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Hi girls. A weekend of thinking, remembering all those years that society placed a wall between my life and who I am. The wall of ignorance and unease the general public feels and fears. Yet I also have to confess to my own wall. Just as strong as societies, a defence against an imagined threat where there is none. It was only my own embarrassment and fear that strengthened the walls.
‘ All alone, or in twos
The ones that really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall
Some hand in hand
Some gathering together in bands….’
And there are so many here that love you. Just waiting outside your self imposed wall.
Can’t really do too much about the wall society has put up – it is slowly crumbling – but I can do something about my own wall, we all can. Yes, though I have not enjoyed the feeling of being out with my girlfriends, not being out in public yet, I am dressed daily, sitting on my balcony en femme ( so what if the neighbors see me! ), and open here with you lovelies. After decades of silently expressing myself, the past few months have seen my wall crumbling. Two walls are much worse than one, you have to tear down your own too. Just thinking how great it feels worrying about my hair in the morning, and not hiding it, but now wanting to hide my age lol, and wondering why my Jean’s are shrinking ….
That’s just me and how I’m feeling this Saturday. True to nature, I ramble. 🙂
Stevie
Wonderfully written Stevie! Every day I listen to my Self Love meditation and it has helped me. But sometimes I have to remind myself to be kind to me!
Love you girl, and the rest of you girls too! ❤
Kay
Hi Stevie,
I agree with you that my biggest hurdles on this journey are of my own making to some degree. The self doubt, the lack on confidence, the obsession with how I may be perceived by others; these obstacles are my own fabrication. Lately, I’ve really been working on tearing these barriers down. I’ve been out in public quite a bit more lately, with mostly positive results. The acceptance I have received from many has really helped with my self confidence. In truth, I really don’t think most people care. And being the girl I feel I am inside to the rest of the world is very fulfilling and uplifting to my spirit. I have a long ways to go yet, but I already feel a lot more comfortable with my femme persona than I did 6 months ago.
A little bit of Pink Floyd there, Stevie? 😀
Yes, I like that image too, and sometimes hear the song in my head as I step out, with both notions at the forefront:
I walk with my head held high, feeling more proud to be Laura every time – but I am wary that pride comes before a fall, and so I do try to be as gentle and friendly as I can, not wanting to cause or take offence, but always looking for an alternative.
I make a point of interacting with people, and back off if they’re not interested, but try to engage, to normalise what we do.
The wierd thing is that everyone I hold a conversation with gets it!
I have no idea if they’re just being nice – they always seem genuine and show no signs that they’re talking to some wierdo.
So I see that as me doing my little bit, one brick at a time, to tear down both walls.
The more of us who do that, the quicker they will come tumbling down.
We’re guys who want to look like and, to different extents, be like girls.
Tear down the walls and promote equality!
Love Laura
Hi Stevie!
So I made a post called “shine on you….” and used diamonds in the post….. not one Pink Floyd comment. Crazy right?
Walls are for mad buggers. Don’t be a mad bugger.
As for your jeans…. George Costanza says shrinkage is caused by being in the pool. Come to think of it, he wasn’t referencing clothing. For clothing, if you don’t want it to shrink, use the gentle cycle on cold and either low heat in the dryer or air dry. I have found that not using warm or hot has greatly extend the life of all my clothing. Especially anything that is Stretchy, which the best ladies jeans are.
Hugs
Autumn
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