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Hi everyone. Now the question today is about acceptance and how people where you live, feel and react to cross dressing, Transgender or indeed any other part of the LGBT Community. Have you had mainly positive experiences where you live or just downright negative? You dont need to be specific where you live and i fully understand if you would rather not disclose it.
Where i live in Greater Manchester U.K. Generally things seem to be ok. It is not perfect by any means but on the whole my experiences have been positive so far.
I hope you find this Topic interesting and hopefully will help others gain confidence too.
Love Fiona x
Hi Fiona as i have mentioned before where i live here in Montana the community is old school as farmers and ranchers and there was a couple that lived about 10 miles away from me.. They moved into a old farm house there and before i got to meet them people around area ousted them because they were trans dressers.. Enough harrasment they moved away within a week after moving in such a shame i never got to meet them before gone .. So Stephanie keeps to her self well except for the wife and all my wonderful sisters here ..
Hugs girls and hope for better results with other girls here at home..
Stephanie
I list my location as Asheville, NC where the town is pretty much a liberal city and I have never had any problem going out fully dressed in public there. I list it because of that attitude and have had some fun times there but I actually live about an hour away south of Asheville in a very conservative, overly religious, city.
Its the south and my town is very anti-LGBTQ where there have been attempts to open LGBTQ venues but all were picketed and shut down fairly quickly by church groups. I would never attempt to go out fully dressed around here. As it stands, my under dressing with maybe a noticeable bra outline sometime, a long 14inch ponytail in a matching scrunchie, wearing semi fem clothing and womens deodorant, manicured clear polished nails, and now pierced ears, get me enough attention as it is. I’m a big guy (not fat) and don’t really care but we have to remember to be safe out there.
I live in quite a diverse community here in the U.K. which has many cultures and religions some from many continents. I have to say that I have had no real issues once I started to come out and dressing from home. Neighbours have been very accepting and I can freely go about my business and at work it has been the same with customers and clients alike. The laws and regulations help a lot as does the communities attitudes. Perhaps there are other areas of the U.K. that aren’t so accepting and would exercise care should I anticipate a visit, although I am sure that won’t happen.
It is as perfect as it can get and am always prepared for some issue to manifest itself but overall I feel extremely lucky. I feel for the girls who live in communities that have cultural and religious issues that prejudice minds against anything that doesn’t conform.
It is best not to live in an unaccepting area that is populated with hicks and hillbillies. It is just asking for trouble unless you stay closeted forever. If possible, I would move to a better area. There is nothing worse than allowing a community to dictate your lifestyle.
Yes Jamie, for those U.K sisters who are not aware of non-accepting states , regions and deep seeded prejudices . I don’t envy those CD’s living in the Deep South, Appalachia , The Mid-West Heartland ( Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas, and then there’s Rural TEXAS ( which I wont even go on about)
I live in Upstate NY on Lake Ontario and everything is cool here ( except the summers)
Hi girls,
I have to consider myself to be incredibly blessed and very fortunate! The community I live in is Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. Our city was listed in the last census as being the most LGBQT or queer friendly city in the entire country. This city is the capital and our provincial government officially supports inclusiveness in all of its ministries.
I work in a building that is home to two government ministries. I work as a woman, a trans woman. I came out last year as being transgender and inquired about transitioning on the job. I was accepted by everyone as being trans and was unanimously supported to transition while at work.
I’ve been in touch with several girls who are sisters right here on CDH and who also live in Victoria. I’m finding it a bit difficult to get together with other trans women who are quite timid about “coming out” in public.
I’m part of a group of people involved in “The Transgender Archives at The University of Victoria”. There’s going to be a conference at UVIC from March 30th to April 2nd, called “Moving Transgender History Forward” and I will be attending, hoping to make many new acquaintances.Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
I live in the outback nsw Australia. I dont go into town dressed. My neighbors have seen me dressed.
I hear whispers but nothing is really said. One old neighbour in his 80s told me his cousin was trans. And was beautiful. Nothing else was said.
I’m fully involved in the rural community. I hunt. Log. Farm. Member of a few community groups. And do various work for neighbors. Again i dont dress outside my own property. (Which is bigger than most suburban towns anyway.)
