2016
      Topics: 43
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      I have not been asked my pronouns in Torrid specifically, but I have been asked on multiple occasions.  Given that I am present as a man, but generally wear feminine attire, I am not surprised.  I will usually respond with male pronouns, but I really do not have any preference as long as the reference (pronoun, sir, ma’am) being used is being used respectfully, and not to ridicule and humiliate.

      As for Torrid, I cannot say enough about my experiences at several stores in my area.  The sales associates are always respectful, and very helpful.  I am even on a first name basis with most of associates at the store which I frequent most.

      I also had my most respectfully exclusive experience at a Torrid.   Another customer was clearly uncomfortable with my presence in the store.  It was to the point that the customer approached an sales associate to request that the associate ask me to leave.  The associate’s response  was wonderful — “Ma’am, he is a customer, same as you.  He has no less the privilege to shop here than you do.  I am sorry that you are uncomfortable with his presence, but I cannot ask him to leave.  If you are uncomfortable, you are free to leave and return at later time.”  I may be paraphrase it a little, but that is the general gist of the sales associate’s response.

      MacKenzie Alexandra

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #669046
        Michelle Byee
        Registered On: July 12, 2022
        Topics: 7
        Replies: 35
        Has thanked: 116 times
        Been thanked: 312 times

        That was an AMAZING response! So glad to hear things like this are happening nowadays!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #669034
      Jill Quinn
      Registered On: July 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 169
      Has thanked: 1588 times
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      Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience with us! It is so heartwarming to hear positive stories of kindness between two or more people.

      I’ve been in to Torrid with my wife many times, but never with a mind to shop for myself. I may have to reconsider and try them for myself.

      Hugs, Jill

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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