Are you a small town person or a city person?

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  • I'm a city person through and through
  • I'm a small town person through and through
  • I'm a city person, but hanker after a quieter life
  • I'm a small town person but would love to move to the big city
  • Wherever I lay my hat, that's my home. I don't care where
  • My CD'ing influenced my choice
  • My CD'ing had no effect on my choice
  • The inevitable 'other' - what have I missed this time? ;-)
  • This topic has 57 replies, 40 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by Leslie.
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  • #471036
    Marti
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    Registered On: February 5, 2019
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    I lived in London for a few years in my 20’s, then in a much smaller city for a long time with a few breaks. In both cases, city life offers lots to entertain and distract you, and if you’re lucky a few nice open spaces, maybe a picturesque river or seaside nearby.

    For the last twenty years I’ve preferred to be in much quieter places, first by a Cornish beach, and now in a Welsh village / town – inland but next to a National Park. It’s much more laid back, a lot less crowded, you’re in the middle of nature, but there’s just not a lot of choice for local entertainment

    I don’t mind visiting cities, they’re good fun , but no way would I live there anymore,

    But.I also see a downside to living in a small place if you’re stealth cd’ing.

    If you’re not careful, everyone will know your ‘business’, The very thing I like about small places, is that most every one is friendly, even though it’ll take forever not to be known as an ‘incomer’. When they say hello, they mean it, and will know of you, even if they don’t actually know you, It can be a double edged sword. I’m pretty sure my imprint on the village consciousness is ‘oh that old hippie, a bit unconventional, but he seems to be harmless”, followed by “what’s the crack about him?”. Curiousity and gossip are close neighbours

    It seems to me the better place for ease of cross dressing is the big city, where people can be a lot more impersonal and curious about your life, but where there’s a chance of finding at least a small support community of like minded people. (That community might even include people from outlying towns visiting as and when they can – oh, that might describe me!).

    So there are pros and cons to both city and small town lives. But it’s definitely the quieter life for me. Just my take on it, I’m sure there are others!

    What’s your take on where you live, or where you would prefer to live?

    Thanks

    Marti xxx

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    • #476109
      Leslie
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      It is large town/city life for me. If it doesn’t have sidewalks it isn’t for me. I don’t even feel comfortable walking on grass just feels unnatural to me. I guess like most bigger cities we have our neighborhoods and I live about three blocks from one of the largest parks in the country so if the desire to see nature such ever occurs I can see it safely from my car. We have warnings about hawks attacking small dogs and coyotes attacking pets in peoples yards in the central corridor of the city and deer within the greater city area. So I guess the worst of both worlds.

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    • #475726
      KHeart
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      I live in a pretty busy area, but being shy (or just awkward as my wife would say, lol) I think I would thrive more in a quieter area with more open space to breathe. Would just love to relax and take walks in quiet countryside surroundings enfemme without fear of the whole neighbourhood noticing.

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    • #475625
      Ambermaria Martinez
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      I live in a small town but how much I love to live in the big city .where there are more girls like us there and great clubs to go out to

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    • #474868
      Falecia McGuire
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      To say I’m astounded by the small-town or rural orientation would be an understatement.  Who knew that our extraordinary propensities would be so grounded?  From another perspective, city dwellers are often (generally) thought to be more open minded.  That could simply be that they are more permissive.  Maybe the ordinary people in this world are more insightful regarding our individual characteristics?   Maybe they are better prepared to accept people where-they’re-at?  Perhaps the city dwellers relish the controversy of non-traditional gender behavior more than they truly accept the individuals and allow them the level of privacy they desire?  Most of us are not making statements; we’re just enjoying femininity.  Although I’m the big city type and have enjoyed my anonymity, maybe I’d be better accepted in the heartland?

      FAM

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    • #474533
      Eva Kelly
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      Living in a medium size town. I would love to live in a small quiet town.

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    • #474473
      Sherri
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      I live in a rural area where the nearby towns populations are measured by triple digits, and I like it.  I agree, that is not the most desirable place to venture out, because if you walked into a local business, EVERYBODY would know you, and that probably is not what most of us desire.  Most folks really don’t care about your personal business, as long as you don’t force it upon them.  If you were to go to a more populous area and venture out dressed, you may garner some looks, but NOBODY knows you, and that, is a huge difference.

