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Hi Girls,
I have seen a number of people declaring they are leaving because of changes or drama of some kind here at CDH. I haven’t the slightest clue what they could be talking about but I am curious. Are their feelings hurt if some admin deletes a post or chides them in some way? I’m not trying to belittle anyone, but I just wonder how someone could get so offended as to declare their sad departure. Come on, ladies, it’s just on online forum where we get to talk about this important part of our lives. If there is some hidden dark force lurking behind the scenes, I have not experienced it. Perhaps this post will trigger a scolding for me.
We will see.
Stay Fem!
Catherine
When you check the profiles of those “declaring” their depature – you find many have a history of coming and going. They rarely post their own subjects.
I’m also suspicious that they immediately return with an anonymous account. Its like they crave the attention.
There is a common theme of self centeredness. Its all about them. And not about what they can contribute. I like to mention we are not an airport, where you announce your departure.
Hi Mary Jane!
I grinned from ear-to-ear when I read this. Well said!
Though, I do have a question for you. When you say “subjects” in your first paragraph, are you referring to “topics” or “minions”?
I’ve always been hesitant to create a post on the Forum. One of my first ones got ripped to shreds. The first and most influential commenter didn’t even read it to understand the context and my post became a joke. It was hardly intended to be. And I almost left CDH before my journey even began.
I don’t think she meant to be hurtful, but a juggernaut personality like hers certainly prevented others from engaging in more serious conversation.
Anyway…
I wish her well. And I’m delighted that SO many new names have come forward and are participating in quality conversations!!
As for Holly… I hope we can find some reconciliation and forgiveness. She really wants to come back.
Love, Barb 🙂
Members come and go for a multitude of reasons, this is but one. They don’t get enough replies or positive feedback, so they move on.
There is alot of “meism” in society at large so it follows that it spills over here as well. There are those that are/were grandstanding or attention seeking in both the forums and pictures, perhaps its a need of theirs. As has been pointed out previously we have the priviledge of simply scrolling past the articles or authors we care not to partake of, and I generally do. Others seem to appreciate the constant but sometimes entertaining threads, so its just a matter of preferences and choices.
For some, the continuous attention is an actual need and though this is a supportive site I am not their therapist and I deal with enough of that in my day to day life with people that I “have to” engage with.
Everybody has their thing, and we’re all free to do it whatever way works for us.
Olivia
I think it can be the opposite of self centeredness to announce your departure from a social setting. I wouldn’t leave a friendly gathering anywhere without making my rounds to say goodbye and “let’s stay in touch”. We all share fairly personal stories or anecdotes here and through that process form close bonds with each other. People that we often don’t think to connect with outside the site before they are gone.
I think the minute we stop caring about each other then why would any of us want to be here?
— Abbie
Quite a few ladies have been removed from the site, this has caused a lot of upset and frustration and the dynamic of the forums has changed as a result as some were very regular contributors.
Online acquaintances on a forum develop into true friendships over time so yes, other ladies have been upset and have left and I can understand the way they are feeling.
The more I blossom, the more I value my friendships here. Thanks for letting me grow into my skirt!
Haley
Well, that explains a lot. I kind of drifted away from my fem side for about 6 months, including this site. When I returned a few days ago I noticed things were a bit quieter. I just checked my list of friends and yes, some very prominent people are gone. Bummer but life goes on. My hiatus was purely personal, nothing to do with the site and I’m glad to be back among you caring and supportive beautiful ladies!
Hugs,
💋LolaI would guess like others have here, that people leave for a lot of different reasons, and maybe someday I will leave for reasons I haven’t yet even considered. I do wish them all well as they continue their particular and unique journey and even hope some (or even most or all) come back on occasion to let us know how they’re doing.
I do occasionally glance at my friend list and today I noticed that more have been active here in the past several days then the last time I looked at it about a week ago. To me that’s a good sign that girls here do come and go or take a short break or whatever they feel or need.
