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I'll never forget my first time going out crossdressed, even though it's almost eight years ago now. I had been dressing at home for many, many years and underdressing as often as I could, but I had never been out 'en-femme' before. A few weeks earlier I had joined a local crossdressing group and had finally plucked up the courage to attend a Tri-Ess meeting.
In my infinite wisdom I thought it would be a good idea to go out crossdressed for the first time. I was conservative in my femininity - I wore a blue blouse over some slightly feminine jeans with a bra for my breastforms and just a dash of makeup. With trepidation I exited my apartment, eager to quickly make the trip down two flights of stairs to my car without being seen. Then as I step foot into the parking lot I'm confronted by
Cops, everywhere - and they're after crossdressers!
And I'm dressed. They'll notice my boobs and my feminine blouse. Oh God! Now I've gone and done it I knew I shouldn't have dared to venture out crossdressed. I almost died of embarrassment right there. I knew I was going to get into trouble, or at least a stern rebuke.
As it turns out, the police officer wasn't outside my apartment waiting for crossdressers and he didn't pay me much mind. I got into my car without any problems, and was off to my first Tri-Ess meeting.
Over exaggerated fear of what will likely never happen. That's what I experienced the first time I went out crossdressed, and I have a hunch that I'm not alone. Our worst fears rarely come to pass yet we spend so long dwelling on them. It's only when we're out in the moment that the fear can be replaced with the joy of expressing one's feminine self.
Going Out Crossdressed For the First Time
A few weeks ago I was blessed to take my good friend Vicki on her first crossdressing expedition into the cisgender world. She had visited the Emerald City (a local transgender club in Seattle) before, but leaving the safety of an understanding transgender group was new for her. We started out the afternoon with lunch at Chinese restaurant that we had all to ourselves, and despite some interesting smiles from our hosts it was a great way to ease into crossdressing in public.
Vicki truly showed mastery of her nerves when she suggested a quick trip to the mall together. Dining in a deserted restaurant is one thing, walking through a crowded mall is quite another. It was wonderful to see the sense of joy and accomplishment in her face as she took a proud step forward into the world as her feminine persona.
What was you first time going out crossdressed like? Was it nerve wracking, exciting, joyous, liberating or something else entirely? I'd love to hear, comment and let me know.
Hi Vanessa,
your article brought back many memories. I was historical. I knew I had to step out dressed and I walked towards that door literally 100 times before actually stepped outside. I was so paranoid I had rented a motel room in a nearby town to make m first foray and I knew, just absolutely knew that ALL the people in he motel looked out of there Roms at that moment and where laughing hysterically.
That day was the first step. I am now legaly female and work as a cashier at a major retailer in a conservative southern state. I have the highest regard for our Tri-ess chapter. The president of that chapter was one of three transgender people to speak infront of the Fort Worth Council before the passage of its gender inclusive city ordinance.
Hi Kelli Anne,
Hehe - it's amazing how everyone has perfect tranny radar, and know just where to look isn't it 🙂
Congrats on your successful transition dear, it must seem like so many years and memories away from the first time you ventured out crossdressed.
Hugs,
Vanessa
I practiced for about 1 year before I first went out. And even that first time out was at about midnight so that no one could really see me.
After a few times out in dark of the night, I started to go to a transsexual / gay club. I would change in my car and spend the night as Carolyn. It was an accepting and supportive atmosphere and I needed that. However, I am really not into the gay scene.
Now I'm fulltime and will be having SRS in March 2010.
Go girls!
Congrats Carolyn - phew, that must have been a long year or trepidation for you dear.
I guess my first time was as a kid, but it was halloween. I said I wanted to go as a girl and my mom threw everything together on me and made it comical. I still had alot of fun, but it wasn't the outfit I would have picked out or the look I was after. It made for a fun night trick or treating but did not do so much for reaching into the real me.
