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A couple of recent threads got me wondering about when the members of our community started to wear female clothing on what I’ve termed a “regular” or “consistent” basis, as contrasted to however long we thought about dressing but either didn’t do it or merely experimented with it.
To me, the terms regular or consistent imply a certain amount of acceptance of, and commitment to, dressing, but they do not refer to how often or how fully we dress.
In my case, I thought about dressing for many decades, but I didn’t begin until my mid 60’s. And when I did begin, I dressed regularly from the start, first every week or so, usually underdressed, and then more often, sometimes more fully dressed. Now I underdress daily and dress more fully a couple of times a week. But I don’t dress (yet?) sufficiently fully to venture out of the house.
Thanks for participating in the poll.
Sally
@sallyj For me, and pardon the novella, I was a child. Not a great childhood by today's standards, and it sucked then, too. I was 8, and babysat my 5yo brother, just saying this because it was about this time in life. During the summer, I was responsible for all the meals, and the what have yous. My mom would come home, and pop a beer, I'd drink a quarter of all the beers she popped. She started to figure out I had gone through her clothes and make up, but it wasn't terrible. One day at lunchtime, and this never happened before, my father came home. I was dressed up, and made up, cooking for my little brother, as he played with toy cars. I was beaten severely, and was called all the names for the next decade. I joined the Army immediately at 18yo, and gone. I was married, divorced by 21. I had a few flings with guys while in, after that marriage. I got out and dressed a bit when I could, but it was rare, as I was in construction, then. My life has been mostly the best I can imagine for 25 years. But, my late 40s, I found the idea of not getting out of my boy clothes, and dressing in the clothes I feel natural in unbearable. I don't dress to the 9s, I dress like a lady that stays home, and not trying to impress, but still likes feeling pretty when I have my time to myself.
Gosh Siobhann, what a tough formative period. Kudos to you girl for coming through it and shining as the girl you are ❤️ xx.
@chrisfp99 Thank you, hon. I just read what I wrote, to make sure, and that's sad as hell. I somehow didn't mean for it to be sad. And I don't mean to be the hero in my story, but thank you, Chrissie. Yeah, I made it out. Just lucky. I wish it was because I was great. But I think there are so many great people out there that don't get to be as lucky as I am.
@siobhann Beautiful and sad for the earlier hardships, but the all work out. We live. I believe that many of us share some or a lot of your story, I didn't have a father, so i didn't live that part, my mother knew that like you said I went through her clothes and make up. Then the rest, gone at 18, married, divorced, flings with guys, etc.... I have been a man in the streets and a woman at home... a bra here and there, stockings, some make up, comes and goes, but always a woman inside
@sallyj I slipped on my first stockings at 4. By 5 I was wearing everything except makeup and a wig. Female family members supported me with hand me down clothes and mom allowed me "special time" where I could dress as long as dad wasn't home or we had company.
@sallyj I guess I always dressed whenever I could . In saying that when I worked the night shift I would dress everyday when I was home alone during the day. What I lost in sleep I gained in my feminine time. But to say consistently it would since I came out to my wife.
Hi Sally, thanks for the post. I've been dressing and going out in public since I was 15. It wasn't that often them but bye the time I was in my late teens I was going out fairly regularly. That continued until my wife retired and then we had to make a decision since she was home all the time and although she is accepting she is not supportive. So after talking about it she said well you used to go to Vancouver reqularly so why not again. So I found two Trans social groups there and one in Kelowna. Once i found the groups in Vancouver I found out one of the girls actually lived in my home town so now I go shopping with her twice a month and cap it off with happy hour at our favourite pub. So it all worked out well in the end. Happy Easter.
Trish 💖
@sallyj I've tried things on in a sneaky sort of way for a good portion of my life. It was when I was in my late thirties I decided just to own it and dress up more intentionally. I bought some of my own clothes and a wig and when on casual walks in the evening from time to time. I did the sort of things many of us do when we're beginning. I bought gas and even went to the grocery store, using the self checkout feature. It was around four years ago that I started coming into work about once or twice a week dressed up.
@sallyj To answer the question, “When did you start dressing on a regular or consistent basis?”
