I thought I’d share a recent experience I had with the wife.
So a few days ago my wife and I were outside with the dogs. My neighbor was out organizing her crew for their day’s work. I don’t remember all the details leading up to the argument, something to do with the dogs, but I remember saying to my wife “It’s just easier.” She said “Huh,” and I replied “it’s a guy thing.” She got all pissed and blurted out “how could you say it’s a guy thing whey you want to get in touch with your feminine side.” I’m not sure if the neighbor’s heard her or not. Normally, when she attacks my CDing, I would run with my tail between my legs. This time, I stood up to her by telling her that comment was inappropriate and reminded her how I jump through hoops not to throw my dressing in her face. She immediately apologized and a good conversation started.
She said biggest problem she has with this whole thing is I am trying to feel feminine from and emotional aspect and I’m am using the clothing to obtain that sense of emotion. I told her… when I came out you I said I wanted to feel feminine. After a year of banging my head, researching, and chatting with other people on, what I consider, the spectrum, I realized I may have misspoken. I came to the conclusion there is no possible way I can emotionally feel feminine in the way a cis-woman feels feminine without some major alteration of body chemistry. The male body is just not wired that way. I enjoy the feminine feeling I derive from the clothes, the softness of the fabrics. For me it’s all about the clothes and visual sensations of the whole female package. It’s something I enjoy exploring. I find it relaxing and a good way to relieve stress. Unfortunately, society considers it taboo. My wife seemed relieved. She admits to dressing like a guy all the time and society considers it normal. (Seriously, in 20+ years of marriage I can probably count the number of times my wife has worn a dress on one hand) Long story short …. It seems she walked away from the conversation with a better understanding and more accepting of my CDing. Maybe, I can finally feel more comfortable dressing a little more when she is around.
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You never know when a seemingly negative incident can incident can turn into a positive. That seems to be the case here. I’m happy about the good outcome and higher level of understanding.
My wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. Her and Patty became girlfriends and often went out together. They are still friends. So except for when I first dressed for her,for me I have never experienced these “coming out” incidents. I’m glad it’s going in a better direction.
Hi Robin, there is a slight problem with you and your wife’s analysis I believe.
To start with body chemistry has nothing to do with our emotional selves. Emotions are all in the neurological pathways in our brains. And science is well on the way to proving that a TG’s brain is irreversibly wired differently to a cis-man’s. There are several parts of the brain that are more like a females than a males. Furthermore this feminine rewiring that starts in our early development in the womb continues through to our early twenties.
And beyond, because our life experiences and interests continue to feminise our brain, aided and abetted by falling testosterone levels and increasing Oestrogen levels. The more you dress and log into CDH, look at clothes online, etc. the more the rewiring continues. The “pink fog” is one of the mechanisms for this as is the dopamine highs we get when dressed. Can’t wait to dress again? That’s the dopamine effect.
I know that in my case I am far more empathetic, caring, sympathetic and emotional than the average man. I even shed a tear or two when watching “Mama Mia, here we go again” on the telly the other night. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love being a woman, at least emotionally.
Have you tried the gender role questionaire that’s been doing the rounds?
I will admit I did not look into the science of it all. My conclusion was based on conversations I had with people from various parts of the spectrum. Specifically, trans women who are undergoing HRT. My biggest question was how has HRT effected how you think and feel, thoughts and emotions. In almost every case they described changes.
I do agree with you we are wired a little differently from the get go and the Pink Fog provides a nice release of dopamine . Like you I can cry at the drop of a hat. Heck, I even cried at my wedding. My wife, on the other hand, did not. Personally, I’m beginning to think the gender lines in my world are a little blurry.
When I came out to my wife, I was an emotional wreck and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m just happy my wife now has a better understanding of where I am coming from.
Ahhhh… the “pink fog.” It is both a blessing and a curse.
I intend(soon) – if I can get my scrambled thoughts together; the more feminine (or immersed) in the fog, the harder it seems to get stuff down on paper like I used to – to do a few posts on feminisation. These will include the Pink Fog, the feminisation spectrum, the biology of feminisation, and …. something to do with the Pope( sorry, a little bit of a mischieviousness on my part – don’t hit me Sammy.) All will be revealed.
There is an inherent danger that being too immersed in the fog can lead to poor decision making. I have read a blog warning about this slippery slope that can lead to some girls entering into transitioning. Presumably its one of the reasons that Psychologists insist on girls living fully femme for up to 3 years before medical intervention.
Hi Robin, it feels good when things move forward in a positive direction. I have found over time that as we reflect, accept and feel more comfortable within ourselves, that self understanding becomes easier to verbalize to others, helping them in turn grasp the reality.
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