As I got older, as most crossdressers do, I dressed up as myself for halloween, or at least as a female character. Many times I just went as my female self and usually passed really well for the most part, even alot of people I talked to every day did not realize it was me until I started speaking. Other times I would go as a female character. I tried being Morticia from the Adams Family (the old TV version), which was okay, but wasn't the best. A couple of years later, I went as the Angelica Houston version of Morticia, from the Adams Family movie and everyone thought I made the perfect Angelica version of Morticia.
I had gone out occasionally as a female in my late teens/early 20's with a few girlfriends that would like to have fun playing with my hair because I have always had my own long hair, plus being in bands in the 80's I never went out without eyeliner on at the least. So girls always loved taking turns fixing my hair for gigs or just for fun other times. Many times they would also want to put make up on me and, of course, I would let them. They often would tell me they thought I would make a good looking girl and would ask if they could fix me up sometime and do my hair and make-up more feminine instead of rock n' roll/glam rock, but to intentionally make me up to look female just so they could see what I would look like. You never heard me refuse! lol I actually loved it and was wanting that look before they even asked.
(The great thing about the 80's is that you could be crossdressing in plain sight and no one would know! lol unless you had a skirt, high heals or a bra on that was stuffed, no one thought much of it, you were just another cool rocker or a poser! lol)
Girls would do my hair up, put make-up on me and then let me riad their wardrobes or they would pick things out for me, (Sometimes they let me wear their clothes for band gigs, other times they would let me wear other clothes to see what I would look like as a girl.
Although I was not actually out to anyone back then that I actually identified as being a female and wanting to have a sex change, or that I even liked to cross dress, I was comfortable going out with friends after the girls made me up as one of them. I wasn't really considering it as crossdressing at that point as much as just being silly and having fun with my by best female friends. We all did have so much fun together.
So even though I was dressed female and going out, I wasn't really trying to pass myself off as female, but loved it when I was passing.
I think that is why when I started going out crossdressed later in life, intentionally trying to pass as female when it wasn't halloween, I realized pretty quicky that when you are comfortable with who you are and not worried about what others think and just live your life and having fun that you are more passable and more accepted by others than when you are nervous and scared and worried about being outed.
You can look your best and be outed faster when you are afraid of being found out than when you don't look as perfect, but you feel confident and just don't care if anyone knows.
I guess my first time that I went out intentionally trying to pass I was pretty nervous at first. Getting out of the car to go into a store was the longest walk I think I had ever taken. I did get a few looks once I got inside (6'1" tall woman, it's bound to happen. lol) but people are actually great in most places. I went shopping and then went to work that night for the first time as Racquel. I thought I would be more nervous about work than the general public, but a few people there already knew about me and the rest that found out that night were very supportive. The more places you go, the easier it gets, at least in my experience. The first time is the hardest, and I think you should make a day out of it and have someone close to you who supports you to be with you. I think it's much harder to get ready and then go out to only one or two places for just a short time and then rush back home where you know it's safe because you have let the fear, nervousness or everyone staring at you get to you.
The longer you stay out and around other people, especially crowds of people that you don't know, or may run into someone that you know, is actually better for you in the long run. You will get more relaxed as the day goes on and start acting more naturally and start learning to ignore the stares and the talking. Then it starts feeling easier.
I have had a few jobs that had absolutley no problem with me coming to work as Racquel. Even during times when I wasn't doing it full time.
I am looking forward to soon being able to live full time as Racquel again. It really sucks that we live in a world that just to survive, we have to not be ourselves. But my day is coming and when it does, I will never go back to living as a male again.
hi im a new crossdresser out of the closet . i live in a small town hear in cal and i try to go out but i git so far and i git nerves and go back home thar is no one hear for me to help me git me over the shaking nevis that i have is thar eny one out thar close to me to help me out i live in orland calafona . help plees
Hi Kimberly, the best advice is to take it slow, and to try and find a local crossdressing support group https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/about/crossdresser-support-groups/
Hi, I am still in the closet but use all the opportunity I could get to crossdressed. My wife is going away for vacation in a few weeks and i am looking forward to crossdressed during that time. I am also looking this time to try to go out for the first time, just hope I will be able to do it. Have a Merry Chrismas to all.