I mentioned elsewhere here that I was a mod on another site once and it wore me out eventually. But I can also sort of understand that for some who become very involved and post a lot, follow others a lot, that maybe they need a break now and then. And I see nothing wrong with that.
For me, I spend some time here, but I have other pursuits that I really like, so I just haven’t become as involved here as others, but that’s me. But the posts I read and topics I follow, I enjoy and appreciate, and in ways, helps me understand myself a little better. And hopefully provide insights that others appreciate.
And that’s one of several things of what I would hope for a site like this.
Hugs,
ChloeC
I’m concerned about one of the departed. Poor Holly (trailer, little dog called Sissy) seemed to lurch from one crisis to another, with very little up time in between, yet she found the time to make entertaining posts.
I got the impression that CDH was an important resource to her, andI really hope she’s retained some other form of access to her friends.
If there’s anyone here who is in touch with her, please pass on best wishes.
Thanks
Connie
xxxPerhaps our theatre required some structural repairs.
No doubt our curtain will rise once again and upon thunderous ovation!
Let us turn our frowns into laughter!
Barb (channeling our dearly departed Anya)
Life is complicated sometimes, and us humans with our fragile egos don’t always help or get it right.
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one woman in her time plays many parts,”– with slight apologies to Shakespeare.
Mart xxx
Shakespeare would be proud…
Haley
Always drama when girls are involved…ever hear panties in a w*d”? Hahaha
Haley
Hi all
I am more of a reader, than a writer. I have not been on as much lately. I been more busy with honey-doo projects. Can’t think of to many christmas that did not require some type of construction. Hopefully I am done with chipped and dirty nails, and I can get back to buffing and painting my own nails.
xxx tina
I took a hiatus from CDH for a bit only because I thought it was getting away from the main intention of this board. I come here to talk with ladies like myself. Check in and see how we are doing and show support and make others smile. It’s not easy for me to be Katey but I love who I am and gain a lot of advice and support here. It started to get away from advice and support to more entries such as – what color undies do you have on. I truly think CDH have wonderful ladies and thank you for your support and advice I really appreciate it. This is just my opinion.
I know the recent events may not be the same thing but a few days ago I was searching the forum to see if a particular topic had been discussed. Around a year back I realized there were several names I don’t remember ever seeing and a few anonymous accounts. Two years back there were even more names I had never seen and more anonymous accounts. Three years back more of the same and even some missing between year two and three. I guess all forums have a sort of tidal movement. I just hope I am never swept away in the tide.
Hey Michelle,
If your heart is here, you will never be swept away 😉
Marti xxx
So, to follow up with an additional question: I’m really wondering more specifically what was the nature of the posts that were found objectionable. I’m guessing it was explicitly sexual, but I have no clue. I honestly don’t remember what the terms of use were for this site. I never really read those things because I have no interest in discussing subjects that would likely be problematic. I did bring up my own feelings of auto gynephilia on a different CD forum and got scolded for that. It wasn’t sexual, so I really had no idea there was a rule against that. It seems like many of us here experience it, but I’m not sure how free we are to discuss it here. Or maybe they were discussing insider trading…treason…naughty politics…who knows?
Just curious,
CatherineI have been here for nearly 18 months. Prior to that I was on TGH but felt it was a bit ‘clicky’ and didn’t feel it suited me. I then came on here and sat in the background and just looked at what was being posted. I did venture into Chat but that didn’t suit either as it got very convoluted.
I persisted here and it seemed quite nice and I felt comfortable. Soon I was offering my opinion and advice taking on board some new ideas for me too. Okay the same topics came up again and again but these were new girls asking and it was important to them. We have to remember this and not become blase in ourselves and denigrate them.
Like any forum there will be the Queen bees who have been on the site a while and those that may post outside the boundaries. That’s what moderators are for. From what I saw in this case there were some ladies having fun. It seemed quite innocuous to me and I heartily joined in. It was a sideshow and something someone could join in and share in. If it wasn’t your cup of tea then you knew what to avoid and find what you need elsewhere in the posts. And this is a point, if you have no interest in the post then move on. If you disagree with the post then make a valid stance but don’t get personal or insult other members. You don’t have to stay in the post, move to the next.
