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This year has definitely been one for the record books. With less crowds, distancing ourselves from one another and face masks paved the path for me to step out in the world as my feminine persona. It’s been fun and scary at the same time. Recently I’ve been wearing more feminine looks (dresses/skirts) versus one I first came out I was keeping it simple to “blend in” (jeans/pants) one new thing I’ve been doing is using the women’s restroom when I need to go while I’m out. I’m not sure how I feel about going into a restroom that is meant for a woman. I’ve done it few times now and I feel so wrong being in there, especially when other women come in, of course I get those “looks” and I sort of cringe and quickly leave. Maybe I’m over thinking this whole thing but Its not my intention to make any woman feel uncomfortable in a bathroom.
any thoughts or experiences you ladies have come across while you’re out and you needed to use the ladies room?
Like you, I still feel a little uncomfortable in places that aren’t Brighton.
In the queer capital of Britain, I’ve had the door to the ladies held open for me by smiling ladies and attendants, making me feel like it’s not only normal, but expected.
Small talk, such as “I love your earrings”, or once “I love your wig!” (From a lady who had lost her hair and was looking for a cheaper replacement) helps normalise the experience further.
From a psychological point of view, I’m a man in the ladies, so it’s still a bit surreal – but in reality, I’m a human being human, and following the “rules”, so it shouldn’t really matter.
Hey Laura,
Is Brighton considered a LGBTQ welcoming city in The UK? sounds like Britain is a good place for that too? Would love know about the UK, never been there. Hope too someday after this pandemic is over. I live in the northeast of US where it’s not illegal for a man to go in a women’s room but can be frowned upon or asked to leave. Pretty much the “rule” and it’s not a law is use the restroom that is consistent with who you are.
I have yet to worry about this. But I can assure you that I plan to use the ladies room if there isn’t a single occupancy option available. It’s too dangerous, IMO, to use the men’s room. Besides, when one is out as a lady, one should be a lady in all regards. If one gets the “side eye,” then I think it’s alright because it’s how we can show GGs that we are around and we just have to pee sometimes too.
I feel the same as Mika; in my head, I’m a girl, but society may not agree, so the single-use bathrooms are my first choice. However, when you gotta go, you gotta go, and I feel no guilt about using the ladies’ room if needed.
Bettylou
Hello girls
I have used the ladies when out and there’s never been a problem. Having said that, however I am dressed, I am still male, so getting caught in the ladies could be problematical legally…if some girl came out screaming there’s a man in a dress in the ladies, probably not going to terrorise me, but police involved, or a group of men in the bar, especially drunken men it could get nasty.
However…if you go in the men’s dressed as a woman, would it draw more attention, and importantly, would men have the right to complain, there’s a lady in our toilets….it’s a situation to consider wherever you pee!!!
Just my opinion girls, grace xx
I think what is it we all spend a good portion or our lives knowing we never should never walk into a women’s room unless it was accidental. Besides a few unsure looks from women I hadn’t had a bad experience and in any case if something happened I would just apologize and leave.
Thanks for the response Grace!
This is a tough one and I know exactly what you mean and where you are coming from. I prefer *not* to hear ‘toileting women’ and I – always – use the men’s. ….It’s what I’m used to and …oh yeah, I’ve had many comments, all normally are quashed as soon as I answer, “I am a man” then immediately after I’ll do a self-check in a mirror at that point, finger-wipe any stray lipstick, or toss the hair, then leave (…usually to gaping mouths) All in all though, it’s a kind of danger and really needs to be addressed, non-binary options, ‘safer’ places for unaffiliated people like us. I just don’t ‘do’ women’s toilets though. It’s out of my comfort-zone..
Great question, and thank you.
Ah yes, the ladies room question comes up from time-to-time.
IMHO, when we are presenting as a lady, then it is obvious, use the ladies room but use common sense rules while doing so.
While over the commode, your feet should be pointing outward, not inward, like a guy.
No staring at females in the ladies room, keep your eyes looking forward.
Only speak if spoken to, then be as brief as possible.
Wash hands, touch up lipstick, primp hair a little and leave, do not hang out in the ladies room.
Over the years, I can recall only two nasty bathroom incidents, and one was odd, in that it was an in-house incident. Both involved a CD group which I used to be a member of.
Years ago, one of our members became very intoxicated, and while in a restaurant ladies room, urinated on a lady’s foot in the adjacent stall. An ugly incident was avoided by a profuse apology, which was, fortunately, accepted, and all was forgiven.