Suzanne
Suzanne,
Going out for that first time when you are married is definitely scary. I have gone out a few times when my wife is out of town, always worried I would see someone I know. Or worse, they would see me! Last time, I convinced myself that I would just go out and have a great time. I got a massage from a wonderful therapist who turned out to be very supportive and sweet. (She had a boyfriend, though. Otherwise, she said she would have loved to go out with me!) Then I went out for a late dinner at a Chinese restaurant. (I have found that Chinese women are more comfortable than American women are with crossdressers.) Exhilarated after my positive experience, I went home and culminated what turned out to be a very romantic evening : ) ! I was so satisfied with the experience that I got up the next morning, dressed up again, took the train downtown and went shopping...en femme! Again, it was so wonderful! I just didn't worry or allow myself to be too self-conscious. And no one gave me the evil eye. I even got to try on a wedding gown!
So, just be comfortable with how you look. You may even schedule a makeover for the morning of your day out at a local department store, like Macy's. Make sure she knows ahead of time what you are doing so she can help you plan it all out.
Alex
Wonderful advice Alex!
Suzanne, good luck as you venture out. Make those butterflies fly in formation 🙂
Suzanne I would like to go out with you I
Have only gone out dressed up three times and would like some one to go out with
Suzanne I left a reply but have not heard from you lets go out some place looking good and feeling better dressed up like beautfull women
hiya Suzanne,
Same here I'm still in the closet where going out is concerned, the only people I've come out to is my friends and family.
However as a male I do amateur photography and going out with professional grade equipment was something quite nerve wracking at first, people looking and commenting on the size of my camera, but now when I go out I don't even notice the comments anymore, just focus on great photographs (landscapes and macro).
Hopefully it will be the same if I decide to go out crossdressed as Emily, like the photographic side, over time it would become more second nature.
What a great analogy Emily. Anything we do that is different can draw comments from people. Most of them are probably just curious - we shouldn't let other people's interest stop us from doing what we know we should be doing. Let your crossdressing muse make artistry in your life 😉
I attend a group based in Blackpool, UK, at an small hotel. Please visit the website, by putting renaissance blackpool in the search engine.
A couple of weeks ago I was able to get to Gynway (the Hotel), and dressed about 10.am. Petra went out shopping, but I was able to chat with a rather poorly Lynda. I then decided that I would brave the big wide world for the first time!
I walked down to the Prom' (ie sea front), (grey pleated M&S skirt, pink top with cardigan. I thought the front, being deserted, was not a place for a woman on her own, unless walking a dog, or accompanied.
So I headed up to Dicson Road. Near to this road, a family were getting into their car, and the small daughter waved to me, smiling. I waved back, and exchanged an understanding smile with mum. I am sure she did not "read" me. I walked Dicson Road, passing quite a few people, without anyone, that I could see, giving me a second glance.
I came across a shop selling second hand goods,including clothes. I found a skirt, and some boots, both unworn. There were two ladies serving (actually playing cardsmainly!) and I asked if I might try the skirt on. The older lady replied that there was nowhere to do this, but that if I returned it, they would credit me. I was probably "read" because of my voice (I am working on this!), but no comment was made.
Returned to Gynway, and tried the skirt on. At size 16 it seems slightly large, but it is so pretty, with two front splits, that I will probably keep it.
My shoes (size 6 black courts) seem to be getting larger, so it could just be that my efforts to lose weight are paying off.
This was originally written as a blog entry - I hope my English is not to confusing to our transatlantic sisters. Date was middle of October. I have since been out (shopping esp.) several times. My blog can be read on the renaissance website.
Love to all, and a Merry Chrismas and Happy New Year!
I answered 'not any more than usual', but my poll answer is a little misleading, since I am self-employed. I dress however I feel each day. Some days I dress en homme, some days, en femme. (I do not like the term 'drab' for men's clothing. It implies men's clothing is not as good as women's clothing. I don't consider one better han the other; just different.)
