- This topic has 7 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by
.
- Posts
Happy New Year ladies. I hope you’ve had a good holiday season and that you have a positive start to the new year.
A lot of the posts I read in this part of the forum seem to be based on finding acceptance from partners. And I guess that is kind of natural. I know I’m looking for the same.
Over the holiday season the SO and I had a good break but it was with her parents so I remain desperate for some Jenn time and not wholly relaxed. I was hoping to fit some of that Jenn time in before I go back to work. Now, my SO is broadly accepting, and had suggested in the past about me shopping from one of the online stores she uses. Now I have, and I have a dress I am wanting to try on for the evening. I mentioned the purchase to the SO but she’s responded by withdrawing somewhat.
Now, I know, acceptance is one of those things which can wax and wane. I’ve seen someone comment that some women don’t like the competition a cross dresser can bring. And I wonder if there is an element of that. However, I also wonder if her withdrawal is about her own self-confidence. Madam has some weight and health issues and I’m now fitting into frock sizes she will have to work hard to bring herself down to. It’s that time of year when all the dieting and healthy eating starts again!
Is there something here about:
1. She is worried I might not remain attracted to her as a bigger girl?
2. She is genuinely jealous I have a smaller dress size and she resents it?I can reassure her about the former but the latter is a bit more difficult to address. I feel I can’t justify any real Jenn time until we’ve resolved this.
Hi Jen, Acceptance is earned by talking things through, understanding of both sides, reassurance and compromise. If you read through this much talked about topic there are many experiences to draw from and common threads. Each is very individual though.
The partners side is very complex and needs to be understood although it can wax and wane.
No it’s not only about you, and never forget that.
Hi Jen,
My wife is also a “big girl” with health issues and very supportive. Our situation is different in that we go shopping together. The first thing that I did was upgrade her wardrobe so as not to upstage her when we are out and I am in my girly drab. She loves to find things for me especially panties while shopping. She will hold them up and ask (loudly) if I have that particular one. It’s a fine line to walk though. I did a full body shave and she didn’t like it at all. She liked my beard but I keep a clean face for my makeup and shave my breasts so my forms will adhere. For us it’s give and take. I would suggest that you both go shopping together whether you buy anything or not. It’s a nice “girl time” that you can share and make sure to focus on her. As you know a lot of “big girls” have body issues so always make her feel comfortable and pretty. Stephanie
Jen, it’s a very complex subject as you know. My own experience is after two to three failed attempts of Katie being accepted, my wife is finally on board. Initially there were a few rules after numerous conversations, the main two were no dressing for meals or in the evenings when we are together. These I respected religiously but now as she has Katie for who she is these have changed again. I dressed for New Years supper and been dressed during the day when we are sitting together. Time and conversations will have you turning the corner. Even though I’d love to dress every day, I don’t because I still recognise she still needs her man around. It’s a very fine line. As for your wife’s self confidence, yes mine says I have better legs than her to the extent she never wears skirts now. Your second point, unfortunately only you can answer that one. As Angela said and to reiterate there’s two people in a marriage.
hugs Katie.
My wife through the years has gained a lot of weight, in fact she now weighs close to twice my weight. I am a petite 104lb and she is 185lb. This makes me uncomfortable when I can’t even put my arms around her. I still love her to death but I’m no longer sexually attracted to her.
All of the dresses she once wore are now mine. I would not think about wearing any of them in front of her because I know she would be very jealous that my body is more feminine than hers. She also doesn’t know how many of her old dresses I have added to my collection. Some of them are still new with tags and she never wore them. I’m happy to say they all fit me perfectly.
Hi Jen, I came out to my wife this summer after 40 years of hiding. It’s an understatement to say we’re working through it. But, she was afraid of a few things – did I want to “become a woman”, how would she be attracted to a feminine version of me, and most important (I believe) was she not enough woman for me and she needed to look like my sexy femme side for me to be attracted to her?
It all boiled down to assurance. Since then I have decided that I need to pursue HRT to feel whole. Part-time dressing will not keep me mentally healthy. But, I do not plan to have full bottom surgery. I have no idea how this will work out, but I did tell her I love her just as she is, I’m not looking for any other relationships, and I will always be here for her as her spouse. I tried to tell her I’ll still be the same person as before, but better, but she doesn’t accept that yet.
So, Jen, you would be wise to ensure your spouse is the most improtant person in your life (even over Jen herself) but you also have to be totally honest with her about your need to have Jen around as well. A tricky balancing act, but necessary to keep the relationship intact, I think.
Hugs,
Brielle
I think you have some valid points. I present much more feminine than my ex and she hated that. She could be a beautiful woman but refuses to even try. I think she hated the fact that I could be much more attractive as a female than her. She was completly unexceptiog of my dressing even though she only saw me two times. It is not what led to our divorce but she loved to use the threat of exposing me any way that pleased her. My wife and love of my life is just the opposite. She always presents very feminine and is quite pretty. She wants to keep my dressing between the two of us but is very supportive and helpful. We often go out together while I am dressed and it just seems totally natural. I am just Michelle and give little thought to the fact that I am not a GG. I think that your wife might be lacking self confidence and thinks that your dressing is maybe a result of her not feeling good about her own looks and issues. I am fairly certain that is how my ex felt. I also realize how hard it is on our partners to embrace the fact that their macho men that they love and respect have a strong desire to be or present as female. I wish you and your spouse can find a space that is acceptable to both of you.
- The forum ‘Relationship Advice’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Recent Comments