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I do not have an SO now, yet over my lifetime I’ve had four wives. Each of them left, and then wanted back in, yet my door only swings one way in matters of that type. Call me hard-hearted. Or maybe not, considering my circumstances. (Deep breath)… Wife #1 drank herself to death and died six years after divorce. #2 took her life by gunshot to the heart, and had JUST left the two children (only ones I have that I’m aware of) with me “for the summer.” (She was rotten, as I was not aware I had a daughter until she was nearly 7-yo. (Ain’t that a bitch)? #3 was a $$$ chaser so that was annulled, and #4 held me in celibacy for 18 yrs, then one day awoke and said she no longer wished to be loved and was leaving, permanently. 15 mins later her son arrives (from 2hrs away), to grab her and some junk she had bagged up and hidden from view. (THREE YEARS LATER: She’s now suffered 5 strokes, and though 62, appears every day of 90. It’s horrible. But, that’s water under the bridge and there’s no love lost (that would be in vain at best) …and its also why I don’t have an SO. Back to the present!:::> Each of them ‘scammed’ hell outta me. Then, a year after the 4th divorce, the first girl I meet is also a scam artist, (Cella or Princella Humble ….watch out!) … and makes numerous attempts at taking me for $10k over a year’s time. I’m pleased she failed. (Too sure of herself)! *I just cannot say with any truthfulness that I’ve had ANY positive instances or relationships with women. They were all quite meaningless, and in each marriage they were obviously “playing me” for the fool. Hmmm. Hind-sight is 20-20, and it’s also shown me that Karma can be a real bitch. (Sorry …don’t wear my heart on my sleeve all that often (if ever)). The “funny part?” I’m a U.S. Navy Retiree of 21 years. (I was going for 30yrs, but got hit and then was ousted at 100% disabled). So, just sitting on my butt is a respectable income, not to mention all of the perks available to the spouse of such a veteran (Vietnam Era vet and all others hence). To a lot of women, I would be considered “The Catch of The Year!” …yet nope. They’d rather take in some dude that’s all messed up on drugs and MOTHER HIM to death …and to heck with meaningful relationships and GOD FORBID being placed upon a pedestal or never having to lift a finger. (Go figure…). So, I took an Oath of Celibacy and no longer give a (#$* about a relationship. I like not answering to a soul. *Thank you very much for the read everyone. 🙂
**MAKEUP TIP! Product name: LIME CRIME Color(s): “Beet It” & “Raisin Hell” are definitely “must haves!” (Tubed, brush on, and matte). Glosses up lovely! Also: MAC “Sin” & “Aliyahh” (both rock) …but all MAC ‘sticks’ rock! (imho) (MAC lipsticks do NOT move until you want them off ….has been my experience). The Lime Crime will start coming off in flecks, then become noticeable, so keep an eye on your lips and primp primp primp! lol….
@Aimee – what a story. It sounds like SO stands for strike out. Your complexion is gorgeous by the way. Must have something to do with lime crime. Hugs 💋
I have seen more than one SO sit down and give an excellent makeup ‘makeover’ …and I’ve never seen a bad aftermath. It’s very nice to see so many that can work together on any and all levels, but that seems to be reserved for “the few” I suppose. More power to ya! 🙂 (Applause aplenty)!
My so knows and accepts my dressing we will even shop together. But she I’m sure has no idea why I do it.
I still am! Is there an answer?
Hi Becky.
Sorry for intruding, I know you are asking Abby but….
Hate to be one replying to a question with another, just that at least personally, it saved me a big deal of anguish when I realized that more important than asking why I started crossdressing it was answering why I do it now.
Don’t get me wrong, I have several theories about why, at 3 or 4 years of age, I decided to wear items of clothing which I knew were for girls… but when I turned 30-something I realized that whatever got me started back then didn’t have anything to do with why I was still doing it.
Why most of us crossdress as adults? The simple answer is because we get something out of it. And different people get different things of course. For some it is about sexual release. For some because it allows them to feel more in tune with who they believe themselves to be.
