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My SO is accepting and knows about Gabby. She let’s me buy things within reason. We often shop together and have a great time doing so. Any time I dress she is aware and I send her pictures for her opinion before I post them. With all the positive I’ve mentioned there is a negative. In the beginning crossdressing was part of the bedroom for us. It was fun and silly. She even would ask for me to dress. As time has passed this has faded to nonexistent. We have talked about it and all she says is that sex just isn’t on her mind and she will do it when it’s on my mind. She has a lot going on and I want to be a good partner. But I also want to have fun with her and enjoy intimate time. We are intimate regularly but it’s not the same. Normally it’s quick and kind of bland. The foreplay and fun seem to be a thing of the past. We talked about it a few times but to no resolve. Any input at this point I will take.
Many years ago, my wife and I used crossdressing for “play”. She would buy me PVC and rubber dresses and skirts etc. She’d “force” me to be her prostitute. She would use her toys on me, if you know what I mean….. At one stage she actually out kinked me…. I didn’t think that was possible…. Then one night during a very enjoyable time, she suddenly stopped, and told me to get undressed and put on “normal” clothes…. After that she hated me crossdressing, and Cerys went back into the closet for 10 years or more. I only dressed when she was away. To this day, I have no idea what caused the sudden change. We have talked about it more recently, but I still don’t have the answer. Something tells me it was my wife thinking that maybe she was turning lesbian, and/or I was possibly gay because of my enjoyment of the toys. Her sex drive hasn’t returned… She occasionally gets in the mood, but not often. When she does, it’s nothing like the mad days of before.
Things change. People change. When things are good enjoy them. You never know when things will change. Things might return to the way they were. They might only come some of the way back. They might not come back. Just keep being kind and loving. Don’t get angry. My wife wishes she had more drive. She sought help from doctors and counsellors. She wants to be “normal”. Your wife might feel the same. Love her and support her.Cerys.
Both partners may experience change in sex drive due to age or health. Intimacy with a CD partner may be thrilling for a time, the thrill can wear off. I’m not one that enjoys a man dressed as a woman as a turn on. The image won’t go away dressed or not.
The duty of a husband is to please his wife. I would say the same to wives to please their husbands, but that’s not this forum.
Women need more than arousal for a good time. Our needs are more emotional and difficult to identify root causes. Unclean sheets can be a turn off.
Eileen,
I think what you are referring to is called “girl porn.”Nothing is going to make me eager for that D more than a partner that is doing all the things that I need. I need to feel appreciated and attractive because he is letting me know. I need to feel like he is doing his part with household work. I need to feel important to him. If he decides to vacuum or do something nice for me, then there’s a bigger chance I’m going to be interested in being intimate.
Hugs,
Betty
Its good that the two of you are talking about it. My initial reaction is that we all change as we get older and it may be just that its not the first thing on her mind…as you said theres a lot going on and that in itself can have an impact.
In our relationship I put her in charge of sex and let her know she’s the one in charge. It’s a contrast to my predecessor and it’s worked pretty well for us.
Hi Gabby,
The best part of dressing for me has been my ability to tap in to my inner female. I to am going through a similar situation. Our sex drive is not in balance. We no longer care for the the why. Hey this stuff happens. So we took sex off the table. We got back to basics. I date my wife now and just as it was in the past their are no expectations of what to come. With all the pressure off we find our conversation blossoms and we get more in sink with one another. Yes this sometimes leads to intimacy. However the real goal is to understand each other more. I know now that she needs me to date her as my male self and to leave my female self in the closet for the night. Im actually flattered by this. Her attraction is to the masculine but yet other than our dates she accepts me for my femme self. What an amazing person. Sometimes I wonder how I would be with the heel on the other foot.
Good luck Gabby amazing
Me and my SO are in the same situation.
As my wife has gotten older her sexual desires seem to have waned. I have tried to explain the physical relief is one thing I can handle on my own, but the intimacy factor is something I need and can’t replicate. She understands but I can tell her heart is not into that as it once was.
Hopefully, someone will post reply that will turn on that light switch for both of us.
