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Hi Ladies! Long post, so bear with me please. Laura mentioned that I should post this here, so here goes! I have an interesting story to share with you from what I did a few days ago! I went out in the world as TARA!
It was awesome and exciting and scary and nerve wracking! My wife was going to be out of the house for awhile, but sometimes she changes her mind and comes right back. So, my original plan was just to wash my panties, but then I was like, you know, you COULD go out… Once I made sure she wasn’t going to go there and just come right back, I got all of my stuff out and got dressed. It just felt SOOOO good!
I always start with my bra and breasts because I like them to jiggle as I get ready. It just helps with the illusion. Panties and Maidenform Flexee (which is excellent) and a bit of a tuck (that actually ended up being fairly comfortable) and then put on my black leggings. So, now I’m ready for my pretty, new turtleneck dark gray sweater dress (LOVE it!). Once dressed, I put on my gaiter (I have a short beard that needs to be hidden completely if I expect to pass) and then I put up my hair in a cute, high ponytail and then pulled down some hair on both sides in front to frame my face. *I* think it looked adorable 🙂
Shockingly, I was in a very calm state throughout and felt relaxed and comfortable. Pulled up the gaiter, put on my sunglasses, got my cute new purse together and put in the stuff I would need and put it across my body and the strap went between my breasts and I just smiled 🙂
I put on my cute booties (the low heeled ones cuz the higher heels were harder to get to). Then it was time to head out. When I opened my garage door, I realized that the neighbors would be able to get a good view of me walking to my car in the driveway and I freaked out a little. I *ALMOST* chickened out, but decided that I may not get a better chance to do this for a LONG time.
So, I put on a jacket and tucked my dress up under it to where it looked like I had on a short jacket and leggings. I could be going to a workout dressed like that, I suppose? Maybe some guys wear leggings to work out in? But the jacket isn’t big enough to hide that I clearly have breasts. I don’t go overboard with them cuz I don’t want to draw undo attention, but they’re not really ’hideable’. There was a plastic bag in the garage and I just grabbed it and carried it to the car like I was carrying something and that hid them good enough.
Got to the car. PHEW! Took off my jacket, cuz I didn’t want it covering up ’the girls’ at this point, cuz now that I’m in the car, I’m all girl. My plan was to get lunch at a Chick-Fil-A drive-thru. If you’ve ever been to Chick-Fil-A, you’ll know that you end up having interaction with 2-3 people. I was prepared for that, so I pulled up in line and took a deep breath and in my best femme voice, I placed my order. Can I have your name? Tara, I said confidently! So, THREE people called me Tara as I drove around and picked up my food! I was FLOATING!
I felt so good that I almost stopped and went into the mall to walk around, but then realized that I’d have to leave my sunglasses on inside (cuz I wasn’t wearing makeup) and that would be a giveaway I thought, so I just went home, but WOW! What an experience!! I was actually out in the world as a woman and was accepted as one! SOOOO exciting!!!!
So, that being said, I’ve made a HUGE decision. I’m still closeted and it’s just grinding on me too much. I can’t keep this away from my wife anymore, but I’m also a complete coward and have not been able to figure out a way to tell her.
To that end, I packed up ALL of Tara’s stuff today and put it in a place that’s kind of hard to get to. I still plan to be on CDH and hang out with you lovely ladies, but I have to eliminate the temptation of being Tara in the real world until I can figure out a way to tell my wife that I want to CD. It’s only been a month (as of tomorrow), that I started being Tara again after 30 years of her being suppressed and she has, quite literally, taken over my life.
I’ve spent over $300 on clothes and shoes and I’ve been out as her in broad daylight at a drive thru less than a mile from my house where any number of my neighbors could have been and recognized my car. For all I know, neighbors did recognize me and just haven’t had a chance to talk to my wife yet.
Because I’m so weak (Tara is clearly the strong one in this personality soup), I know that I’ll be caught and soon. So, I’m taking steps of accountability. So, that’s why I’m telling the group right here in the forums. Tara will only be Tara on the CDH site, but not in real life until/if I can come clean to my wife. Not before.
I look forward to hearing all of your stories and adventures, so I can live vicariously thru you. My journey is only beginning and I want to thank you all and the CDH creators for giving us this place to be who we are! I have to say that I will look SO fondly on my first time out in the world as a woman! If things fall the way I hope they do and I find the courage to talk to her about it and she’s open to it, then I’ll be going out a lot more, but we’re in one day at a time mode now.
Thank you ladies for listening!
*kisses* tara 🙂
Hi Tara
I am so glad you not only posted the story here, but made it come alive with all the details!
I identified so much with some of these “first time” feelings, since they never really leave if you’re a part-time dresser like me.
The special moments whilst dressing (and applying makeup), the moments before you emerge into the world – that feeling of wanting to chicken out, overridden by the knowledge that if you do, you’ve lost a valuable opportunity – and the feeling of serene calm as you enjoy being in the world as your femme self are priceless and validating to all who need to express their feminine sides.
Thank you again!
Love Laura
Hi Tara…
That was a hard read! My heart went out to you with your story!
The talk is what you have to have sooner or later… unless you can permanently suffocate Tara. Please don’t think of that as an option. My wife and I have had this conversation and it is a difficult one to have. Though you have to be aware of how it will/can affect your wife without guidelines.
We have after a lot of discussion and trial evolved a structure. My SO is not in any way lesbian so when I dress as Polly we are besties and go out together as really good friends. When I just male me I am her rock and staff and great for sex. As for my other alter ego Alice the maid well… better left unsaid at this juncture.You can do this but only with help from your wife. Courage ma petite! Message me at anytime.
Love Polly
Wonderful experience, Tara, thank you for sharing.
The talk is hard, and no one knows how it will go, mine went extremely well, but not everyone’s does, but since you have only acknowledged for a month you are Tara, I think it will go better? you have not been hiding it for a long time, hence less lying in her mind?
My advice would be do it sooner, rather than later, the stress will be less on you.
In any case, good luck, darling, we are all behind you
Hugs, Regi.Loved your story, Tara! I, as many here , can relate to the desire to chicken out at the last minute. The biggest I had was getting my hair colored, dressed in fem, and coming out to the first pf my 4 brothers. These went well so I desire to do more and come out to more ( so far 3 of my 4 brothers ).
For you unless you can go down deeeeeeep into the closet and be content to stay there you are right that you need to make a plan to come out to your wife. From every story I’ve read here that it depends on your personality you may go into depression or into addiction (drugs and alcohol ). Get some of your responses ready and pick a good quiet time to be honest and open with her and be sure you LISTEN to all her concerns. She is so likely to be confused and maybe hurt you may hear the same question more than once and explain yourself about the same thing lots and lots. If you can keep in you mind your love for her and keep reassuring her of your love for her and you never meant to hurt her. Good luck to the both of you. We are all here to listen and offer advice.
Sandy
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So, to test my resolve right off the bat, my wife had an unplanned excursion and she will be gone for hours. I’m honoring my commitment above, and will continue to do so, but jeez! 🙂
*kisses* tara 🙂
Tara
Wow what an adventure! Thank you for sharing it!
Being new myself, I can relate to how all of a sudden…BOOM! Clothes, shoes, makeup…and stepping out of the house. It feels like a whirlwind. WOOOSH!!
I like your accountability. Your definitely on target. The sooner you have “the TALK” the better. At least from the way you put it in words, Tara is coming out one way or another. So its best she know soon.
Best of luck to you. We’ll be here for you!
XO Robyn 🤗❤️❤️
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