Hi Fiona
I live in rural Buckinghamshire very conservative you hardly ever see any crossdresser’s on a daily/ weekly basis, however living where I live if anybody clocks you they just ignore you. Like any area you might meet someone obnoxious, they just get ignored I must say the younger generation just accept you as they find you some like to chat. About 10 miles from where I live is the well known Pink Punters exclusively LGBTQ+ and very welcoming.
Love Sarah xxxHi Sarah, yes Pink Punters, i have heard of that although i have never been as yes. When we have our xmas ball at the radio station, some of the crew go there.
Sending Love, Fiona x
Southern California is probably the heart of liberalism, so no issues. No doubt there are cretins about, but so what? I don’t go stupid places at the wrong time even here, but I never heard a bad comment. No doubt some whisper one to another, but if they have a problem with it, it is their problem, not mine.
I agree with JJ. SoCal is one of the best places to live if you’re a CD or trans. I’ve never had a bad experience here. That said, there are people here that don’t like us one bit. Staying away from the places they congregate is a common sense approach to avoiding trouble.
Really, most of California is pretty tolerant. Especially along the coast. And there are a number of laws in place that provide significant protection if faced with discrimination and hostility. Few states equal what we have here.
One thing that concerns me is travel. There are places in the world that are essentially a no-man’s-land if you are trans. Unfortunately some US States are becoming that way as well. And they’re not as easily avoided. I no longer feel safe driving cross country. Major airports in some States may become off limits as well.
Overall I’m optimistic about our future. But I think things will get worse for some of us before they get better.
/EA
Hey Fiona, I live in Kamloops B.C. when I moved here I was 16 and it was a town of 26000 people and was definitely red neck country. Now at over 100,000 that’s not so much the case anymore. I go out for a girls day with a girl friend shopping and ending the day for happy hour at a pub. We go through the Malls, Walmart, drug stores, Costco you name it and we’ve never been clocked (that we were aware of) and never had a rude comment from anyone. My how things have changed. People these days, even the red necks, seem to take it all in stride now. It’s too bad it wasn’t like this back when I was younger.
Trish.
Unfortunately, my town is very conservative and old fashoned. And currently isn’t well received. But the town is slowly evolving and it getting a little better as time goes by
I live in Atlanta, Georgia.
On the average, I am out in public cross dressed about two days a week, throughout the greater Atlanta metropolitan area. Atlanta is an exceptionally LGBT friendly city.
That being said, I do not drink, so I do not hang out in bars. As is common for any place where adult beverages are consumed, I have heard stories from other CDs where things can get rough in some bars in certain sections of town, if you are a CD.
I attend all sorts of public events cross dressed and have never had any issues.
Sometimes I am amazed just how high the level of acceptance is and how much I am treated like a lady. Just today at one of our large malls I was caught up in a “lost purse incident” in of all places the ladies room, a place where I endeavor to keep a very low profile. It was my fortune to stumble upon the lost purse, then quickly deliver it to the upset girl. Suddenly, I was the center of attention, in the ladies room, not a good thing for a CD, but it all worked out. I was totally accepted as the woman who found the purse.
Atlanta is one thing-But… I’ll bet in many of the ‘old south ultra conservative’ hic Rural areas areas of your large state you’d definitely would not be accepted and have some bunch of yahoo country boys want to beat you up and threaten to lynch you- no🫤?
I have traveled all over Georgia, as my female self, for years, Meghan, never had any issues to speak of, but then I blend in fairly well. As mentioned previously, I do not drink, and therefore, do not frequent places where adult beverages are consumed, which has no doubt been a large factor in helping me avoid problems over the years.
In my travels around the state, I encounter all sorts of “people” from all walks of life.
From the descriptive words you use to describe residents of our state, as a suggestion, you might want to come on down to Georgia and see if you can locate any such types? However, with 159 counties in Georgia, it could take you some time.
I live in south western Ontario, in a town of 48,000 people. I go out for all my errands and have never had a bad experience. I saw a woman at the Grocery that could be a CD, she was taller with square shoulders and dressed too well for the grocery, and no on said anything to her. She gave me the courage to go out as well. All of the shops in town have LGBT fags in the windows. Our library is starting Drag Queen story time. All of the laws in Ontario are supportive of the LGBT community. I still here talk in wispers about how people don’t know how to act around us, but no outward hostility. For the most part I am ignored while out. Just as it should be.
