- This topic has 17 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by
.
- Posts
Hello everyone!
I’m not sure I’m in the right place but I stumbled upon this group while desperately searching the internet for enlightenment and maybe some support for myself and (maybe) for my DH. I’m not a CD but very recently discovered that my husband of 25 years is (less than a week ago). He didn’t tell me, I found his stash. Needless to say that I went through some overwhelming emotions before I could come back down to earth and realize that it wasn’t the end of my world and it will certainly not change how I love my Dh. Even though I accept him for everything that he is, I’m still struggling with certain (irrational I hope) fears and am desperately searching for others who would understand or who could reassure me when those fears surface. We don’t know any one like us and it’s a bit scary going through it alone sometimes. Thank you for taking the time to read my plea and I hope you don’t mind me asking if I’m in the right place.
Hello Nancy
Yes, you’re in exactly the right place.
None better, I would venture to say.
The articles are well worth a read – and there are a great deal of them, so take some time browsing.
The reasons for dressing are varied and complex – or may simply be liking the clothes for themselves.
I can guarantee that it’s not the end of the world, but the beginning of a new adventure.
Do drop into the forums – there’s even one for s/o’s only.
The best way to understand this is to talk about it – and the ladies here just love to do exactly that.
Welcome to CDH – and I wish all the best to you and your husband going forwards.
If he’s not already a member, he should sign up too!
Love Laura (with the fake avatar!)
Hi Nancy and welcome from another wife! You are in the right place that’s for sure – lots of help, support and re-assurance on here (and also a safe space of you need a rant)!
Hve you requested to join the Wives & Partners /SOs group? If not then request to be added as it’s a great resource for us and sometimes we feel more comfortable asking questions to other people in the same position or from the same perspective (although you can also ask whatever you want in the main groups as well) and there are bound to be wives/SOs who have been through what you are going through as well.
Xx
Hi Nancy, Teralynn here. Welcome to CDH. If you are looking for help understanding the situation you are in and possibly some support from others who are or have been in a similar situation, then you most certainly have come to the right place. I believe this site was specifically designed to support crossdressing people and their significant others. You have already been made aware that the site has a group specifically for just significant others of crossdressing people. You can find a tremendous amount of support and answers to many of your questions by becoming a member of that group. Of course they are not crossdressers themselves so don’t disregard the possibility that some of your questions might be better answered by an actual crossdressing person. Lord knows we have plenty of them from all over the world and in all different stages of their crossdressing journey. So consider posing certain questions to both the significant others group and to some of our actual crossdressing (mtf) members. It is unfortunate that your husband could not find the courage to tell you about his crossdressing himself, but try not to be too hard on him for that. Most crossdressing people are afraid of their partners finding out. Thoughts of losing them keep a lot of crossdressing people in the closet. Unfortunately that is no guarantee that a significant other will not find out and then hurt feelings of deception and betrayal can cause all kinds of problems. Since it is obvious you still love your husband, I applaud your decision to join this site and seek support and answers to a lot of your questions. As a crossdresser myself for over two decades, I look at crossdressing from a different perspective based on my background in psychology. The why’s and how’s have always been more important to me than any other aspect of crossdressing. If I can ever be of service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my home profile page wall or a private message will get the fastest response. By the way, I am married. Told the wife at the beginning and now she has not only a husband but a best friend that she can talk girl stuff with. – Blessings
Hi Nancy, its good that you are taking the time to understand your husbands lifestyle. I will say it would of been so much easier for myself if my significant other made a similar effort itstead of shunning the situation. You will find lots of support here for both you and your husband. I wish you both the best, if you have any questions feel free to ask. You can add me anytime as a friend.
Nancy,
First, although I’m certainly not “authorized” to speak for anyone else much less everyone, let me say that I think all of us who are CDing men with wives/gfs are so thankful that you came here.
I also want to reassure you that there is no judgment for you if you are having difficulty processing this. Most of us have lived our whole lives processing it and STILL don’t understand it fully — this phenomenon that probably isn’t entirely fair to us and certainly not fair to you.
I think we all wish that if we were “found out,” it would be because we voluntarily offered the information, but I pray that you aren’t too hard on your DH for not telling you. This is a monumental struggle, and we have great fear about real or imagined backlash from those we love — especially our most important relationship with our wife. And we KNOW this is tough to take. And we KNOW that it can appear to shatter some illusions about our masculinity and about how you fit into all of this and what it means about how he feels about YOU.
I beg you to stay the course with him. I believe it to be one of the most meaningful ways you can demonstrate selfless love for him — for ALL of him — that you can possibly imagine. Everyone here is DYING to have acceptance from their wives. For me, it feels like if you love me even in this, then you do really love ME for who I really am.
I really do think CDers make great husbands. As a Christian myself, I believe that we are called as husbands to live with our wives “in an understanding way,” as the Bible says. What better way to understand a person than (again as the Bible says) to “walk a mile in her shoes?” Allowing us to “access” our feminine sides with some degree of freedom and without judgment can bring an exponential return for a wife.
