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A Summers evening, in a restaurant with my kids. A family of 6 come in and are seated at a table in my view. A couple in their 60s, a couple in their 30s, and a daughter about 10 and son about 5.
The two men in beige shorts, navy polo necks and blue sneakers, hair… short!
The woman in her 60s in a long colourful floral top, black flared pants and patent courts with a silver block heel. Perfect permed hair and some expensive looking gold drop earrings and matching necklace.
The woman in her 30s in a lilac sleeveless silk top with frills on the shoulders and neckline, and a white flowing maxi skirt with flat white sandals showings lilac toenails. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail which is folded back up and held in place with a hair grip, and a hair band over the top of her head. She has delicate drop silver earrings and necklace, costume jewellery bangle on one wrist and a delicate silver watch on the other. Her face is very natural but looks like she is wearing light make up as her skin looks perfect with a healthy glow and shiny pink lips and eyeliner and mascara to bring the eyes to life.
Needless to say my powers of observation are so much better since letting the Bianca in me out, and joining CDH.
And it makes me realise even more the inequality that exists. Sure some will say women are under pressure to look good, but they have a choice not to make an effort and be bland (like most men-beige shorts, blue polo top, blue sneakers, minimal effort, try to blend in) nobody would criticise.
Wish I had the confidence just being me but in a lilac silk sleeveless top, white pleated maxi skirt and white sandals showing off my lilac toenails. Why is it wrong?
Made me think, and this is the only platform I can freely express these feelings.
Do you find you find yourself mentally assessing and admiring women who obviously make an effort to look fabulous?(and trying not to stare🤣).
❤️B
I usually notice women’s hair first, then their makeup. I also note whether they take care of themselves. I can’t imagine going thru life not taking care of myself. I often wonder if I could look like them while all made up. Most men I know don’t take care of themselves. They look awful and some of them smell bad.
While walking through a store or sitting in a restaurant, I have always observed the people around me. I like to read the expressions on their faces and think about emotions they are going through.
Bianca I sure do ,
Of course I still give the guy glance, but now I start noticing the details more carefully and I appreciate women for the wonderful beautiful effort they put into being pretty .
I catch myself checking them out more now just to see their outfits ,shoes , makeup and hair.
I have to be careful I don’t want them to think I am some kind of nut job.
sometimes I just want to compliment them when I see something outstanding they are wearing or makeup or hair.
But I figure they would think I am a lunatic.LOL
Patty
I pay a lot more attention to women I see in public that have taken even a half effort to put themselves together for going out to dinner with family or even with friends/coworkers, or even just by themselves. Compared to the pajama bottom/ sweat pants wearers that you see so often, even the half put togethers stand out head and shoulder’s over the ones who don’t care, and then there are the ones who will go the whole nine yards to outshine their sister’s even in common situations and obviously take a lot of time getting it all just right.
I study the top two types of women endlessly to learn little secrets and tricks to make an outfit come together. It really makes me appreciate how I can look better if I just put my mind to it, and it makes my men friends appreciate the effort just that much more when I dress special for them.
My question for the girls here who have tolerant and supportive spouses. Do they appreciate the effort you put forward to look nice, or even awesome, for them, the way a man does for some of us?
PaulaF
Hi Bianca what a good question and yes I watch to see the women who do there best to empress and ones who just take a little more time to look pretty . also a fun one my wife also notices the women and says quietly to me did you see her dress or how her eyes were made up and sometime wow that’s a pretty shade of lipstick .my wife is so supportive and loving I thank her all the time .
Hugs
Stephanie Bass
Yes, I certainly notice women, not just because I find them attractive, but even more how they present themselves. Some take the trouble to look good, and I notice it just isn’t older women, or younger ones. Some older women take the time to dress well, nice clothes to start with, then nice accessories, and others just wear shapeless clothes, and do little to present well.
The same with younger ladies. A young woman I often saw at an auto parts store took a lot of time with her makeup. Doing the kind of work she did, meant fairly practical clothes, but she always looked good.