I am retired so I have plenty of time at home in which to dress, although, most of my crossdressing is "underdressing". My bride of 35 years, who knows about Kathy but doesn't wish to participate, has allowed me to underdress whenever I feel the need. She doesn't like to see the telltale bra or cami strap showing on my back. She considers that "rubbing it in her face" so I try to layer my tops to avoid causing her stress. Anyway, the holidays are pretty much the same as far as my dressing goes. I only fully dress about once a week when the bride is out of the house for a few hours.
Hi Kathy, if it works well for you and your wife then you are blessed. And layering is sexy anyway 😉
I'm a bit envious of you Elizabeth 🙂 I'd love to dress how I want every day, but I'm not sure my employer would appreciate it 🙂
Wonderful Sylvia, thanks for sharing! Even if you were read, it's great that the shop assistant was still polite. I find that even when I'm read people are generally courteous - very rarely will someone make a scene.
For any ladies looking for a support group, you can find the web link to Renaissance and others here https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/about/crossdresser-support-groups/
I attend a group based in Blackpool, UK, at an small hotel. Please visit the website, by putting renaissance blackpool in the search engine.
A couple of weeks ago I was able to get to Gynway (the Hotel), and dressed about 10.am. Petra went out shopping, but I was able to chat with a rather poorly Lynda. I then decided that I would brave the big wide world for the first time!
I walked down to the Prom’ (ie sea front), (grey pleated M&S skirt, pink top with cardigan. I thought the front, being deserted, was not a place for a woman on her own, unless walking a dog, or accompanied.
So I headed up to Dicson Road. Near to this road, a family were getting into their car, and the small daughter waved to me, smiling. I waved back, and exchanged an understanding smile with mum. I am sure she did not “read” me. I walked Dicson Road, passing quite a few people, without anyone, that I could see, giving me a second glance.
I came across a shop selling second hand goods,including clothes. I found a skirt, and some boots, both unworn. There were two ladies serving (actually playing cardsmainly!) and I asked if I might try the skirt on. The older lady replied that there was nowhere to do this, but that if I returned it, they would credit me. I was probably “read” because of my voice (I am working on this!), but no comment was made.
Returned to Gynway, and tried the skirt on. At size 16 it seems slightly large, but it is so pretty, with two front splits, that I will probably keep it.
My shoes (size 6 black courts) seem to be getting larger, so it could just be that my efforts to lose weight are paying off.
This was originally written as a blog entry – I hope my English is not to confusing to our transatlantic sisters. Date was middle of October. I have since been out (shopping esp.) several times. My blog can be read on the renaissance website.
Love to all, and a Merry Chrismas and Happy New Year!
Reply
Hi all, I too am from the UK, but am currently 'closeted'. My wife is supportive and a few close friends know too, but I doubt to whether I could ever pass as a woman on the street, which makes me feel quite sad. I also have young children too and don't want to cause them any distress either.
I am however trying to find the confidence to go out crossdressed for the first time (other than to a fancy dress party - how I love those), but I live in a small town in which I would no doubt bump into someone I know. Has anyone got any tips, or places where you can be eased into it gently?
Sylvia, your hotel sounds interesting, and I will look into that next.
Anyway, got to get back in my male attire before the family get home (sigh). Seasons greetings and much love to you all! Maddy x
Further to my entry above - I have been out shopping "en femme" several times since. I have again been to the shop I mentioned, and they are friendly.
I am trying to push the boundaries out, (ie using a restaurant for coffee, using the Ladies' room, public transport etc) and taking every opportunity to interact with other people. Having a lot of fun, too! I hope my "english" isn't confusing,
Hi Sylvia, I'm Ragina. Congratulations on your explorations. You are Breaking new ground for all of us. I only wish that there were more here in the states as bold as you. Perhaps then more of the "strait" world would not be as judgemental and condemning of the transgendered community, if they could see that we are just people, perhaps different in some ways, but people nonetheless. Good luck in what you are doing, and please, keep us all posted as to your progress. Love, Ragina
Hey Maddy,
Support groups are always a great place to start. If there isn't one close by, perhaps going for a drive in your car would be a good way to be 'out' without the fear that you'll run into someone you know.