Good luck Gabby
Hugs
SamanthaI’ve been reading down the thread here and it seems like many of us are in the boat. As we have gotten older and exploring our inner selves, our wives have become the opposite. Yes it could be because of menopause, then again as my wife once said to me that she “…just not interested in it any more!” I stewed for awhile. A long while. Then one day she was talking to me one about her sisters relationship her sister was have issues with the husband. He was complaining that she doesn’t have sex with him any longer. My reply was easy, “I know that feeling!” I think it rattled something inside of her. We final got to talking about it, and when I told her that the neighboring (separated) wife had come on to me, (I didn’t do anything) she was starting to look mighty advertising to me!
She realized she needed to come around to me again. And it seems now where back on track. I try to let her decided when. After a few weeks I might give a hint.
Sometimes We do dress up for intimate activities. Me in stockings, panties and maybe a babydoll. She knows it makes me better, let just say. And she enjoys dressing as well. But I was denied any pleasures from her for several years. And it had gotten to a point where… I’m glad we talked.
Being in your 60’s, or beyond, doesn’t mean you’re sexual dead!I wanted to give an update on this. Without going into too much detail. One night last week she suggested I put some girl clothes on. Nothing major happened in the way of sex just talking and cuddling. We talked alot about how things had cooled off between us and both agreed we needed to change that. Friday and Saturday we played some old games and took turns making suggestions. After a long and tiring weekend the lights definitely came on. Take that how you may.
I hear ya, girls. Similar situation, here. But yesterday, as we were about to make love & knowing how she feels about my dressing, I tempted fate & slipped into a black baby doll. She was OK with it & said that, as much as she enjoys doing it with me, this was so much better.
Gabby,
First, I applaud you for working on your relationship and recognizing that your SO has needs, too.
Second, let me tell you something that I heard a while ago that blew my mind with the accuracy of the statement: Men have sex to relax. Women have to be relaxed to have sex.
That being said, many CDs say that dressing relaxes them and helps to relieve the stress of the day. However, as a SO, his dressing does not relax me. Although I am accepting of this part of him, it does nothing for my sex drive. Menopause does affect sex drive, but as Eileen said, “Our needs are more emotional and difficult to identify root causes.” Perhaps you two can have a conversation that revisits boundaries. She may have changed some of her feelings regarding your dressing but thinks it unfair to change the rules that have been established.
I also agree with Betty who said, “I need to feel appreciated and attractive because he is letting me know.” I would add though, don’t say things like, “You look good in that.” Personally, I feel like the focus is more on the clothing when that is said, and I feel like he is going to try it on as soon as I leave for work. Just say, “You ARE beautiful!” You know what I mean? Also, sometimes it feels like his femme self is “the other woman.” When you know he’s buying lingerie for “her” and not you, you don’t feel appreciated. When you’re doing everything you can to make his life easier, and instead of a token of appreciation for you, he buys something silky and sexy for “her”, you don’t feel appreciated – you don’t feel good about yourself.
A woman who doesn’t feel attractive, appreciated, or heard is not relaxed enough to enjoy sex.
[quote quote=736818]Second, let me tell you something that I heard a while ago that blew my mind with the accuracy of the statement: Men have sex to relax. Women have to be relaxed to have sex.[/quote]
…guess I’m a woman then? Haha.
I’ve had a couple different women try to “spring” sex on me several times in the past when I was stressed out or in a bad mood, thinking that would (somehow) help, rather than waiting for the situation to calm down some first before bringing sex up. I’ve always been so confused by where they got the idea that situations like that might be a good time to suddenly bring up sex. Like… no, I’m halfway to a panic attack right now, sex is the absolute last thing on my mind, are you nuts!?
And in one of those situations, she was just as stressed-out as me. If not more so. It really felt like she wanted sex to de-stress, but she felt like she couldn’t just come out and say that and had to go about it in this round-about way, making it “about me” for some reason… I guess she had picked up this odd idea that only men have sex to relieve stress somewhere? Hmm.
I would be veeeery careful about buying too heavily into any “men are like this, but women are like this!” generalizations along these lines. Nobody fits all that perfectly into the little pink and blue boxes society teaches us we’re supposed to fit into, and the brainwashing to mold us into conveniently box-shaped blobs doesn’t always stick.
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