Amy
Hi Bianca I believe we are just developing the female eye. One of the many things we all missed out on when we all came to understand that our thoughts of being connected to the female gender were wrong . Woman began scanning each other at a very young age. Constantly comparing mental notes what looks good or out of place. Part of it is all the insecurities that society has managed to drill into young female minds at very young age. What we see on the television or in magazines or in any type of visual media is the exception not the rule for most woman. It is sad in so many ways that young woman are forced to learn what a perfect body type looks like. We also have learned it and some of us expect it when looking for a partner. Woman spend a lot of their time trying to achieve that image as we do. This is what we all have in common with our cis sisters . We got caught up ,as they are in what is the perfect image of a female. We identify with woman so we got caught up in their insecurities as well. Most woman are never satisfied with their bodies when they look in the mirror. So they are taught at a very young age how to cover up any insecurities they may have with clothing and make up. Sound familiar. The beauty industry is massive. It is larger than a lot of the worlds economies. It is designed to make woman feel bad about themselves when they see the image of a female body that may make up 1% of the worlds population. But they always have a cure for their poor body image. All you have to do is buy this or that and in the matter of weeks you will begin to feel so much better about your self. I really wish i understood Why we all identify with the female gender. The female beauty originates from the inner self. When our cis sisters feel more confidant in them selves, I am sure they will recognize some one that identifies with them and only wants to emulate the gender they most identify with. We a very unique and should not only accept how we feel but should embrace our uniqueness. We all come in different body shapes and sizes. Having that perfect body that the beauty industry has created for us to chase is not going to be achievable for most woman and woman of the heart. Let people see your heart and the clothes will not matter. Luv Stephanie
Bianca
So observant. I have experienced the same. The women make the effort whereas the men feel they do not need to bother. I call it lazy.
It is a wonderful feeling to behave with the same mindset when dressing in either mode. Indeed it makes dressing in drab more adventurous, in some cases boundaries are crossed….fun.
Averyl
Hi Stephanie (K)
Thanks for your insight.
Yes there are pressures on women to try to be perfect, and that can bring self esteem and confidence issues to some who feel they need to aspire to be perfect. And as you say these attributes come from within, not in how you look.
Be happy and confident how you are. However I do believe that being the best you can be ( if that’s what’s you want) isn’t a bad thing. Whether it be losing weight, taking better care of your skin and body, to dressing however you want, wearing heels or make up or a wig for a while can bring some of us a sense of happiness and joy, and boost confidence and self esteem. Yes it may be shallow and temporary but many enjoy it and find it fun.
Be happy in your own body, but it’s your body to dress up as much as you want, or not.
❤️B
Hi Bianca You are so right It is our body to dress up or not and it is fun to see how close we can come to that image all woman chase. Its right that we take better care of our bodies including skin. hai,r weight and as you said we all should aspire to be the best we can be and have fun doing it as well. We should also praise those attributes that make woman unique and what we all find so attractive, gentleness , kindness, softness, empathy, their very loving nature. These are qualities we also identify with but some times are afraid to show them. Those are the qualities that complete the picture when we decide to dress up and want to feel cute and pretty
Luv Stephanie
I notice women much more, probably because not only do I look but I look much more closely, I am interested in what they wear, how they wear it and the combination of clothes, shoes etc I have always enjoyed seeing a well dressed woman, someone that takes pride in what they wear and exactly how they look. You are right men for the most part just don’t make the effort. They used to, in the 60’s and into the 70’s men would put on a suit just to got to the pub on a Saturday night, but no longer, some don’t even make an effort when going to a wedding or funeral!
Bianca
A wonderful post. After all, working all this will make us better at our craft. So much of what all have said rings true…certainly for me. If that makes us better people then great.
Averyl
Hi Andrea , I agree with the seemingly diminishing effort some people out in .
We ( pre C19 ) did date night just about every Saturday , after 18 yrs together we both like to look lovely for each other . As a man I’ll dress well to take my wife out , I’m proud to have her as my wife & proud to be her husband.
Unfortunately I’ve seen the lack of dress standards at weddings , funerals etc 🌺🌺. Tiff
Hi Bianca , I’ve noticed / observed female presentation/ fashion/ style for as long as I can remember , from the the moment as a child , I thought ” why do girls get to wear pinks , sparkles , lovely clothes ???”