I was in my thirties when I finally was able to purchase clothing, shoes, lingerie, makeup, a wig etc. I started dressing very young but in my Mom’s things. Had to stop when I grew out of her clothing. My first time completely dressed, was so very exhilarating and at the same time comforting. I felt relaxed and complete. After telling my wife which did not go well, I had to stay in the deep closet to maintain our marriage and keep peace with our family. I lost her to cancer many years ago. At that time my feminine urges could be realized and I did almost everything a girl might want to do. Now in my advancing age and damaged physical condition, I no longer dress. But I remain on the sidelines in a way. I have many pleasant memories of my years expressing and presenting as Genivieve that lady inside me. 😉
@sallyj I started crossdressing around the age of 8, when I was playing dress up with my sisters I always wanted to play the woman. My mom caught me in a bra an pants when I was around 11. After that girls' clothes would just turn up in my wardrobe. I have never worn mens underwear and have dressed daily since I was 18 (now 61). My first outing was at 18, to a club, no one batted an eyelid and I now no longer care who knows or sees me as Mhairi.
@mhairi Hello and welcome to CDH 🙂 I'm another UK girl, from quite close by according to your location.
You've just joined a very warm and supportive sisterhood of girls from all around the world, in all stages of CD or TG life. Feel free to talk about anything here! There's also a lot of information around the site if you need it.
Meanwhile I see you've written quite a comprehensive profile for us to get to know you, but to announce your arrival and receive a full CDH welcome, why not post an intro thread in the Introductions forum?
Anyway, relax and make yourself at home! Looking forward to getting to know you in posts and chat.
Hugs,
Fiona xxx
Hey Sally
As I write this your poll has had 205 responses. That's starting to be a significant number of replies.
What are your thoughts on the pattern that's beginning to appear?
As I type this, 28.3% or respondents said that they started to dress before they were 20. That's the dominant category by some margin, but I have to say that I'd actually thought that this percentage would be even higher.
After that the general trend (give or take a percent or two) appears to show that the older you get the more likely you are to crossdress.
What are everyone's thoughts on this?
My hope is that even more members will respond to the poll so that the pattern becomes clearer. I'm finding this quite fascinating!
Ellie x
I wonder if it’s because the wording of the poll asks what age did you start to dress on a “regular” basis
A lot of us started at a young age, but maybe we would class it as experimenting as that point.
I know for me, my “regular and consistent” dressing has only been in recent years.
Maybe if the question was “what age did you start” then under 20 would probably be a higher percentage.
Thanks Lucy and Ellie for your exchange. My intention was to differentiate between experimentation and a degree of self acceptance. Still I have been a bit surprised by how many have answered that they began dressing on a regular basis younger than 20.
My hope is that we’ll get some more responses over the next couple of weeks and then I’ll try to add some analysis.
Cheers, Sally
@sallyj I am a bit surprised as to how evenly distributed the ranges are. With well over 200 votes, the trend is significant.
@sallyj I started doing some serious experimentation in my teens. I remember having the house to myself and wearing my sister's pantyhose, heels and dresses. There were even times when I tried makeup and while I didn't have a wig available, there was a fall that I was able to shape into the illusion of a feminine hairstyle. When I looked in the mirror, I was so excited and while there weren't enough opportunities, I repeated it whenever I could. Finally in my thirties, I was able to dress on a more regular basis and was able to build my wardrobe according to my own style. Now I'm at the stage where I am confident enough to go out as my authentic self on a regular basis and do regular activities as Lauren. It's less exciting now but I do have an amazing sense of peace when I'm living authentically.
@sallyj I started rather young, when I was 8 or 9. I came to it in a roundabout way. Before I started dressing as a girl my best friend was a neighbor girl wo was two years older. For a couple/few years, we played a variety of games that involved being naked or at least not having pants on. I guess as she started puberty, we stopped playing the games together and grew apart. I believe I compensated for the loss by dressing in my mother's clothes.
@sallyj kinda started at birth having two older sisters I got a lot of hand me downs pajamas underwear jeans.
was a bedwetter and wore diapers and pink and ruffles plastic pants to bed till I was 8( was a heavy sleeper) and would wear nightgowns to make night time changes easy
when I started school I started wearing boys clothes full time ( but missed my hand me downs)
@sallyj For me it was when I was in my 30's. I had the opportunities to do it and the resources to buy my own clothes and dress in my own style.
I knew I should've been born a girl when I was three or four. One of my earliest memories is being caught wearing women's clothes.
I started dressing regularly when I was eleven....when I discovered my mother's lingerie. From then on, I dressed every chance I got. At least once a week and usually more often. I got caught a few more times and it didn't go well.
