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  • #466281
    Tonya Leren
    Registered On: January 5, 2021
    Topics: 23
    Replies: 223
    Has thanked: 635 times
    Been thanked: 1094 times

    Today I’m supposed to take my first step as being fully Tonya for a day.  Have my outfit ready, plans for me to get my makeup done and my SO is planning on doing my hair and nails… all week I’ve been so excited… and today I’m scared… afraid of it even… almost to the point of wanting to turn and run…

    The what ifs have set in… what if I don’t enjoy it(even though I know I will)

    What if my SO sees me totally different…

    Am I going to far with this…

    Am I moving to fast with it…

    Is this really what I want…

    What if I don’t look good,

    What if I can’t hold the fem personna

    What I’d, what if,… am i…. do i… should i…

    The questions all stem from fear of the unknown… and I’m sure we have all been there…

    Thank you ladies for all the advice and support you give not just to me but each other. I’m so grateful to be part of this group.

    Love you all


Viewing 26 reply threads
  • Author
    • #467086
      Sarah Du Hessisse
      Registered On: September 16, 2020
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 497
      Has thanked: 3109 times
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      Tonya what if you don’t do it you will regret not doing it, pursue your happiness and go for it. What if you enjoy your day you will love every bit of it, go for it girl your SO helping you as well.Whats not to like enjoy your day.

      Best Wishes

      Sarah xx


      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #467029
      Cynthia Dubois
      Registered On: August 17, 2017
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 66
      Has thanked: 74 times
      Been thanked: 328 times

      Don’t let the “what ifs” take over your thoughts. We have no control over everything that will happen, whether en-femme or not. If you have made the decision to do it, and thought through all the bad things that may happen so you can take whatever precautions you need to, then go for it with all the confidence you can. I still have many what ifs when I go out dressed, but I just step out the door and go. Nothing terrifying or horrible has happened, and the scary things I feared happening have not even remotely happened. The worst thing for me so far has been a few quizzical looks from people here and there. I love being out dressed too much to care though.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466852
      Katey Doe
      Registered On: February 3, 2021
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 637
      Has thanked: 1539 times
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      Hi Tonya,

      You can “what if” all day long and what I found out is that when the What If thoughts occur thats when we decide not to do things. I’m no where and expert on fully dressing but I do know we have to get out of our comfort zone every now and then. I have been through this what if moment recently when shopping. What If I run into someone I know, What if the sales associate sees me, etc….but I still did it. Thanks to advice from so many here at CDH I have stepped out of my comfort zone and now I feel the confidence building. Good Luck and have fun. Hugs Katey

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #467094
        Registered On: October 13, 2015
        Topics: 4
        Replies: 433
        Has thanked: 1244 times
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        Thank you you are an inspiration for all the “what ifs”… including me!! I will go for it very soon

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #466828
      Emily Alt
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 534
      Has thanked: 436 times
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      Responding to this a day late.  Hopefully not a dollar short….

      Before my first makeover I had some of the same “what if” doubts and fears.  But then I thought – what if I like it?

      Well, I liked it….a lot!  That makeover was the catalyst for everything that’s happened since.  It changed my life.

      You miss 100% of the shots you never take.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466719
      Alice Underwire
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 3083
      Has thanked: 2932 times
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      Hi Tonya,

      Didn’ Cyndy Lauper  say “Gurls just Wanna Have Fun!”

      Often  one’s biggest fear is that of exposure.  But just a keep going step by step, foot after foot.  Don’t those clickity  clacks sound wonderful?


      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466470
      Beth Green
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 196
      Has thanked: 644 times
      Been thanked: 988 times


      You ARE beautiful! The what ifs and fears can take a flying leap!

      Head up, chest out, one foot in front of the other! Conquer the world like only a woman can!

      Love you


      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466448
      Bettylou Cox
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 2094
      Has thanked: 4170 times
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      Hi Tonya,

      What if you do “turn and run”? Then, you will never know how it is to really be Tonya.

      “The saddest words that pass ‘mongst men, are ever these: ‘It might have been'”

      Go for it, girl; you will not regret it. And tell us al about it, afterward.