Back in the mid 70's was when i first started going out. i remember it well, i wore a short black skirt, red blouse, and suntan stockings. Had penny loafers on my feet . I threw my purse over my shoulder and out the door I went. still remember my heels clicking on the sidewalk. Now Im old, but went out last night, and guess what. I was wearing a skirt and blouse, suntan stockings, and my Mary Janes, and when I put my purse strap over my shoulder and went out the door..... the door, it was yesterday once more. Carol Ann
Thanks for the advice Vanessa, I think a car drive 'en femme' is very much on the cards! Your site offers an invaluable lifeline, despite being the other side of the Atlantic.
If you'd indulge me, I'll let you know how I get on - I know it's a comparatively small step to what many have gone through, but it probably has some relevance in this thread. I think 2010 could be very exciting!!!
Love to all, it's been a genuine boost reading everyone's experiences regarding their first time out. xxx
I'm glad I came across this post. I had to meet up with my business partner a few days ago. I also needed to stop in my cross dresser's store because I needed a few things. Well, he was early, and the store closes early, so we met and I kind of rushed him so I could get back to the store and change into my girl clothes! I got there just prior to closing, but they were kind enough to let me changed. I had to put make-up on in the car, tho! What a challenge. Then began the 175 mile drive back home! I am petrified of being in public in girl clothes, so I figured that in the car, is kind of like being at home. I really enjoyed the wind in my hair (wig as I only get a really bad afro when I grow my hair long 🙂 ) The drive was pretty uneventful, but it was beautiful out and I had to pass near the cemetery where my dad is buried, so I stopped by there. Hope he didn't see me!
The reason for my fear is that many years ago, before I even thought about x-dressing, my wife & I lived in a predominately gay neighborhood, in a beautiful loft. I was walking home from dinner one night when a gang that was out gay-bashing jumped me and left me for dead in the gutter. So, my fear was palpable even in the car. I didn't stop for anything, except for the cemetery since it was late and no one was there. I'm glad I did this, but I'm still very, very afraid. I mean, if that happened to me and I wasn't in girl clothes, what can happen when I am in girl clothes?
When I first went out back in 1975 I wore a black skirt, red blouse, and penny loafer flats. I wore plain suntan stockings, and a brown page. I swung my purse over my shoulder and out the door I went. I got to thinking that the other night I had on my gray skirt, suntan hose, purple sweater, and Black Mary janes. My hair style is longer now but I look near to what I did 35 years ago. when I swing my purse up over my shoulder its yesterday once more. carol
My first time out happened about 5 years ago.I found a cross dresser entertainer who did make overs and I brought my own cloths.She did a wonderful job with the makeup and I felt great until I stepped out of her appartment. I thought every eye was rivited on me and even in her car I felt nervous. We went to a cross dressing show and even got a free meal on the house as we were cross dressed. The night finally ended but I didnt want to take off my make up or cloths. I felt wonderful and now feel absolutely at ease when dressed up.If my wife was more understanding I would dress every day.
I've done it....
Went out as Emily today, enjoyed every minute of it. I was a little bit nervous at first but after a few minutes had passed, I'd got into the flow of things and just enjoyed the day.
have a great new year
Kind Regards
Emily
wonderful to hear, Emily. I hope to do the same soon myself. I'll keep you posted as to what happens.Lots of love, Ragina
well i am fairly new to cross dressing and io want to tell people but i find i cant. i mean i am only 15 and i should tell my mum but i'm not sure about it . should i tell her becuase i am not sure wot she will think of me. she has always been proud of me but will me telling her this make her think differently of me need some help here any advice
You never know how anyone will react. I am lucky that I have only lost one friends since I came out to my friends. Many that I thought were going to not take it well have been some of my best supporters. I have been very lucky. Many others I have talked to say that some of the most open minded people that they have told that they expected would support them turn them away and those they didn't expect to supported them. You really just never know.