You will have to discuss boundaries with which you are comfortable and keep communicating about it. The boundaries may become bigger or smaller or both as time goes by, but just like any other issue, it requires communication.
Speaking for myself, You may see some stories and posts that scare you here, but you I think will find comfort in the vast majority of it. The vast majority of us are heterosexual men. The vast majority of us aren’t looking to take hormones or transition into full womanhood. Some wives are ok with that; many aren’t and think it’s a bridge too far. For I think the vast majority of us, We just want to explore and present ourselves in a feminine way sometimes.
None of your feelings are “wrong.” I can tell, because you’re here, that you love your husband and have an open mind and heart. He is the same guy he has always been, and now you get the distinct privilege of truly knowing ALL of him. I suspect some of the things you love about him are derivatives of his partial feminine nature.
Speaking for myself, I have used my femme side to better understand my wife’s needs for security, and safety, and provision. I better understand how to listen and not lecture. I better understand how to sacrifice and serve her. And I also better understand why it takes a while to make yourself look prettier and why you need lost of shoes to go with different outfits and why there is so much more pressure on women to project an attractive appearance to the world. I now understand when my wife says, “I can’t go to the grocery without makeup on! Are you crazy?” 😂
I’m sure I and many of the others here are happy to answer any questions you might have of us, and I echo the advice to join the private Wives/SO group here.
I pray you look at this as an exciting adventure that you and your husband will get to go on together! It won’t be easy, but I think the potential payoff for you — for BOTH of you — is huge.
God bless,
StephanieHi Nancy! Welcome to CDH you will luv it here ! 🧚🏼🌿🎀🌸
Hi Nancy
welcome to the forum and many thanks for being here. Your ‘DH’ must be very special to have someone like you who is looking at ways to understand their fem side.
You are a very special person and I truly hope we can help you find the answers to all the questions you may have.
Please use the ‘SO forum’ as there are some wonderful members there who understand what you are going through, or ask the main forum and you will get answers from our side of the equation.
Hugs
Dawn
Welcome Nancy,
This is indeed the right place to ask questions and get support. I think it is wonderful that you are here, looking to understand your partner. What I would like to add to that is that it is also important to stay close to and don’t forget about yourself and your needs!
Warm regards,
Katie
Good morning everyone
Wow! I wasn’t expecting so much “love” from so many of you. I feel so much better to have found a community that I can trust and lean on when I feel low. I’m just as excited that my Dh will soon join us. Even though we communicate with each other really well (even better now), it’s still important to have support from the “outside”, kwim.
I’m definitely going to find a way to get over to the SO forum sometime today but will also visit the other forums as well. You are absolutely right when you said that it’s important to get both perspectives. I really want to not only understand but above all be able to enjoy our new life together. I’m well aware that what I feel today might not be the same 2 months from now and that scares me.
Thank you all so much ♥️ and as soon as I can get behind my computer I’ll post more.
SO glad you’re here Nancy and now with your DH too. SO thankful always to have wives here who love their husbands. As I’m fond of saying, “love is a verb, not a noun.” And you are demonstrating that by being here. God bless you on this journey.
Steph
Welcome Nancy.
I do believe that you are in the right place. I have not come out to my wife yet. I really don’t know why. Probably fear or shame. I just recently started cross dressing, but I have been this way my whole life. Since I have been dressing it has given me a whole new perspective on women. Everything that you have to go through. I now notice the shoes, makeup, how the blouses fit and if it would look good on me. Believe me I truly appreciate everything that you have to do. I also understand that you have to do it. Please give your husband some understanding. He has probably struggled with this his whole life. Feel free to ask any questions here. For us it is a safe place. The support that we get here is amazing and gives us courage. I know that I need to tell my wife and I am working up to that. Any input that you have would be welcome and if I can help in anyway let me know.❤️
OctaviaYou are in the right place. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. If your husband is anything like me I could be a great help setting your mind at ease on many things. First I will let you know that I personally am a straight male but I do like to dress up. For me it is more my envy of the female form and the soft and pretty clothing. It may take awhile for both of you to figure out what you both can feel comfortable with. I am in a committed relationship and my girlfriend knows I dress but at this point neither is comfortable with her seeing me dressed. I want to perfect my look and be a bit more passable before exposing Erica to my girlfriend and she has mentioned the desire but still has some reservation on it. I wish you the best and will help with any questions you may have. Love Erica
-
Welcome, Nancy!! I can’t put my feelings to words any better than the posts that are already here, but I wanted to say hello and make sure you had another ear to bend if you need it.
I’ve been dressing since December of last year after it had been repressed (not consciously) for more than 35 years. I have yet to come out to my wife because I’m terrified of her response (which I believe will be negative). Your perspective in this matter will also be helpful to those of us that are still in the closet. HOWEVER, for now, I want you to deal with YOU until you feel comfortable dealing with others issues. You have a TON of support on this site that will gladly and happily concentrate and help you.
The other gals have said it, I’ll reiterate, you will NOT find a better, more supportive and understanding site on the internet. I truly believe that.
*kisses* tara 🙂
- The forum ‘Introductions & New Members’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Recent Comments