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Well I really didn’t think it would turn out this way…but I am surprised and excited to see that my work colleagues are being very accepting at work of my feminine exploration! Let me back up a bit…
After spending the last two years working from home, with my wife there as well, I really thought that my opportunities for crossdressing was over. I even went through a purge of my clothes and shoes. As things began to open up, I had the opportunity to start working from my office again. It’s a rather small building, with 4 floors…2 of which are designated for my department. In it’s hay day…we had between 80-100 staff working out of here. These days…we are about 4-5 staff working regularly out of the office. I am the only one sitting in my section. The place is like a ghost town. I started bringing my stash of clothes and shoes at work, thinking it would be easier to hide them here then at home.
Of course…it didn’t take long before I started feeling adventurous and started wearing my heels while I worked at my cubicle. On a few occasion, colleagues would past by not noticing since my feet were under my desk. Then…I started feeling more confident. I know that my workplace promotes an inclusive and accepting workforce…but I wasn’t sure how far I would take this. Then one day…I was surprised by a cleaner that came into my cubicle to empty my wastebasket. I didn’t have time to hide…so my heels were very obviously seen. The girl simply smiled and said ”have a nice day!”. I sank into my chair! This was the first time I had actually been seen by someone else…in person. I was scared, exhilarated, relieved and excited! Throughout that week, I decided not to ”hide” anymore.
I had a few people notice my heels, then I started feeling braver…and started going to the washroom, or lunchroom walking in my heels. The sound of my heels clicking off the tiles of the corridor as I walked to the lunchroom just made me giddy! A few of my colleagues even would stop and chat with me as I was walking somewhere. No one made any remarks…no one asked me any questions. People just accepted that a 5’11” guy was walking around in 4” heels and that everything was ”normal”!
So on to the next step…this week…I started going further and wearing skirts with my heels. Walking around freely in a skirt was so liberating. And once again…people didn’t react negatively to this. I would even walk to the different floors and near the entrance of the building where the public has access to government services. I feel free…but scared of my own uninhibited behaviour!
I am still very much in the closet with my family, wife, kids and friends. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to open up about this to them. I am scared that my work antics might find a way to reach them. At the same time…I don’t think it will influence my exploration at work. My therapists encourages me to explore what makes me happy without trying to put meaning to it. Maybe I can be my more feminine self at work and still be the masculine husband and father at home…and that’s ok!
I didn’t think I was going to be able to balance this, but so far, my work experience has provided me the opportunity to have this side of me be seen! It’s only the beginning…and I’m not sure how far I will want to ”go”…but I know that my colleagues at work will be accepting and that I have a safe space for me to explore. For that…I am very grateful! I hope that you will also find opportunities to free yourself!
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