The only other incident took place in our group’s hotel private meeting room bathroom. One of our members took great umbrage over another member leaving two or three drops of urine on the bathroom floor near the commode. No one would fess up, which seemed to further upset the offended member. Ultimately, the group president instructed all members to take more careful aim, and the complaining party was nicknamed “the bathroom man.” Yes, I know, sounds funny, but it really did happen.
Peggy,
Thank you for the tips, I always do what I need to do and leave, the tip with feet position is good to know, never thought about that!
great stories about the two incidents you came across, the one about the hotel meeting room is funny 😆.
The other time with the peeing on the girls foot sounded a little tense, thank goodness the woman accepted the apology.
Peggy Sue
a very sensible list of basic rules, thank you, and I love the stories…..oh, how those three little drips have caused so much havoc to so many ladies over the years!
Huggs, grace xx
I’ve definitely given this some thought and as I have yet to venture out to the extent you have, I’ve looked at a few places that I’d like to visit as Rei and checked if they have gender neutral facilities or something to that effect.
I’m glad that this year has been such an amazing adventure for you!Natalie,
I will use the restroom align to the gender as which I am presenting. Generally, that is the men’s restroom as I generally present as male regardless of what I might be wearing. However, on the few occasions that I have presented as a woman, I will use the women’s restroom.
I have found that confidence in oneself is the name of the game. If you are nervous, you will get the looks regardless of which restroom used. But if you show confidence, act appropriately, and conduct your business, no one will give you any notice.
MacKenzie Alexandra
I understand the problem. The few times I have been out totally dressed in fem and needed to use the rest room I always use the ladies. So far I have only gone out early in the shopping day so that there was no one else in the rest room except once when some one came in just as I was finishing washing my hands and we just glanced at each other. The more I go out the easier it gets.
Sandy
I use the restroom that aligns with how I’m presenting. Never had a problem using the ladies room. In some states, that might be an issue. Even then, you’re unlikely to ruffle any feathers if you act appropriately and with respect. But if it just doesn’t feel right, find a family/unisex bathroom.
NEVER visit the men’s room when presenting as female. That’s asking for trouble whether you pass or not.
I was out fully en femme with my girlfriend at a mall. Even though I had been out dressed many times, this was the frost time I had ever gone out into the real world for the whole day.
One thing I hadn’t thought of was the occasional needed resat room stop. I didn’t know what to do. Finally I figured I don’t look like a man, I’m not dressed like a man. I would have to use the women’s room. I went in not looking around or see if if the coat was clear. There was women in there. I walked past them and went in a stall. I did my thing, walked out and left. it was a strange experience but I thought it was the only choice I could make.
I think it is really all about your confidence level. If you’re anxious or hesitant others can see it in your body language. If you show hesitancy about going in others see that. My best advice is to go in like you own the place.
In my early days of starting to cross dress. (Oct of 2019)
I was in man mode in every way except that I was wearing very sharp looking 4 inch black leather heels. I was nervous but determined. I got out of the car and as I rounded my van 3 people were coming my way. A man who I nodded to, then a woman who I said hi too and then a man who stopped and thought he knew me. We determined that I just looked like someone he knew. Not one of them noticed my heels. Then I went to my appointment and afterward had to go the bathroom. As I entered the bathroom a man was washing his hands and I noticed he tilted his head sideways like a dog looking at a ceiling fan. He saw me in the mirror but the wonderful sound of the clickity clackity of those heels on that tile floor did not match the man he saw pass in the mirror. It was so fantastic for me. I wore a smile for the rest of the day. I find that most people are not that observant of others and have there own thing going on in their head. Just acting as though you belong, just like anybody else, go’s a long ways in your passing or in any other part of your life.
Hugs
DianeMy first time using the ladies room was a eye opener for me..Being used to using a mens room, I didn’t know what to expect in a ladies room. It was so clean and didn’t have any urine oder like mens rooms do. There were two rows of stalls and a row of sinks. There were even fresh flowers on a shelf over the sinks and pictures of outdoor scenes on the walls which by the way were painted in pastel colors which gave the room a bright and warm feeling. I found a empty stall and went in closing the door behind me and locking it. I did what I came in there for, then flushed the toilet and went out to where the sinks were and washed my hands and touched up my makeup then left. I really was impressed with the way that the ladies room looked and since then I don’t hesitate using a ladies room when I have the need to. Occasionally I have found one that isn’t as clean as the first one, but mostly there are few that aren’t as clean as the first one that I used.I have found that as long as you just go in and do what you went in to do, then wash your hands and leave, nobody will pay you any attention
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