I continued to dress regularly for decades. It was the only relief I had from gender dysphoria. I wanted to be a girl, and I hated myself for it. Pretty effed up.
Nothing fixed it. Sheer will power. Sports. Hobbies. Bro friends. Pretty girlfriends. Getting married. Getting divorced. Quack doctors. Meds. Booze. Blah blah blah.
Ten years ago my egg cracked and I discovered there was nothing to fix. I started to love myself. And I started to learn who I really was.
Fast forward to today. I'm three years into transitioning. I wear my clothes everyday. It doesn't matter what they are, really. I don't own any guy clothes, but it wouldn't matter if I wore any. What I wear doesn't change who I am. That said, what I wear is an expression of who I am. And women's clothes are much better for that.
#girlbrain #transisbeautiful
/LK
Sally, there's an obvious omission in the list of options, which is 'I don't dress regularly or consistently'. Many girls here will know my story but as I love to repeat myself a quick precis.
I dabbled briefly in my early twenties. Nothing before that. No trying on Mum's underwear or anything. Then got married and shut the whole crossdressing thing out for 35 years. Fast forward to last May, family abroad for 8 days which I spent completely en femme. Also had a professional makeover. What an experience! Family are away again in May (I don't fly) so looking forward to doing it all again, including the makeover which is already booked.
I have a fabulous family and they come before my crossdressing so I'll only do it when they're away. Everything will be purged before they return. It's a tough call but I've come to terms with it. And I'm on CDH for too long every day, living life vicariously through all the girls' stories and experiences.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 I don't think we have to come out if we don't feel comfortable, or just don't want to. And I'm no one to give any advice, so this isn't advice in any way. I honestly don't want anyone seeing me fully dressed, and I don't usually want to fully dress, but I have pushed just a bit to get to where I feel comfortable, and everyone is okay.
You and I may look at this from different angles. What I read of yours, is abstinence, and binge. I find that perfectly normal. I've had that, when I cut it all, I went with everything when I could. I may do the same again, soon as it seems I'll be alone for a bit. But I have tried just getting into a sweet spot, not too much, but enough so I can still feel like a woman in my skin. xoxo, hope I'm not overstepping. Just so many feelings I'm trying to cope with, and talk through
Siobhann, it actually sounds like we're on the same page, or at least in the same chapter xx.
Thanks so much, Chrissie, for commenting. In hindsight, I should have included the option you mentioned about not dressing regularly or consistently.
My focus is on when does an individual’s interest in dressing progress to acceptance. The (not entirely satisfactory) phrase about beginning to dress on a regular or consistent basis is merely a mechanism to try to describe that time.
Your history is very interesting, and I commend you for putting your family first while still accepting your desire to dress.
Cheers, Sally
By five years of age, I had female cousins who were mentoring me in the ways of crossdressing on a regular basis. By the time I was eight years old, I had a small female wardrobe of my own and was dressing on a regular basis.
Conveniently, the cub scout pack I was a member of was continually putting on productions as fund raisers, and, of course, I always played female parts.
@catgurl This fascinates me. Yes, I am jealous, because of course I am, as I was quite literally beaten into masculinity. Don't get me wrong, I will win in man game stuff. Not sports, or anything, just being fit bro-dude, and looking like the redneck you don't talk to, stuff. But I do know, so much in my heart that if I were supported when I was young to live to be me, I would be so happy. Flip side, my question is, do you think you would be your lovely self without your mentor cousins? Also, unspoken by you, the freedom from all your family to pursue whom you are now
I think like most of us our CD activities are part of us, and they will continue either in the closet or out of the closet. Also, many of us have dormant periods, where we "suspend" our CD activities. My dormant periods were while I was serving in the military.
Nevertheless, to answer your question more directly, I believe my female self would have developed over the years with or without family support. I was fortunate during those young years to have female family support.
For me it wasn't until my 60's before I embraced my femininity and started dressing on a fairly consistent basis. I'm at a point now where I dress in some way pretty much every day. It is usually in the early morning, when I'm on here, in either a dress or skirt/blouse combo, on occasion a nightie. I will wear panties throughout the day when at home and have worn them out at times. I have had days where I was able to dress for the day when my wife is home, but that is rare. She is accepting of my dressing but does have some limitations which I can abide by. I would love to do more but am happy with what I can do for now and hope for more int he future.