When you think about it, all we want is to be able to go out and enjoy ourselves without anyone caring if we are there or not.
I think most people are so wrapped up in their own lives they don’t see anything they don’t expect.
Get out have fun the world is not as scary as you think.
Paula
Not very…… I can’t be specific, but somewhere in South Central Wisconsin is all i will say. We do have wonderful cities like Madison, Parts of Milwaukee, Green Bay, and Lacrosse to name a few. Unfortunately, where I am, seems to be very socially backward. Most of these folks can’t even wrap their heads around race, much less gender or sexuality. I have a few gay friends who feel they live in hell because of this. The locals…… I like to call them the “Truck nut on the hitch” demographic. They feel compelled to ridicule anything that seems to be different from their view of ‘Merica! Some of them can turn violent when faced with something they are not equipped to understand. That said, you just adapt. On outings, I never leave the house made up. I get in the car, go elsewhere, and enjoy myself. I just throw a big jacket on over everything, open the garage, drive straight out and throw my wig on and my forms in down the road. At night, of course. Sorry if I sound too salty, but we had an altercation with a lesbian friend of mine at a restaurant the other night.
I’m fortunate to live where I do. Seattle has a long history of support and acceptance of the LGBTQ community, and Washington state has some of the strongest anti-discrimination laws on the basis of gender identity and expression in the country. The city of Seattle has an ordinance that protects the right to use restrooms that conform to your gender identity, as well. I’ve never gotten a bad look, not so much as a giggle, whether I’m at the grocery store, a neighborhood boutique, or a major department store in the downtown retail core. The interactions I’ve had en femme in public have been uniformly positive so far.
That said, outside of Seattle, Washington gets very conservative very quickly. Just being a “goddamned Seattle liberal” (long hair, tattoos, non-Harley motorcycle) is enough to attract unwanted attention, especially east of the Cascades. There are some surprises, though. Port Angeles, on the very rural Olympic peninsula, plays host to Esprit every year, one of the oldest and largest cd/trans conferences in the US, with the full support of the local establishment. As a native northwesterner, though, I’m well aware that there are plenty of places that are dangerous to anyone LGBTQ. The good news is that they’re nowhere you want to be, anyway.
I think everything is not as bad as we all imagine. I live in central Iowa, My town pop 1300, the next town pop 3300, I work in a nearby collage town pop 70000+.
I admit I am not out and about in my own town as much as I would like to be, but have gone to the next town several times. I have dropped my granddaughter off at school, gone out to eat at Dairy Queen, McDonalds and Subway. I have shopped at most of my favorite stores in the collage town AND even work at the Torrid store there. I admit I don’t go to the bars much, but I do frequent eating establishments.So far no bad events.
. Cassie
Hi Fiona,I live in Mesa Arizona ,in one of the retirement communities .I have had no problems with being Michelle ,shopping in Mesa and the surrounding cities.Most people are too busy with their own daily obligations to notice whats going on around them.My neighbors have seen and interacted with me as Michelle with no adverse reactions.So ladies,go for it and have fun ,but as Sergeant Phil Esterhouse would say”Lets be careful out there”. Michelle.
Here in Minneapolis area, the inner city is pretty accepting. I have a seen a number of cross dressers out in public. Plus there is a number of CD/Trans friendly bars and places. But go to out state MN…a whole different story.
The week of 15-18 March I’ve been thinking of traveling to the Twin Cities, the first time I’ve flown anywhere from here in New England since 2015 and the first travel of any kind since just before the pandemic (I made an overnight bus trip to one of the BTS concerts in NJ in 2019). I settled on MSP because both the Celtics and Bruins will be playing there that week, but I want to be able to spend the entire week dressed as well, so are there any places there that do transformations similar to https://www.mychangingroom.com near Boston? As for other suggested activities please bear in mind that I don’t drink and I’ll be relying on public transportation, and you should also advise as to what is typical weather for mid-March so that I can dress appropriately.
