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Please, don’t feel bad towards me for saying what is on my mind. I lost my dear brother last Friday, and it has thrown me into such a state of confusion and despair. I have lost family before but this is so different. We were very close our entire lives although I could never talk to him about Coral, he didn’t ever judge me or say anything he just wanted us to be brothers I guess. So when we were together Coral stayed home and I was ok with that because we had a bond between us that I think is liken to the ones twins have. He was a year older than me but I looked up to him my whole life. He was such a kind and soft spoken man, he loved most people and was well liked by all and he was always proud of me for this or that work I would be doing to help others . We never spoke about Coral but sometimes I think he wanted to but couldn’t bring himself to do that. Maybe he thought it would change the way we treated each other. We very seldom had any type of differences . I didn’t realize losing him would hit me so hard. He was in the ICU for the last month and finally lost his battle on Friday, I have been trying to prepare myself for this but wasn’t ready for it. I have cried more than I have ever had before. Just thinking of him about breaks me down. I know I will get to a place when it won’t be so hard to accept his loss, but I don’t know how to stop the pain I have my heart . I feel so empty inside as something has has been torn out of my body. I just wish it would stop because this is not how I am. I don’t mean to sound like a cry baby but right now I think I am. To tell you the truth I think I loved him more than I knew, is that possible. Do I feel like a sister would feel at the loss her big brother, is that possible. Has anyone ever felt like this? Or am I just crazy? Coral
Coral,
I am sorry about your loss. I lost my mother two months ago and it is so incredibly hard and life is just not the same.
One suggestion, if you don’t mind me… losing your brother would be just as hard as a brother or a sister. You miss him as you, gender is irrelevant. Grief is genderless.
Life has to go on, so hang in there… you.Gabriela
Coral,
I am not sure what to say except take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I lost my brother last April and it is not easy. I am the only one left from our family. It can leave a giant hole in your heart.
Rasa
Rasa, Thank you , you are so kind. I am sorry for your loss. I hope you are doing well. I think maybe it might be that we are older now and have been so close for so long, might have something to do with it. You know what I mean? Love Coral
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Yes, I totally agree.
Take care, treat each day and each moment as a gift.
Love,
Rasa
Coral, my heart goes out to you. Besides my parents, I have yet to lose someone that close. Bless you and your family in your time of loss. ❤️
Much, much love,
Raquel
It is always difficult to respond to these stories. Another person’s grief often makes us concerned about saying something they feel might be understood. I guess, first, I just realized that someone’s loss can create an element of grief within ourselves. As I read your story I felt that I, to some small degree, shared your obvious pain.
The second thing is I think your brother was lucky to have you. I suspect that any secrets you each had were not really secret just difficult to bring up. You both seem to have been sympathetic and understanding. So, while often things that should have been spoken are left unsaid, on the other hand, language is not the only means of communication. Perhaps the sentiments were expressed in other ways.
My experience is that the hole in you never really fully heals but the grief becomes bearable. Do not feel that you are being over-emotional now nor betraying your brother by forgetting about him a bit later.
Araminta.
Araminta, Thank you for your kind words, you are so right. I am so blessed to have had him in my life and I know he felt the same way towards me. I am so glad I posted on this forum. All of you have been so kind and it is so uplifting to know there are such fine people still willing to reach out to others. This community is full of kind and loving people and I am grateful to be here. Love Coral
I’m sorry for your loss and wish I could give you a hug. The pain will subside but never go away. Be thankful for the love you shared and I wish you the best.
Coral I feel so sad for you. It’s almost six years ago now that I lost my middle son to a freak ailment. He was only 27 and I miss him so much. I can only say that it gets a little easier to cope with as time goes by but you never really get over it.
Take care girl, Liara
Coral,You have my condolences and my sympathy.I wish I could tell you that the pain of loss would go away but it wont.What I have done<please excuse me if I sound preachy> is remember all the good and funny times.I have lost both my parents and some of my close military buddies and when I am down I remember what my buddies would say to me.My grandmother would say”All Right thats enough,if you cry any more your mascara will run,so smile ,my child,and life goes on.Celebrate your life and be the best Coral you can be.You will make it girl.You will be ok.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible hole in your soul and it is always there. You will learn how to live with with your loss but missing your sibling will always be there.