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    • #473736
      Beth Green
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      I have lived in both small and large. Born and raised in a small town <2k, college in medium <50k. Started adult life back in small home town. Married and moved to city, lived and worked for 30+ years in city. The advantages of the city are well known, anonymity, shopping, entertainment and cd opportunities. The disadvantages are just as well known, security, cost, crowds and traffic.

      Retired to a different small town. Really liked the quiet, slow pace but cd was not a public option if you didn’t want to become the talk of the town. Of course it you are brave you can flaunt it, I wouldn’t then but I’ve moved to a medium city now. If I visit friends in the small town now I always go en femme.

      Now living in a medium city. It is a good mix of small and large. Plenty of shopping options, entertainment, anonymity amongst the (small) crowds, quiet neighborhood (houses are a bit close together but ok), medium expenses. The exciting part is the surprisingly large rainbow community that is open, visible and accepting. It has made being out in the open, fully dressed comfortable. I really like it here so far.

      Beth

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    • #473610
      Rei Durden
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      I am a small town person at heart I grew up in a small little town and only moved to the CITY when I was 11.
      I still miss it and in my secret heart hope to return to a small town once again……..but there’s still plenty of personal work Rei needs to take care of.

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    • #473278
      Karla Neuedresser
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      I’m an other.  I live in a very rural area, with some access to urban amenities within a bit more than an hour, and city life within 2.  Problem is, really no way to shop for clothes except online, and sizing is such a problem.  I wouldn’t have it any other way though, so I’m going to stick with other – rural but access to urban amenities.  Now, back to some web shopping, it would be so nice to shop in a store ….  Sigh.

    • #472723
      Regine Rich
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      I chose small town/country,
      I have travelled and spent lots of weekends, in cities across North America, and have seen most of the small, medium and big ones.
      I live about 35 miles from a fairly large one, and work in the biggest city in Canada, 92 miles from my door, once work is done, I cant wait to get back to the slower, much less congestion of home.
      I dont like large crowds, never have, and in a city just walking on the street, you are in the middle of a crowd.
      As for the cd’ing, Ill just drive that 35 miles, when I’m able to be out and about, and instant anonominity
      Hugs, Regi👩💕

    • #472604
      Kimmie
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      I selected other because I do not think I could enjoy living in a really rural area. City, suburb, small town have all been fine. I’m definitely not a “country mouse.”

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    • #472192
      Sally Drinkwater
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      I ticked other, I am a small town person but rather than through and through I’m just a victim of circumstance.

      We can never know where we will end up. I like it, not too busy, nice people and cheap housing.

      The only drawback is that small towns are not too good for CDs, I have lived in the town for 50 years and have never seen another CD let alone got to know one, SOs are still beyond my imagination?

      I have been going out and about for years, mostly by travelling to towns, cities, and villages within  50 miles and mingling with the natives till my bladder told me it was time to come home. (thank goodness for motorway services) I have also been on short holidays by myself (naturaly)

      So all in all cd has been a lonely but lovely passtime in a small town and I wouldn’t change a thing.

      I sometimes wish that I had taken up fishing 🙂

      Sally x x

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      • #472720
        Kristen Smithly
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        Sally Drinkwater, if you lived in the states we could go fishing while wearing skirts and some nice, but warm tops!

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      • #472196
        Marti
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        Thanks Sally,

        There seems to be a common theme among ‘small town’ responders, that although cd’ing is maybe easier in cities, they’ll take the rough with the smooth and stay where they are.

        Marti xxx

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    • #472159
      Jin Crocker
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      I choose Other because I am basically a country girl. Town is for groceries, gasoline, new clothes, and dining out.

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      • #472170
        Marti
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        Thanks Jin,

        How could I have missed the country gal choice in the poll? But welcome to the ‘others’ choice, you have good company.

        Marti xxx

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    • #472046
      Mary Jane
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      I voted the one you missed. I live on farm. 27km from the closest town. 60km from a larger regional town. 120km from a regional city.