At the end we do it because we like to do it. And there is where lies the impossibility to fully explain it to a wife or SO. How can you explain why you like red apples but not green ones? Or love the outdoors but hate the beach? Or how green is your favorite color?
I know this may sound silly being so simple. But one day you don’t have anything better to do, give it some thought if you may…
Gaby 💜
My SO is supportive, but at times Nicole can become overbearing in the bedroom and she gets annoyed with it. Just a few weeks ago she help me choose which blouse to wear and ran interface with our two teenage boys. I was going out and leaving the house dressed. I wore my anna taylor jeans, a blouse my wife picked out at goodwill, light make-up and womens tennis shoes. I end up at a local friendly bar and enjoyed being out. I have been growing my hair out for a year now and didn’t go out in my wig.
My wife knows that I wear panties, but does not know that I sometimes (albeit rarely) go beyond that to pantyhose, bra, dress, shoes, etc. My ex-wife knew I have a ‘thing” for girdles, and for the most part left that fact untouched. My crossdressing had nothing to do with our divorce. I had one prior SO who knew and expressed interest is taking things further. Unfortunately, our relationship died for other reasons.
Similar situation to me Kimmie. My wife knows that I wear panties and is fully accepting of that much. She launders and folds them for me, and has even bought me a few pairs. What she doesn’t know (yet) is that I crave to wear so much more. I think she would be at least tolerate if I were to step out of the closet. It’s the intense feeling of shame *inside my own head* that keeps me from taking that step.
Oh of course she knows more silly goose. She is just waiting for you to come clean.
Sometime ago I told my SO, and she was not at all supportive.
Over the last year I’ve “come out” more and more. Sometimes I think “she has to notice” and other times I’m not so sure.
I wear gurl skinny jeans exclusively now. All very tapered at the ankle. Yesterday with wearing my flats it was very obvious I was wearing (black) opaque hose. She starred a couple of times but some of her comments seemed to say otherwise.
This weekend too I just completely shaved my body hair. My legs have been smooth for over a year now, but this is something she really does not like.
Sorry, I could go on and on, more than you asked for!
Love and hugs!
Rebekka!
My SO and I have been together for almost 40 years, came out to her about 35 years ago, didn’t go well. As time has gone on she has become much more excepting and some times out of the blue will comment on a outfit I’m wearing and just 2 days ago she remarked on a night gown I was wearing, she liked the look and said it must be really comfortable. So I guess the point I would like to make is live with yourself and make yourself feel comfortable, what your SO thinks should only be secondary. Of course one would only hope that they would be all over it and better yet great if they were your size as well
My SO doesn’t like that I’m gender fluid, but she has realized how happy and excitiit is for me so she tolerates it pretty well. I sleep in gem about 3 nights a week, am completely smooth, and have more fem than drab outfits. I get enough gem time and we have arrived at a good balance of her/him time. Truthfully I love my gem time so much more but I have a male life I can’t and don’t want to leave. Welcome to life!!!
Hi everyone, I’m fairly new to this site but not to crossdressing. I’m rather naive about some of the terms used such as “gem” (mind you I had not heard of the expression “en femme” before but managed to work that one out! – I suppose not being a member of a CD site would mean that I wouldn’t have come across these expressions before). I understand that gem gender enhanced male but what does that actually mean?
As regards my SO, she found out after 8 years of marriage (we have now been married for 38 years). She doesn’t like it but never mentions it apart from the occasional snide remark about my wardrobe). She has caught me several times and just sighs and ignores it. However the last time she caught wearing a nightie on the way to the bathroom during the night (we have separate bedrooms) She asked me if it was new and I thought/hoped she was going to say how pretty it was! No such luck, she didn’t comment further.
Such is life.
Gillian
Michelle, thank goodness you got confused, I’m confused enough without having to come to terms with expressions I can’t work out!
Fillian
My SO knows but is a bit like a roller coaster, some times she is amazing then she will go through stages were i not to be my self, i am finding this very hard to dell with, some time i just want to run but I love my wife so much and also have three children Sorry for the rant just had to get this of my mind
My wife knows, I mean my dresses are hung up in our open closet organizer so it’s not like they’re stashed (though they were at one point). She doesn’t like the image of her man being feminine, which I totally understand. She’s supportive of my happiness though which is nice, but I don’t think she would ever want to see me dressed up. She has asked that I tell her any time I do have to dress up which sometimes feels restrictive but we’re in a relationship and there’s always compromise.
