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… it was full-on gawking!!
I was downtown in my ultra-conservative midwest town, dressed in my new WHBM cabernet-colored faux-leather leggings and a cute super-fuzzy white sweater that was just short to show off my best asset. 😘. I walked around the corner from the salon where I’d just had my hair done to grab a cup of coffee only to find the coffee shop closed. The streets were deserted (unfortunately common in this historic and scenic town), and I noticed a white sedan pulling up yo the stop sign on my right as I approached the corner.
I did take note that the car was sitting thete for a longer than expected time, and when I glanced over, this lady’s face was literally pressed against the glass staring at me. I paid no mind, and walked around the corner to the left toward my car. She slowly turned the corner and matched my speed, with her now disturbing face still pressed against the window.
I though to myself “Jeez, she’s going to hit a parked car! Good thing this town is deserted, or she might tun over a pedestrian! 🤣
I walked into the street to get into my car, and she drove on. As I got in my car, I looked back, and I could STILL see she was pressed against the window looking BACK while driving forward!
I figure it was because my outfit was super-cute, and maybe that my eyebrow pencil has way too much red in it to look right with my hair and complexion. I had awesome, cute, big sunglasses on, so I’m pretty sure I wasn’t recognized.
Although I am a pretty confident guy and confident lady, it did rattle me a bit. Made me realize I need to continue working at presenting, and probably need a new wig.
By the way, those leggings are AMAZING! I highly recommend them. I have a nice backside, so they look great from the side. I need some hip padding to sell them from the front & back.
More later!
🥰😘💃🏻🍺🌮🤷
You were right to pretty much ignore her. The only time that we really should say anything to the ‘gawkers’ is if they pop something rude/crude without provocation. A lot of us can ignore those types of people, but I have seldom been able to remain quiet when vocally challenged. At least she kept her window up, maybe from previous experience of having a biting comeback hit her after some verbal abuse on her part. If they just stare and gawk, return the favor if you feel safe enough to do so.
I hope you enjoyed your day out otherwise, and found some ‘me’ time.
PaulaF
She’s probably jealous that you look better than her Philma
Dang, girl! You got guts doing that around here. That’s a good idea about the big sunglasses. Gives me something to think about. I will definitely be ready to have some girl time together soon. I should be skilled enough and confident enough in less than a month for sure. I think I’d prefer a trip to the city though, lol.
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@trailgirl I always prefer trips to the city. Occasional side eye stuff on the Plaza when I was there, but that’s a pretty straightlaced, entitled, judgey straight midwest white crowd there. That being said, it still wasn’t bad. Worth it to go to WHBM, walk around on a sunny & warm November day, and have lunch with my sweetie.I’ve gone to Dillards here in town dressed. The mask helps A LOT! Not sure I’d go in town without it.
In KC, Oak Park mall and Nordstrom Rack across the street are must-visits for shopping. Then probably to Servaes brewery (woman-owned, and they are cool!). Lunch in Crossroads or Westport or a couple other boroughs are pretty safe. When you get into the heart of a city (not the ‘burbs), people have seen everything and accept you for who you are, especially if you are spending money.
Brewery Emperial is hip – I’ve had servers in various forms of drag and gender expression. They’d probably LOVE us there! Great food & great beer.
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Robyn, I completely agree. No nevermind is a good policy, but it did rattle me just a bit – not from a safety concern, but just a self-image standpoint. I’m still new enough that I can still give in to doubt a bit. I WAS pushing the fashion sense just a bit being 6’2” in my heels, wearing burgundy shiny pleather leggings that look painted on, and a sweater that barely comes to my waist. My best asset was on display in a big way (the rear, not the front!… get your minds out of the gutter!). Admittedly, sexy as hell(!), but maybe a bit much for the sweat pants-and-hoodie attire typical of both men and women in this town.I’m glad I did it though. Next time I might approach a lady like that and start an important conversation.
Philma,
You go, girl!
I wear skirts and nylons at work nearly every day. I get my share of gawkers and glancers. I let it slide because I know I’m an oddity to most people.
I do it for two reasons — first, because I can. I’ll wear what I want, where I want, when I want, and I value random people’s opinions about as much as I value a piece of gum stuck to the sidewalk.
Second, because there are more of us in the world than most people realize. The more people see us, the less of an oddity we become. We shouldn’t have to hide who we truly are because society has a double standard. Men can be pretty, and can wear feminine things, just like women can be “tomboyish” and wear masculine things. It’s time to put the notion of gendered clothes to bed for good.
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Thank you Marika!I agree. I think one of the hardest things for a man to say is “I want to look pretty“. Our society has conditioned everyone so much to make that separation that there is really not a whole lot else a man could say that would be harder. Establishing and maintaining some predetermined level of masculinity is prized above just about anything else right now, And it is really sad.
I like your take on it, especially about other closeted CDs out there.
So I’ll dress as a lady and maybe nudge the needle over a bit to open some space – Space for a dialogue, and space to provide confidence for somebody else to take that first step toward expressing themselves.
What grinds me the most is that, if a man decides to appear in the world in some degree of feminine dress, makeup, etc, he is either assumed to be gay (which a large majority of CD’s aren’t), or “less of a man.” Furthermore, a lot of macho men feel threatened by the sight of a man appearing feminine in any way.
No, insecure dude who has nothing better to do than be offended by my totally innocuous style of dress, I’m not a threat to you or anyone else. I’m just doing me. How about you just do you?
Philma,
I have those WHBM leggings in black! I absolutely love them. They are lined and I think that makes all the difference! They feel so sexy on and I feel super confident wearing them. I usually wear them with a bulky black cowl neck sweater that has zippers on the sleeves also from WHBM and either black booties or black patent leather heels.
Sorry you were startled she was probably just admiring your look. I sometimes get looks from men or women ( but not usually long stares) and I’m not sure if they are “reading” me or just checking me or my outfit out! My friend usually tells me that they just think I’m cute or like my outfit and I hope that’s true most of the time!
Hugs
Nicole
I’ve been stared like that too. My usual response is: “Take a photo, it’ll last longer”.
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