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I have a huge pit in my stomach consisting of guilt, stress, anxiety and a little depression. I have been excited for the opportunity to go to a party for the first time with other Hannahs. I told my wife that I had been invited to a party and I would like to go. Earlier in the week we had discussed going to a high school basketball away game together Friday night and then going out on Saturday night as there is a special event going on downtown.
She was heart-broken but didn’t tell me not to go. This morning she understood my desire/need to attend this party and again didn’t ask me to not go. She told me that yesterday she cried for an hour in her parking garage at work before heading back to work. She has scheduled an appointment with a counselor and said she is preparing herself for what may come. Last week after talking with her I came to the realization that transitioning completely was not in the cards for me. I realize that this is a road neither one of us chose this path. This whole concept is new to her and a surprise, where I have been living with it my whole life and learned to adapt as best as I could.
I really believe this can work. I’m an optimist to the end. I’m also a realist and I realize that many relationships have failed for much less. Am I scared? Yes. Am I hopeful? Yes. I need to see what life as Hannah can and will be. This is important to me or I never would have pushed this hard to try to reconcile the two lives.
My wife isn’t ready to embrace Hannah so she feels left out and is hurting that I want to spend time as Hannah.
Right now she hurts and I hurt because this hurts her. How am I going to enjoy myself and come back to the house without feeling like I just left my mistress to return to my wife’s bed?
I think this is the hardest thing we do Hannah. I’d love to go out more and be more open but it hurts my wife so it hurts me too as I love her so much. The guilt and anxiety literally make me feel sick. I have no advice for you here, as I am in the same boat. Take care, Heather.
Sick to my stomach is right. I know I’m asking for advice but I know there is nothing that will ease the pain for either of us. I just have never been out with any “Girls” before and I was upfront and honest with her about it. We’ll see how tomorrow night’s date night goes… Fingers crossed 🤞.
thanks Heather!
Hannah : this sounds to be a difficult time for you and to want to follow your desires but not to hurt the closest to oneself is a great balancing act . Hoping the best for you and certainly your wife. I hope her time with a counselor it will help her deal more about you and from hearing from someone else will have give her the understanding about you , herself and the journeys that is place on one another. I love my wife so much and do not want to hurt her in anyway and will stop if need be . But that hasn’t happy but she is quite contolling on how I conducted my self and with her guidelines she’s allow me to bring Stephanie out. To actually go out and express that freedom will take time and she has mention it will not happen until we’re both ready and for that I’m a lady in waiting. Best to the both of you and hope this works for your futures ahead.
Stephanie 🌹
I have let my wife control a great deal of our relationship, so with this not under her control threatens her sense of stability and I can understand that.
I just know if I back off tonight, she’ll still be upset, so will I. ironically she’ll be upset that she made me stay home.
I need to take this step despite the hurt and move forward with Hannah.
Thanks for the support!
I think since earlier in the week, you and the wife discussed your Friday and Saturday night plans together you should do that with your wife.
Speaking from personal feelings, my wife is my life. Nothing is more important than her. Not that everyday is wine and roses, and not to be morbid, but when I’m mad at her, I often think what if something bad and unexpected happened? There was something she wanted us to do together but I chose to do something else without her. What if I never got to be with her again?
In my opinion, this other crap can wait.
I did go out last night. I have been holding off so long and she knew I was. I had a wonderful time. I’ll have a wonderful time tonight too.
Didn’t feel too bad coming home. Now to keep balanced.
🙂
Balance is important, Hannah. Finding that balance, however, can be a challenge. For me, it is not just about balance in my relationship with my wife. Sometimes, like yesterday evening, it was just as important for me. I must remember that I must always strive just to be me regardless of what I must wear to accomplish that.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Dear Hannah,
I totally recognise the ambivalence of wanting to be Marianne and do things as her, while knowing it hurts my wife. Even more so as I fear Marianne has very little time left as you know from my story. I would love to once go out in company of others and wish to go for one of the GNOs in UK and even more make the longer trip to US and Canada. But i don’t know how to motivate neither the cost nor the time spent away from family.
I sincerely hope you and your wife can find a compromise that works for both of you.
I think if you have all these powerful emotions going on your gut is telling you something is wrong here. if it was just going out dressed for the first time or maybe wearing a too sexy outfit in public and you were nervous about that it’s understandable. Maybe losing a soulmate and a life just doesn’t seem to make sense.
I dress whenever I like and do or go anywhere I want when dressed. My wife met Patty just a few weeks after we met. Still after college I didn’t dress for over 20 years. If I had to make a choice between my wife or never dressing again, I would dump my wardrobe in a minute.
I liken it to maybe told I could never eat pizza again or I would get really sick, be in a lot of pain and probably die. I would miss it but give it up in a heartbeat.
Oh ya…..the word…..marriage/partnership. I am certain we all have seen where the female really wants to run things and pulls the tears act when things don’t go their way…….all the time. Where is this partnership business come into play….at the alter. then gone. Well, my favorite gift for my “partner: was a Greyhound bus ticket to anywhere but where I was. I can tell you this……..I am one happy camper now!
Lady Veronica
It depends on what your marriage is excluding cross dressing. If it is very good but cross dressing is putting a strain on it and likely causing it to end then I believe you seriously need to rethink the dressing.
To give up my life, my wife, kids, house and so much more that is wonderful and special that they give me so I can dress freely just will not happen. There is no choice to make. The clothes go.
If the marriage is already in the rocks and there needs to be a pivot point that brings it to and end, cross dressing just might be the thing.
Patty,
The issue/problem is that I identify more as transgender than a cross dresser. That I can’t deny. If I never married I would probably be on hrt at this point. So cross dressing is a step back from the brink of marital disaster.
I love her more than anything but this is less about being selfish and more of being honest with her and myself.
I have gone out of my way to make this work and I am hoping it will. I’m not naive so I know this is one heck of an uphill battle but I like our odds.
Hannah
I know several CD’s, a few transgenders and some who are not sure what they are. I’m a CD. I admittedly don’t fully understand the plight of the trans girl. You have been dealing with this your whole life. It’s new to your wife. I look at what is seemingly a good marriage. Then a cross dressing or transgender party came into the picture.
You made plans for the weekend with your wife but now want to cancel them and go to the party. Your wife is heartbroken and upset. You are all stressed out and conflicted. Something doesn’t feel right to you. That’s because something is wrong.
My point was go through the weekend plans with your wife. Go to another party in the future. That may give you and your wife some time to digest this thing and come to a better understanding.
I wish you and your wife well. I hope for a great outcome for both of you. I’m no expert on this. In fact I’m pretty much a moron in these matters. Continue to live and adapt to this as you have your whole life. Give you wife a chance and time to adapt. Maybe at some point she will come to accept you need a girls night out as you or others might need a boys night out.
I just go by how I feel and what I would do if I had to make a choice.
Patty
Lady V
We are partners. Always have been. She may be the stronger influence in the relationship but we are still a solid team. This was unexpected and terribly disruptive to our plans as empty nesters next year. She has a plan for everything so this clouds the future. It creates uncertainty. But our love is unwavering and that is certain.
As she learns more about CD and the TG communities she’ll soften. It just won’t be easy.
i have faith.
Hannah
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