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Why am I so nervous about going out dressed up ,I think I’ve been out shopping more than a dozen times ,when I first went out was fine now I worry about seeing anyone I might know ,and when I go to a bar where the girls know how I am and more people come in I still get nervous ,anyone can help me ,Catherine
It’s normal, I know for a couple months recently I was reluctant to dress and go out. Then I went out and had fun and that feeling went by the wayside. We all at times have doubts and become nervous about living our life. We have to reassure ourselves that we look great and it feels wonderful to be who we want to be. You will be fine, just put that skirt back on and strut out that door.
Sandy
Even though we don’t usually calculate probabilities, I think we instinctively know that the more often we go out, the more opportunity (and the greater the chance) of being caught. And if you go out to places where others you know are more likely to frequent, you increase your odds again. And staying in one place increases your odds more than just passing someone by.
I had one close call a few years ago, and I think I have come to the conclusion that I will likely be caught someday. Accepting this I don’t worry about being caught. This is who I am, this is what I enjoy doing.
Catherine, I believe ultimately your goal should be to find your authentic self, be proud of yourself, and do the things that give you joy. And the reality? What others think or say about you is none of your business. It’s their business, and a waste of their time. Honestly? Most people don’t notice, as they are consumed with their own stuff. And if they do notice they most likely just smile before, like a moth, turning their attention to the next bright light.
That said, I too was frightened my first times out as Jules. But once I realized that this was an authentic part of who I was, a part I was both proud of and love, I put on my big girl panties and put that fear and anxiety behind me.
Do I try to minimize risk? Certainly. Like any generic women I am aware of my surroundings, and avoid certain places and times. I try to blend in to avoid attention and avoid awkward situations. But I don’t hide who I am any more. Actually the more confident you are the easier it is to blend in. Conversely, acting with anxiety and fear will draw more attention.
And guess what? As many here on CDH can attest, I’ve met nothing but smiles, kind words, and positivity.
My advice? Life’s short, so be gorgeous and get out there!
Hugs
JulesJules, your beauty inspires everyone around you.
Oh my, Steph, you are just too sweet with your kind words, words that inspire me, to be, well, me…🙏🏼
Thank you sweetheart!
Hugs & Kisses
JulesLove you.
Steph
I have been dressing full time publicly for a couple of years, I was “Caught” in Walmart, guy stops me, I recognize him from many years ago (30), we used to go ice racing, him and his wife and me and my wife to be. We talk for about 20 minutes, he asks how I am, then comments that I seem very happy and have been smiling the whole time. Nice!
I figure this is who I am and how I want to present, no shame, no hiding, my friends will have to deal with it.
For me, going out is important soul food for my CD’ing soul. I crave the experience. My wife worries more about meeting someone we know and I try to be respectful of that. As for me, I don’t really care. As someone else wrote, life is short. J
I think it’s a natural thing to feel nervous, anxious, etc. Especially in today’s social climate. You never know what you are going to come up against. Just stay safe, stay aware, feel good in what you are wearing and how you look and concentrate on that. Keep that at the forefront of your mind, thoughts!
Catherine,
I can understand your being nervous. In particular if it has been some time since the previous time you were out.
But Jules reply is awesome! Really great take on how different it is the concepts of “passing” and “being accepted”, even without having to mention them by name!
If your goal is passing you are basically hoping your “transformation” is good enough to fool others into believing you are a woman. You will have to put effort at staying in character, and even if you believe you succeeded, chances are that some of the people who saw you knew, but didn’t care about making a scene.
Even if you ask women who are very supportive of the community, 100% passing, look, voice, mannerisms, is very rare.So do your best to present nicely, but be yourself! It is much more rewarding!! Believe me!! 🙂 🙂
Good morning lovely ladies, interesting topic for me in view of the fantastic weekend I just had. I am “out” at my workplace but my friends have been urging me, encouraging me, telling me and now coming and taking me, out to very public places. Yesterday I went with my sister to a local brew pub for lunch, on Saturday a long time friend picked me up and we went for coffee with another good friend to a place that was incredibly busy, and after that we went to a local clothing store to check some sales items. So far I’ve been to the above places, and at Starbucks, in to a drug store to look at some makeup, and then to a local art gallery, in to see my nail girl to get my nails done, stopped off at a local mall to talk with my MAC girls, and while there had to make my first visit to a public ladies room. And every day I take local transit to get to and from work. So even though I’ve had a fair amount of local exposure I still feel and get nervous. As we’ve all said and been told, we are who we are, women, trans women, and we aren’t ashamed of that. I have a coach, Cindi Grace, who is also trans, she put it to me this way, “You’re a gorgeous woman and people will naturally be drawn or attracted to a gorgeous woman.”
Love you all,
Lauren M
I think it is normal to be anxious or nervous to go out dressed up. Primarily due to most of societies limited understanding and acceptance of what we do. At the end of the day, does the benefits out weigh the potential ridicule and risk?
Life is short, dress as you wish, and go where you want to go.
I mean it makes sense. I’ve been out a few times and nobody has ever said or done anything untowards, but there is always that risk of someone doing something and making a big fuss of it all. On average I doubt anyone ever will say or do anything, but that doesn’t matter. It only takes that one bad encounter to ruin a day so I think feeling nervous is just what is normal.
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