- April 24, 2022 at 10:31 am #640941CatherineParticipantRegistered On: January 3, 2021Topics: 8Replies: 69Has thanked: 2190 timesBeen thanked: 343 times
Why am I so nervous about going out dressed up ,I think I’ve been out shopping more than a dozen times ,when I first went out was fine now I worry about seeing anyone I might know ,and when I go to a bar where the girls know how I am and more people come in I still get nervous ,anyone can help me ,Catherine
- May 5, 2022 at 6:09 am #643209Jenny JonesLadyRegistered On: November 5, 2019Topics: 2Replies: 197Has thanked: 149 timesBeen thanked: 797 times
I mean it makes sense. I’ve been out a few times and nobody has ever said or done anything untowards, but there is always that risk of someone doing something and making a big fuss of it all. On average I doubt anyone ever will say or do anything, but that doesn’t matter. It only takes that one bad encounter to ruin a day so I think feeling nervous is just what is normal.
- May 3, 2022 at 1:05 pm #642904LeahBaronessRegistered On: June 13, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 342Has thanked: 6110 timesBeen thanked: 1395 times
I think it is normal to be anxious or nervous to go out dressed up. Primarily due to most of societies limited understanding and acceptance of what we do. At the end of the day, does the benefits out weigh the potential ridicule and risk?
Life is short, dress as you wish, and go where you want to go.
- May 2, 2022 at 8:36 am #642632Lauren MugnaiaDuchessRegistered On: November 1, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 100Has thanked: 979 timesBeen thanked: 587 times
Good morning lovely ladies, interesting topic for me in view of the fantastic weekend I just had. I am “out” at my workplace but my friends have been urging me, encouraging me, telling me and now coming and taking me, out to very public places. Yesterday I went with my sister to a local brew pub for lunch, on Saturday a long time friend picked me up and we went for coffee with another good friend to a place that was incredibly busy, and after that we went to a local clothing store to check some sales items. So far I’ve been to the above places, and at Starbucks, in to a drug store to look at some makeup, and then to a local art gallery, in to see my nail girl to get my nails done, stopped off at a local mall to talk with my MAC girls, and while there had to make my first visit to a public ladies room. And every day I take local transit to get to and from work. So even though I’ve had a fair amount of local exposure I still feel and get nervous. As we’ve all said and been told, we are who we are, women, trans women, and we aren’t ashamed of that. I have a coach, Cindi Grace, who is also trans, she put it to me this way, “You’re a gorgeous woman and people will naturally be drawn or attracted to a gorgeous woman.”
Love you all,
- May 1, 2022 at 12:56 pm #642530Gabriela RomaniManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: January 11, 2021Topics: 847Replies: 404Has thanked: 353 timesBeen thanked: 1889 times
I can understand your being nervous. In particular if it has been some time since the previous time you were out.
But Jules reply is awesome! Really great take on how different it is the concepts of “passing” and “being accepted”, even without having to mention them by name!
If your goal is passing you are basically hoping your “transformation” is good enough to fool others into believing you are a woman. You will have to put effort at staying in character, and even if you believe you succeeded, chances are that some of the people who saw you knew, but didn’t care about making a scene.
Even if you ask women who are very supportive of the community, 100% passing, look, voice, mannerisms, is very rare.
So do your best to present nicely, but be yourself! It is much more rewarding!! Believe me!! 🙂 🙂
- May 1, 2022 at 9:22 am #642481Dee NashLadyRegistered On: November 7, 2021Topics: 2Replies: 255Has thanked: 1612 timesBeen thanked: 1072 times
- May 1, 2022 at 8:13 am #642454rebekka mooreLadyRegistered On: January 7, 2017Topics: 91Replies: 1070Has thanked: 658 timesBeen thanked: 2654 times
I think it’s a natural thing to feel nervous, anxious, etc. Especially in today’s social climate. You never know what you are going to come up against. Just stay safe, stay aware, feel good in what you are wearing and how you look and concentrate on that. Keep that at the forefront of your mind, thoughts!
- April 30, 2022 at 7:41 pm #642355
- April 25, 2022 at 6:07 am #641110Jess TaylorLadyRegistered On: January 31, 2022Topics: 7Replies: 51Has thanked: 200 timesBeen thanked: 283 times
For me, going out is important soul food for my CD’ing soul. I crave the experience. My wife worries more about meeting someone we know and I try to be respectful of that. As for me, I don’t really care. As someone else wrote, life is short. J
- April 24, 2022 at 8:10 pm #641019ZennLadyRegistered On: April 4, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 8Has thanked: 20 timesBeen thanked: 52 times
I have been dressing full time publicly for a couple of years, I was “Caught” in Walmart, guy stops me, I recognize him from many years ago (30), we used to go ice racing, him and his wife and me and my wife to be. We talk for about 20 minutes, he asks how I am, then comments that I seem very happy and have been smiling the whole time. Nice!