      My farm is 1.6km long. 400m wide. My closest neighbor is 600 meters away. The next closest 1km.

      I love my privacy.

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      • #472130
        Marti
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        – sounds nice MJ. Are you still expected to take your wheelie bins to the public highway for rubbish recycling? That might keep you fit!

        Marti xxx

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    • #472041
      Paula F
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      Born and raised small town, lived in a much bigger city for about 12 years, and now back in my original hometown.

      Cities are nice to visit, for me anyway.   There is a lot to do and find and see for sure.   But, after a week or so, I am tired of so many people and so much traffic and am more than happy to be back in a bit slower place with much smaller crowds.

      PaulaF

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    • #471983
      Rachael Winters
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      Live in rural area, five miles from a town of 400.  No public crossdressing; would be town entertainment.

    • #471980
      Amy Myers
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      I voted for the one you missed. I was a big city person, Toronto Ontario for most of my life, then retired to the country about 4 years ago to lead a small town life for the rest of my days. At least I have no intention of moving back to the big city. I have a large rural property and as I age I might have to move to a smaller, easier town place. The nearest town is about 5,000 souls, for a few other larger ones with easy driving.

      Amy

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    • #471918
      T.J. Byron
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      I went to school in Ohio;

      The Ohio Sate University ( 65,000students!), undergrad work for entry to Kent State University, medical school, Masters at Pepperdine University…all fairly Large populations. Assigned in ‘  71 to a M.A.S.H. UNIT in Louisiana, nearest town 4-6,000 folks…3 years.

      Then to Monterey Bay, CA, Army Base, 3 yrs…20, 000 folks…then to ORANGE CO. CA. 30 Yrs…MILLIONS of folks, basically a suburbs of LA.

      Then to NASHVILLE, VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY…BIG CITY ATTITUDE, small town charm…10 yrs.

      Now, live in a sleepy little, 11,000 folks , Viking fishing village , in the Puget Sound…

      Ain’t Moving Again…

      Dr.T.J.

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    • #471644
      Kelli Marlowe
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      Small town gurl all the way, but live in the country 5 minutes from town, last house on a dead end road deep in a forest.Days I work from home, I see more deer than people.
      If living in a small town meant living on 1/10 acre lots with houses all around, wouldn’t be happy, as I need space around me.

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    • #471578
      Prudence
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      Marti, I prefer the quiet life, And the city is just 35 minutes away when I want to go be around 10’s of thousands of people.  Hugs

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    • #471557
      ChloeC
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      I grew up in a rather quiet and somewhat small suburb of Chicago. For several jobs Id take one of several commuter train lunes into the Loop and absolutely loved walking to my job in the crowd, shopping at the myriad of stores, going over to the lakefront at lunch.

      Now if i was still working Id want to live much further out towards the country to appreciate the peace and serenity of open spaces but still have that commute into the big city. Of course todays commute for something like that woukd be well over an hour each way instead of the 25 minute trip it was back then. (and that pleasant little suburb has been overrun now by those horrible mcmansions.

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      • #471589
        Marti
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        Hi Chloe,

        ‘Commuting’ was almost like a dirty word for me, but only as traffic grew and grew. One short lived job I had involved driving / setting off up to an hour early ‘just in case’ there was a snarl up of traffic. Ugh …

        But then there was one very long lived job where on nice days, I didn’t mind adding 20 minutes to a 40 minute walk in to work, so that I could go via the sea front. What a difference to the start of the day.

        Marti xxx

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    • #471547
      Alice Underwire
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      Hi Marti,

      Lived in a medium sized city, then a bigger Town of  about 50,000 people.  Went to college in a city of about 100,000.  First job out of college in a suburb of a city of a million.  Then back to grad school in a city of 100,000.  Then moved to a rural community of maybe 5000.
      Alice

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    • #471514
      Hippie
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      I am none of them that you listed. I am a country bumpkin. I live in the deep north in the middle of no where. I have close to a hrs drive to the nearest Walmart.

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    • #471489
      Bettylou Cox
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      It changed! I was born in Houston, grew up in Los Angeles, eventually retired back in Houston, and always used to think of myself as a big city girl. But no longer; I now yearn for the life I had the one year I lived with my cousin on his farm. The nearest neighbor was one-half mile away, and the nearest town ten miles away. My wife’s healthcare needs will prevent this from ever becoming reality. Sigh.

