Recently I came across the book ‘The Joy of Sex’ by the famous author Dr. Alex Comfort published in 1976 and updated for the 21th century. I started reading it, discovering a piece about transvestitism and crossdressing as well. I find this particular piece quite interesting, I’ll quote;
“Many people enjoy dressing in each other’s clothes on occasion for the hell of it. That isn’t transvestitism. A transvestite is a person who, while staying fully in his or her own sex role, feels an intense compulsion at times to dress the opposite sex role, and an intense release of anxiety (not so much a kick) when they do so.
They are not ‘homosexual’, and a bisexual person who dresses the opposite sex to please a partner isn’t a transvestite.”
The author continues explaining the difference between transsexual and transvestitism and then explains the importance of an accepting partner. Since then, that really stuck with me. It has both led to me exploring my feminine side more often and at the same time let me realize that the only option is to share your feelings with your partner.
“A transsexual is a person, usually male, who actively wants to turn into a person of the other sex, by surgery if necessary, and feels totally miscast as they are.
In simpler societies there are roles or ceremonies which discharge these needs (e.g. wizards often crossdress). In our society they can cause intense anxiety.
A transvestite with an informed and unscared partner usually finds that his compulsion,
whatever its cause, doesn’t spoil his sex life in the male role
(if he has to keep it secret or she thinks he’s queer or crazy, which he isn’t, he can get really sick from worry); a transsexual needs expert help and may or may not be happier for a sex-change operation.
A lot of unhappiness could be avoided if people knew the facts to the point of not being scared or shocked if they come across them. […]”
The reason I’m sharing this quote is, because it has really put this whole thing into high gear. I first told a close friend of mine I like to crossdress, and asked him if he would be okay if I did it when we were together.
I remember how it felt, vividly. For years this was something I’ve never ever told anybody, been super careful not to slip up and get caught and never wore anything outside the house, even though I wanted it badly.
I remember that time went very slowly as I walked down the stairs to the room my friend (who is a guy) was in. In a few steps I will be fully seen, dressed as the opposite sex. I remember he looked up, chuckled once or twice – which did scare the death out of me – then sort of got used to it, and we had a ‘normal’ guy’s night, laughing and talking. And boy, it felt amazing to do that.
This was only a few months ago and I even got the nerves to take a walk and drive outside, although only at night. I’m thankful for all your stories, it’s really comforting and I feel safe here, thank you all.