I need some help.

This topic contains 9 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  Zoe Peru 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #95967

    Registered On:
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 3

    I need a little help.

    Myfiancee is now struggling a little with what I’m doing. After getting a package for Renee she is now questioning if at anytime I identify as a women. I’m so confused, I want to talk to her about it and let her understand but I don’t know myself. I use Renee for me when I’m dressed as a girl, do you identify as a women when you are in that clothing, or are you a guy dressing as a women? I don’t know how I feel, I don’t identify as a women, but I still look like a girl when I transition, how can you not identify with a women when you are dressed as one?

    Overall I think i don’t identify as a women, I like to dress as one to feel pretty and attractive. I want to feel good at times, but I don’t want to be a woman. I use the name for her to buy stuff with. But if I speak like that ’her name is Renee’ does that mean I’m identifying as her when dressed, does that then me I must identify as a woman?

    Please help

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     Zoe Peru 
    Registered On: July 26, 2017
    Topics: 16
    Replies: 46

    Hi Renee.  Wow.  I had the exact same thoughts many years ago.  For years I thought if myself as a male in FM.  Eventually i accepted who I was, put the denial aside and accepted myself as a woman when dressed.  Over time, I came clean wih my wife and told her.   My acceptance of myself has been one of the most gratifying things I’ve ever done.  I hope you get things figured out.  Hope my story helps.  Z

     T P 
    Registered On: April 6, 2018
    Topics: 6
    Replies: 18

    My biggest problem is lack of skill in makeup. Once I manage to master this then it will be all different as I have no confidence now. Then once I am natural and do not fear shame on the street then I may as well change my ways in regards to more natural behavior and interaction with people. I wish I could change my MM to FM by a click and go full on with it. So you are in a way lucky if you can mentally become different person and act like that. Just do it when SO is not with you. Then you will be fine.

     Nancy Gamms 
    Registered On: March 1, 2017
    Topics: 10
    Replies: 70

    For me there is a point when I go out where it changes from being a guy in a disguise to where I just me as a girl.  Some mannerisms change and seem natural and of course the voice needs to change a bit (I’m lucky there).  At some point I sort of forget I’m dressed and just go about eating or shopping a bit.  Then someone will call me miss or mam or I see my reflection in a mirror or glass and get a giddy feeling.  But when someone was actually talking to me and asking personal questions (where are you from? what do you do? where do you work?) then I’m suddenly in disguise again because I will be vague or lie.  That has not happened much at all.  I’m not sure how to explain that though.

     T P 
    Registered On: April 6, 2018
    Topics: 6
    Replies: 18

    Hi Renee, as Edie said, I am as well male in a dress when I am in FM. However with time I see I am starting acting as female more and more, this comes from observations and sane decision to imitate female behavior. I think if I would do this often enough I would be able to push a mental switch and go full on female mode. It is up to your brain training. If you want to be woman and dress as one and look as one then I guess you act as one. Your SO is scared as she has another woman to compete with in that scenario. My wife does not want to even hear of it. I think in time she will get over it as some 9y ago when we were at that point previously. It just takes time. Make sure she does not run away, if she does not tolerate you in FM then don’t enforce it on her. With my wife we came to silent agreement of having some weekends off alone and that solved the problem even if she knows what I am to do.

    Registered On: January 21, 2018
    Topics: 21
    Replies: 216

    Hello Renee,

    I understand what you mean, how can you not identify with a woman when you’re dressed as one?  At that point you’re in “girl mode”.  But maybe you’re over-thinking this some too.  To identify as = to view yourself as, so *in whole* do you view yourself as female?  From what you wrote it kind of sounds like not.  So the simple answer to your fiancee’s question would be “no”.

    This is the sort of situation where it’s easy to step into a pile and talking too much about it especially from a place of confusion may not be helpful.  By all means, talk to her and be honest, but try to have this straightened out in your mind before you engage much so that you’re not wandering all over.

    There’s a big difference between “girl mode” and “identifying as woman”, bearing that in mind I think you know where you stand.  Best of luck my dear. ❤

     Dame Veronica Graunwolf 
    Registered On: May 8, 2017
    Topics: 36
    Replies: 1536

    Hi Renee! Welcome to CDH! Your confusion is normal enough. As we are conceived…we could become male or female and generally bodies are the same and our brain does have 2 sides. As a male we have 2 genes know as XY and females XX, so you can see whichever gene is stronger we become that sex but we still start off with one x and one y” ie female and male from parents which determine our sex. As we grow the x if dominant we may be a male but have feminine side as well. Early upbringing helps a lot to seal the deal as it were.

    With this in mind, as we travel thru life, we may grow tired of the life we lead and look for something different. Being a male is tough and we need to get away from the role….ergo we try the feminine side and we find that we like so…there we go. This explanation is very basic…the switch desire is very much more complicated and I could delve into it in much greater detail if you wish….just let me know. The girls have added their ideas to which may help you decide what you wish to do. I Look forward to hearing more from you, but must run for now.

    Lady Veronica

     Carolyne Sherman 
    Registered On: February 20, 2018
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 131

    Hello Renee. I think what I am hearing is your SO has the classic crossdressers are transvestites are transgender are going to get a sex change line of reasoning and she has unfortunately drawn you into her confusion. It is  VERY important for you to understand yourself and your desires before you can clearly tell someone else. It has taken many a girl a lot of years to figure that out. I personally relate more to the transgender and if I were XX years younger with what I know now would certainly live my life as a woman. Alas that ain’t gonna happen girl. A wonderful friend here on CDH has told me she would never want to quit dressing but doesn’t want to be a woman and is most comfortable as a cross dresser. They are VERY different and you need to be both honest with yourself and your SO or two people and possibly more will pay the price. I wish you well and hope you both can talk openly about this issue now and can find a happy center for you both. Please feel free to send a private message if there is anything I can help you with. Heaven knows you can’t make a mistake I haven’t already tried!


     Edie Majeski 
    Registered On: April 7, 2018
    Topics: 13
    Replies: 141

    Hello, Renee. When I’m fully dressed as Edie and studying how I look in the mirror, I don’t really see a woman, girl or a female. What I see is a man cloaked to look like a female. That’s Ok because that’s what I want. My need is not to be a woman but to satisfy an overwhelming need to look and feel feminine. The world associate femininity with a woman, so that how I want to look and feel to satisfy my need to be feminine. That could be why you’re confuse about your identity. You’re trying to convince yourself that you’re a woman once all dressed up (which you know deep inside you’re not) when all you need is to just enjoy being feminine in the way you look and feel.

    Registered On: December 21, 2017
    Topics: 6
    Replies: 138

    Hi Renee, I don’t identify as a woman, for me I don’t believe I can as I am male and will remain that way. How can I possibly know how a woman feels? I think you should only identify as a woman if that is what you really believe. Andrea is part of me, forming part of the whole person, I have been dressing off and on for a very long time, so she has always been there (but not adopting the name until fairly recently), nevertheless the crossdressing part of my life goes a long way to make me the person I am – and always has done.

    I suspect your female side has been with you for a long time, although perhaps not making such a public appearance until recently, but the point is it has probably always been part of you, it’s part of you that goes to make you – you. When I’m dressed, I may look different, but I’m still the same person inside, and from what you say you are much the same. I look on it as being just part of the whole me. This may be a way to explain it? Perhaps you should also consider not ordering items in Renee’s name, just to make it easier on your fiancee?

    Good luck and keep well.

    Andrea xx

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