I am now 42, and working on telling my Mom, who doesn't know yet. Only very few in my family know about me, or at least they don't know the whole story. Actually today looks like a rare opportunity to have that talk with her while everyone else is out of the house. So I am planning to finally do this after breakfast. (Wish me luck!)
But from my own experience, I would say that if you feel that you rfemale side is more than just a phase, but rather is a part of who you are as a person, you should tell your mother as soon as possible. The sooner, the better. It will make things easier later, not that it is ever easy being transgendered, but it is better than hiding your true self. You only get one chance at this life and you have to live it as you and do what makes you happy. Evenif your mother doesn't take it well at first, give her time. Find any good educational material on the subject that will help her undertsand and find a support group if you have one available in your area. There is also a wealth of information, support and resources right here on the ineternet.
I bought my Mom a copy of "True Selves" by Mildred Brown and Chloe Roundsley. It is by far the best book for information on crossdressing and transsexualism to help family, friends, coworkers, etc. to better understand things from our perspective. I am hoping to give that to her today.
The main reason I have not been completely out before now is because of my Dad, who is the next big obstacle. He is the reason I stayed in the closet as long as I did because when I mentioned as a kid that I wanted to have surgery to be a girl, he made me feel like the worst thing in the world. I don't hold that against him, but it did hurt. Now I am not worried if he accepts it or not, but he has a bad heart and I don't want to kill him by telling him. I was actually transitioning to female in my public life when his heart got in bad shape, so that is the only reason I put it off further. I do regret not just being myself from the get go and then everyone would just be used to me and accept it more. Those who may not have, well, who cares about them if they are not going to care enough to try to understand.
I think the younger you let people know, the better off you are later in life, even if it is hard for a while.
Good luck in what ever you decide!
The one thing I have going in my favor is that I know my mother already knows at least part of it, because when I woke up in the hospital after my car accident, They had taken my jeans off, so I was in the hospital in my shirt and panties. I did have a blamket over me, but I know that everyone knew. When they came to take me for a cat scan, I heard my Mom ask the nurse if she could give me two hospital gowns because she didn't want me to be ambarrassed by amyone seeing my panties as my rear hung out of the one gown. So they put one on backwards before they put the other one on. lol
Anyway, although it has never been brought up, I know that she knows that I at least crossdress, but she doesn't know (as far as I know, unless someone else has told her) that I plan to become full female.
Once again, my opportunity to talk to her was interrupted by others coming in before I could bring it up. I think tomorrow I am just going to take her for a drive and talk to her that way.
I use to crossdress all the time starting in middleschool. My first time being seen was dressing at home (mostly mom's clothes) and having a pizza delivered to the house. I opened door totally en-femme and paid the driver... my knees were shaking so bad as I waited for him to count out change...I just wanted to tell him keep it... but I was in school and money was in short supply. The driver never paid me or my attire any notice. I remember being so nervous I couldn't even eat the pizza..hahaha..
After that I was hooked.. the rush of going out was such a exciting event.. first just driving around, then late night walks at night, runnin g into store for cigarettes(didn't smoke) to going to movies or walking in mall on other side of town.. each new adventure was more and more exciting
Hello Sophie, I'm Ragina. Yes I think that you should tell Mom about your crossdressing as soon as you feel comfortable to do so. I speak from experience that it is better to tell her than to have her find out in an uncontroled way, such as catching you en femme without any warning. It can really lead to a very unpleasant confrontation that you just do not want. My Mom found out that way and it got ugly real fast. Fortunatly, after a while, cooler heads did prevail and we had a good chat about it later, after things calmed down. It took a while, but the aceptance did come. I only wish that I had access to this wonderful thing called the internet back then and all the great sites that are there.Take your time and make sure that you have plenty of positive information to share with her. Be ready to answer a ton of questions and be geady for a bit of guilt" where did I go wrong" type of comments. She did nothing wrong, and neither did you. Above all let love and understanding prevail. I will pray for you that all may go well.