Here’s how I slice it though. If you’re into it, great, let’s dress up and do a makeover, chat or whatever. If it’s not your thing, then I don’t want you to be involved. It’s that way with my wife. I’m not doing anything wrong, but I’m also not going to intentionally involve her in something she’s not into and would turn her off you know? I think as long as I accept me, then she’s good.
I am lucky that my SO accepts that I cross dress in private, and I have no desire to go outside completely en femme. She allows me to dress in the house and now I find that I (Davina) am dressed for over 15 hours a day. Obviously most of that time will be overnight. So nice to wear soft and sexy things. We share the bed and I am finding that the hugs and cuddles are now more frequent!
However, there is no mention of my clothes nor any sign of buying me anything.
As I have no wish to be anything but a male who cross dresses things are pretty good.
DAvinaI didn’t start crossdressing until AFTER I came out to my wife. For much of my adult life I have been able to keep the urges under control. Around the time I turned 50 the urges were occurring more frequently and started getting stronger. At 56, I finally gave into them a began to dress. I told my wife of nearly 20 years BEFORE I brought a stitch of clothes into the house. That was about two months ago.
My wife was very appreciative that I told her of my feminine side. Although she knew I had one. She appears to be accepting and supportive. She doesn’t understand why women want to wear women’s clothes let alone why her husband wants to. Quite frankly, I don’t understand why I want to either. I do know that I love it and don’t know why.
So how is my wife supportive?
- Well we talk about it when I bring it up. She doesn’t bring it up because she is hoping that this will just go away.
- She allows me to wear leggings and panties around the house at night. She would prefer that she didn’t see it. And has said that she doesn’t want to see me in just panties.
- She doesn’t mind finding my clothes in the laundry.
- We set some ground rules …. leggings, panties, shaved legs and clear nail polish on my toes. Anything visible is for around the house but underdressing is okay.
Lastly, my wife doesn’t encourage me to dress. She doe not make any suggestions.
It’s not perfect but it works.
Hugs,
Robin
YaY Michelle L
and you other lucky girls with supportive SOs.
im lucky enough to be in that group.
She supports, embraces and 100% encourages me to explore and grow and be whomever I want to be at that time.
keeping her on her toes, just makes it all the more excite!
she even gives me ideas and suggestions on who I could become at times.
it is something we consider ourselves very lucky to share so deeply. So completely. So openly. We live with no limits and no regrets.
we are only promised today so we squeeze every drop of passion and a commitment to each other out of every moment we have together.
our daily moto and promise to each other is….
Until the end of the world…together
PINKY
E
More exciting news. Just a few days ago my SO helped me decide which of my dresses, skirts, pants and blouses I should keep and which I should donate. She even pointed out which ones I can wear at home when she is present. There is a skirt and blouse outfit she likes so much that she wants to wear them some time. She also wanted one of my leather skirts that doesn’t quite suit me these days. I feel so lucky to have such a supportive SO. I wish we had these discussions a long time ago.
Leslie, you’re so lucky, I’m really envious. When it came to discarding and keeping, how did your tastes differ? Is there a style you prefer but she disagrees with, what sort of style would she like you to wear in her presence etc. Gillian
We actually have similar preferences for classy clothes. She made comments about some pieces that didn’t fit me very well or were too dated. She liked some pieces for me so much that she thought I can certainly wear them at home when she is present or eve in some cases outside in public. It is all about finding tasteful clothing
To Be Determined … My SO doesn’t know. At least I think she doesn’t know, but while she was gone I had washed my delicates and left a half slip in the washer. She found it and wanted to know if Inpicked our daughters slip up after a recent visit. She is going to ask if it is hers and when she says no, … well you see the Dilema I may soon find out how supportive my so is if the discussion is forced. TBD.