I have lost many family members. I am the youngest by a few years. Those that went on before were grieved but most of them were expected so the pain was lessened. The one that hurt the most was my niece, she was five years younger and we grew up like brother and sister. The memories are my treasure from her but it still hurts.
Greive, cry and rant but hold the memories close to your heart.
Love,
Beth
Coral,
You’re not crazy, you’re not a cry baby. You’re grieving big time. It’s something that happens to almost everyone of us at some stage. Let it happen.
I’m guessing right now you can’t imagine that you’ll come round, but you will, in your own time. If nothing else, your brother would want you to.
Marti xxx
Coral.
It’s so tough…I know.
I was so close to my parents, doing something virtually every day with one or the other or both. In my twenties i lost them both in the space of 5 years….my god i was in a dark place i thought i would never return from….but i did, and you WILL!!!
All the old clichés apply…it WILL get easier, time is a great healer. Life does go on…..even though it doesn’t seem so right now.
At this moment in time, I still think of my parents most days, but it’s with the love and happy memories of the good times together…..the tears have gradually dried up and now I think of them with smiles and love.
Of course I still miss them madly, but, I’m living my life the best way I can, because I know that is what they would want.
It will be exactly the same for you. your brother would want you to be brave, be strong and be a good person……
Don’t be alone and be sad, try to surround yourself with friends and family…. including us on cdh…Coral will get over this!!!
Huggs, grace xx
I remember the time I lost my mother. She was in the Hospice. After I finished work on the Thursday met my wife and we both went up. They where just going to contact me as her condition worsened. I stayed the night with her and my wife went home. She seemed to recover, will never forget her last words to me about being happy. I left her on Friday morning as I was in my working uniform when my sister came in and relieved me. I arrived home and just as walked through the door the phone rang, it was my sister to say that mum passed away. For a while afterwards I blamed myself for not being there when she died after all I was her only son. People said it wasn’t meant to be. Nobody knows when they’re going to die, but maybe mum didn’t want me there as I’d my wife to take care of. I can honestly say only for the Lord and my wife I wouldn’t have got through it. That’s my experience.
Sarahjayne…it’s very tough. My mother was in a hospice too…but I was lucky enough to be sat with her, holding her hand as she passed….such a bittersweet moment ..she was gone, but so was all her pain…..xx
There is a world of difference between not being there….and not being able to be there….I’m sure somewhere, somehow she will have understood x
Hi Sarahjayne,
Absolutely agree with Grace’s reply there is a huge difference between not being there, and not being able to be there. You were there when it counted that’s what matters, we all have been in this situation and have to leave at some point for some reason to do something, and we can predict when that loved ones time will actually come. But when it does and unfortunately many are not there for genuine reasons beyond their control then the human emotion of grief tend to make us fill guilty. Believe me you have not guilt or shame. We often punish ourselves as I did with my wife, could I have done more, could I have spent more time with her. In real honesty all we can do is be there when we can, or do what ever we can, it the last two week my wife had no real quality of life, but I hoped she knew or sensed we were there not just at final curtain of her life but at the hours she lay induced.
Sarahjayne be proud that you were there in the times of need and you were a fantastic son, unable to be there at the end is not a crime, it’s just unfortunately unlucky. I was lucky I held my wife’s hand as see slipped away peacefully in her sleep, did she know I was there is the only question I ever wondered about, but I know I was there through a lot of the times that mattered, and so were you, remember that. Sorry have to go I need to cry,
Lol Amanda xx
So sorry.
Connie
xxx
Hi Coral,
First you have my sincere condolences on your lose of your brother. I lost my wife not that long ago, so I understand your loss tremendously. It will take time to come to terms with your brother’s loss. But please believe me in time you will accept it, but the sense of loss will always be there unfortunately. But I know he would want you to live your life to the full, for in doing so his presence will always be with you, and as I have found such memories are a great comfort to the heart. All of us are here for you if you need it sweetie.