      Bettylou

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      • #471597
        Marti
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        Hi Bettylou,

        Hopefully as we get older, and our life experiences become fuller, we are better able to reflect on what the real ‘happy times’ were. And take pleasure from that.

        Marti xxx

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    • #471230
      Heather Jameson
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      The city I live in is a smaller city 55 000 people and I live on the outskirts. I ride my bike up to the end of my street and pick up the trails and I’m in the country. I love it, kind of the best of both worlds.

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      • #471601
        Marti
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        Hi Heather,

        That sounds like a happy in between solution. not too far into the wild, that you couldn’t pop up the way if you ran out of milk.

        Marti xxx

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        • #471736
          Heather Jameson
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          We like it Marti, a quick bike ride to my favourite fishing hole but have all the convenience of a city.

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    • #471226
      Krista
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      Hi Marti, I’ve lived everywhere on your list.  Born in Toronto, raised on a farm, then to a small town, mid-size city, back to Toronto for university (that was a fun time but I wouldn’t want to live there now),  then to a variety of sized towns and cities in Alberta.  I’d say my favourite is a city around 30000 to 50000 people which is small enough to not have big city problems but large enough especially if seen as the regional centre to have big-city amenities (large hospital, the arts, recreation) and you can be incognito if you want to be.  Another bonus is living very close to nature with the Rocky Mountains only a short drive away.   Stay safe, stay healthy, All the Best, Hugs, Krista.

    • #471184
      Sandy Jayson
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      I grew up on a farm almost equal distance between 4 small towns( pop between 800 to 5000). Today I live in a small town- pop about 1300 and work in a collage town – pop about 70,000. Being it is a collage town there are a lot of events you might find in a larger city. 45 years ago I went to a Chicago concert, Paul McCartney and Wings preformed at the football stadium and others. I like living in a small town and don’t really like the business and trafic even in at work. Being mostly an introvert I like the small town but am trying to avoid people finding out about my cross dressing. I guess I am not trying that hard though – I often walk between house and garage then drive out of town completely in fem. Also I have walked around the mall near where I work in fem – it is easier to do with a mask on and I hope my courage will continue after masks are no longer required.
      Being I live in central Iowa, a conservative area, maybe we all don’t need to be as closeted and as scared as we all have been.
      Sandy

    • #471144
      BigBangtheory
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      I born and raised in a small town and went to the big city (Houston, Texas) shortly after high school. Even in the 1970’s, I found that it was really not for me. After living in a couple of small towns because of jobs, I eventually bought my first home in a remote area. It was about 20 minutes to “town” for essentials and 45 minutes to any department stores. My taste for the seclusion of country living is still with me today with my current home. It’s very private and I can walk around in my panties and pee anywhere on my two acres when I want since you can’t even see my house from the road or any other direction. The main difference is that there is a super Walmart about 20 minutes away. We go to the “big city” but still would not like to live there. Stephanie

      • #471494
        Bettylou Cox
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        I’m jealous, Stephanie.

        Bettylou

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    • #471099
      Alison Anderson
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      I am in a unique category as well.  I grew up in New York City for almost 25 years.  I then moved to suburbia in New Jersey for 15 years til we needed a larger home.  I moved only about 2 miles away, so I would say I am still in suburbia, but I live in a very rural part of town, but I’m still only 1/4 mile to a more suburban region.

      I’m about an hour away from midtown New York and about 90 minutes from Philadelphia.  But it’s not a small town where everybody knows everyone else.  There is still a lot of the New York impersonal behavior.  Much of the northeastern part of New Jersey is more of a megalopolis, with one town jutting right up to the next town, so it has a small town feel with quiet.  Although traffic on the highways can get busy at times, it’s nothing like the hustle and bustle of New York, “the city that never sleeps.”  Yet there are also a lot of parks close by, but not all have good terrain for walking in a skirt.