Sincerly, Ragina
thanks for the advice it was really helpful i have told her and she was shocked or suprised att first but things have been sorted out now and i think its all goin well now
Hi Sophie, Ragina here again. I'm glad to hear that the talk with your Mother went well. Remember to keep things on the up and up so as not to betray the trust that has started to build. This is a positive start. Always be truthful in answers to questions, and if you don't have an answer, get on the web and get the information you need. Don't try to BS your way around. Always be well informed and I feel that you will be fine. Best of all to you. Ragina.
My ex-wife was always very supportive and loved me for my true self. She never bought me male clothing unless it was something to wear on stage with my band. It didn't have to be Christmas or my birthday. She would surprise me with many wonderful things throughout the year, and much of it was female clothing, lingerie, jewelry, cosmetics, etc.
After my divorce, I had dated a few different women who were all supportive of my female side. I would get feminine gifts from most of them. I also get nice gifts from friends of mine. Some that I did not expect to be supportive of me actually give me some of the best gifts! lol
One girl I dated for about a year or so, I don't know, she was kind of weird about it. She said she supported me 100% and that I should be able to be who I am and be proud at home or out in public, but then she would freak out if she came home and I was crossdressed because, she would ask, "What if I had brought a friend home with me and they saw you like that?" So she had more hang ups about what other people think than I ever had. But at the same time, not only would she buy me feminine gifts, but her parents would buy me female clothing and other nice things for Christmas.
I asked her what she was going to feel like when I started living full time as Racquel, taking hormones and getting a boob job. She said she'd handle that when the time came.
But she was gone as soon as she found a guy she thought had more money. She found out he was a fraud about 6 months later.
But back to the subject, she did get me nice things for Christmas! 😉
Oh, and one other thing. Most of my friends know, but not everyone in my family, which is changing as I have been coming out more to family members. Although I do believe that some either suspect, or they know that I crossdress, but do not know I am intending on pursuing surgery at some point. But I do know that a few more do know since I woke up in the hospital the day after my car accident a few years ago and was laying in bed with a shirt and panties on. They had taken my jeans off at some point when I got to the hospital. I was out for a whole day, so not sure exactly when I got "exposed" lol.
It used to be pretty much garanteed that I would get a package of mens underwear every year for Christmas and Birthday. Usually a pack from my Mom and another pack from my Dad. And although nothing has been said about me having panties on in the hospital, and they are not buying me panties, they have at least stopped buying me mens underwear. I have not owned or worn a pair of mens underwear in about 15 years now. When I got them as a gift, I would put them away and usually wind up giving them away. But I have not even gotten any as a gift since November 2004. lol I guess now they know better.
By the way, wish me luck as I think I am going to have a good day this coming Saturday to finally come out to my Mom. We will finally have a little time alone together to talk, so if nothing else comes up, I will be introducing her to the real me!
Unfortunately, it didn't happen. She has a boyfriend who is a real jerk and I don't want to discuss this with him around. He was supposed to have gone out of town to his sisters for a Christmas party, but he found an excuse not to go. He is very unsociable and doesn't like being around people and he does nothing all day except sit in front of a TV and watch football 24/7 when he is not sleeping.
I honestly don't know why she ever wanted to be with him, but now she is trying to get rid of him. She just needs the financial means to be able to kick him to the crub. So I am working really hard to get my business going full time so I can help her with that.
Anyway, since you never know how someone is going to react to the revealation, I am wanting to have at least a couple of hours alone at home with her, so that she has time if she wants to cry, scream, yell or whatever to have it out of her system before he returns and I know she will have a ton of questions as well.
Like I have said before in another post, she at least knows part of it because she was there when I woke up in the hospital the day after my car wreck wearing only a shirt and panties because they had taken my jeans off at some point at the hospital. Niether of us has ever brought that up, so we have never discussed that.