XOXO
Suzanne
I started dressing on a fairly regular basis in my late twenties. Prior to that I was experimenting although there were times when I completely dressed. My first time out in public was in my thirties although I didn't go out regularly. This continued to evolve to the point where now I am out multiple times a week dressing when I do my normal day-to-day activities.
Well, interesting poll and taken in the context of when we accepted our femininity instead of denying our nature, it becomes even more enlightening. The under 20 group is well represented and in some ways I'm jealous of those of us who came to acceptance at such a young age. For myself and (the majority of the girls here?) the early results do indicate that life, marriage, and careers forced repression of our feelings until later in our lives when retirement beckoned, children have moved out, finances are secure and the realization that our feminine feelings are not going away.
I started "fully" dressing and getting out in my 50's but in (sound familiar) secretive and guilt ridden ways. It wasn't until 65 and semi-retired that I came out to my partner and starting getting out enfemme on a weekly basis. I've never been happier. It makes me sad though that I spent so very many years pretending I was all man.
I liked ‘I spent so many so many years pretending I was all man’. Story of my life too.
I started dressing fully and going out in public during the first week in May 2022 at age 70. Five months later I decided to live as a woman full time and haven't looked back since.
I think i started at around 8-9, i was always curious about what it felt like to wear a skirt or a dress before that, but never had the opportunity to do so, first time i ever did i just tried on pink lipstick and a yellow dress that belonged to my older sister, i always dressed up whenever i was left home alone, usually in her clothes, i know that's wrong but it's what i could do at the time... and i always made sure to put everything back in it's place too, but i suppose that's when i started, from there i kept dressing up more and more!
I knew at the age of three that I was supposed to be a girl, so I was wearing "my clothes" by the time I was 14.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Well, A few years ago I 'officially' started dressing as a woman. Even though it was always there and it was already a state of mind before that. 🙂
That's a tough story to read Siobahnn and sadly experienced in similar ways by others. so happy you survived and got through it.
I started at about 5 years old and knew I was different. I took any opportunity to dress with or without permission but had times where parents saw me or mother dressed me for an event - It was seen as fun.
Once I left home the 'dark ages' descended and the desire was rarely realised but remained.
So at about thirty I started again and came out slowly, the dressing increased until by the time I was forty the days increased until 60 when it became full time.
I started about 9-10 wearing my mother's nursing uniform dresses
and dabbles through my teenage years with what even I could find here and there but it all had to come to a stop after I joined the merchant navy followed by my call-up into the Army to go to Vietnam
after getting out getting married and dressed on the odd occasion borrowing everything from lingerie to outerwear,
getting caught a couple of times put such a strain on both my ex and myself it caused us to separate and divorce
my second marriage I managed to conceal my girl time a lot better until six months ago when she passed over to her next life
now I get dressed pretty much every day unless I have some male things to attend to.
One day hoping to be able to dress every day,
And yes have just started going public, Thanks Polly for the first outing and encouragement to keep going, but thats another story to write about
I started dressing regularly in my mid 20's after I graduated college and had an apartment of my own. I didn't dress daily, but had the option to do so because I was single, had no roommates and the income to finally buy a decent wardrobe. A plus was that first-floor apartment was great for privacy when I choose to walk in heels. I didn't have to worry about someone asking questions as to why it sounded like heels were being worn, when there was no one but me living in my apartment.
Very interesting subject Sally. I started putting on my Mum's pantyhose and girdles at age 7 or 8 and from then till gradually over the years progressed to doing more and more till by my early 30's I would dress fully femme with wig, makeup and the lot and have done ever since. It always came with terrible guilt afterwards till I told my SO about Olivia.
Hi Sally,
I tried to get through to “him” several times over the years. First he just felt too guilty for even thinking of trying on mom’s pretty shoes after that I couldn’t get him to try anything else. Then of course he wanted to be around girls for different reasons after that wretched testosterone started surging through our veins. I did get him to grow our hair long, and even wear a pretty braid sometimes, but I never really got noticed until we turned 59. Finally I got him to buy me a skirt, and after that the flood gates opened! Now he buys me pretty things all the time. Full dressing is something that only happens once in a while, but we work out in women’s exercise clothes, and underdress regularly. One day I would love to get out, and see the world. I’m still trying to get him to leave this closet!!
Lara