      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466404
      rebekka moore
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 85
      Replies: 972
      Has thanked: 571 times
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      What if you feel and look absolutely fabulous?!

      That’s the question that matters most.

      Love and hugs, you brave gurl!


      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466393
      Rachel M
      Registered On: September 3, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 40
      Has thanked: 266 times
      Been thanked: 168 times

      I am envious and excited for you, my SO has so far not shown any interest in meeting my femme side, I can only hope that can change down the road. I have read many success stories, so don’t worry and enjoy sharing your day as Tonya with your SO.


      Rachel M

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466378
      Ashley Konners
      Registered On: August 15, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 230
      Has thanked: 893 times
      Been thanked: 889 times

      Well anytime I’ve been out it normally starts with some nervousness but once out and I settle in it just feels natural to be doing it.
      For you I would suggest going with your gut hun! If it feels right doing. I’ve been dressing for years and still experience some of these feeling.  Anyway hun good luck and try to just be you when you feel like it.
      Big hugs


      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466373
      Jamie Peridot
      Registered On: February 19, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 264
      Has thanked: 1549 times
      Been thanked: 785 times

      So much great advice, I really can’t offer anything more except to reiterate that you’ve got this girl!!🤗👍❤ I’m very proud of you (and jealous)! Big hug!

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466344
      Effie Jayne
      Registered On: February 7, 2021
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 679
      Has thanked: 1370 times
      Been thanked: 2344 times

      I understand Tonya, but you got this! Have fun! 🌸🧚‍♀️

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466343
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 65
      Replies: 1348
      Has thanked: 4816 times
      Been thanked: 7381 times

      Hello Tonya…

      Your list of questions ?????

      Most of them can be answered…when you get back home..get dressed and fly!!!!!

      Good luck xx.

      Grace xx

    • #466333
      Jannie Murry
      Registered On: October 15, 2019
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 135
      Has thanked: 66 times
      Been thanked: 633 times

      Tonya. Your so lucky to have a SO that supports you. Thats one obstacle that you don’t have to worry about. Just listen to your SO if you have any questions about what to do if something unexpected happens. This day will forever be remembered. I know that it was for me and I remember everything about that day. From the doubts that I had to the feeling of being accepted once I was out there among other girls. Good luck and just go with your instincts. Your going to be alright. Hugs to you


    • #466325
      Marcellette Laval
      Registered On: February 1, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 84
      Has thanked: 280 times
      Been thanked: 417 times


      How exciting for you, and I know exactly how you feel!  Relax, if you can, and immerse yourself in the enjoyment of the experience.  If you’re like me, you will be very self-aware of what you’re feeling, and through that awareness many of your questions will be answered…..

      I’m so happy that you’re getting this opportunity!  Be sure to let us know how it turns out – please!


    • #466319
      Regine Rich
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 889
      Has thanked: 8999 times
      Been thanked: 3900 times

      Cant wait to hear how it goes, Tonya, I know it will be fabulous, if you just bury those nerves. It will be the most amazing feeling ever
      Hugs, Regi💕

    • #466313
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
      Topics: 48
      Replies: 536
      Has thanked: 414 times
      Been thanked: 2489 times

      Relax and just be Tonya. Don’t overthink it just enjoy the day and reflect afterwards. It will be great.


      Lisa xxx

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466312
      Paula F
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 1075
      Has thanked: 14513 times
      Been thanked: 4264 times

      Tonya, you left out one very important ‘what if’,  what if you don’t take these steps?

      You may get to meet the 3 sisters of doubt:  Shoulda, Woulda and Coulda.  Those 3 will pester you from now on if they show up.  Their favorite act is to plant the seed of doubt that will always bloom nd try to stop you from trying almost anything new and exciting in your future.

      Take a deep breath and relax hon.  Trust your wife and above everything else, trust yourself.



    • #466308
      Polly Stewart
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 933
      Has thanked: 1321 times
      Been thanked: 3171 times

      What if… you look FAB! What if your SO thinks… you look FAB! What if the whole world thinks you look FAB?
      What ifs kill you… ban what ifs!

