Sharing my experience – Coming out at work

[Stephanie Dubois]

Well I really didn’t think it would turn out this way…but I am surprised and excited to see that my work colleagues are being very accepting at work of my feminine exploration! Let me back up a bit…

After spending the last two years working from home, with my wife there as well, I really thought that my opportunities for crossdressing was over. I even went through a purge of my clothes and shoes. As things began to open up, I had the opportunity to start working from my office again. It’s a rather small building, with 4 floors…2 of which are designated for my department. In it’s hay day…we had between 80-100 staff working out of here. These days…we are about 4-5 staff working regularly out of the office. I am the only one sitting in my section. The place is like a ghost town. I started bringing my stash of clothes and shoes at work, thinking it would be easier to hide them here then at home.

Of course…it didn’t take long before I started feeling adventurous and started wearing my heels while I worked at my cubicle. On a few occasion, colleagues would past by not noticing since my feet were under my desk. Then…I started feeling more confident. I know that my workplace promotes an inclusive and accepting workforce…but I wasn’t sure how far I would take this. Then one day…I was surprised by a cleaner that came into my cubicle to empty my wastebasket. I didn’t have time to hide…so my heels were very obviously seen. The girl simply smiled and said ”have a nice day!”. I sank into my chair! This was the first time I had actually been seen by someone else…in person. I was scared, exhilarated, relieved and excited! Throughout that week, I decided not to ”hide” anymore.

I had a few people notice my heels, then I started feeling braver…and started going to the washroom, or lunchroom walking in my heels. The sound of my heels clicking off the tiles of the corridor as I walked to the lunchroom just made me giddy! A few of my colleagues even would stop and chat with me as I was walking somewhere. No one made any remarks…no one asked me any questions. People just accepted that a 5’11” guy was walking around in 4” heels and that everything was ”normal”!

So on to the next step…this week…I started going further and wearing skirts with my heels. Walking around freely in a skirt was so liberating. And once again…people didn’t react negatively to this. I would even walk to the different floors and near the entrance of the building where the public has access to government services. I feel free…but scared of my own uninhibited behaviour!

I am still very much in the closet with my family, wife, kids and friends. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to open up about this to them. I am scared that my work antics might find a way to reach them. At the same time…I don’t think it will influence my exploration at work. My therapists encourages me to explore what makes me happy without trying to put meaning to it. Maybe I can be my more feminine self at work and still be the masculine husband and father at home…and that’s ok!

I didn’t think I was going to be able to balance this, but so far, my work experience has provided me the opportunity to have this side of me be seen! It’s only the beginning…and I’m not sure how far I will want to ”go”…but I know that my colleagues at work will be accepting and that I have a safe space for me to explore. For that…I am very grateful! I hope that you will also find opportunities to free yourself!

xoxo

Stéphanie

 

16 users thanked author for this post.

Jerri Newman, Lauren Mugnaia, Liara Wolfe, June Holl, Michelle Davis, Fredrika Jones, Michelle McQueen, Katie Time, Foxy Femme, Stephanie Bass, Cassie Jayson, Jamie Taal, Leah, Isshe Out, Angela Booth, Brielle Ross

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[Jaime Dallas]

Hi Stephanie,

You are really brave. Good luck if incase you decide to talk with your wife.

Hugs,

Jaime

[Kelly Terry]

Did just add several coworkers to the list. We are a remote workforce (started before covid) so most meetings we do are video calls.

I came out to two close coworkers first, then at a meeting with about 10 other coworkers I decided to “show up” dressed. One coworker said “you look different” and so I told my story.

Got some thumbs up and so on, then we moved on to what the meeting was really about.

/kt

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Lauren Mugnaia, Stephanie Dubois

[Jin Crocker]

I came out at work accidently. I had started a new job and on day 3 I opened my closet and pulled out a dress without thinking, did not realize what I had on until lunch time when one of my co-workers complimented me!!!!!

The rest is history.

1 user thanked author for this post.