This carried through my life & now I fortunately get to exhibit them , in predominantly feminine in mannerisms , body language , posture etc these days .
Even in male mode I can , thankfully I’m stills with a wonderfully supportive & beautiful wife 💐💐
Hi Bianca,
I find myself being more critical of what cis women are wearing or looking like. I guess it kind of frustrates me that they seemingly waste their feminity by dressing in terrible ill-fitting clothes.
Perhaps I am a snob (actually I am definitely a snob) but there is no excuse for bad make up or poor dress sense. In my view, doesn’t cost lots of money just time and effort. Laziness in appearance irritates me.
Oops didn’t mean to rant lol x
Hi B,
I have always admired and been a little bit jealous of those that can look so cool and elegant for an evening in a beer garden or even for a trip to the supermarket. You’re right, it does take effort but their natural style makes everything seem so easy. Wouldn’t it be nice if if the world allowed us to just say “Wow, you look nice” without being labled a sexual preditor.
We cross dressers have a lot to learn about easy elegance, we must try even harder to develope natural style and femininity but wouldn’t it be nice if sometimes someone said “Wow, you look nice” 🙂
Hi TJ
Thanks for the rant.
Live and let live, it’s their body.
But I get where you are coming from. Sometimes we are disappointed when we see others not meeting our high standards❤️ thinking ‘if I had that body/hair/face I could do so much better🤣’ You are so right that it need not cost a lot to look your best.
Maybe they are just having a bad day, running late, or just not interested in fashion/make up, thinking ‘this is me, deal with it!’
❤️B
Thanks Sally
Yes it would have been nice to go and tell her how much I liked her look, but would probably have got a punch in the face from her hubby🤣🤣🤣 but I think she would have been pleased to be told so, and she would know it is a genuine compliment, not a chat up line, as she was surrounded by her family.
❤️B
Thanks Averyl
Yes I am trying to blur and sometimes cross the boundary with my drab menswear as well. Less bland in my daily male wardrobe. I now pay much more attention to detail, fit, colour, fabrics, designs, etc and browse womenswear and menswear. Probably two categories- items I could wear stepping out my front door without drawing unwanted attention, and sometimes just 100% Bianca items such as heels, dresses, skirts. Not yet ready mentally to show everybody the full Bianca🤣 although I still feel inside I look so much better whenI let the Bianca in me out.
❤️B
Bianca
That is great all part of the re-education process. It is fun and a real learning experience. My eyes are certainly opening..wide. A fellow CDH friend suggested reading women’s magazines as an important part of the acclimatisation process, I do and agree wholeheartedly.
we are blessed with the what to wear gene 🤹♂️
Averyl
I think it’s fine to notice when someone puts in the effort to look nice. But I think it’s completely wrong to expect it, at least in more casual circumstances.
We have no more right to expect a woman to live up to our idea of femininity in fashion or makeup than they do to tell us to live up to their idea of masculinity. People are busy and are less concerned with appearance in casual settings. We want people to accept us for who we are, whether we are wearing a skirt, a dress, woman’s pants/jeans, or male drab. We should give them the same level of acceptance.
I look at their shoes first old habit you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes on their feet. Then their hair and makeup and what jewelry they’re wearing. I do go out in public some so I try to look like the women around me blend in and not stand out.
Hi Bianca I do this all the time.As someone who has adored tights/ pantyhose from an early age the first thing I notice is legwear or the lack of it.It’s a very useful occupation for us x-dressing girls to check out what cis women are wearing.I turned sixty this year ,I often take note of what the ladies from sixty five plus to seventy are wearing.It provides some good guidlines for the future for me.I am always pleased to see ladies in that age group wearing nice skirts,dresses and hosiery.
My supportive wife and I both worked in the same office for twenty nine years prior to early retirement in 2011.We often talk about the dress sense of our female colleagues.By and large most of the ladies dressed well.Being a CD lady I was envious of print floral skirts that some of them would wear.One or two of them we noted didn’t dress so well.I worked with a quite pretty young girl but she did herself a disservice by coming into work wearing tasteless and garish tops.The workplace is not meant to be a fashion show I know but a modicum of taste and style should prevail.
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