The SO often knows much more than you think she knows. My advice is to be open and honest about your interest in cross dressing and to encourage her to ask questions. The first discussion will probably not be the last but you will feel much better getting everything out in the open
Thanks to everyone for sharing stories of how your SO supports your cross dressing. May we all find the support in life to help us become who we truly want to be.
Love and Hugs, Jennifer
We deserve it.
I don’t know if anyone else felt horrified when they first fully realised that they are a cross dresser and there’s nothing that can be done about it.
But that horror shouldn’t exist.
The horror so great you’re prepared to try to take your own life over it.
We damn well need support, not a horrified waving of hands and an “I didn’t marry a cross dresser ” – how does that make a guy feel?
There is nothing wrong with us.
There are thousands of men like us on this site alone – we are not as unusual as we might like to think!
We are not subjecting ourselves to or forcing ourselves on anyone, like the fat guy who sits next to you on the bus – he has every right to be there, and it’s possibly not his choice to be that fat right now, and you may feel uncomfortable being next to him – but here we are.
We need support because society has made some kind of unwritten rule to class us as outcasts.
Like the lumberjack in the famous song – as soon as he sings ” I put on women’s clothing and hang around in bars”, his ex-friends go off in disgust and his girlfriend leaves him, sobbing.
To me, that’s not social commentary, but social observation. Not how it should be, but how it is, and, frankly, how ridiculous it is to ostracise the poor fellow!
Unconditional love means our SOs should support us 100%.
Anything else is conditional, ergo not pure love.
Thoughts?
Thank you Laura, that was a very well written response and I agree totally with you. Why should we be shun d, talked about and made to feel that we’re the ones who are wrong. I have a successful business that I started on my own and have done so for some 40 years, I can cook a killer meal, garden.hold a conversation with most anyone, have raised a family of who I’m very proud of and yet I still feel looked down upon because I cross dress. I’m really looking forward to the time when I go into the women’s department to look for a new blouse and a clerk asks me if they could help me choose between the two, as far as which one would look better on ME! No shame or guilt on my part and total acceptance on they’re part. Yes I know that there are stores that favor towards cross dressing but there not in my town, so it’s shopping at my local mall and I’m tired of feeling like a freak, because I’m not, I’m very happy with who I am, a CROSS DRESSER !
Yours peacefully,
Sherri
So sorry to hear that K, but I understand your struggle. In many cases, things do seem to come down to a near ultimatum…”pick me or the dressing”…and for those of faced with the decision, it takes a heavy toll on our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Whatever choice we make has to be right for us…no one else. But know that there is support, either way.
*hugs*
If someone says “Me or the dressing”, then they’ve made the choice for you.
The urge to dress will never go away.
Tell them to stop eating chocolate or anything else that you know they’ll never give up.
“Me or the chocolate”.
Can you get divorced over that?
Who would try?
To threaten someone because of how they like to dress is called prejudice. Unfair discrimination.
Do couples come to blows over other hobbies?
“Me or the fishing – you never did that before we married.
Me or the predating on minors I can understand, but why the big stigma attached to cross dressing?
Why are some men understanding of it?
It’s irrational and closed minded.
Or did I miss something?
Hello all….I don’t know if my SO is the “champion” as seen by anyone else but she is DEFINITELY MY champion!!!
Ever since I came out to her last year after being together for 10 years, she has been INCREDIBLY accepting and supportive!! She took me for my first wig, bought me my first body shaper, my first bra and panty set, took the time to give me my first full body waxing, bought my first dress, sexy shoes, did my first full en femme makeup, helped me choose my name, (Rebecca), pushed me to step outside of a hotel room en femme for the first time. She even took me away for a weekend and took Rebecca out for a movie and dinner “girls night” She is also encouraging me to post a photo here on CDH. I am still nervous to do that but she said she would help me choose the best one!
I have read so many replies on CDH from those who are unable to confide in their SO or from those who have confided and were met with at best a grudging acceptance and at worst complete rejection. I was terrified to finally admit to her, and myself in reality, that I was a crossdresser. She was so understanding and reassured me that she loved me no matter what!