I drive a limo five nights a week so I have to wear the company shirt or jacket but I do occasionally wear women’s slacks or black jeans over my panties without anyone noticing. I do get to dress up the other two days of the week and often fully dress up for my platelet donation sessions at the Red Cross where I’ve gotten compliments on my fashion sense from the mostly female staff. Otherwise I seldom get noticed as most people are too wrapped up in their own little world.
Christine
Hi Christine,
I stumbled upon your comment and see you’ll be in the Twin Cities area very soon. I’ve never been there but know it’s accepting of the trans community.
I’ve sporadically followed the blog of a local transwomen, Hannah McKnight, for several years. Her website is a treasure trove of great information. It’s linked below.
There is also a transformation service in the area that appears to do excellent work. It’s linked below too.
https://www.lafemmemystique.net/
Have a great time!
/EA
Regretfully I’ve just had to cancel my trip for this week. We’re expecting a major winter storm here which would have made trying to get to the airport Wednesday morning problematic at best. I got a flight credit for later use and Iisted my sports tickets for sale on the Ticketmaster app. I’ll try something different later this year.
Christine
Hi Fiona,
I live in south central Wisconsin and although I have never been out dressed, I’m quite sure it would not go over well around this area. I have heard of groups of girls getting together in urban areas around Wisconsin though. So maybe it’s not all bad.
💕Lara
Hi Lara,
That was my assessment as well. The major cities here seem to be accepting. You have to look at a couple factors. You need to look at local behaviors against the LGBTQ+ community in general in your area. Like I stated, my gay friends and family members have it really hard in our local area. This is usually a good barometer as to the local attitude. Another good indicator would be, One, how rural is it? Two, what is the prevailing political and religious bent in the immediate area. Like others have said, the best option is to move to a more accepting area. Not practical in a lot of our situations. Myself, I purged, got married, and put down hard roots.
Steph
I think most Australian capitals these days are LGBQTI friendly, with the bigger ones on the East Coast IE Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane are like any other city on the planet. By this, I mean if a CD/transwoman blends in, they wont have a problem. Perth and Adelaide have good CD communities as well.
Obviously again, like most other places there are venues and areas it would be unwise to frequent
I’m not really one to comment on specific places, cos I only go shopping solo in the cooler months and dont go out to any bars/nightclubs etc etc. Plus I make sure any Caty public time is a long way from home.
Other “Oz” members may care to comment
Caty.
I live in the Netherlands. I go ‘out and about’ and occasionally someone will do a double-take, usually male. I like to go shopping and often stop off for a coffee, the Dutch are quite blunt in their approach to everything, and aren’t afraid to ask questions. In general acceptance is high here and there are laws in place to assure me my freedom.
I live in the deep south (Louisiana) in a town of about 20,000. Although I don’t fully dress in my immediate area. I will go out to nearby cities. I haven’t encountered any problems. I have found most will just respond in the same manner as I do, to them. But then again I’m not threatening to anyone, so I think most people just let me do my thing.
Hi Fiona
I don’t go out locally, I live in the East of England in a rural area. I have been out a number of times to Milton Keynes (shopping centre), Banbury, Guildford etc, I have never had a problem when either shopping, visiting a restaurant, or an attraction. I think the key is dress appropriately, be courteous, hold your head up and smile! I would also say that Premier Inn and their restaurants, are very trans friendly and having used them a fair bit over the last few years I have always been well looked after. In fact one, in MK, returning after nine months and having a drink in the bar in the afternoon, the waitress that served us on the previous occasion made a point of coming to say hello, se did it again several months later on another visit. So to sum up, all my encounters so far have been very positive!
hello and i live in Niagara County, it’s not too good to go out dressed up unless you really pass as a female. i don’t go outdoors dressed up but under dress every day. wife knows of my desire.to dress up but have to wait till our son at 23 goes to work at night or a day shift then i can dress up and walk around the house but wife will not see me dressed up even Tho she has seen me totally dressed up. i love the feeling of dresses and skirts and nylons and putting on make-up, perfume, earrings. heels, bra and panties and yes a pad. i buy my own female cloths and all that. i have more then wife and even dress more like a female. not that pants and shirt deal and get away with it. woman cross dress all the time so why can us girls cross dress and get away with it. well society needs to wake up and leave us alone.
Thanks for this question Fiona-Ann.