Suddenly there were cancelled members and some confusion as to what was going on. I was in the confused ranks as there was nothing that I saw as offensive and any reason that the posts would also disappear. There was no rhyme nor reason to it as no explanations appeared from the management team. It was all unsettling. Sadly some quite enigmatic ladies left or were cancelled and some left as a consequence. If the posts made were against the ethos of the site then the management should inform the participants openly within the posts. We then are reminded of the boundaries which is fine but be more open about it. To me there is an element I miss and the site is a bit poorer for it.
I suppose these are the things that happen within such places and and large memberships. However life moves on and I still feel unsettled but will continue to contribute. I do miss the fun though but ‘Alas poor Yorick’
Continuing the Shakespearian theme, ‘All the worlds a stage’ -remember your lines , do not go off script and you’ll be fine. My mantra is I will survive…….
Hi Catherine,
Count me among the oblivious as well.
I have no idea what is going on, as usual.
One of my things is that I tend to take breaks from CDH every now and again. Some are deliberate, some unintentional. This fall my “never ending kitchen remodel” kicked into high gear, that left me with little time and less energy to post. I’d check in once and awhile but didn’t notice anything amiss.
I have also left the site twice, only to return. The first, I deleted my account, the second I kept the account but stayed away for nearly a year. Each time I was swearing off crossdressing for good. We all know how that goes. Anyway, each time I return the active roster has changed. Girls I regularly interacted with are gone or are dormant, to replaced by new and different girls. The circle of life, I guess. The same is true IRL, people come and go in my life. There are some that stand the test of time and some that last but a short while.
Hugs, Jillian
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Hi Catherine.
No one here should take things too seriously, its just a chat forum to share our lifestyle. Like anywhere, people come and go.
I posted on this thread and was deleted for unknown reasons but I don’t care and my panties aren’t in a wad…. lol
[postquote quote=612005]
Hi Barb. I meant topics and not minions. I understand the risk of sounding dumb when posting.
I have had a few few pushbacks and made a few myself. Though hoping my actions were more on the positive side.
From what I understand,Holly left of her own accord, and wasn’t booted. Apart from self embarrassment (i don’t think we are offended) there is nothing stopping her from coming back.
In general, it seems she reacts a lot more from situations that many others wouldn’t notice.
I detest doing this, but I feel a duty.
no one has disappeared that didn’t expect it.
the managers keep tabs on some members who are not in keeping with our mission of supporting the TG/TG/CD members of our site. when we see these things, we coach and nudge in the direction the site wishes to see occur.
they dont’ disappear without warnings, they don’t ” just disappear” as you may have heard.
if you have questions, there’s two reasons for disappearing, and I’ll tell you what they are…
1. they just leave. they delete their account, they just ignore their account, they just go away. the managers can’t control that.
2. someone is coached, prodded, and given a chance to come in line with our mission, and, well, they just don’t. they come to the managers’ council, and they just can’t make muster. the managers vote that they can’t continue on the site.
the staff is not qualified to be psychiatrists or therapists, if members need that support they need to go elsewhere, but we can’t let rants and posts needing professional help remain on the site and demoralize our membership. when such things happen we need to refer them for assistance, and then go on in life.
do I have qualms about my decisions?
only every day…
but, I will tell you that every decision I make, every single day, I make the right decision for the majority of the membership, knowing that I am not a trained therapist, and I want my sisters here to be their best person every day.
and when one of you can take over for me to make the management decisions, I will gladly turn over my reins and go back to being a chat girl.
but until then…
BillieJay
Hi Billiejay
I just wanted to say thank you for your honest and open post, it goes without saying that most of us girls here really appreciate all the hard work you and the other managers do to keep CDH the wonderful Heaven it is.
It can be sad when girls leave (and I wish them all well) but like you say this can happen for many different reasons, for me CDH is a real family, and is made strong by its collective membership not by a few individuals.