Lol Amanda xx
Coral,
My condolences on the loss of your brother. Grieving is a process and it takes time.
I lost my younger brother 17 years ago. I still feel pain of the loss now and then. Is has lessened over time, but i still find myself crying now and then.
Take comfort in the bond that you had with your brother, miss him, love the memories you shared. He will always be a part of who you are.
My best advice is water proof mascara. Never want the racoon eyes from my mascara again.
Love, hugs and support to you during this time.
Paula
Coral There is nothing I can say that can take away your pain I wish I was there with you so I could just give you a big hug and offer a tissue. Losing a special person that you have found unconditional love just leaves a huge whole in your heart that you believe never will be filled again. I am tearing now just responding to your post I Lost me dear son over 10 years ago. It just brought me to my knees and I was just numb.I never thought I could climb out of he hole of just feeling depressed all the time. I will say the pain never seems to leave you You begin to learn to live with the pain. It just becomes part of you like everything else we all have endured. The pain eventually does become less and less until you learn you have been so fortunate to have him in your life even though it was such a short time. So you begin to think about little things like how we have all come together here. Is it really important what clothes we choose to wear? Take the time to really talk and listen to each other and learn how to express your love so it is felt by those we truly love. Coral I feel your pain Take some time to grieve, as so many of have been forced to do. You will be ok and will learn it is time to move on. He has never left you he is still and always will have a special place in your heart.
Much love and empathy Stephanie
No, it’s not crazy; it’s normal and natural. As you may know, I lost my wife recently (after only a few weeks in hospice). She was also my best girlfriend, and I had a total breakdown at her funeral. I’m grieving, but trying to get back into the world, as she would want me to do. You, too must go through the grieving process, then get back into the world, even though it has changed.
Big Hug,
LuluHi Coral, No you are not crazy. What you are going through is a natural grieving process. I lost my twin brother a couple of years ago. Long story short he took off a few years before and we little to no communication. When my sister called and told my wife that he/she had passed my immediate reaction was stoic and fake. The next day it hit me that they were gone and i totally lost it. Curled up on the floor crying like a baby. It sounds like you had a good relationship with him and I hope that you can cherish those memories. Feel free to grieve there is no wrong way to deal with this type of situation. Hugs Dorothy
Coral,
First I have to say how sorry I am for you in your time of grief!! Then I do have to say that everyone grieves in their own way, there is no right to wrong way to get through it. In time the steps of grief will work themselves out. And that if you need to there are people here to turn to as you already have. And you can message me if you want. I know my SO lost her brother several months ago and that she still has times when her grief hit her. So there is no instant fit for this kind of pain. But you are NOT CRAZY! This is real life pain and agony but it will pass! Know that you are cared about here in this group and by me!
Hugs,
Leslie
My deepest condolences, Coral. No, you are certainly not crazy. Not only does each person handle mourning differently, it is different for each person you lose.
I have often attended and occasionally lead prayer services in people’s homes. One of the psalms we sometimes say has the line, “Tears have been my food day and night.” Clearly this feeling has been around for a long time.
Right now the wounds in your heart are very sensitive, and tears easily flow. You will work to heal the wound in your own time and your own way. Until then you can mourn any way you see fit.
You will always keep a part of your brother alive in your heart and in your memories.
[postquote quote=562773]<br style=”–original-color: #333333; –original-background-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);” />Hello to all , This is not a Quote. There have been so many responses to my post that I just didn’t know how I could possibly being in the state I have been in write to every one of you wonderful, kind and most beautiful Ladies that I have ever had the pleasure to meet in my entire life. Please accept this as my humble thank you to all of you. It has brought me to tears reading all of your replies, tears of sadness but tears of warmth and joy also. I wish I could hug every single one of you. I have learned one thing from this, I wish the rest of the world could learn. You ladies no matter which place you might find yourself on the so called gender scale, to me you are all true and bonified Ladies of the greatest character and heart to be found anywhere. Also you have the most compassion of any one group of people to be found anywhere on this earth. I thank and love you all. Coral
I think grief is grief, it sucks no matter what gender you identify as. Hugs Coral…
— Abbie 🥰
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