If I came out in the open or got caught dressing here in this village or even the two small towns I regularly go to I would be run out of town. There is no acceptance for that here. People are so far behind in thoughts and beliefs. Small town attitudes.
I know of 2 case where men here did the HRT and became women and they had to move away to bigger cities because they were ostracized and criticized and belittled so bad.
Living in the country setting with a lot of older people is just not the place to come out in public.
SaraIts hard to say. I have never experience any overt hostility. And many times I have had positive conversations with people that I presume knew I was transgender. Nonetheless, I also am aware that there is a subculture of people with hostility towards anyone outside their particular tribe and this subculture celebrates threatening violence against others.
I’m not out at all. Except to my sisters here, my physical therapist, and a few employees at the local Torrid. Among those that do know? They either have no opinion or have only had positive reactions to finding out. From observations though, it seems many people in my area are understanding or accepting, but many aren’t. Welcome to the Appalachian Mountains.
Hi Fiona, well, I live on the west ‘coast’ of Michigan, (or SW Michigan, as others call it), and it’s basically the Bible belt of the state, so not particularly accepting. There are a number of reasonable people around, but there are still too many who get upset if you mow your grass, or even send your kids out to play, on that certain day of the week. I can imagine what they might think about different lifestyles. Moved here from the greater Ann Arbor area some years ago, which is considered far more accepting of various lifestyles, but for retirees, here is significantly less expensive and there are still many enjoyable activities of which to partake…besides all the aquatic possibilities. Fortunately, we live in a nice community, not in town, with lots of trees, land, friendly neighbors. And as I mentioned in another post once, I was able to be out on our patio, dressed, after dark, and napped on the chaise for an hour or so on a very comfortable and warm summer night.
ps I should say that there is a community not that far away which is very accepting. They have a late night sort of gay parade in the autumn. It’s very enjoyable to watch. It’s rather significant, and the parade watch numbers are even bigger!
Hugs, ChloëC
Lol, I thought so. Have been there many times. (Drab) with my wife. Have not seen CDs there, but many many same sex couples, and I thought it would be a good place to try being out. We did stay at a B&B in Fennville once and the owners were very conservative. I did see that There is a friendly resort there, and I believe they have a CD weekend some time in September.
Although New Jersey is considered a liberal state there are southern parts that are very conservative and very backwater.
I am a closeted girl but if I wasn’t I would never go out en femme in my town and surrounding areas. But I could travel about an hour away towards PA and be almost welcomed in some townsNatalie
Hi! I would be interested to read what towns are “almost welcoming” in PA as I live just north of Quakertown and would travel to them to get some en femme time. Best, Marlene.
Marlene, my husband has gone en femme multiple times (pre-pandemic and pre-coming out to me) to New Hope, PA. It is right along the DE river, eastern PA. It is a very “gay friendly” community, quite small. It connects via a walkable bridge to Lamberton NJ, which also seems fine. We often talk about a weekend away there together, but just haven’t found the opportunity yet.
My space where I live they are not very accepting. Often times the people with the biggest cannons have the poorest aim and regards for human life. It’s important to never give up the fight and always make forward progress. Media does not help, as a good story gets in the way of the truth. Just like anything else that has happened or changed over the past few decades, the more it happens, more people come out, the less exciting the it is to evil people. I love being a woman but born a man. Proud of it and will never stop. It is what it is! Some people just can’t stand that there are people that look great no matter what they choose to be.
Despite living in the sfbay area there are pockets of conservatism and where I live people tend to get behind a popular movement just to feel good about themselves and say ‘look at me’.
when I’m out i am presenting as a male however, wearing femme clothes. (not a dress or skirt) Some people seem to notice others not so much, but I have never been outwardly harassed.
Yesterday however when out and I wasn’t really wearing anything so femme, I seemed to be getting a lot of looks and stares. Maybe it was just me, but it felt noticeable.