She has been open and honest with her fears and concerns so we could talk freely about them. I have tried to allay her fears and assure her that she is not losing me to Rebecca. I enjoy both sides of myself now that she has freed Rebecca. We are talking about where this will lead and what kinds of things I am interested in doing when dressed. She encourages me and tells me she genuinely enjoys Rebecca.
Intimate relations are still an area we are working on. We were intimate the first time Rebecca partly appeared, and again when Rebecca was fully realized, but she was a bit thrown by the experience and is still trying to decide how she feels about it. I want to give her all the time and understanding she needs. If we get there again it would be the icing on the cake, and if we don’t, I will STILL consider myself to be blessed with the love of this beautiful, sexy, supportive understanding and all-around INCREDIBLE woman! My love for her is deeper than I know how to express and we have the most complete and fulfilling relationship I have ever had!
She knows, and at first, was adamantly against it. But item by item, she is beginning to accept my weirdness. We went shopping today, and together bought panties and matching tops. Hoping for the time when I can go full Bettylou for a girls’ day out.
My SO knows and doesn’t approve of it or wants anything to do with it. She is perfectly ok with anyone else though if they want to cross dress. I recently had a friend from grad school come out as trans and actively transitioning and she has made some comments about it. I guess as long as it is a complete stranger than she is perfectly fine with it but if it’s someone more involved in her life she is against it.
My SO has that completely unreasonable attitude too.
I’m working on it – she’s intelligent, after all, so why harbour such irrationality?
I don’t accept the excuse “because she’s a woman”.
I reluctantly accept all kinds of things in the name of unconditional love. I do not see why cross dressing has conditions attached!
If you find a positive way round that one, let me know!
Love Laura
My wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. I had been dressing a couple of years and had some nice things. I put on one of my favorite and sexiest outfits. She was amazed at how pretty and sexy I was. She really liked it.
She also really liked that she could take me out shopping as girlfriends. I had been out many times as Patty but it usually was for going or coming from somewhere. Most of the time a college party. But spending the day out as Patty and spending lots of time in the mall shopping for women’s clothes was a whole new level. I often protested but she knew once I got past my nervousness I loved it.
She encouraged me to be Patty often and still does. She just wants me to wear slightly longer dresses and skirts if and when we go out.
I voted my SO knows and doesn’t approve and my SO doesn’t know. My SO’s knowing is more speculation; she suspected I’d tried on a pair of her panties, which I had, but she didn’t catch me in the act. She raised the tenth level of hades at me. She told me to stay out of her clothes and that man doesn’t wear women’s clothes. The part she doesn’t know about, is that I now have my own fem wardrobe and that I’m gender fluid. Again I have to stay in secret, as she wouldn’t accept or support.
Sorry to read that, Brittney, and I hope she has a change of heart. Mine has, but it’s been a slow journey, and still not complete.
Hugs,Bettylou
My wife helps me dress, buys me clothes, shows me of to her friends, and we even double-date as two girls.
She picks out my clothes every morning. I am m/f about 60/40 percent.
The first time she undressed me and saw that I was wearing panties, she gasped, then giggled, then peeled them down and had her way with me. 40 years ago!
My wife seems to be constantly somewhere else on the spectrum. She knows I dress up and is pretty much always supportive.
Sometimes she will ask if I want to go look at womens clothing and yet other times she doesn’t want to have anything to do with my shopping trips.
This makes it very difficult and confusing for me and it’s hard to tell how she’ll react sometimes.
The good news is she has become more open and accepting to me and my crisscrossing, but it can be hard for me to read how she’s feeling on a particular day and thus what her reaction will be.
I dream of the day we go to the store and she says, that would look good on you. She usually says things like that’s cute, or what do you think about that. It seems she really wants to be supportive but doesn’t quite know how or what to say.
She is an amazing woman and I have to give her credit for taking my crossdressing in stride. We have made sure to communicate with each other, and she’s stayed positive that we will still be together no matter what.
I guess I’m moody and can change how I feel about things from day to day also, why would I expect her to be so static when I’m constantly changing.
