Wow, what a great question! I’m sure it’s one that every single one of us here have struggled with. Like you, I would love to live in a world where I could choose who I was going to be each and every day and be able to go out as that person and be seen and treated as that person. Male one day, female the next, who knows? Who cares?
In the past (before I came out) I’ve gone on walks fully dressed through my neighborhood, but that was only in the evening and when my wife wasn’t home. If she had known I had done that, like yours, mine would have been horrified. But to me, it just felt right, to be out as a woman walking around the neighborhood where I lived.
I’ve since gone out in public, but never with my wife, and I always promised her that it would be to places where I would (probably) not be recognized by anyone I knew. So yes, like you and many (most?) of us, I too still have to maintain that secret identity, at least to a degree. And even though I did come out of the closet, I’m not out fully to everyone, everywhere, so my super heroine identity will have to remain a secret a bit longer.
So yes, I wish I could be totally and completely out, but life, the universe, and everything sometimes conspire to prevent that.
Maybe we should all agree on our super heroine costume, so at least we’d have something to look forward to? 😉 I’m thinking something between Wonder Woman and Cat Woman, hmmm???