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I live in a very rural area with miles between houses. The privacy is great but going out is a different story. I don’t have the courage to go out locally dressed. A larger town is 20 miles away but to get to something that most would call a city takes 3 hours. I have gone dressed to the city once and to do that I had to travel dressed. It was very thrilling but also scary. I went to a place in drab to check it out and got a great vibe by the gal behind the bar. I summoned up my courage and asked if the place was crossdresser friendly and believe it or not she said I would fit in much better dressed. I went back hoping to have a longer conversation but she wasn’t there that day and I just felt like it wasn’t working. I don’t have much time once there because of the travel time and I hesitate to stop for a restroom break on the way. The travel expense is also a major factor limiting the number of visits I can make. I have a lot of friends nearby but nobody that I dare share my secret with. Around here even though we are all very isolated, everyone watches what is going on. And, the jungle telegraph works overtime when someone has some gossip to share. I happened to be helping out some neighbors when they were totally surprised to notice my recently pierced ears. Long fingernails are also a giveaway. The feeling I have is that I might disappoint someone if they found out. I really haven’t met anyone that I think could just accept it.
I would say it’s pretty conservative in SW Florida. I have had some conversations with people who make belittling comments about the LGBTQ community, especially the transgendered/crossdressing community. They never seem to catch on that I am part of that community. I guess that is good. I just go about my life as best as I can and seem to do alright, but accepting? I think not.
I live in western ND on the MT border. Although I don’t go out fully dressed, I’ve been pushing the boundaries for years with no backlash. I know the community is very conservative but at worst, have only gotten lighthearted comments about my nail color choices or “you don’t look like a farmer”. So either there is more acceptance here than I assumed, or I’m just seen as crazy and we don’t talk about it. 🤷🏼♀️
Thankfully my local community is on the large part pretty great. I’ve interacted with a large number of them and have gone out quite often. Almost everyone I’ve bumped into have been sweet and comfortable with it. Though there has been some terrible people around too. There was an event of someone spray painting slurs on someone’s car, but so far that has been all I’ve heard.
Literally this week the Legislature is considering an anti-drag bill in Kentucky. Now, crossdressing is not drag, but it’s just a hop and a skip away to imagine legislation that could restrict my desire to represent as female when and where I want. Plus, as I consider possible outings as Gemma, drag shows are among my top considerations of safe and supportive environments.
To make matters worse for the LGBTQ+community, Kentucky just passed anti-trans legislation. The new version of SB 150 includes a mandate for doctors to medically detransition trans minors in their care, allows teachers to misgender students at school, bars trans students from using bathrooms that match their gender, and bans any mention of sexual orientation or gender identity in classroom discussion, including a blanket ban on STI and human sexuality education for grades K-6. Kentucky lawmakers also passed SB 145 on Thursday, requiring school sports teams to admit students only on the basis of “biological sex” assigned at birth.
These are huge steps backwards from acceptance. My community/town is generally accepting, but Kentucky very conservative politically, and socially considers itself southern by culture, with strong religious tendencies. All this said, I’ve never gone out in public as Gemma, so my perception may be a little biased.
Return to the 1950s and 60’s when any male wearing female clothing out in public was called a transvestite and a degenerate to society and was arrested like a cheap prostitute and thrown in jail – large holding cells with whatever men that were arrested that day. They had an arrest record and were fined and disgraced publicly 🙁
I live a few miles outside of a very, very, very small town in rural Indiana that doesn’t have any established “alternative lifestyle” community acceptance. One summer, in just the last few years, I got “called out” by a “skinny” curly red-headed 18-20 year old guy riding passenger in a “muscle car” for looking at a dress on a sidewalk sales rack of a re-sale store. I was in “DRAB” and my heart felt like it had sank into my feet; I thought it was extremely rude. It was a formal dress; I have a daughter that was in high school at the time. Unbeknownst to him I could have been an only parent looking for options for my daughter’s Homecoming Dance or prom in the coming school term. Or I might have been an “E-Bay’er” looking for undervalued stuff to resell for profit.
This is why I have Cincinnati, OH. listed as where “Brittney” lives. Cincinnati has an established “alternative lifestyle” community with visible acceptance and support for all under the “Rainbow umbrella”. I have been out fully dressed en femme among the Cincinnati LGBTQAI+ and CD organizations and establishments. However, I also know there are places in Cincinnati that I wouldn’t go dressed as “Brittney”.
It doesn’t matter where you live; small town or mega-metro city, conservative or progressive/liberal, there will always be someone who will object to what clothes we wear, how we present ourselves, and how we live our life. That’s why this is called “Planet Earth”, not “Planet Utopia”.
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