Cassie Jayson

[Michelle Davis]

Hi Stephanie,

You are a very brave girl and I believe you need to do another brave thing and that’s have the tough conversation with your wife.  I know it is very scary because of the consequences if it doesn’t go well.  However, if she finds out from someone other than you, it almost certainly will end badly for your relationship and the odds of someone telling her are good.  For example, one of your mates from work tells his wife over the dinner table since it is interesting gossip.  She either knows your wife or finds this interesting enough to find a way to meet your wife and talk with her.  She probably assumes your wife knows about this and would jump right into the conversation with that in mind.  Your wife is totally blind sided with no opportunity to process any of this prior to this disclosure.  Just imagine how she will likely react.

If you have the conversation, there is a good chance the relationship can be saved but she may want you to stop dressing at work since most wives are not ok with other folks knowing about their CD husbands.  If you don’t tell her and she finds out, the marriage will most probably be over.  So, if your marriage is more important to you than the dressing, put on your big girl panties and be straight with your wife.  You can’t control the outcome of that conversation but that’s what make makes it the brave thing to do and you have already shown you can be brave.

Hugs and best wishes,

 

Michelle

 

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Stephanie Bass, Lauren Mugnaia, Michelle McQueen, Lynda Jones

[Stephanie Dubois]

Thank you so much Michelle for your response! I know…I know…I keep telling myself that I will need to have that conversation with my wife. I’ve replayed so many scenarios in my head about how this would come about! After reading your message…I had this desire to listen to Sara Bareilles’ song ”Brave”…and I’m telling you…I simply broke down crying! I know the day will come when either all hell will break loose and I will succumb to the consequences of being discovered…or I will be brave enough to trigger the conversation myself. In either case…I can tell you…it won’t be pretty. I’m ready for that…like I said…I’ve replayed all these scenarios in my head. I think what is holding me back to be honest…is facing the truth myself! Once it comes out to my family…there is no turning back! I can’t simply take back ”this truth” once it becomes inconvenient. I guess that is where I’m at right now…afraid of accepting who I am…afraid of being ”wrong”. All the knowledge in the world can’t help shake this feeling that ”it’s all in my head”. I know it isn’t…seeing all you beautiful, confident people here is a testament to that. I know in time, with the help of a few friends that understand me, professional help and this community…I will one day ”dance in public”…like in the ”Brave” video! And you can bet my heels will be SPECTACULAR! ;-)) I know it will happen…one day!

4 users thanked author for this post.

Michelle Davis, Stephanie Bass, Lauren Mugnaia, Michelle McQueen

[Fredrika Jones]

Good on you – so glad to hear you’re making strides at work! Maybe the time will be right some day to come out at home. Like the old saying goes – “To thine own self be true.” I don’t have a family, so one of these great gurls here who do can give you more advice.
Big Hug and Kiss,
Fredrika

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Lauren Mugnaia, Stephanie Dubois, Stephanie Bass, June Holl

[Stephanie Bass]

Hi stephanie nice to meet you and girl what a inspirational story congrats to you on coming out at work you go girl he he .. Now as Cassie has mentioned that if it does get back home to wife better now start thinking about how to answer those questions good luck girlfriend and congrats both ..

Stephanie bass

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Lauren Mugnaia, Stephanie Dubois, Becky Davis, Michelle McQueen, Cassie Jayson

[Cassie Jayson]

So happy for you Stephanie. Hope you can find yourself, I know for me seems like each step I make is not enough, and I need to go one more. This seems to be the same for many of us here. Glad if you can find the balance that works for you.
Since you are worried that your dressing will get back to your wife I would suggest coming up with a plan if she ever does find out or better yet telling her yourself.
. Cassie

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Lauren Mugnaia, Stephanie Dubois, Becky Davis, June Holl, Michelle McQueen, Stephanie Bass

[Angela Booth]

Well Stephanie, you are very brave and have now broken the ice at work. As I always say, it’s the quality of work that you produce that matters to the company, not how you dress. Maybe one day you’ll go the full mile , I hope you do.

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Lauren Mugnaia, Stephanie Dubois, June Holl, Stephanie Bass, Cassie Jayson

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