Hi Becka! You are not a coward. What I read in your post is you’re looking for a level of support but you care enough about your relationship to not push your wife’s limits. As so many have said, you are not alone. I think any level of acceptance from SOs is a gift if they didn’t know about our crossdressing prior to marriage. Acceptance shouldn’t be tough, but it is. I brag about the acceptance from my SO because she is very supportive, but that is only at home. She would NOT go out in public with me or go shopping with me. Even my struggles with makeup, she has left me to figure it out for myself but she is not shy about asking to borrow my fake lashes LOL. Also the support I get comes and goes. Recently I showed her a dress I bought on Amazon and she said “when do I get to see you in it?” but later that day I was looking at wigs online and asked for her opinion and she was totally uninterested in the conversation. She mostly just talked about the prices (and they were inexpensive) and the fact the I already have several. The biggest red flag I see in your post is the intimacy issues. My completely uneducated opinion is you really only have two options: 1. counseling which honestly might not turn out the way you’d like or 2. Give her some space by keeping your crossdressing away from her for a while and see if that helps. I hope me sharing my experiences helps and that you and your SO find a mutually agreeable solution.
💖Lola
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