      Looking FAB, Tonya!

      • #466311
        Tonya Leren
        Registered On: January 5, 2021
        Topics: 23
        Replies: 223
        Has thanked: 635 times
        Been thanked: 1094 times

        To be honest I wonder if the fact that I muggy look amazing scared me as well… I know it’s kinda a contradictory thing… to be afraid you’ll look amazing… but I’m not used to feeling like I look good and the last time I had my makeup dibe that’s how I felt.. I felt beautiful..  like I could own the world… why I’m afraid of it… idk couldn’t tell you…

        6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466307
      Tonya Leren
      Registered On: January 5, 2021
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 223
      Has thanked: 635 times
      Been thanked: 1094 times

      Just wanted to say thank you again to all you lovely ladies the support means so very much.  My nerves are easing a little.  I still have about 2 and a half hours of work left before I head home to start my final prep… of shaving and making sure all the male Hiawatha are hidden well enough… we will see how the day unfolds.

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466304
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 30
      Replies: 1197
      Has thanked: 10200 times
      Been thanked: 4915 times

      Well.. ‘if’ you don’t, you’ll never know…

      Get out there and enjoy life Tonya… sounds like you are ready…


      Gen ❤

    • #466296
      Cynthia Hughes
      Registered On: March 12, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 156
      Has thanked: 215 times
      Been thanked: 512 times

      Of course, you may have some apprehension, but do not let that stop you. Take it from me it’s better to remember the actual memories than the regrets.


      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #466288
      Diana Morgan
      Registered On: February 22, 2021
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 647
      Has thanked: 4436 times
      Been thanked: 2055 times

      That is so exiting Tonya, I’m sure the day will go as well you wish it to, with your S.O.’s help you will look gorgeous and will never look back. Just slip into that lovely outfit and enjoy the day.

      Big hugs


    • #466287
      Diane Rakers
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 676
      Has thanked: 1189 times
      Been thanked: 2194 times

      Tonya, just do it!

      Do you know what your risk is?

      You will like it too much. You will see and, more importantly, feel like the real you.

      Then Tonya, my dearest, what do you do?

      I am so happy for you, and I am BEYOND jealous.

      Hugs and kisses,

      Lee Ann

      PS – I’m going to send you a PM.



    • #466286
      Stevie Steiner
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 49
      Replies: 1158
      Has thanked: 5371 times
      Been thanked: 5979 times

      Tonya, you’ve got this girl.  Outfit is ready, your SO is ready,…. you are ready.  The “what ifs” are evil little gremlins that grow in our minds to prevent us from doing the things we want to do.  Don’t pay attention to them!  There is one What If you forgot about.  What If you don’t do this?  Dont let your nerves get the best of you,  you’ll just regret it hon.  Your time has come Tonya, enjoy it (after the nerves settle down)!!  I’m so happy for you!!


    • #466285
      Vecca Senn
      Registered On: February 22, 2021
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 130
      Has thanked: 715 times
      Been thanked: 431 times


      I wish I was this young when I was completely open with my wife.My wife is so understanding through my progression into what I am comfortable with. She is even more open to suggesting what might be good for me as I expose more of myself to her. It’s like a bonus marriage achievement every time we talk!

      My suggestion is to let her take the lead. You have already progressed past what society would let me say when I was early in life with your SO. Let her set the pace and enjoy where she leads you. When your limit is reached you will know and with a SO that understands so much already she will most likely understand when your current limit is reached. Let her have fun and engage to your limit.

      Girl I am happy and jealous of you at the same time. Let her take the lead. AND fill us in on the wonderful details!

    • #466282
      Trisha Lilly Hibbert
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 658
      Has thanked: 3110 times
      Been thanked: 2439 times

      Tonya honey relax and go though with your plans. Your SO has agreed to them so it’s highly likely she’s gotten used to the idea. You look gorgeous and the Tonya will naturally come out. Just relax put your heels on and enjoy the sun.

      Love Trish

      6 users thanked author for this post.
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