      Things are impersonal enough that I have been taking regular walks through my neighborhood en femme and although I see many of the same people, and some wave or say hi, none of them know the male me.  Since the mask wearing from the pandemic, I have even gone out grocery shopping en femme.  Even though I know people in the community, dressed as a girl and wearing a feminine mask I don’t think I would be recognized.

      Until I went to a transformation place near my home, I was quite unaware of the number of people who crossdress and live relatively close to me (without having to go into New York City).  And I also found out how many places are LGBTQ supporting.  For example I went into a woman’s clothing store en femme a couple of times where the sales associate knew the male me, she recognized me and said “Oh, hi” before going back to what she was doing. I’ve been out to restaurants with other crossdressers who don’t even try to change their voice, and the waiter doesn’t even bat an eye.

      Sure, there are fewer things to do than in the big cities, but I’m close enough if I want to go (and I have gone a few times en femme to see Broadway shows),  But there are enough things closer at hand if I want to go out without visiting the city.  Not that I have a lot of opportunity or desire because of other responsibilities, but they are there.  And after spending the last 40 years out in suburbia, I wouldn’t want to go back to big city life.

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    • #471091
      Anonymous
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      I grew up in a small city but moved due to work to Toronto. Can’t get much bigger than that up here. I have been here thirty years and still hate it. I would love to move back to a small town. My wife is a city girl through and through and won’t even think about moving out of the city. There are great advantages to being in a big city but I still would love the quieter life in the country or relaxing by a lake.

      Holly😪

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      • #471105
        Marti
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        Hi,

        One of my friends hails from there. He’s taught me to pronounce it “torron’o” and then said I still hadn’t got it!

        Marti xxx

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        • #471209
          Anonymous
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          Yeah it’s kinda like Taranna

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    • #471088
      Gwyneth
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      Most would laugh when I say I was born, raised, and worked in a big city all of my life. Until 2019. My big city (actually the suburbs) is Memphis. 600+k. 1.5m metro area. Same population as a couple of blocks in NYC or London. Here I would be considered a citybilly. Liked living there enough for most of my life. The last 10 years, not so much.

      Now I live in a small community right across the street from the Great Smoky Mtn NP. Literally. Maybe 400 on a good weekend, 100 most of the time. 20 or so through the winter. Now the area brought in 12,000,000 tourists last year (yes the COVID year). Most of them come in June, July, and October. The rest of the year is decent.

      How does this work for CDing? Back home it was much easier. My work schedule gave me loads of time at home alone. But I didn’t take advantage of that. Another story for another thread. Here its much harder. And like most small town situations, everybody wants to know everybody’s business. And this super-conservative area is primed for a tar and feathering sinners.

      All things considered, I love my new living situation. Never want to go back.

      Gwyn

      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Gwyneth.
      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Gwyneth.
      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #473793
        Bridgette VonSmirff
        Lady
        Registered On: October 18, 2020
        Topics: 26
        Replies: 779
        Has thanked: 11346 times
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        Although I haven’t lived there for over 35 years, those mountains will always be home. I grew up in Knoxville, Tennessee, population then maybe 150000, then joined the navy. Lived in San Francisco for a while in the 80s. These days I wish I had been a CD then! What an opportunity I missed. Anyways, that was big city life. I sorrento most of my navy career on aircraft carriers, each with a population of about 5000 in a seriously small area, where I learned about the anonymity of a crowd. Now I live in Hampton Roads, Virginia, which is not a city on a map, but an area. There are seven medium sized cities surrounding the largest natural harbor in North America, and housing the largest naval base in the world. The traffic is a nightmare (even compared to the California Bay Area), but there’s that anonymity wiring for me as a CD. Plus the arts, shopping, restaurants… something to do anytime… when there isn’t a pandemic going on…I would kind of like a smaller town, but only if there’s a big city opportunity within about an hour. But if not…I think I’ll need at least fifty to a hundred thousand to stay lost in. Bridgette had learned that anonymity in crowds is the safest place to be a CD.

        Bridgette

        2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #471100
        Marti
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 5, 2019
        Topics: 16
        Replies: 222
        Has thanked: 864 times
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        Hi Gwyn,

        Thanks. Just did an image search of the Great Smokeys – beautiful.