I don't know if she may have heard the rest from other family members who do know the whole story or not, but I have a feeling that she is in some way prepared for it even if she doesn't know the whole story.
I think it will hit her hard in a way, but I think she will also be very understanding and supportive. Besides, she always wanted 2 boys and 2 girls, but I was the 4th boy, so she gave up trying for a girl after me, but little does she know! lol Even if it is 42 years later, at least she will have a daughter. Maybe just not the way she had planned it back then! lol
I know my dad will not take it well at all, but the only reason I don't tell him is because I know he has a bad heart and I know it will majorly upset him. Too much of a chance that it could literally kill him, but at the same time, I feel like I am going to have to start being Racquel full time, so there is a heavy delima in my heart over that at the moment.
I don't want the news about Racquel to kill my Dad, but I also can't go on much longer as a male. On top of everything else, my Dad picked the time years ago, when I was beginning full time transition to become deeply religious. Nothing wrong with being deeply religious, I myself am Christian, but he tends to lean towards the groups that are more judgemental and homophobic, etc. This was not the time he had had his first heart attack, but it was the time that he started having more heart trouble and had his second heart attack. There were many times we thought we were going to lose him, but I am greatful that we haven't lost him yet. But I was thinking I would just put Racquel on the back burner and keep it a secret from the family for just a little while, not expecting him to be around as long as he has. He has amazed us several times over the years. He had a heart transplant and wound up getting much stronger again and has done well, although he has had a few ups and downs over the last couple of years.
While I only have one life to live myself and believe that I deserve to live it being my true self and being comepletely happy, I also would not trade all the time I can have with my Dad as I can have for anything else in the world.
My Mom is also having heart trouble at the moment, but I don't think finding out about Racquel will be anything that she can't handle. She has been dealing with the loss of one of my brothers earlier this year, which is a lot on her, but she has actually handled that way better than I had expected.
If I can just get her alone long enough for the initial conversation and let her get out any initial shock and emotions, without her boyfriend sticking his nose into it and wanting to know what's going on, then we can talk pretty much any other time after that when he is around because he never moves from in front of the TV. lol
It is way beyond time to talk to her about this, so I guess I may have to take her for a ride somewhere where we can talk.
I have one brother who knows, my oldest brother does not, but his wife (even though they are bothvery religious) is very family oriented and a great person that I feel would be supportive and understanding. I think maybe I could talk to her and she would let me take my Mom over there and even help me talk to her.
I just know it's gotta happen soon!
It really sucks to have gone as far as I did only to have to go part way back into the closet again. But it is for my Dad. Not worried that he won't accept me, just don't want his ticker to stop.
The only thing that bothers me is if he hears it from someone else.
I would much rather he hear it from me than from someone else, so that is another angle I worry about.
I should've just started wearing dresses when I was a kid and he would have been used to it by now! lol (gotta laugh about it!)
Sophie:
I came out to my wife recently. I was frightened to death of what she might think of me. She must have known something was up, because I suddenly became all lovely-dovey, hugging and kissing her every time I saw her, not sexually, but in a sad way. The truth was that I thought there was a chance that she might never want to look at or speak to me again. But I couldn't keep it from her anymore. It was tearing me up inside.
So one night I broke the news. She took it well. She's a very strong woman. And despite reasonable reactions, fear, anger, grieving, we're working through it together. We're determined to stay together if at all possible. In fact, through the crisis we've become closer than we ever were before, emotionally and physically. I never expected it to happen this way.
Of course, we have a long way to go, but so far so good. Not that I'm trying to sugar-coat anything for you. Often times, people don't understand and don't react well. But you never know until you open up to them. Just be cautious. Hint around the issue some first.
Good luck!
i been out in public before and i found it liberating i found tht it gave my confidence and i enjoyed it yet i still havent told my family i dont no wot to do but i made a step in the right direction but any advice?
