sad to say many ladies will not try to understand our need/desire to dress up. It is something that most of us did not choose to do, but somehow is ingrained in us to do. He desire/need to dress will never go away. We all dream of having a supportive wife/so that will fully accept us, participate and enjoy it with us. Sad to say, far too many ladies will not fully accept their partner does this. this adds to our guilt and shame. I understand your boundaries. As you stated, he disclosed this early on, which gave you the change to walk away. If you both cannot figure this out, it will breakdown your relationship as he will be unfulfilled, you will be resentful and it will break you apart.
I agree with you being upset at hm telling your daughter, not acceptable. It is great that you have done research to try to understand it better. You also state that you do not like “getting dressed and made up” which in my opinion plays against your acceptance.
You both have a long bumpy road ahead of you, but you need to look at this from a high level over view…can you, will be fully ok with his dressing? Is he going to be ok with your lack of participation and acceptance?