Stephanie x
Hi Billie Jay,
Thanks for the clarification. It is disconcerting when familiar names just disappear from the forums or the chat.
Sometimes it becomes easier to believe in a conspiracy theory that these girls have been “removed” and locked in some cyber dungeon than to accept that they just … left.
I have done that myself, just left, I mean. I deleted/ignored my account because I arrived at a decision that leaving was in my own best interest. When I returned, I was welcomed back with open arms and hugs all around. As will these girls when and if they return.
Keep up your good work, Madame Ambassador
JillianThank you BillieJay for all you and others do to manage this wonderful site! I spent years coaching and managing in youth sports, and managing this site is probably the same: 10% of the people do 90% of the work, and the other 90% does 100% of the complaining. And 90% of your time is spent managing 10% of the people.
Or in simple terms, your job is like herding cats. Right?
Hugs
JulesYou’re doing the best you can, and a fantastic job.
I’ve been an admin on sites before. There are just too many situations where you can’t win with some people. They are determined to be miserable, and blame everyone else for it. Plus there are some people who simply dislike authority of any kind.
The vast majority of us appreciate all the work they admins do. This site is amazing, and I honestly can’t imagine any rational person being unhappy here. Anyone who complains or fights, doesn’t have the self awareness to know better.
I found this site while leaving another that shall remain nameless. There was this on Admin that would be on me all the time I posted something about leggings. The admin was first to comment ” Im glad you didn’t post a pic with this cause I would hate to delete this post like all your others.” I replied cause I hate bully’s and got suspended. Years later I found this site and forgot the other one. I wasn’t out of the closet so I would set up a profile and delete later. Now that im out I love this sit and the admins never had a problem here and here to stay. It feels like an extended family and everyone on here is friendly and lift each other up. The other site after remembering it I logged back in and tried but the admin found me again so I deleted my profile and moved on to this wonderful site.
As we saw with Mandalorian and Book of Boba Fett, we aren’t savages. We all knew that, but the general public doesn’t.
I want to preface this by thanking the mods here on cdh. Don’t retake this wrong but Ive had enough drama in my life! I’m a forty something cd who in the last year since joining with the help of this community has been able to find a level of peace I never dreamed of. Im sad when ever someone leaves because it’s a loss to our whole community. We are stronger together, petty differences shouldnt get in the way of us helping each other along this journey. I cringe when I think about where I’d be without the support I’ve found here! I don’t know where all this drama is coming from specifically but let’s try to hold it together for our own sakes.
I clicked on this thread without realizing how old it is! I guess this in the news, but I’ve had at least two conversations with former members recently, that left, disgruntled for some reason. Strange for me because as others have noted, I’ve gotten nothing but positivity here. Maybe it’s because I don’t wade into chat? Or just naturally avoid being controversial?
I love it here and think everyone I’ve met is awesome! Much better than the overbearing admins I dealt with at my previous forum…
..I left.
– But I have returned… I wasn’t quite fully aware we were so easily tracked on ‘Google” for example.. **MY FAULT * * – 100%
I’ve taken precautions (this time) Name-change, hide face…
Just a precaution. Thanks!
Be well!
x
I read your reply to girls leaving CDH. You mentioned Google tracking and names. My fear is getting caught or found out. What can you share with me? What steps can I take to hide this part of my life? Or anyone else on CDH? Thank you in advance.
Just protect – yourself – name-change, don’t post showing your face… Reasonable and perfectly acceptable steps. Your pictures – will – be searchable on the net BY NAME.. It does state that, but yeah, just do **that, and you’ll be fine. 🙂
x
This will only happen IF you upload pictures publicly, not privately.
If you have a Private Photo Gallery (like me) the pictures uploaded in it are viewable for members here at CDH only. However, if you want to have this option you need to upgrade your membership level to “Baroness” or higher. This is the main reason why I chose to upgrade to Baroness and I love it.
Baroness Revel
Aww thanks for that, Sister!… This is really all down to – You!! – XX
😉
I’ve left and returned several times due to personal reasons. But the last time was right when that drama started hitting a boil
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