I figure this is who I am and how I want to present, no shame, no hiding, my friends will have to deal with it.
- May 1, 2022 at 10:41 am #642508Brielle RossDuchessRegistered On: August 14, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 409Has thanked: 2036 timesBeen thanked: 1803 times
What a great story! See, gurls, we don’t have to be afraid – if we are content and confident the people around us can relax and just enjoy our company.
When we act nervous or like we are “sneaking” around they will be on edge as well.
- April 24, 2022 at 7:47 pm #641015Julie (Jules) AndersonDuchessRegistered On: February 9, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 135Has thanked: 210 timesBeen thanked: 620 times
Catherine, I believe ultimately your goal should be to find your authentic self, be proud of yourself, and do the things that give you joy. And the reality? What others think or say about you is none of your business. It’s their business, and a waste of their time. Honestly? Most people don’t notice, as they are consumed with their own stuff. And if they do notice they most likely just smile before, like a moth, turning their attention to the next bright light.
That said, I too was frightened my first times out as Jules. But once I realized that this was an authentic part of who I was, a part I was both proud of and love, I put on my big girl panties and put that fear and anxiety behind me.
Do I try to minimize risk? Certainly. Like any generic women I am aware of my surroundings, and avoid certain places and times. I try to blend in to avoid attention and avoid awkward situations. But I don’t hide who I am any more. Actually the more confident you are the easier it is to blend in. Conversely, acting with anxiety and fear will draw more attention.
And guess what? As many here on CDH can attest, I’ve met nothing but smiles, kind words, and positivity.
My advice? Life’s short, so be gorgeous and get out there!
- April 25, 2022 at 6:50 am #641117Stephenie DerickBaronessRegistered On: July 9, 2020Topics: 0Replies: 151Has thanked: 1571 timesBeen thanked: 580 times
- April 29, 2022 at 3:38 pm #642146Julie (Jules) AndersonDuchessRegistered On: February 9, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 135Has thanked: 210 timesBeen thanked: 620 times
Oh my, Steph, you are just too sweet with your kind words, words that inspire me, to be, well, me…🙏🏼
Thank you sweetheart!
Hugs & Kisses
- April 30, 2022 at 5:56 am #642199
- April 24, 2022 at 7:13 pm #641007Evan NineDuchessRegistered On: March 19, 2022Topics: 2Replies: 22Has thanked: 280 timesBeen thanked: 90 times
I am really just starting and my dream is to get the courage to go out, I am sure when I get there I will have that too. But for now I can only dream about doing it. All I can say is I admire you for what you have accomplished, hope that helps.
- April 24, 2022 at 6:54 pm #641006Alison AndersonDuchessRegistered On: October 15, 2018Topics: 12Replies: 779Has thanked: 621 timesBeen thanked: 3326 times
Even though we don’t usually calculate probabilities, I think we instinctively know that the more often we go out, the more opportunity (and the greater the chance) of being caught. And if you go out to places where others you know are more likely to frequent, you increase your odds again. And staying in one place increases your odds more than just passing someone by.
I had one close call a few years ago, and I think I have come to the conclusion that I will likely be caught someday. Accepting this I don’t worry about being caught. This is who I am, this is what I enjoy doing.
- April 24, 2022 at 6:52 pm #641005Cassie JaysonDuchessRegistered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 49Replies: 849Has thanked: 2035 timesBeen thanked: 4079 times
Catherine, I often feel like I am in the same boat. Often when I am out now I don’t work that hard to disguise my male self. I think sometimes I am ‘made’ but no one says anything. I do like going out in fem mode and trying to behave my feminine best.
- April 24, 2022 at 10:53 am #640945Sandy HoneyLadyRegistered On: February 24, 2021Topics: 20Replies: 358Has thanked: 246 timesBeen thanked: 1861 times
It’s normal, I know for a couple months recently I was reluctant to dress and go out. Then I went out and had fun and that feeling went by the wayside. We all at times have doubts and become nervous about living our life. We have to reassure ourselves that we look great and it feels wonderful to be who we want to be. You will be fine, just put that skirt back on and strut out that door.
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