I’m happy to report that my wife is increasingly supportive of my dressing, since shortly after we had The Talk. She gave me a nice pair of her earrings, helps me with them when needed, and is now comfortable with seeing me around the house in a skirt, top and flats. We have just begun giving mutual aid for makeup (she is disabled and needs help, sometimes). She still won’t go out with me when I’m dressed, but someday…….
My wife knows and accepts my CDing, she is supportive and is ok with me dressing to a limited degree around the house, mostly just tops. She has done a few really sweet things like suggesting places to shop online.
Our relationship has been a bit distant for a number of years, before I came out and continues to be so. This makes it difficult because I dearly want to get things back on track, but we are just coasting along. I worry that my being out may make getting back a more distant possibility, but on the other hand, being in the closet wasn’t helping either!
I still have to explore this side of me, have to try makeup, have to buy some real outfits and have to actually allow my femme side out. I worry about how supportive she will be through all that, but only time will tell.D.
My SO totally supports and encourages me in my dressing. I wear skirts, tops, blouses, dresses in the house all the time along with panties, bras and stockings. I underdress when I go out. When we go shopping for non female articles she always ask if I want to buy something or look for something in the women’s section. I couldn’t ask for more. Kathleen
Hi Jennifer, I am one of the very fortunate ones that have a wonderful wife who lets me be me. We go shopping together with me underdressed always. I usually wear girls jeans, tops and tennis shoes. Have not gotten dressed with makeup, wig and breast forms locally yet. We did spend two days away from home and I was full enfemme for that time. It was wonderful.
My SO is supportive and generally resigned to the fact that Ellie isn’t going away. She does agree that Ellie is an important part of me and understands that I need to be Ellie with her at times. She is still uncomfortable with Ellie in public, but then, so is Ellie! We’re working on that, however, with trips to DLV and Crossroads booked. She has shopped with and for me, and often gifts me with a little something. I think she’s trying very hard to fully accept Ellie, and things are coming around towards that goal a little at a time.
Hugs, EllieI’m a few ‘talks’ into this process. My s/o was initially accepting and then completely silent for a few weeks. ‘Talk’ 2 was me confessing to her that I’d been for a makeover at Sephora and asking if she’d like to join me next time (possibly a ‘trying to run b4 I can walk’ moment).
She is really busy working from home, and I have no opportunity to dress or play, so I’m a wee bit frustrated ☹️
On the other hand we are safe, healthy, together, and sooooooo lucky and thankful for those things.S x
Mine loves me as me but not everything isnt just great always but I assume no marriages are! The dressing and mannerisms seem great to her maybe 80% of the time but there are times she needs more in other areas! We do share all and talk about everything I hope!
WHHHHOOOOOTTTTT!!!!! TIFFANY!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah!!!! FIREARMS?????????? OH SH*T!!! @#)(*@#$)@_#+!@()&@#$(%^ GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! That was SOOOO “dry!” hahahahahahahahaahahahaha
Tiffany,
I thought my wife was going to hit the ceiling when I first told her; but at least she didn’t reach for the bedside Walther. And the automatic weapons are kept locked in the safe.Bettylou
Hi Robin,
I found that not rushing into it is the best, when I would push the subject my SO would pull away, so I found that giving it time and letting it settle in was best and it did take years for that to get to the level it is today but the comfort level with each other is good. I respect her level and she accepts me as I am and respects my want to dress. Although I don’t come to dinner in full dress, I’m always wearing a bra under , usually a sheer cami under an open shirt.
Not sure I understand your position Roxanne. I would never quit on her. She is being open-minded and honest with her feelings. She has been supportive and loving, and this is a significant change in our relationship that I have asked her to accept. She is, but needs time to figure out how she feels about being intimate with a “woman”. She loves me and Rebecca, and I love her! We have worked hard to communicate openly about this and I am grateful she has made Rebecca feel accepted and loved. But I have asked myself how I would feel if the tables were turned and she cross-dressed as a male. Would I feel as comfortable having intimate relations with her looking like a man. I admit it would probably be difficult at first. I am not attracted to men, so it would be a big adjustment and I am certain I would need some time to be comfortable with it if indeed I could. We will find our way through this together! I would never quit on her!!
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