        Marti xxx

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471080
      Trisha Lilly Hibbert
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
      Topics: 33
      Replies: 617
      Has thanked: 3057 times
      Been thanked: 2289 times

      I personally like living in a large town, I live in one on the outside of a Manchester, with a population of around 300,000. It’ll take me 30 mins to cycle into the city or upto the quiet hills. Also has good shopping and entertainment.

      Out of big city or small town though I’d go small. I hate the hustle and bustle of city’s and everything cost a fortune.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471076
      Carolyn Kay
      Lady
      Registered On: August 25, 2016
      Topics: 18
      Replies: 231
      Has thanked: 1193 times
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      I do live in a big city suburb but I have a cottage that is on a lake and somewhat secluded. My wife is tolerant of my dressing but has lots of rules, especially when we are in the city. However, when we are at the cottage she is much more relaxed and give me lots of freedom to dress. I know it is because her fear of me getting caught are diminished. I love being up there, we are planning on moving up there soon and leaving the city behind.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471063
      Stevie Steiner
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 47
      Replies: 1105
      Has thanked: 5195 times
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      I am definitely a small town girl stuck in the big city.  Gotta get back to my roots!

      Stevie

      7 users thanked author for this post.
      • #471072
        Marti
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 5, 2019
        Topics: 16
        Replies: 222
        Has thanked: 864 times
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        Love that phrase “back to my roots”

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #471075
          Stevie Steiner
          Ambassador
          Registered On: June 11, 2020
          Topics: 47
          Replies: 1105
          Has thanked: 5195 times
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          That’s where it all started.  🙂

          2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471061
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 54
      Replies: 1106
      Has thanked: 3856 times
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      Hi Marti…

      I have lived up and down England during my life…from Cornwall to Cumbria….mostly smaller towns, but usually within walking distance of some kind of countryside…or the sea.

      I can’t say I would not like to live in a big city, because I never have….but whenever I have visited, it’s always been nice to get back home to peace and quiet….I hate the hustle and bustle…

      Grace xx

      • #471073
        Marti
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 5, 2019
        Topics: 16
        Replies: 222
        Has thanked: 864 times
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        In London, at one point, I lived a short walk from Hyde Park. Lovely place, but not exactly countryside.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471057
      LisaT
      Lady
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
      Topics: 41
      Replies: 475
      Has thanked: 358 times
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      Marti, you forgot the countryside.  Not the country where the nearest town is 10 miles away, a 5 minute drive.  The countryside where the nearest town is an hour away and has a population of less than 10,000

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #471060
        Marti
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 5, 2019
        Topics: 16
        Replies: 222
        Has thanked: 864 times
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        hi Lisa,

        I knew I’d miss something! My apologies. Also to desert or outback lovers 😉

        Marti xxx

        EDIT

        D’oh, and apologies to all of you jungle dwellers. Someone on the forum reminded me they’ld lived 3 years on the edge of a huge jungle, you know, that dozy user that can’t remember past yesterday. Marti I think her name was [blush]

        • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Marti. Reason: Idiocy
        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #471067
          LisaT
          Lady
          Registered On: January 31, 2021
          Topics: 41
          Replies: 475
          Has thanked: 358 times
          Been thanked: 2114 times

          We may be few in number Marti but I think we have most of the land area.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471046
      Sa•man•tha
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 465
      Replies: 1804
      Has thanked: 8097 times
      Been thanked: 7274 times

      Hiya Marti!!  I grew up mostly way out in the countryside, and have lived mostly in small (ie, less than 10k) towns since, one of which is my current home.  And I’m really an outdoorsy sort of person.  Largest town I’ve ever lived in was about 55k people.  Now dont get me wrong, I enjoy an occasional jaunt to the big city when I can…the sights, the activities, a lot more goes on there & on an occasional basis I enjoy that…but i doubt I’d be able to tolerate it on a permanent basis.

      • #471064
        Marti
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 5, 2019
        Topics: 16
        Replies: 222
        Has thanked: 864 times
        Been thanked: 895 times

        Hi Samantha,

        Yes, the ‘Bright Lights, Big City’ effect. It’s still nice when you get home to your own bed

        Marti xxx

        2 users thanked author for this post.
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